Day 11- Having Patience, Eating, Reading and Sleeping

02 Friday Nov 2012

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Not much to report, life progresses as normal as it can be under the circumstances.

We continue to work out of a hotel and Con Edison says that it will be still another 4 days until we get the electricity restored.

I am doing my best not to get stressed with all the work that is not getting done, and invoices that are not being sent and therefore payments that will not be coming in.

Trying to see the world through grateful eyes really makes difference, I am taking it all in stride knowing fully well that I am one of the lucky ones.

***

Pilates tonight kicked my booty!  If I could only stop eating all the bread and its relatives Mr. Cakes, Miss Muffin, Mr. Scone, Miss Cookie, etc, that I eat my body would look amazing.  But since I can’t my body is still amazing, just not amazing looking.  Oh well, life is too short for me not to eat what I want!!

***

I decided that I need to come up with a list of goals for each month.  For November it will be to finish the 4 books that I have sitting on my nightstand!

I am the type of person that needs goals and projects. Not having an aim or a deadline make me feels like I am just drifting through life.  Drifting is fun for a little bit but after awhile just leaves me frustrated.

***

I am going to try to sleep before 11 tonight! It has been an exhausting week!

 

Day 10 – Baby Steps in making peace with the past

01 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files

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We still don’t have electricity in our offices, so today we bought laptops and rented a conference room at the Hilton Hotel.  We managed to get some work done. Some things happen and inconveniences us, but it also make us realize how blessed we are. I hope I can take this experience and use it not to take my day to day for granted.

**

I have been struggling with my wanting to reach out to Ex and make sure that him and C (the dog) are okay.  He lives in a very wooded area and I remember well what we went through with Hurricane Irene.

I have successively avoided any kind of communication with him, but I cannot deny that I still care about his well being. So I have been obsessing about wanting to reach out.

I don’t ever want to be with him again or even be his friend.  But, once you love somebody you cannot just snap your fingers and stop loving them. I believe you will always care, but you just make a choice to love and respect yourself more.

So yesterday I allowed myself to text him and ask if he and C were okay. He texted back that they were okay and that he appreciated my checking on him. And guess what happened? I felt so light afterwards, and best of all, I stopped obsessing about it.  It is funny it seems that I turned a corner.

It kind of freed me.  I have been working so hard at completely ignoring him that it was having the opposite affect.  Allowing myself to contact him made me to just be able to let it go.

Baby steps, but it feels so good!

 

 

Bye Bye Sandy – Day 9

31 Wednesday Oct 2012

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Internet just came back so I am able to continue my one blog a day without interruption:)

I spent last night during the storm watching TV, eating popcorn and talking on the phone.  I didn’t lose power and only lost internet during the day today.

I have been extremely lucky.  Some water went through my balcony door and my 25 year old baby (pictured below) got scratched up, but that was it!

I do realize how blessed and lucky I am! Homes and belongings have been lost, but worst of all, lives have been lost.  For those souls I say a prayer.  May God comfort the people that have lost loved ones.

My friend Mary lost her 11 year old cousin due to a fallen tree.  I cannot imagine losing anyone, specially a child.  My heart, thoughts and prayers are with her, her family and specially with the parents and surviving brother.

We don’t have power in our offices in Manhattan, so we will be working out of a rented conference room at a Hotel. I have no idea how I am going to get there.  I guess if a co-worker is not driving in I will have to call a car service.  Oh well, I am going to sleep now and deal with it in the morning.

Now, turn to your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you! We don’t know how much time we have.

I am going home – Sandy or no Sandy! – Day 8

29 Monday Oct 2012

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Staying in a hotel to be near work during this storm was probably not one of my best ideas, so this morning I packed up and checked out.

I am at work now and a co-worker that lives in the same town I do drove in so that he can take me home.

I have offers from friends to go to their house but I think I rather stay at my apartment, but I will re-think that if need be.  There is something comforting about being in your own bed at times like this, but safety is number one.

Thank you so much for all the prayers and positive thoughts! They are all welcomed and very much appreciated!

I am praying that we are all safe no matter where we are and what we are doing! May peace be in our hearts and minds!

A blessed day to all!

 

Day 7: I carry it in my heart

29 Monday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I go through Grand Central Station every week day and it is normally a obstacle course trying to navigate it among the commuters and tourists.

Today it was very different.  This evening Grand Central Station was a ghost town with guards standing at the doors just letting people out and informing the people trying to get in that the station is closed.

I feel odd today.  I am not sure what to think.  Is this Hurricane Sandy a sure thing or just media hype? It feels weird leaving my apartment and my brand new table behind. Is everything going to be there in a couple of days when I return?

