Tag Archives: work

Still here, still busy, still happy

15 Saturday Oct 2022

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“Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.” ― Thomas A. Edison

One of my and my sister’s best friend arrived from Brazil on October 8 to stay until the end of the month, so my busy life got even busier.  But also more fun.

Work continues to interfere with my peaceful and fun life.  The audit is still not finished.  Every few days I get some new request.  And then there are other work stuff.  New brokers being hired, new products being brokered, etc. In the end, it all works out, but until then I struggle.

I am growing so tired of my job. But I will talk about that in a next post.

“Don’t become complacent because ‘things could be worse’ but rather get busy because ‘things could be better’.” ― Bobby Darnell, Time For Dervin – Living Large In Geiggityville

Last Sunday my sister, my friend and I went to Philadelphia to visit a friend.  His birthday is coming up so as an early birthday present we took him and his wife to dinner.  First we stopped at their house and had some cold cuts, cheeses, and a couple of yummy homemade breads that they had ready for us.  His wife is a great baker.  We left with breads and scones as gifts. 

After leaving their home we went to downtown Philadelphia. We walked around sightseeing, saw the Liberty Bell, and then went to dinner at Amada Restaurant.  

Amada is a tapas restaurant.  I love tapas, I love sharing food.  They did tapas with a modern twist. Everything was delicious.  I am still dreaming about a cocktail called Rose Gold.  It is made with vodka, passion fruit and rosemary.

Our day trip to Philly was a success! We hope to go back to spend more time there.

“We mark with light in the memory the few interviews we have had with souls that made our souls wiser, that spoke what we thought, that told us what we knew, that gave us leave to be what we inly are.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mr.  Sweet continues to be a part of my life.  On Monday he went to dinner with my sister, my friend and I.   We had dinner at Posto 22.  We had a great time, a lot laughs.  He continues to be thoughtful.  This time again he brought bagels for my sister.

Even though all is going well, we have been talking about the fact that we were going too fast.  4 dates in 8 days was a bit excessive.  He just travelled to Florida to see his father, and I am busy with my friend.  We agreed that this break is welcomed. 

Mr. Sweet is such a great person, so sweet and thoughtful.  I care about him, and because of that I don’t think he should be dating seriously now.  His divorce papers just got filed.  Chances are his divorce will drag on for a while.  I believe that everyone coming out of a long term relationship/marriage should be alone for awhile before embarking on a new relationship.  

We are still excited about each other, and texting daily.  Still, I have made my profile visible again on Match.  I had put my profile on hold because I was busy and also because I had met him.  His profile remains hidden.

We shall see what the future holds. We both care and don’t want to hurt each other.

“And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Next week I will be taking some time off, and my sister, my friend and I will spend some days in Connecticut and some days in Rhode Island.  I so need this break from work.

 

 

Still talking about Ex after all this time!

24 Thursday Apr 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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My feet in Brazilian soil with my favorite flower

My feet in Brazilian soil with my favorite flower

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.” ― Pema Chödrön

Between the NFA and the CFTC I am going crazy at work.  There are so many new regulations (aimed at banks) that non-banks like us need to comply with that is making so hard to continue to be in business.  The worst part is that, they themselves don’t seem to know what they want.  All these regulations are doing is putting small companies out of business.  We are still around, but it has not been easy.   It has been an exercise in calm and patience, breath in, breath out.  🙂

IN DIFFICULT MOMENTS, BEHAVE LIKE A DUCK…     Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but keep paddling away underneath! (not sure who said it)

**

My Mom is in town, as I have mentioned, so I have shopped, gambled and ate in excess.  I have a whole new wardrobe, some extra pounds on my body and less dollars in my wallet, but I don’t care as long as Mom is happy!  The moment she leaves I am back to fish and brown rice, no casino and no shopping!

“To be happy, make others happy.” ― Stephen Richards

**

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” ― Albert Einstein

Life progresses…there are moments of internal unrest…an uneasy feeling, something off, something missing.  I see those moments as a wake-up call.  They tell me that there are a lot more learning and growing to do.  Comfort creates complacency.  Nothing great has been created out of people being too comfortable in their situations.   I confess:  I get lazy.  I, like we all, have so much potential, and yet some days it is just easier to sit on the couch and watch lives being lived, instead of getting out there and living my own life.

