Category Archives: Finding Me

Anything related to the discovery of the inner me

Reality or Illusion? Sometimes only time can tell

21 Wednesday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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I am not sure where this cartoon is from but it hit home so I wanted to share.

For the non-Portuguese speakers,  the heart is telling the brain: You are wrong! It is chocolate ice-cream.

Have you noticed that the heart has band-aids on from being hurt before. And the fake ice cream has flies buzzing around to warn us to its true identity.  And still we fall for it.  We ignore our hurts. We dismiss the red flags: oh, those are not flies, they are bees flying around because he is so sweet, we tell ourselves and whoever try to warn us.

How true is that?  I have been guilty of seeing more than what it is very often.  Some people come in such nice shining packages that it takes awhile to get to the rotten core.

“Here too it’s masquerade, I find:
As everywhere, the dance of mind.
I grasped a lovely masked procession,
And caught things from a horror show…
I’d gladly settle for a false impression,
If it would last a little longer, though.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I often don’t see the person I see the potential.

Case in point:  

A.-The Renter . The last I mentioned to you guys was that we were making plans to meet. At the moment I wrote that I was giddy with joy.

Let me remind you of who he is.   He works for a Federal Government Department.  He is single with a daughter in college. He is polite, smart, accomplished, funny, etc.  Prior to COVID he got a big promotion that has him moving from California to NY. 

I was able to confirm all of that has said to me, even the promotion since is a matter of public record.

“There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We have been exchanging messages and calls for months.  I probably didn’t speak much about him here because I didn’t want to jinx it, but he seemed so perfect for me.

In the beginning we were communicating daily.  He would call me to get my opinion about the apartments that he was looking to rent, neighborhoods in Manhattan, about how much rent to offer, should he buy vs rent, etc.

I felt included in the process.  Meeting him and getting along seemed like a done deal, just a matter of time.  He felt the same way.  For the record he wanted to do video calls, but I had no interest in that in the beginning, so we never did.

Then I noticed a spacing out in calls and texts. The heart, the gut knows.   I asked him about it.  I asked if he had perhaps found someone else to keep him busy.  “You are the only one” he said.   He added that he was very busy with this new position as he has to oversee various teams, give presentations, among other time demanding functions. 

“That’s the whole burden of this novel – the loss of those illusions that give such color to the world that you don’t care whether things are true or false as long as they partake of the magical glory.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

After that conversation things got a tad better but not much.  Then one day he mentioned that he had a trip scheduled to Cabo San Lucas that had been planned many months in advance.  He has a time share there at Solaz, a very expensive resort. He went on and on on how amazing this place is. It would be for November 2 thought the 9th.  

He asked me if I wanted to join him.  

COVID, what COVID? I said yes!  I didn’t even think about it.  I wanted to meet him already, and if that is done in a paradise location even better.

I realize the craziness of it all but I am dying for a vacation, anywhere.  And I would finally meet him and see if we had chemistry.  We seemed to have but he seemed to be shy and reserved so even after months on the phone I couldn’t tell either way.  Our conversations never turned too flirty. I could picture him blushing anytime time I said anything flirty.

Then he went one step ahead and said my sister was welcome to come as there was plenty of room in this suite and perhaps I would feel more comfortable.  I loved that he said that.

“It is far harder to kill a phantom than a reality.”― Virginia Woolf

The following day, as I am in full vacation planning mood, I realized that my passport is going to expire April 1, 2021.   Some countries and some airlines don’t allow you to fly with less than 6 months left on the passport. After I Googled like crazy, I decided to chance it because there is no way I would get my passport back in time if I sent it to be renewed.

Next was the airline ticket.  I fly Delta whenever possible, especially in this case because I was afraid of the passport issue I wanted to make sure to fly Delta.  There was no direct flight and prices were going up rapidly.  I needed to coordinate with him to make sure timing to get, etc.

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.” ― Saul Bellow

I sent him a message to let me know when he was free to speak. He ignored it.  That is also after ignoring a text I sent the day before mentioning my sister couldn’t go.  Later I opened Match and he is there.  For the record, I don’t have a problem with him being on the app, I have a problem with him having the time to be there and ignoring my text.  I sent him a message there.  He gave me some bs that he would call me the next day because his phone was dead and the iPad was not that great.  I said ok.

