Monthly Archives: June 2012

June 12 – Dia dos Namorados!

12 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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Dia dos Namorados is a sort of Valentine’s Day in Brazil. Lover’s Day, literally translated as Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s Day. It is celebrated by all couples married or otherwise.

Even after living in the US for so long I still like to celebrate it. If I am in a relationship it is an extra excuse for an extra nice date (not that excuses should be necessary)

If I am not in a relationship then that it just another occasion to be reminded that I am partner-less in a world that seems geared to couples.

Please wait, continue reading, this is not going to be a pity party, poor me blog!

After such a dark painful day yesterday, today seems bright and full of possibilities!(I am in love with that word after reading Frank’s post called “Opportunities Abound!”- a small post in length, but huge in meaning! http://frankoshanko.wordpress.com/ )

Remember my First and Only e-Harmony date?  Remember how I said he couldn’t be more of a gentleman?  Well, well, he really impressed me now.

I am sitting at my desk when in walks the UPS delivery guy with a box from 1-800-Flowers.  I am so used to not getting flowers, that I would not sign until I checked the name on the package.  I thought it was for the office next door.  I was shocked to read my name.

Did I think it was from Ex? for a brief milisecond. But it could never be him. He never sent  me flowers at work and he doesn’t think that he did anything wrong that perhaps would warrant flowers. He also wouldn’t remember the date. (Plus, remember that on February 14 he made a point of telling me that he was not going to even give me a card because he didn’t want to send me the wrong message)

Did I think it was the e-Harmony date?  no, not in a million years no. After all, he doesn’t have my address. Well, apparently he paid attention to every single word I said during the date and also asked the right questions that enabled him to piece together my address (I guess a google search may have helped too)

He sent me a dozen beautiful roses (red, pink, yellow and white) in a beautiful pink vase with a note that said: Feliz Dia dos Namorados!

It made my day! It is nice to feel special and thought of in such a nice way! It is great to be surprised and to realize that there is at least one person out there that is thinking of me.

But of course, I cannot just enjoy the flowers and relish the moment. Now I worry if his flowers are just a friendly gesture or if there is a little more meaning to it.

I do not want to break anybody’s heart! I know the pain! but I also made clear after the date that I would love to be just friends.

Should I bring up the subject and clarify it again? I also don’t want to offend him. Or should I just say thank you?

One more step towards freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

11 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am happy because I choose to be happy.  It is a daily choice! Sometimes is a daily struggle.

Today is a struggle!

Since moving out of Ex’s house he has been calling, e-mailing and texting, mostly to say hello or something trivial,  but sometimes also adding that he is thinking of me, missing me and loving me.

Do I believe that? No! If he loved me I would still be there.

I have been trying to remain friendly as I do not believe in harboring resentments and being angry and enemies with anybody. But it is not working.

Every time he gets in touch it hurts me, it is a constant reminder that I still have feelings for him.  It reminds me that I still don’t know the reason why it ended.

Also at least once a week he used to invite me to dinner.  I have asked him to stop inviting me to dinner, which he obliged.

I have not asked him to stop getting in touch with me because we have one financial deal that will end in July and I didn’t want to make waves until then.

That was until now!  I cannot take it anymore.

I don’t care if I lose money anymore! I want my sanity! Just 5 minutes ago I called him and asked him to stop contacting me and only get in touch in July.

This afternoon he had sent me a picture of him wearing a shirt that we got on our vacation in Thailand saying he was thinking of me.  I completely fell apart.  He also mentioned looking at our skiing trip’s pictures.  I remember those trips,and many others,  the happiness, and how we seemed so perfect together.

I asked him to stop playing with my heart, stop playing games, stop getting in touch with me.  It infuriates me that he seemed shocked by my reaction, he seemed hurt and confused by my wanting to forget him.

It kills that he thinks that is perfectly normal to be dating someone (he confirmed he is dating someone, not the same person that he was dating at the time we broke up, he already moved on from that one or perhaps she wised up quickly) and still be calling me and saying he loves and misses me.  How can he not see how much that hurts me?

How can he think that that is normal? It is amazing his ability to make me feel like I am the one that is not being reasonable.