At these turbulent times I try to be as active as I can, physically and mentally.  Accomplishing things makes me feel motivated to accomplish even more.   I also stop and reflect on how blessed I am in all aspects of my life.  Focusing on the good is a wonderful way to feel centered and in control of my life.

Control!  At the end of the day I think it all boils down to that for me.

Perhaps, at this moment, this internal unrest is called PMS and it sucks!! L

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.”  ― Rainer Maria Rilke

***

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ― Steve Maraboli

Now getting to the real topic: my writing about the not so ex Ex!

I fear boring you, reader, with my never ending writing about Ex.  I am frankly tired of thinking and writing about Ex and fear you are probably sick of reading about it too.

What do I do?  Should I stop writing about him and give you the impression that he is just a long lost memory? Or should I continue to write about him and bore you to tears? Perhaps worst than boring you I fear giving you the incorrect impression that I am this weak, needy, lonely soul.  I am a strong, self-sufficient and happy soul, but I do struggle with letting go of Ex and the life I had with him.

This blog was created as an outlet for my heartache.  It was a way of having a voice and letting my frustrations out.  Then, you reader, you became my friend.  I want to please, inspire, motivate, and make you laugh.  How do I accomplish both things, pleasing you and pleasing me?

I don’t know.

This blog is about my life, and above all, my heart, and unfortunately Ex continues to figure in it.  I will continue to write as my heart dictates, for better or worse.  I am sorry readers if I bore you with my thoughts of ex.  I am sorry I am not this amazing person that was able to so readily and happily able to let him go.  On the other hand, you get truth, ugly and all.

My life is amazing, and Ex is a part of it, even if I dislike that part.  So the best course of action is to make peace with it.  I need to stop thinking that miraculously I will wake up one day and no longer think of him.  It is a daily struggle.

Memories of him will come and go, like memories of anything in my life, good and bad.  I will treasure the good ones and I will let go of the bad ones.  There is no deadline to stop thinking of him.  It gets easier.  It has gotten easier.

I hope you continue to come and read and indulge me while I, once in a while, wallow in self-pity.  Feel free to set me straight – somebody has to!

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli,

Update – what I have been up to lately

24 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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Update https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/being-a-bridesmaid-is-for-the-birds/

So the wedding has come and gone, and honestly I am so happy it is gone.  No more worrying about the dress.  I finally settled on a sleeveless Ralph Lauren Lace gown with a slit on the side.  The only guidelines were: it had to be long and champagne.  The other bridesmaids had gowns that were shinier than mine.  One of the girls looked like she was going to attend a Quincenera party.  I think that deep down inside she wanted to be more beautiful than the bride. 

All in all the wedding went well.  I ended up having to give a speech.  I expected the sister of the bride and who I thought the Maid of Honor was to do it, but at the rehearsal when the event planner asked who was going to give the champagne toast/speech all eyes turned to me, including my friend the bride, so I had to say yes.  That night I wrote a few words.  It was pretty good for a last minute thing, it had humor and it was heartfelt.  When the time came I got up, got the page to read the speech and, I guess, out of nerves, I couldn’t make a word out on that paper, so I had to go from memory and improvise a bit.  It worked! People laughed and applauded at the right times.

The most important thing is my friend (the bride) was happy with how everything turned out.

“I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.” 
― Jarod Kintz

***

Work is still up and down, and down, and down… when are we going to be stable and not have to worry about money???

***

Update https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/embarrassed-to-be-brazilian/

Finally I will be getting a Brazilian passport valid for 5 years instead of just 1 year. It is all about the person that helps you.  This woman that I talk to today didn’t want to see any documents other than the old passport and a copy of my birth certificate.  She said she doesn’t understand why I was given such a hard time in the past. All is well that ends well!

***

It was my dad’s birthday yesterday.  He is 77 years old.   Amazing he is alive after battling cancer and coming so close to dying.  His will to live, and fear of dying is what I believe made the difference. Well, the doctors also said that the fact that he never smoke or drank a day in his life helped insure the success of the operation he had to go through.