The next day I woke up conflicted.  I so wanted to believe in all I thought he could be. I wanted to hold on to the potential. I wanted him to be chocolate ice-cream.  I asked God, the Universe, the Light, my heart, to send me a sign, anything. 

What do I do? Do I go or do I pass this up?  I knew I was going to need an answer by the time I talked to him.  That is, if he called… 

“Again I see you, But me I don’t see!, The magical mirror in which I saw myself has been broken, And only a piece of me I see in each fatal fragment – Only a piece of you and me!…” ― Fernando Pessoa

To be continued on the next post…

Superwoman has a shiner and is ready to shine

17 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Food

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“My past is everything I failed to be.” ― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

This morning I woke up with a shiner.  I am a star,  so I shine, but that is not the type of shining I am talking about.  And no, I didn’t wake up next to someone that was so amazing that he shined, or is it shone? 

Anyway, I am talking about the shiner that you get when someone punches you on the eye.  There is no pain or itching, just redness below the eye.

I Googled and found out I have an allergy shiner.  I had never heard of such a thing. The most common cause is nasal congestion due to some kind of allergen, which remains to be identified.    

It could be anything.  It could be the new rug that I got one week ago today. I never got my floors finished. It was getting me so stressed that I put all the flooring material in my storage for now and got this rug that covers the entire floor.   

“I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.”― Anais Nin

A doctor mentioned that nasal congestion could also be the cause for my vertigo, so perhaps I do have a real nasal congestion issue, even though I don’t feel it. 

Coincidently this week I started a regimen to detoxify my liver as I though it was the culprit.  This new routine has been hardcore for me.  I am looking to detoxify my body and create better eating habits.    

The worst part has been changing my eating habits.  I mostly eat whatever I wanted when I wanted, always with moderation.  Food has always been a source of pleasure and a show of love in my family. Sugar, a forever pacifier.

“A self is not something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to the child, finished and complete. A self is always becoming.” ― Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet

That way of eating may have been fine when I was 24, and perhaps 34 and 44 also, but now at 54 I realize I need a serious change. Now my metabolism is slower and certain foods affect me differently.

Now it is time to finally look at food as fuel.  As I struggled with vertigo in the recent past, and hives forever, among other ailments, how I treat my body has become increasingly important. I need to be nice to my body so my body in turn can be nice to me for many years to come. Not to mention that in my small immediate family of 5, my parents and my brother are diabetics.  Diabetes seems like a certainty if I don’t change things now.

I want to be and become the best I can be in all senses.  I am capable of more. I am starting with my body.  There is not much I can control, but I can choose how I treat my body and what I eat.

“I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne

I figure that this detox may improve not only my health but the body I see when I look in the mirror.  At this moment I see a body that it is not where it should be.  My body is amazing and I am so grateful for it, but I am not being kind to it.  I do plan on getting naked in front of someone again some day 🙂 hopefully very soon…

All I did this week and plan on doing for a total of 3 weeks is a lot for me and not sustainable for a long period of time.  I plan on finding a more doable routine and keep it as a way of life.  It is not reasonable for me to think that I can totally give up certain foods and follow certain routines on daily basis. 

My plan is to follow this plan for 3 weeks Mon-Fri and on weekends relax a little and have a little bread.  Then slowly develop a more sustainable forever plan for me.  

Even though it is hard to recognize that I need to change, it feels good to embark on this road of betterment.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

This is what I have been doing for the past 5 days:

  1. No sugar, no carbs.  This is a huge one for me.  I love sweets and baked goods so much. No to have my daily bread and butter is torture. I am incredibly  proud of following through with it.  
  2. More water. I often forget about liquids. I set the alarm on my phone for every hour as a reminder to get up from my desk for a walk and a glass of water.
  3. Less salt. I am learning that I don’t need to always add that extra pinch of salt.
  4. More physical activity.  The gym in my building is closed and I am still not comfortable going to the Planet Fitness,  so I am trying to walk more and do more exercises at home.  I cannot decide on the perfect elliptical to buy.  The perfect one would be a combination of quiet, small and affordable. Until then I bought a Stamina InMotion Elliptical trainer to put under my desk at work.  It is arriving this week.  
  5. Sauna.  Since I cannot go to a sauna because of COVID, the sauna came to me.  I got a sauna blanket.  I have the HigherDose one. 
  6. Meditate.  I struggle with quieting my mind. For now I do it while in my sauna blanket.  I put some meditation music on,  close my eyes and tell my body to ignore that “too hot” sensation.  I often recite the Ho’opnopono prayer. It goes like this: “I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”
  7. Coffee Enema. I realize this one is controversial but my research tells me that it will help, so I need to try.  I also have spoken about this with my friend that is a naturopathy doctor and he agrees with me. 
  8. Getting more sleep.  I am trying to go to bed earlier. (I did everyday except one, that I was texting with one guy until midnight – I am going to write about it)
  9. Take Milk Thistle Dandelion.  On the bottle of this supplement it reads “Love for your liver”.  I am also taking other supplements and vitamins, as I mentioned on prior posts.
  10. Dry Brushing skin. It is for exfoliation and stimulation.  Before every shower I brush my entire body starting with the feet. I apply less force to sensitive areas such as the face.
  11. Oil Pulling.  Switching oil around in my mouth for at least 10 minutes.  I use coconut oil.  I have been doing this on and off for awhile. I think that has improved my gums.  My dentist agrees.  Well, what he said was: ” keep doing whatever you are doing – it is working”. For now, a surgery that the dentist was sure I needed has been postponed indefinitely and hopefully I will be able to avoid it altogether. 
  12. Tongue scraping.  In the past I used it a couple of times at night to remove bacteria.  Now I do it every morning when I get up to also remove toxins deposited on the tongue during the night. Now I am using a spoon until a new tongue scraper I bought arrives.

“The sky is not my limit…I am.” ― T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise  

Disclaimer: ” Please note that all that I am doing is not in any way a recommendation or suggestion for you to do it.  These are things I wanted to try and carefully researched them.  Please do your research and consult your doctor, specially if you have any kind of health issue.”

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” ― Jim Rohn

Todays is only my 6th day, but here is what I noticed so far:

  1. I already lost a few pounds.  I am trying not to focus on the scale, but seeing the numbers go down is an incentive.  
  2. I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights, but that could have something to do with the allergy issues.
  3. No change in my skin, but I was blessed with good skin anyway.
  4. I have more energy.
  5. Emotionally wise I am feeling like a million dollars. 

“Beyond myself, somewhere,
I wait for my arrival.” ― Octavio Paz

 

 

 

A tray in a sea of tables and other pursuits

15 Thursday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts, travels

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“Do not think of todays failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow.” ― Helen Keller

To prove I am not a mosaic one-trick-pony, here is a tray I just finished 🙂

I forgot to take pictures from the beginning.  I was too engrossed into already planning my next table (truth).

I am really getting into a good routine with mosaics.  I go to the studio every Saturday or Sunday for a couple of hours.  It feels great to pursue one of my passions, and not just do it once in a blue moon.  

“We can do anything we want as long as we stick to it long enough.” ― Hellen Keller

Now I need to tackle learning French and skiing.

French – I start teaching myself every few months.  I guess what I really need is to make sure to stay the course.  Every time is like starting over when I really should be fluent by now.  

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going” ― Helen Keller

Skiing – This one requires more effort.  Not only it requires more money and planning it requires me to let go of the fear of speed.  The moment I pick up any speed I panic.  I need many more miles under my skis to hopefully get more comfortable.

Now with Covid everything became even more difficult.  Who knows when I will have a chance to go again.  I want to book a trip but all is so uncertain that I think I will wait awhile longer.

But I am not giving up.  I will be perfectly comfortable skiing blues one day.  Mark my words! 🙂

“Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.”― Helen Keller

Second Date? What second date?

13 Tuesday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”― Rumi

The Saturday night dinner never happened.

Why?
Your guess is as good as mine.

He never called or texted. On Friday night I sent him a text. He never replied. Not an excuse or explanation. Nothing. Just silence.

I cannot say I am shocked. When it comes to dating nothing shocks me anymore.

I am baffled and perplexed. I am also curious. And sad, happy and grateful.

Why would he ask me out if he had no intention of following through with it. He went on and on about taking me to dinner Saturday night. Why?

Why ignore my text? Why not reply something like: I am busy or I have to work, or I changed my mind, anything…

What should I learn from this? According to Rumi everything is a lesson and everyone is a teacher. What is the lesson here? Perhaps in this case there was no lesson, there was only a grapefruit martini that was divine and I hope to have it again.