For the record he has maintained that we cannot be together because he has to concentrate on all his businesses and volunteer work and cannot be the boyfriend/partner I need him to be.  He says some of his businesses are in jeopardy and he cannot protect me. Bunch of bs as far as I am concerned. Disingenuous at best.

So I was lying in bed crying and realized that that was not helpful so now I am sitting and crying- lol

I cannot wait for the day that I will look back and laugh at all this!

I am trying to look at the good side, I am trying to find the good side. I am happy I took a stand and right now don’t care if I ever hear from him again (I so want to believe those words!). I guess deep down inside perhaps I still had hopes. I never thought I would say this, but, sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing!

Clash of the Titans

10 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Reviews

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I was one of the 81,994 fans that attended the Clash of the Titans match at Metlife Stadium in East Rutherford, NJ yesterday. That was a record attendance for a soccer match at that stadium!

The game was between my beloved Brazil and our archenemy Argentina.

Brazilians are one of the most friendliest people in the world.  We love all and are loved by all.  But when it comes to our neighbor Argentina things can get a little dicey.

Both countries think they are the best country in South America. Both think they have the best natural resources, most beautiful women, and of course best soccer players.

There is the never ending debate in the soccer world as to who was really the best player: Pele (Brazil) or Maradona (Argentina).

I, and thousands more, was really looking forward to yesterday’s match. And it was all that it was promised and more.  They both had their best players from their national teams (as it was agreed per their contracts).  Brazil brought their  Olympic team, which is a younger team, but equally talented.

I was there with a group of 22 co-workers and clients raging from soccer fans to soccer players to “don’t even know what soccer is”, and the general consensus at the end of the game was that it was an amazing game.

Unfortunately Brazil lost! The score was Argentina 4 goals, Brazil 3.  Of course I wanted Brazil to win, still I have to concede that their best player, Lionel Messi, had an amazing performance.  He scored 3 out of Argentina’s 4 goals.

Everyone, players and fans were well behaved, for the most part.  There was a little scuffle at the last 2 minutes of the game between a couple of players but it was minor and it didn’t really make the game any less great. As far as the fans I didn’t witness any misbehavior, only the usual taunting and loudness.  Mostly all had fun with their loud music, singing and dancing.

I was just a bit confused by the halftime entertainment.  It was not really necessary to have any.  I don’t think any fan would have complained or even mentioned the lack of anything during halftime.

First they brought 3 Argentinian couples dressed in black fancy attires to dance the Argentinian tango … on the grass.  It just looked weird and so out of place, I felt for the dancers.  They should have, at least, put in some type of floor covering.  Then perhaps would have made more sense.  Can you imagine dancing wearing high heels on the grass? the tango nonetheless!

After that they brought Brazilian drummers and male dancers performing soccer skills and some capoeira (a type of martial art and dance).  It was more fitting than tango for a soccer match, but still it was a bit lackluster.

All in all it was a great day with tailgating pre and post game. I cannot believe that even after 2 hours after the game had ended the parking lot where we were was still half full!

It was only a friendly, exhibition match, it didn’t really count for anything.  At the end of the day, we still have 5 stars on our jersey for each of our World Cup wins, while Argentina has only 3!  (sore loser? yep, a little bit!!)

How young is too young?

07 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 45 Comments

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Animated Babies

(Picture courtesy of http://www.free-animations.co.uk)

I am sitting in the usual car of my usual train this morning playing with my phone when I have this feeling one gets when you have a pair of eyes on you.  I look up and I see this guy sitting 4 rows across from my seat staring at me.

I think to myself that dressing better on Thursdays is already paying off.

I don’t have to dress up for work.  As a matter of fact I could wear pajamas if I wanted to, but as a courtesy to my fellow train riders and my fellow New Yorkers I normally wear jeans or something as casual.

I wish I had a uniform so that I didn’t have to think of what to wear every morning (or the night before).  Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of clothes, specially now that I lost the chocolate weight and can get into a whole side of my closet that had been lying dormant for the past couple of years. I am just not creative when it comes to putting outfits together.

Because I know that if you dress better you feel better I figure I will start with dressing better on Thursdays, which happens to be my favorite day of the week. And hopefully that will get me motivated to add other days until, voila, I am dressing well the whole week!  Also, dressing better is a way of saying to the world, and most importantly to myself, that I matter enough to be concerned with how I look.