***

Classes:

I started a mosaic class last week.  It will be a total of 5 classes, and at the end I will have a finished product. I have to be honest and say I didn’t love the first class.  I loved the teacher’s loft with water views.  I want to live in a loft with water views!!!

I also started tap/jazz classes. It will be held once a week, on Friday evenings.  Not my first preference for the day of the week to have class, I already had to miss last week.  There will be a recital in June.  Tell me, why do I sign up for this stuff?

***

e-Harmony

it has been okay. Nobody interesting at the moment, but things can change rather quickly – this is the beauty of life, I guess – things can change in an instant.  Some times I am more motivated, other times I am realizing the joys of being single.

***

Brazil here I  come!! October 4th.  So now I am on the packing and shopping phase/craze.

***

Ex, oh Ex, why after 2 years you still matter? why does my heart still hurts?

Will devote a post to that in a couple of days.

“Love is the absence of judgment.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

An “I am sorry” and a big garbage bin can make me do the happy dance!!

31 Friday May 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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It feels so good when people care enough to say “I am sorry”!

So, I walk in late today…well, I don’t have a schedule, but waltzing in at almost 10am I consider being late.  Anyway, I walked into my office and my boss walked in right behind me and said: “I am sorry about yesterday.  I have been thinking about it the whole night and had to say I am sorry again.  I have had so much in my mind lately and I was hungry”

To which I replied: “I understand being hungry!  And I laughed and said thank you for apologizing, but I never gave a second thought about it. I don’t let you affect me anymore.” (Please see here for a little blurb about our relationship: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/03/13/stopping-the-insanity/

I should have just said thank you and that is it! But the point is I truly had to think about it to remember what he was talking about.

So this is what happened: Yesterday I was talking to a new employee when he just walked in and interrupted by saying something to the employee.  I said: We are talking, and I think he said: I don’t care!  I am pretty sure I just rolled my eyes, my response to him lately.  After 5 minutes he came back and said I am sorry and explained that he was in a hurry and wanted to make sure that the new guy was informed about the computers.

The weird thing is I didn’t find what he said or how he said it extra rude or anything; it was just my boss being his usual self.   After working together for almost 20 years he is like my obnoxious older brother, even though he is 2 years younger than me.

I thought it was big on his part to feel he had to say sorry again- it secretly made my day!   Since when have I developed a thick skin and he has gone soft?

***

It feels so good when people listen to your suggestions!

I had a good idea! Nothing earth shattering or life changing, but I had the bright idea of having a big garbage bin outside our back door so that the cleaning person can put the garbage in at the end of the day, and it can stay there covered until it gets picked up by the building.

We have been having a mice problem the past several months.  https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/i-choose-mice/

They started to appear when the super was replaced and the new super doesn’t promptly remove the garbage at night.  I have been very vocal about that fact to the super, to the building, to the exterminator, to pretty much anyone that will listen.

The building gave me their okay to put the garbage bin by the back door, but when l tried ordering one from Home Depot, I was informed that that is an item that they don’t deliver.  So instead I have to call a hardware store, which, for some reason I kept postponing.  Internet has spoiled me, why talk to a human being on the phone when just a few clicks on the keyboard are so much easier and faster?

Today, all of a sudden garbage bins are being delivered to every floor of the building.  I believe I did a happy dance! I am taking credit for thinking of that!

***

One of the things I like about myself is the fact that little things make me very happy, little gestures, simple words, a smile.

The opposite was true too, little things used to destroy my day, but now, the ‘always improving’ me, considers anything that threatens to mess up my mood a reflection on the person doing the action or something not worth a second of my thought.  Bad moments get easily forgotten.

So here is my final thought to you:  Look for the little things around you that make you happy, and if you can’t find any, which I highly doubted, create some. Sit up straight and smile.  There are blessings all around if you take the moment to notice.

Make somebody else happy today!  I have to say pleasing someone else makes me infinitely happier than pleasing myself.