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor…Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”― Rumi

If he changed his mind, which I have been often guilty of, why not say so? Why act like an immature person and hide? I have zero respect for ghosts. This is ghosting, right? This disappearing act.

I am sad that people behave in such way when there is absolutely no reason for it. On the first date we talked about being respectful and preserving other’s feelings. We talked about honesty and integrity.  All talk I guess.

I am happy that I no longer need to know the reasons behind people’s actions. I just accept and move on. He acted like a jerk. End of story.

“Be like the sun for grace and mercy. Be like the night to cover others’ faults. Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage and anger. Be like the Earth for modesty. Appear as you are. Be as you appear.” ― Rumi

I am grateful! Grateful that he showed me who he is right away. No energy was wasted.

Any time something like this happens I always think that is the work of my always alert guardian angels. This person was not for me, not even as a friend and my very efficient angels quickly removed him from my life. How much more blessed can a person be?

No harm done. There will always be jerks and I can’t always spot them.  Still, I am not discouraged.  I am still going to get excited about dates and potential dates.

And on that note, A.-The Renter and I are back on track. I had ignored his last text because I was not happy with his lack of communication. On Saturday, about the time I would have been on that date that didn’t happened, he called.

He again explained how busy he is because of the promotion. I don’t think he will ever be the communicator I want but at this point I am still excited about the potential. I want to meet face to face before I make any decision. We are making plans to meet in 3 weeks. I will say more when the time comes.

“Ignore those that make you fearful and sad, that degrade you back towards disease and death.”― Rumi

My ever loving sweet enemy: Sugar

24 Thursday Sep 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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The vertigo came back again.  I spent a couple of days last week barely functioning.  I started taking Claritin and Cocculus Indicus again.  Happily, most of the symptoms were gone in 2 days. 

I discovered a couple of things:

  1. Sleeping on my left side helps immensely to alleviate the symptoms.  So, no more sleeping on my back or on my right side.

2. Sugar exacerbates or perhaps even causes the vertigo.  The last 2 times I woke up with vertigo I remember having had lots of sugar the night before, in the form of ice cream and cake. 

No surprise discovery here.  Sugar doesn’t help anything.  Sugar feeds any kind of body inflammation and only wreaks havoc on the body.

Sugar and I have a long love/hate relationship.  I love it and it hates me.  Not only sugar, but carbs.  I am not talking about the naturally occurring sugar.  I am talking about all the refined ones that do not add anything good to my body.  But it tastes so good!

Back in 2012 I was already writing about this dysfunctional relationship.  https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/07/21/is-sugar-my-new-ex-am-i-looking-for-love-in-desserts/

12 years have gone by and I still have not done anything about it.  That is embarrassing. Why can’t I stop going to sugar on every occasion, happy, sad, indifferent…

At times I think that sugar and I can co-exist in peace.  I think I can just have a little bit on the weekends.  That peaceful existence lasts awhile, but then one day, out of the blue I just give in.  All of a sudden sugar has me again.

What is up with this emotional hunger? 

Baby steps… recognizing I have a problem, yet again, is the first step.  That is all I have.  No solutions.

 

I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl – Nina Simone

I want a little sugar in my bowl
I want a little sweetness down in my soul
I could stand some lovin’, oh so bad
Feel so funny, I feel so sad
I want a little steam on my clothes
Maybe I could fix things up so they’ll go
What’s the matter daddy, come on, save my soul
I need some sugar in my bowl, I ain’t foolin’
I want some sugar in my bowl
You been acting different I’ve been told
Soothe me, I want some sugar in my bowl
I want a little steam on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up so they’ll go
What’s the matter daddy, come on, save my soul
I want some sugar in my bowl, I ain’t foolin’
I want some sugar
In my bowl

the dating continues…

04 Friday Sep 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Since G, the insecure personal trainer, has become history there has been a few guys that I had been speaking to and  2 that I met.  

I met F – The Widower.  We first started speaking 1 year ago on POF. He kept asking for additional pictures.  I felt I had plenty on my profile and refused to sent to him.  He kept insisting, I got annoyed and decided that I didn’t want to meet him at all.  After meeting again on Match I finally gave in and met him for a drink.  He drove 1 hour,  I took literally 30 steps to the Italian restaurant next to my apartment.  That was the extent of effort I was willing to put into this date and he knew it.