Anyway, going back to being stared at in the train…

This is a good looking young guy.  How young?  I am not sure, but I would venture a guess of low 30s.  Hummm, I am 46! So I am thinking to myself is he too young for me? Of course I am jumping the gun, for all I know he is staring at the lady behind me or next to me.

Why can’t I just relax and stare back?  Well, for beginners, I don’t know how. I don’t know how to sultrily look at any guy flirting with me. I am a big flirt but only after I met someone. The moment I have a stranger’s eyes on me I start either giggling or grinning like a Chesire cat.  I am sure guys are left scratching their heads thinking: what is wrong with her?  When I was a teen my sister would say:  Stop that grinning and giggling, they will think you have mental problems. Well, perhaps I do have mental issues because after 30 years my first reaction still is to giggle and grin.

Somehow I am able to hold my compusure and continue playing with my phone while attempting to give him quick glances.

The train arrives at Grand Central Station and I leave first. I have taken only a few steps and he is right next to me and says hello.  Up close he is even more handsome.  And YOUNG!!! He is just a baby! He looks late 20s max. I am disappointed, but still so flattered.

He asks me if I have time for breakfast and the only thing I say is: How old are you? Well I am nothing if I am not direct and to the point!  There is no guessing what I am thinking.

He says: 25, almost 25.

Oh, good God, is this a test?

I giggle! there comes the giggling again and I say: I could be your mother!

Somehow I think he has gone through this before because he lists a whole bunch of reasons why it doesn’t matter:

It is only breakfast!

You look 30!

Age is just a number!

I was always mature for my age!

You can have breafast with a friend, can you?

I give him extra points for having the guts of approaching me.  I find that a lot men are afraid of rejection so they don’t even try.  Perhaps he is too young to actually feel rejected – lol.  I politely say I am flattered but that it was best to skip breakfast.  I wish him luck and go.

Now, I know that it was only breakfast and perhaps I missed a chance of making a friend, but believe me I have been there before.  I have dated embarassingly young guys before, and in this case there is no such thing as just breakfast.

Still, I am flattered and more than ever motivated to dress up on Thursdays.  And it got me thinking:  What is my cutoff age?  How old is too young for me? since I am 46, I am thinking that a 10 year difference in either direction is okay.

but of course that is not set in stone!

By the way, for the record, I hate the label “cougar”!

(please see http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/ for my list of 10 reasons not to date a younger man)

16 Awards!!!! Starting with the Sunshine Blogger Award

06 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by in AWARDS, Daily Life

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I have 16 awards to work on.  Yes,  you heard me!  16!!  SIXTEEN!!!

I want to state for the record that I will mess up.

I know I will:

Forget to thank people

Forget to nominate blogs that really deserve a nomination

Nominate some blogs twice for the same award

Get the award rules confused

and for that I apologize in advance.

I am going to start with the Sunshine Blogger Award.

THE RULES

sunshine-blogger-award1

1.Repost the award in a post that includes the blog of the person that nominated you.

2.State 10 things about yourself.

3.Nominate 10 people.

1. Thank you to the following bloggers for thinking of me.  Each one of them is special to me in an unique way.  They have great blogs that I recommend you check it out.

http://frankoshanko.wordpress.com

http://thejoylevel.com/

http://thetopleftkey.wordpress.com

http://greatgreths.wordpress.com

2.Ten things about me (very random)

  1. I never had a peanut butter and jelly/jam sandwich
  2. I have stuffed animals on my bed to keep me company
  3. I have to have bread and butter every morning
  4. I work in the very non creative financial industry
  5. I graduated magna cum laude going to night/ weekend school and holding a full time job
  6. I adore anything coconut
  7. Faith and hope rule my life
  8. I enjoy tv a little too much
  9. I am nothing without God/Higher power
  10. I love rain and thunderstorms

3. My 10 nominees (times 4):

The good thing with getting many awards, other than feeling special, is getting to nominate a whole bunch of people.

The blogs I am nominating range from poetry to recipes, from photo blogs to dating life, from book reviews to bible verses and everything else in between.  They are new bloggers and old ones.  Some post everyday while others are less frequent. But they all have something to say and they all have commented on my blogs and I appreciate them all.  Go and check them out.