I wish you a thoughtful boss, a mice free workplace, smiles and happy dances!

Is the point of a holiday dinner to bring employees close together?

14 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food, Reviews

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We had our holiday dinner on Tuesday night.

It was a repeat of the previous years, which means great place, great food and drunken co-workers (and the boss) behaving badly.

We went to Pietro’s Restaurant in Manhattan, NY.  It is a first class Italian Restaurant.  Every single dish was amazing, and we pretty much had every single item on the menu. (our bill attests to that!!)

There were 14 of us, 12 male and 2 females.

Unfortunately, as it is always the case, the guys leave work at 3:30pm and head to a bar and start drinking.  By the time dinner time arrives they are already drunk.

It is sad that, after being in this male dominated industry for over 20 years, I have gotten used to this behavior.  I pretty much ignore it and leave the party/dinner when it gets too much or when management throw us out.

These are not happy drunks talking and singing too loud.  No, no, no, these are obnoxious, rude, crude, totally unaware of their surroundings kind of drunk.

There were complaints from some of the other tables, but the waiters never said anything to us.  My boss goes there all the time.  His bills are normally very high and he tips generously, so they were probably more patient than usual.

A very drunken co-worker got up before dinner was over and announced that he was going home, but not before he loudly told 2 co-workers that they didn’t know how to broker (that is our profession),  told another 3 that he didn’t like them and told a last one that he will eventually kick his behind (well, he said “ass” but since I am a lady I couldn’t repeat that).   The next morning he conveniently didn’t remember any of it!

I was happy to see him go and things calmed down a bit after that, but we were still too loud.

The sober ones left right after dessert while the drunken ones went bar hopping.  That is, after 2 of them got into a physical altercation outside the restaurant and had to be restrained by the others, not once but 3 times as they walked one block.  I was happy I was not there to witness that.  Fights scare me, and in this case I would have been terribly angry too.

I am happy to report that things at work have been peaceful.

I think next year I am putting my foot down: I will not attend dinner if they start drinking ahead of dinner time.

One bright note: I have a huge piece of chocolate cake and tiramisu in my fridge that I brought home from the restaurant.  Sugar always brightens my day and my mood!

I hate to sound judgmental but why do grown men, and women for that matter, have to drink until they are no longer in control of their actions?  I guess that is the control freak in me asking.  Is their lives so bad that they have to escape it?

That is one of the reasons I never got drunk and never smoked anything in my life, I am terrified of losing control!  Plus I am already high on life, and if you throw some dancing music in there then that is the icing on the cake! well throw in some cake and the room really starts to turn!!

So if the point of a holiday dinner is to bring employees close together my company is totally missing the point! Yelling, name calling, fighting should not be a part of it!  Why can we just be like other companies with some good old fashioned terrible dancing and/or making out with someone you shouldn’t?

 

Day 13: Electricity is back, so I am working!!

04 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Food

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The electricity in our offices returned today.  I went in to make sure that our computer and phone systems were rebooted and back running with no issues.

Of course there were issues! Computers are fine after some work, but phones will have to be dealt with on Monday. Still, no complaining, it is what it is, and we will make the best of it!

Tomorrow is a big day, well, more like a huge day!! It is chocolate day!! If you have been following you know that tomorrow it will be the day that I am allowing myself to eat chocolate again.  I have been searching for what to eat that is special enough for that day.  With Hurricane Sandy, my focus completely shifted -as it should, so the day is here and I don’t have that special thing to eat 😦

The ideal would be a chocolate cake with coconut filling, like the one below.

We shall see what happens tomorrow.

 

Why am I judging? … am I perfect?

15 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am a work in progress, and sometimes it feels like there is so much work to be done!!

Today I find myself being very judgmental! I am ashamed of that! Who am I do judge anyone? Who is anyone to judge anyone?

Of course I know better, but sometimes thoughts creep in even,  and before I know it I am forming opinions and judging based on those opinions.   The moment I catch myself doing that I admonish myself!

Case 1) I passed a beggar (I hate that word!) on the street.  He was a man probably in his early 40s, other than missing half of a leg he seemed to be in great health.  He is standing on the corner of 30th Street and Madison Avenue and he is shaking a paper cup that sounds like there are couple of coins in it!