It was a friendly meeting.  He talked a lot about his late wife who died 10 years ago, and apparently became a saint.  No one can and wants to compete with a saint.  He wants to go out again. I am interested in friendship only.

“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.” ― Cornel West

I met T – The Client.  We met on Match and realized that we were in the same industry and that he was actually a former customer.  Since he is no longer a customer I decided to meet up.

Since we were meeting at a Brazilian restaurant next door to my sister’s job on 46th Street in Manhattan my sister joined us half way through the date. It was a lot fun.  There was a lot laughing.

We had passion fruit and lime caipirinhas and had some yummy skirt steak with rice, beans and yucca fries. We also had cheese bread and some other appetizers. We took home chocolate and coconut fudge balls.  Those little desserts are so delicious!

Since I brought my sister along, I insisted on paying half. He didn’t want to agree but I beat him to the check and made sure to pay half.  He insisted on walking us to the train station.  We kept in touch and will meet again but I am not sure there were romance vibes for me.

“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.” ― Oscar Wilde,  The Picture of Dorian Gray

I am currently talking to a few guys but 2 seem interesting enough to text/talk so I gave them my number:

M-the Neighbor.  We realized the we live just a couple of blocks away from each other.  The other day I waved to him when I was walking home from work.  He doesn’t know where exactly where I live.  We will be meeting one of these days.  So far we are having trouble coming up with a time.  It will probably happen some time next week.  We haven’t spoken a lot, mostly exchange a few texts here and there, but he seems like a good guy.

A-the Renter.  We have been speaking for 1 month.  He currently lives in California but is moving to Manhattan in the next few weeks.  I am calling him The Renter because 80% of our conversations are about the rental market in Manhattan.  He has been back and forth from CA but because of COVID quarantine requirements we haven’t met yet.

At this point it seems neither of us are in a hurry to meet.  I normally like to meet right away, the longer one talks without meeting there is the change of creating a false sense of intimacy and thinking there is more connection than there is. There is also a bigger potential for miscommunication.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” ― Dale Carnegie

A few days ago I detected a change.  A text went unanswered and later he said something about not feeling well and going to bed earlier.  A perfectly plausible excuse, but that is not what my gut is telling me.  The texting and calls decreased, and so did my interest.  But I still think we can meet and be friends.

I want to meet someone and be transformed.  Not because he is making me better, or I am making him better, but because we can no longer imagine a time when we weren’t in each other’s lives. I want the love that emboldens and strengthens us and make us want to conquer the world.  So I search and search…

“Even if you cannot change all the people around you, you can change the people you choose to be around. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you. Spend your life with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel loved.” ― Roy T. Bennett

 

The beautiful mosaic of life

27 Thursday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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“Life has its ups and downs. When you are up, enjoy the scenery. When you are down, touch the soul of your being and feel the beauty.” – Debasish Mridha

I am sorry I haven’t written in awhile.  I have been busier than usual with tons of work deadlines and I also have been going out more than usual.  But the real culprit is my lack of energy and less than optimal mood.  Some days I am struggling to be upbeat.

There is no need to worry, I am still smiling and enjoying life.  It is just a downturn on that journey full of ups and downs that we call life.  How boring would life be if there were no ups and downs? BORING!!

I am having some issues with my tenant and some other issues that I think are contributing to bringing me down.  My hip and clavicle continue to prevent me from exercising the way I want.  Lately, health-wise, it seems that if it is not one thing it is another.  I am happy to report though that the vertigo feelings are gone! (Thank you Tom for the recommendation!)

“If we do not have the depths, how do we have the heights? Yet you fear the depths, and do not want to confess that you are afraid of them. It is good, though, that you fear yourselves; say it out loud that you are afraid of yourselves. It is wisdom to fear oneself.” ― C.G. Jung

All the issues that are bothering me aren’t really that important in the grand scheme of things.   I am able to appreciate that at times such as this, my body, mind, and soul are crying for help.  They are telling me that I need to stop, pay attention and make some changes.  I need to acknowledge that.

It is time to recharge, to redo, to rethink.  Why am I letting situations affect my mood.  Happiness has always been a choice for me.  I need to remember that.

