Ode to PMS

22 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Poetry

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I wake up and there is no spring in my step

Where is my smile

Where is my pep

Nothing seems worthwhile

Why this feeling of doom

The world seems so gloom

There is a dragon inside of me

Angry and breathing fire

Nothing in my mind seems to agree

This situation feels dire

I am enraged

I am sad

I am crazed

I can’t stand myself

Crying for no reason

Anything sets me off

I am not myself

Then, in an instant, I realize

And what a blessing it is to know

No more need to analyze

This soon will flow

This is just passing

And not long lasting

No need to despair

Just grin and bear

So welcome my friend

But don’t get too comfortable

Don’t even try to blend

This relationship has an end!

In another day or two or three

I will be free!!

shhh! Don’t tell anyone, but I took a nap today!!

21 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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I took a nap today! Yes, me!! The one that thinks that sleeping is wasting time.

I am forcing myself to some times do nothing! I have so many plan and ideas and I want to do them all now! But reality is, often times, I am busy, busy, busy with 300 different things and in the end I accomplish nothing.

I do lack focus, just one of the many things that I am trying to work on.

Just a quiet Sunday. Breakfast with the paper. Oh and speaking of the newspaper: Last weekend I was reading the Real Estate Section and saw the question and answer section, so I decide to e-mail the NY Times to ask them to answer a question that I have been pondering over for the last few months.

They say they cannot reply to your e-mail and will answer the question only in the paper. I wasn’t sure when and even if that they would answer.  So you can imagine my shock when I opened the paper yesterday and there is my question and the answer! I am so truly impressed! Thank you NY Times!!

Anyway, continuing with my Sunday, after breakfast I had my Pilates session, which I can’t stop raving about it.  Then ran some errands, then decided to go the park to get a beach and park pass.  That is where that picture above is from.

Got home without the pass because didn’t realize that they need 2 proofs of residency.  Oh well, but it was good just going there and getting the fresh air.

I worked a little bit on my mosaic project. Read a couple of chapters on a couple of books, took a nap.

There was something so luxurious and calming about it.  The idea that the world is going at many miles an hour and I decided to stop and do absolutely nothing just felt incredible!

I recommend it!!

Proud recipient of the Liebster Award!!

20 Sunday May 2012

Posted by in AWARDS, Daily Life

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I got the Liebster Award!!!

My second award! I am getting addicted to this, I mean used to this!( I do have an addictive personality)

I don’t want to seem dumb, but, who is Liebster or what is a Liebster? Was it a typo? perhaps it is Lobster?

As far as I understand, this one is awarded to new blogs that have under 200 followers. ok, I qualify on both counts. Perhaps Liebster is the “keep going, don’t give up” award!

Whatever it means, I feel special getting it! Getting any award is fun!!! Well getting anything is fun, some times even getting a cold can be fun (you know, staying home from work, in bed, watching tv, mom making chicken soup).
 
Thank you http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/ for thinking of me!

This should be an easy award to accept and pass it forward, but of course not that easy to this newbie.  And here is where my WordPress blog ignorance will really shine: How do I know how many followers a blog has?

So I am going to figure that and then return and update this post.

In the meantime if anyone can give me the answer and save me some time, I will be forever grateful.

Bye Bye Chocolate, See you soon!

19 Saturday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Food

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November 4th 2011 I made a decision that surprised all that know me well.  I decided to stop eating chocolate for 1 year. Everyone thought I was going crazy.  Well, really, they thought that I couldn’t do it.

I was addicted to chocolate! I specially enjoyed cakes, brownies, ice cream, candy bars, actually anything, except Hershey’s.  (I never liked Hershey’s chocolate, but other than that I liked any other brand.)

I used to eat chocolate every single day of my life. My house, my office, my car, my purse, I had chocolate everywhere for when the mood struck.  And it struck often, several times a day.

I cannot tell you why I decided to quit chocolate.  I don’t know the answer.  It was unplanned. If I were planning it I would have started on a Monday not on a Friday! But now, in hindsight, I realized that if were still eating chocolate I would be 300 pounds by now because I would have drowned my sorrows in chocolate.

November 4th was around the time that I became aware that my life was about to change, that life as “we” was over.  I still didn’t want to face it.  I was still thinking that it could still work.  How could it not? It had to work! I had so much love, my love was enough for the both of us. Doesn’t love conquer all?