Without further ado and in no specific order:

http://waitingforthekarmatruck.com/

http://meditatingmummy.wordpress.com/

http://gypsyroxylee.wordpress.com/

http://crashleadership.com/

http://theblazingtrail.wordpress.com/

http://todayiprayed.wordpress.com/

http://silentlyheardonce.wordpress.com/

http://readersheaven.org/

http://grandmothermusings.com/

http://gswaterman.wordpress.com/

http://mylifeuncutalmost.wordpress.com/

http://veggiewitch.wordpress.com/

http://spiritualworldtraveler.wordpress.com/

http://catseyesk.wordpress.com/

http://maribelskidneystory.wordpress.com/

http://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com/

http://atasteofmorning.com/

http://photosunterwegs.wordpress.com/

http://ssbuckmaster.wordpress.com/

http://thenovicehousewife.wordpress.com/

http://zygerina.wordpress.com/

http://terriskitchenuk.wordpress.com/

http://pixilatedtoo.wordpress.com/

http://wordsandherbs.wordpress.com/

http://discoveranddevour.com/

http://dragonflydreamsandbutterflykisses.wordpress.com/

http://nickijay.com/

http://magikdolls.wordpress.com/

http://lostupabove.wordpress.com/

http://elladeewords.wordpress.com/

http://momentmatters.wordpress.com/

http://livinginfairyland.wordpress.com/

http://larrylootsteen.wordpress.com/

http://jnanahodson.net/

http://bareyournakedtruth.wordpress.com/

http://francineinretirement.wordpress.com/

http://laurasusanneyochelson.com/

http://beyondcenter.wordpress.com/

http://foreverpoetic.me/

http://creativenoshing.wordpress.com/

Now need to go and get to the other awards …

To Blog or not to Blog …

03 Sunday Jun 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 85 Comments

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The last few days I have been debating if I should continue blogging or not.

I started blogging to get stuff out of my chest, heart and mind. And it has helped – a lot! Then I received a comment to one of my posts that left me unsettled, sad and deeply hurt.  The impulsive Aries in me just wanted to stop blogging.  The hell with it, I don’t need this aggravation!

But nothing like time to give us clarity! After a couple of days I realized the following:

1) I don’t have as tough a skin as I thought I did.

I thought that after getting through all the hurdles and roadblocks to get to where I am today I was tough and hardened and things such as other’s opinion of me didn’t affect me.  I have had to fight for everything since arriving in the US at 17 years of age.  I heard a lot “no”s and derrogatory comments and somehow turned those in weapons to make me stronger (or so I thought).

Since when did I became so sensitive?  Something else for my list of things to work on.

2) I was taking things personally

One of my favorite books is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In it he says that if we live by 4 agreements we will experience personal freedom and a life infinitely better.  I am not going to discuss all 4, but one of the agreements is:

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

It was so good to be reminded that I have been lax in living by the 4 agreements, specially this one.   It is freeing to realize that other’s words and actions are not about me, but based on person’s own problems, misconceptions, agendas, truths, etc.

3) I have a need to please people and want everyone to love and accept me

Why am I wanting/needing other’s approval and acceptance? I know that I cannot ever please everyone, therefore I must continue on my path to speak from the heart and my own truth at that very moment of writing.  If others misunderstand me, I will explain it as many times as necessary, but I will not change my truth to conform to a norm or acceptable standard.  I know who I am and what I am about, if some people get it wrong it is on them not on me.

4) Everyone is entitled to their opinion

I must respect the right of people to have an opinion and voice it.  If I say/write what I want, I must, therefore, be able to hear/read what I don’t want.  And I should be able to take it with class!  After all,  the comment section on my blog says: “Leave a comment”, and not” Leave a good comment”, therefore more than ever all comments are welcomed.

5) I love blogging too much to stop

Blogging has been Godsend to me.  It has given me my own voice back.  It has given me a connection to people, it has given me friendship. It has given me an alternative to lying in bed crying.

So, I decided I am not stopping! I am taking criticism and smiling (perhaps through tears).

I appreciate all comments, good or bad.  The harsh comments are the ones that will make me look inward and question myself.  The harsh comments are the little steps on my stairway to a better person.

ps. thank you sis for saying: Don’t stop it is helping you! and thank you Frank for reminding me to follow my heart!