I had noticed him approaching me and extending his cup.  The first thing I noticed about him was how young and health looking he appeared.  I would probably just walk on by, were not for the light turning red.

Standing there waiting for the light to turn green gave me a chance to have all sorts of thoughts and pass all kinds of judgment.

a)      I felt blessed for having both of my legs.

b)      I sympathized with him since my own father had to have his leg amputated due to a battle with cancer, which by the way he won!  Cancer took his leg, but not his life!

c)       But unfortunately I also judged him.  After watching Oscar Pistorius running on the Olympics without both legs why is this guy not working? Perhaps a better question is why am I comparing this man standing on a corner with an elite athlete?

I have to remind myself that each one of us are born with our own crosses to bear.  Some find strength in the difficulty, welcome the challenge and thrive. Other’s use their shortcomings as a crutch, an excuse to give up on life; while still other’s try their hardest but cannot overcome the cards they are dealt.

I reached in my purse and pulled some cash and gave to him, and by now the light having turned green I went on my way.  I am ashamed to say that I now realized that I never looked into his eyes and face.  I gave money to make myself feel better, but I never gave him the respect that he deserved as a fellow human being sharing this earth with me.  I thank God for giving me the wisdom to understand the wrong in my actions. I promise to do better next time, to be more thoughtful, more human!

Case 2) A friend needs my financial help.  It is not the first time and, sadly, it will not be his last.  I am going to help him, because this person is like a brother to me and if I had only 1 last dollar left I would share with him.  But I wish I could just help and not pass judgment.  I am helping but I felt the need to point out how I would have done things differently and had to have all kinds of questions on the way he is spending his money.  I fail to grasp that I have been blessed with a great job and haven’t had to endure the kind of employment problems he has had.

I should either help and let it go or just not help.  I know that!  And yet I can’t!

Case 3) Yesterday I am in the train at the end of the day when I get a call from work from a my assistant and from a couple of the brokers telling me that the internet is down and asking how to find and connect the wi-fi.  I see myself getting incensed.  First, I had made a point of telling my assistant where the wi-fi was and how to use it so that she would be ready if need be.  Second, they failed to contact our internet provider and to check our equipment in the server room, which should have been steps 1 and 2 before anything else.

And then I have to remember that we all can forget things.  I have to remind myself that I have caught myself forgetting about details that I should known better.  But my assistant is not perfect, and neither am I!

Case 4) Also in the train last night there was this woman speaking so loud.  Just so happen that she was Brazilian and I could understand everything she was saying.  She was badmouthing someone on the phone.  I was getting so aggravated by everything about her, her voice, what she was saying.  Why talk so loud? Is she clueless?  She is a couple of rows ahead to me so I cannot see her, just hear her.

Then I get up to exit and catch sight of her.  She was extremely obese and I think: instead of badmouthing someone so loudly on the phone she should be exercising!!

One would think that I am a soft spoken skinny girl.  Wrong on both counts!  I have to control my voice when excited about a topic or when angry.  The scale is not my friend, we have engaged in terrible battles!

Case 5) Of course I have to mention the Ex.  I long for the day that I will have no feelings about him.  I want him to be “just someone I knew”.  Lately I am mostly angry and judgmental when I think of him. How dare he do the things he did? Why continue to lie about it and behave as nothing happened?

I need to stop judging him and his actions.  Nothing will change the past. And I don’t even want to change anything.  I have learned a lot and I am much better off now.  Still my mind drifts to the past, outraged at his actions, his words, his lies.

What makes me want to be judge and jury some times?  Is that to forget about my own shortcomings?  Do I think I am superior, better than others? Do I do it innocently?

I guess all of the above.  I am trying to learn more about me and the world around me.  The more I learn the more I realize there is so much more to learn and so much more for me to do in the quest to a better self.

Still I am being positive and thinking that coming to the realization that I can be too judgmental at times is a huge step in the right direction.  I cannot control the thoughts that come into my mind, but I can control my actions as a result of those thoughts!