It takes 2 to tango and it takes 2 to want to stay in a committed relationship! That is it! It is that simple!

I guess quitting chocolate was my way of exercising some sort of control over my life.    My relationship was out of control and the more I try to hold on to it, the more it spiraled and unraveled.

It has been mostly easy, ok, ok the days that we have Crumbs cupcake in the office, which is around once or twice a month are specially hard, but other than that I am surprised at how well I am handling it.

To me it shows how strong I am.  It reinforces to me the idea that I can do whatever I put my mind to! (me and the rest of the planet)

Now that I conquered chocolate I have a few more food items to conquer, such as sugar and bread, but I really need to think about those.  Bread: I go to bed dreaming about my bread and butter for breakfast.  Sugar: why do you think I am doing so well without chocolate?

The real question is: What am I going to do when November 4th 2012 arrives?  a)Will I just go nuts on chocolate?, b)Will I eat it in moderation or c)Will I decide to just quit it forever?

Stay tuned…

Sunshine Award

18 Friday May 2012

Posted by in AWARDS, Daily Life

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I have been nominated for the Sunshine Award by ttp://journeybits.wordpress.com/

Thank you so much! You have made my day!

Rules to Accept the Award:

1) Include the award logo in a post or somewhere on your blog.

2) Answer 10 questions about yourself.

3) Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.

4) Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.

5) Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

Answers to the Ten Questions About Me:

1. What is a favorite childhood memory?

Holidays with my family. Playing and going to school with my twin sister.

2. What is a real fear you have?

1) Losing a loved one, 2) Missing an opportunity, 3) Snakes

3. How would you describe yourself?

I am hard-working and determined. I love a challenge.  I accept hardships as great chances to grow.  Sometimes too stubborn and impulsive.  I believe in the Power of God, the Universe and my own! A lover and a friend.

4. What states have you lived in?

Only 2, Sao Paulo in Brazil and New York in the US.

5. What is your style?

My style is comfortable and laid back but I am trying to be more sophisticated.

6. What is your favorite breakfast food?

French baguette with butter and coffee with cream – heaven!!

7. What are some of your hobbies?

I have been trying to focus on tennis and skiing.  I also love mosaic, so I am trying to work on that – I can’t find a class anywhere.  I am in love with blogging – it got me writing again and it got me connected to great people! I am teaching myself French until I find a class that fits my schedule and budget. Etc, etc, etc.

8. If you could tell people anything…what would be the most important thing to say?

The most important thing you can tell people is the truth at every moment! Besides that I want  people to know that they are more powerful than they think, and I want people to dream!

9. What is one of your “passions”?

I am still looking for my passion in life so in the meantime I try to be passionate about whatever I am working on at the moment.  I am passionate about not missing opportunities.  I passionate about not losing the lesson.  I am passionate about living a full life and taking advantage of all the blessings I have been given!

10. What is one truth that you have learned?

No one dies from heartache! There is a purpose for everything in life.  There is a time for everything in life.  Patience!!

I have chosen my nominees, not only for their great blogs, but some for their most insightful comments to my posts.  They have made me question myself and often times pointed out something that I had missed.

Their blogs provoked me.   They made me laugh and cry.  They often times taught me something new about something I didn’t even know I was interested in (if that makes any sense).

So nominating them is my way of saying thank you and please continue!

My Ten Nominees Are:

http://boomiebol.wordpress.com/

http://secretworldofs.wordpress.com/

http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/

http://giselemorgan.wordpress.com/

http://magsx2.wordpress.com/

http://athingirl.com/

http://shianwrites.wordpress.com/

http://niftitalks.com/

http://foreverpoetic.me/

http://starsrainsunmoon.com/

Thank you for supporting my blog!

So called friends

17 Thursday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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The tumultuous day I had yesterday got me thinking (yes I do that some times! –  whenever I am not too busy watching tv or eating – just kidding)

I realized that perhaps I am not as good a judge of character as I thought I was, or perhaps I am becoming naive in my old age. And of course, I learned that appearances can be deceiving.

People that I thought were friends treated me in a less than friendly way.  People that I thought had great morals turned out to be a little flexible with their morals.