Life is a mosaic, with good parts and not so good parts all working together to make us a whole beautiful artwork. Broken pieces of anything can be put together and create something beautiful! There is no perfection in mosaic, but there is beauty! 

“Climb up the stairs cheerfully, climb down the stairs cheerfully! Let your mind be unaffected by the ups and downs of life!”― Mehmet Murat ildan

It is important that I know and acknowledge that I am blessed beyond belief.  My list of blessings are endless.

This downturn is also a way the Universe uses to prevent me from becoming too complacent, too comfortable.  It is amazing what and how much we get used to, even pain and discomfort can often become the norm.  I keep learning to live with body pain instead of addressing it more effectively. 

This not so optimal phase is a wake up call.

I am feeling down, but life continues to be full, and getting fuller by the minute,  I am doing my mosaics, eating out often, and going on adventures.  Saturday was mosaic studio and a night with the girls. Sunday was the beach. The smile is sometimes forced but it is still a smile 🙂

As far as dating I haven’t given it too much time but I been exchanging messages with a few guys.  I have also been exchanging texts with someone I didn’t meet yet, but I see so much potential.  Finger crossed.  More to come.

I leave you with my latest mosaic project.  Another table.  I still have to paint it, but I am holding off on that for now.  I think I will eventually open a craft shop called “Tables or Us” 😉

Fun, sun and won some!

13 Thursday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“Tomorrow is tomorrow.
Future cares have future cures,
And we must mind today.”
― Sophocles

Another weekend is around the corner and I didn’t even have a chance to write about the last one, so here we go:  My sister and I  went again to Foxwoods Casino.  This time we brought along another friend that had never been there before.  She was tired of being locked in for so long.

I think I will be going to Foxwoods more often.  They give me free hotel rooms and I am just 10 minutes from Mystic, CT and 20 minutes from the beaches in Rhode Island.  Plus, I have a friend in Westerly, RI that we like visiting.  She knows the ins and outs in the area and loves to show us around.

This time we played the slots, spent time sightseeing, ate delicious meals, laughed a lot and, most importantly, we forgot all our troubles for that weekend.  We came back renewed and with plans to travel more.

“It is difficult to live in and enjoy the moment when you are thinking about the past or worrying about the future.  No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.”― Roy Bennett

Here are some pictures:

View from Andrea Seaside Restaurant

Drinks from Guy Fieri’s restaurant. One is Guido’s Freaky Tiki (Bacardi 8, Passion Fruit & Tiki Sour), and the other is Tattooed Mojito (Bumbu Tropical Rum, Strawberry & mint, Lime Simple)

Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island

I won 1K in a slot machine.

After treating my sister and a couple of friends to meals at Andrea Restaurant, Guy Fieri’s Kitchen and Hash House I made $1,000.00 in a slot machine.  I believe it was the Universe paying me back.  In the end when all was said and done I had a free weekend. The casino comped the room, and the slot win was enough to pay for all I spent (gas, gambling, meals, etc).

Below, not related to anything, it is a music video I enjoy.  I love when singers from different countries sing together.  Below is Ivete Sangalo from Brazil and Alejandro Sanz from Spain.

 

 

More patience, less anger!

07 Friday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.”― Simone de Beauvoir

I have been frustrated and angry.  Angry with people. Angry at the world. Angry at myself.  I wrote a post about it.  I took a break from it, came back and re-read it.  I wanted to throw up.

It was all about me wallowing in self pity.  It was this long list of complaints. I went on and on about people not being fair to me and the fact that I cannot do anything at the moment.  It was me being sad, angry and feeling powerless.  

“The best fighter is never angry.” – Lao Tzu

Since when did I become that person? I refuse to allow myself to be down in the dumps. I refuse to be angry without action.  Just being angry solves nothing, just eats me up inside.

Do I have a cause to be annoyed and complain?  Yes, I do.  But what will I accomplish if I let myself go down that rabbit hole called anger?  I fear never coming out of it. 

Whatever I am facing now I have to learn to live with it for the time being.  It is not the “punching it in the face” time yet.  Time and time again I am being taught patience and reminded that it is not my timing, but the divine timing. There is a right time for everything.