In the space of 2 weeks I have 3 less friends/acquaintances/contacts:

The ex-client V. (see my post: When you think you have a friend … May 7, 12) – that kept trying to chat about sex when I expressly said I was not interested in that kind of talk, and then just logged off and I never heard from him again. I see now the value of my friendship to him. For the record nothing wrong with harmless sexy chatting, but he is married and I don’t want to cross that line.

The ex-dancing buddy B. (see my post Am I becoming a prude? May 10, 12) – the one that wanted to keep me hidden, see me when his friends were not around and of course, I am sure, he would not ever mention to his wife about a female friend. We still exchange e-mails but it is not the same.

And then yesterday the train buddy (see my post My day destroyed with 1 phone call! May 19, 12) – that I thought was such a great man and could have been more than a friend turned out to be a disappointment. He later told me that the woman that called me yesterday was a married woman that he had had an affair with (probably while having other girlfriends) and she was having trouble accepting the break up.

I realized that what they have in common, other than they all being of the male persuasion,  is that they are all people that I had met several years ago and lost touch with.  Then one day they reached out and we started talking again.

I am thinking that there was a reason that they were in the past, and I probably should have left them there.

There is only a couple of problems:

1) As it is I am already a loner with not a lot friends.  If I am going to start to shut down the ones that return from the past I better then start adopting a few cats.

2) Nowadays you are nothing if you don’t have contacts.  I could be jobless tomorrow and have to start knocking on some doors.  It is very hard to knock on doors of people that you haven’t spoke to in years, or people that have reached out to you and you have ignored.

What is a girl that wants to get out of the house to do? What is a career girl to do?

But, there are lessons here, as there always is in every situation.  I have learned that I can be too trusting. Also, I think, oftentimes, I make people into what I think they are and not what they really are.  So I am going to take a real close look at my relationships. How am I treating and being treated? Is this relationship building me up or just tearing me apart and bringing me down?

And as I write this I am making arrangements to meet an ex-co-worker that I haven’t seen in a couple of years.  This is really a nice guy!! I promise!

My day destroyed with 1 phone call!

16 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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Let me give you the background first:

4 years ago when I used to take a certain train to work I met this man that I will call J. and we became great train buddies (only met each other in the train).  Even though there was some chemistry, nothing happened because he was married and I am just not going there.

When he got divorced, I think around 1 and a half year ago he e-mailed me and asked me out for a drink.  I declined and mentioned that I was happily living with someone.

Every now and then we would exchange a hello e-mail. March this year, I casually mentioned in an e-mail that I was going to the Brazilian Consulate.  He, turns out, works 1 block away, so he met me there and in the 5/10 minutes while I waited for my passport he caught me up on his life: divorced, has a new girlfriend, working 2 jobs.  I joked that we can never get our timing in synch, first he was married, then I am living with someone, now he has a girlfriend.

A month ago he sent an e-mail saying hello and I told him I was starting to write again (I knew that him as a writer would appreciate that) and he wrote back: “ I am pleased to hear that you are putting your mind into words.”

And that is that, that is the extent of our friendship, a monthly or every other month e-mail saying hi!

So, today as soon as I walked into the office I am being told I have a phone call in one of the broker’s line.   I answer, thinking it is a sales call since this person didn’t call me on my direct line.

This female voice asked me if I knew J., then asked if I was his girlfriend.   I started laughing and said no. I had to laugh it was such an out of the blue, weird question.

She proceeded to tell me that someone saw us together at the Consulate.  She went on to say that he is a terrible person.  I said I didn’t believe that.

Now in hindsight I should have not even said a single word to her.  I should have just hung up. But it is one of those things that feels it happened so fast.

When I asked her name she said it is best that I didn’t know it.  So I said if you can’t give me your name please don’t ever call me again.

She thanked me, said that she thought I was an honest person and hung up.

I am so unnerved by all this.  How can someone think I am involved with someone that I barely know and never see or speak to.  Should I be worried now? This person clearly has issues.

So I e-mailed him my phone number asking him to call me back right away.  He never even had my phone number before.

After one hour he calls and says that he thinks he knows who is behind all this. He doesn’t really say who it is.  When I ask is it the ex-wife or the new girlfriend, he just answers: It is related to that! He says I should not worry. I wish he had provided me more info on this person or this whole situation.

And that is it!

How can I not worry? That are so many crazy stories I hear  Of course my mind is going now full speed with all the terrible possibilities.

I am now afraid of this unknown person, because if she goes as far as calling me she could be curious to see what I look like and actually come after me.

***

I am now even afraid of meeting new people, a new man.  One just never knows what sort of baggage they will bring, what crazy people they have in their past.

Time to say another prayer asking God to protect me from the seen and unseen evils.

Please God put only good people in my path!

New post: http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/

15 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life

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I have a new post on my other blog:

http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/

Tennis Progress Report

15 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Progress Reporting:

Goal: To improve my tennis game

Yesterday I had my first private tennis lesson.  It was so great! I can’t believe how much I have learned in 30 minutes!

One of the things I found out is that I have been playing with a kid’s racket.  Well, at least I hope it is true and that  the instructor was not just trying to sell me a racket by telling me that I needed a new one.

Tonight I have the group lesson for 1 hour.  I am hoping it will be even better than last night.  I hope the rain holds off so I can actually have the lesson.

I am also hoping to make friends to play tennis with.  As with anything you try to learn in life, practice makes it perfect or at least much better.  Similar to many things in life,  tennis is one of those activities that you need a partner to be able to play. So that has been one of my challenges lately: finding partners.

I have also signed on a tennis site called http://tennisopolis.com/.  It is a Tennis Social Network site.  I have actually met and played with one person there, but our schedules haven’t worked out to play again – like I have said before, everyone is so busy nowadays.

It feels great to be working on my goals! And it feels even better to be moving in the right direction!

If you have a goal or something that you have always wanted to learn, do or start, the moment to do it is NOW.  Not tomorrow, not Monday, not next week, not when you find a friend to motivate you, etc, etc. The moment is Now!

So what goal are you going to start working on?

 

So far e-Harmony sucks!!!

14 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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I joined e-Harmony last month in an effort to move on. I have to be honest and say that I am not expecting to find the love of my life there, but if I did would be amazing!

I am expecting and hoping to find some good dates, friends, entertainment, something to keep my mind off of you know who.

But so far, it has been a disappointment.

Perhaps I just think too highly of myself.  I thought that I would put up my profile on e-Harmony and men would just be all over it.  I thought I was going to have to hire someone to just deal with all the dates. ok, ok, I am just kidding, but I did think I would have several suitors.

I was in for a rude awakening! I have been contacted by a total of 5 men.

One we e-mail every now and then and will eventually meet, but I am not having any expectations, as it is he is very busy and meeting other women.

Another 2 we are still on the initial questions and answers stage – and they are taking way too long to get that done, so it seems they are not that interested, which begs the question, why contact me then?

Finally there were 2 that seemed promising. After the initial back and forth questions/answers stage we graduated to e-mails.  They both sent me long e-mails with a lot of information on them, which I took as a good sign.  They seemed thought and honest and genuinely interested.  After all, who is going to send you long e-mails with lots of information if they are not interested?

So after I replied and we exchanged a couple of more e-mails they both came and said, and I am copying and pasting their replies:

Guy #1: “Sorry for the delayed response.  I had some traveling to do, but more importantly, I met someone on eH and we have decided to be exclusive as opposed to continue dating people.  Personally, I am also more of a one girl dating kind of guy and not dating many simultaneously… so I can keep my mind clutter free :)”

Guy #2: “Like I said, I’m big on open and honest dialogue and to be fair to you, I’ve just started dating someone seriously and thus it wouldn’t be fair to you or I for us to continue communicating right now. I wish you nothing but continued success in both life and in finding your life partner. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross again some day. Take care. ”

Why contact me to begin with if they were already seeing someone?  I don’t get it.

Perhaps it is me!

Perhaps I need to take professional photos.  I have pictures that show me as I am natural and doing stuff I enjoy, skiing, traveling.  I figure men would appreciate the real me, but I guess not. Perhaps I need to have some glamour pictures done, with hair and face completely done for a night out on the town.

I know it has been only 1 month but I feel totally discouraged and will probably not continue with e-Harmony after the 3 months that I signed up for are finished (I checked, I cannot discontinue now).

Perhaps the best thing to do is forget about that for awhile and continue just focusing on me. And on finding single girlfriends that are not too busy to go out.

If it is meant to be, love will find me.

Plus I believe in Divine Timing.  When the time is right it will happen.

Any advice?