“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it…Don’t allow his anger to become your anger.”― Bohdi Sanders

I will do now what I do best. I am going to count my blessings, of which I have so many.  I will start making a list, not of everything that is going wrong as I was doing before, but all that is going right.  Making a list of all my blessings helps put me in the right frame of mind.

It reminds me of how truly blessed I really am.

“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.”― Roy T. Bennett

As I deleted that post and embarked upon writing this one I received a message from my brother.  He is one of those people the you hate, but love, that will send you memes, jokes, prayers, songs, anything.  He sent me the video below. 

I thought the message couldn’t be more timely and appropriate for me: Let it be!

The problems, the anger, all the issues that are making me sad, sick, and keeping me awake at night I am going to just let it all be.  I am going to put it all aside until the right time to deal with it.  Chances are that they will resolve themselves before then.

I am not one to let problems sit still, but Kabbalah taught me that some of my actions are really overreactions and knee jerk responses that only bring about more pain and chaos.

I now try to let a problem be still and marinate before attacking it.  Taking that time beween problem and action helps me see things clear and deal with the problem with the right amount of attention and force.

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”― Aristotle

Until I am ready to deal with the problem why should I let all that is annoying me and ailing me take away my sanity and energy?   I refuse to do it.

These times haves been a struggle for everyone.  It seems that there is one problem after another, but such is life – a succession of challenges. 

In my now deleted post I mentioned needing peace and wisdom.  We all do!  But what I sometimes fail to remember is that those are all within in me  They are my core.  I just have to connect to it. 

I will not find those outside. Peace is within me and happiness is a choice.  Those abstract concepts makes so much sense to me. That knowledge is both powerful and freeing. I can assert for sure that I am at peace and I am happy.  No matter what!

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

oh, and about that list of everything that is going right in my life, it is just too long! It is becoming a very long list that deserves it’s own post but for starters:

  1. I am alive
  2. I am going away for the weekend

  • Wishing you a blessed weekend!

    • We are loved, we are love, so let’s act like it!

    01 Saturday Aug 2020

    Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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    “The rain to the wind said,
    You push and I’ll pelt.’
    They so smote the garden bed
    That the flowers actually knelt,
    And lay lodged–though not dead.
    I know how the flowers felt.”
    ―     Robert Frost

    I saw these 4 lines below somewhere (I wish I remembered where so I could credit them). For some reason it stayed with me. I liked the simplicity of it.

    Que o vento leve,                                                                                                Que a chuva lave,                                                                                              Que a alma brilhe e                                                                                            Que o coraçao acalme.

    My attempt at translating it:

    May the wind take,                                                                                             May the rain wash,                                                                                             May the soul shine and                                                                                      May the heart be calm.

    “The breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind.”― Kahlil Gibran

    Those 4 lines re-energizes me.  It gives me the idea of rebirth and the idea that we can always turn things around with just a change in attitude.  Fortunately,  often, all it takes is to stop, take a breath and make the decision to see things with new eyes.

    All of a sudden, a problem is not a problem, is an opportunity.

    “Not knowing when the dawn will come
    I open every door.”
    ― Emily Dickinson

    Let each gust of wind take away all that is bad and no longer useful. Let the wind bring you good energy and all that is useful for your improvement.  Invite the winds of change in.   Embrace it.

    Let the rain wash away your troubles and worries.  Be unburdened and light as a feather.

    “Inside us there is something that has no name, that something is what we are.” ― José Saramago

    Let your inner self shine through, and illuminate all those around you.  It is not only about you.  It is about everyone and everything you touch.  Let all interactions be positive and fruitful.  Be better and make others better.

    “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
    ― Rumi

    Let you heart be at peace.  Don’t burden it unnecessarily.  Give it space, listen to it and nurture it.  It will nurture you back!

    I hope everyone has a blessed weekend!

     

    You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up)

    Josh Groban
    Don’t give up
    It’s just the weight of the world
    When your heart’s heavy
    I, I will lift it for you
    Don’t give up
    Because you want to be heard
    If silence keeps you
    I, I will break it for you
    Everybody wants to be understood
    Well, I can hear you
    Everybody wants to be loved
    Don’t give up
    Because you are loved
    Don’t give up
    It’s just the hurt that you hide
    When you’re lost inside
    I, I’ll be there to find you
    Don’t give up
    Because you want to burn bright
    If darkness blinds you
    I, I will shine to guide you
    Everybody…