I am feeling weird sitting alone in a hotel room in New York City.  I am staying in Manhattan to be close to work since the trains stopped 7 pm tonight.  I am trying not to let the victim in me come out.  I am trying not to feel so alone in the most populous city in the USA.  At times like this is very hard not to feel all alone in the world. I need to snap out of it.

My favorite show, Amazing Race is on.  Today they are in Bangladesh, and seeing some of the day laborers working in such poor conditions, and seeing all the kids on the street with huge smiles on their faces snaps me out of the “poor me” mentality real quick.  I am blessed for so many reasons.  I have so many reasons to smile. More than the material comforts I have been blessed with a rich soul and a rich heart.

I know how to appreciate everything I have, specially my breath.  Having life is the greatest gift of all and that is enough!  So, to spend even a minute feeling sorry for myself it would be such a waste of precious time.   I don’t need to have people physically right next to me to know that I am loved.  My family is in my heart and in my thoughts and I am in theirs.

To quote E. E. Cummings:

“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)”

 

hhhh

Day 6: The table has arrived!

27 Saturday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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Another Blessed Day!

I woke up with the furniture store calling me to let me know that my table could be delivered within the hour, did I want it?  Do I want it? I have been waiting for this table for 1 month!

So here it is:

So today breakfast was had at the new table instead of the kitchen counter or couch.

Above the table you can see one of the many paintings that my mother has painted for me.  My mother started painting at 70 years old and she is very talented!  I have all kinds of paintings, from landscapes to abstracts.

And on the table you can see some of my favorite flowers: daisies! Another favorite is sunflowers.

I am still itching, but I love my table, my apartment, my life!!!

An amazing night on the town! – Day 5

26 Friday Oct 2012

Posted by in Dating

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I had a great night last night,  hives and all!

My date (we shall call him AL) and I took a pedicab for 10 blocks as it is impossible to find a cab on Thursday nights in Manhattan.  Price: $52.00!!!  AL thought that the price was okay as he had already heard horror stories of people being charged $450 for a ride around Central Park.  So if you ever in New York City and decide to take a pedicab, please make sure that you ask the price first!

We had a great meal at Rosie O’Grady’s.  He had Filet Mignon Medallions and I had Fish and chips! We had a very attentive and funny waiter! All was perfect!

Then we walked a block to the Roseland Ballroom.  We got there as the Opening Act was finishing.

I headed to the bathrooms downstairs and was shocked at the length of the line to the ladies room.  There were at least 100 ladies in the line.  Note to self: next time go to the ladies room at the restaurant.

They have the same number of stalls for men as they do for women, so every once in awhile they make the men wait and they let the women use the men’s room.  I could not believe the reaction of some guys,  just downright gross, rude and obnoxious, all because they had to wait for a few minutes.  I wonder if the complainers have girlfriends or wives, I know that they must have had a mother, and she would not be proud!

The Counting Crows took the stage and it was great! I wish I knew more of their songs or perhaps that they played more of the songs I knew, but I love Adam Duritz’s voice so it was great no matter what he sang.  I sang along with the songs I knew and I dance to most songs.  Dancing always makes my mood even better!

After the show we were able to find a cab and went to the Top of the Strand, a roof top bar that had an amazing view of the Empire State Building!  At that moment I felt incredibly blessed to be able to be where I was at that moment! I feel blessed that I am able to recognize how lucky I am!

They had music going at the bar, and even though there was no one dancing, I danced to a couple of songs! Then I just sat down and enjoyed the view.

I realize now that I have no clue what time we got to the concert, what time we left, what time I went to bed. Perhaps a sign of a great date is when you have no concern for time at all!

AL? What can I say about AL?  It turns out I could say a lot, but I will refrain from saying too much at this moment.  Just know that he was his usual great self, funny, attentive and great to be with. Things are going slow and well! Just what I need right now!

 

 

Day 4: All I want to hear is: I am sorry!

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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I am thinking that this itching could be emotional.

The sad truth is that lately I have been thinking about Ex too much. No, I don’t want him still or anything like that, but I still cannot get over the fact that he never acknowledged his wrongdoings.  He never acknowledged that his actions were disrespectful and hurtful.

All I want is a “I am sorry”,  that is it!

But I know better! I know I will never get that! So why can’t I let it go?

I guess this being the 1 Year Anniversary of when everything fell apart doesn’t help either.

I still don’t understand what happened and where did the so called “love” go!

I know that I cannot move forward until I let go of the past! And I had thought I had!  But I guess that is how the grieving process goes, some times you have to go back to a stage that you thought you were done with.

***

The worst doctor ever gave me a dosage of 10mg of a prescription that according to my pediatrician friend she gives 4 times that to babies.  No wonder the itching has continued!!

***

On a bright note,  I have a fun date tonight. I am going to the Counting Crows concert with this guy that I have been seeing for the past 2 months.  It is not serious as the age difference is a bit too much, but it is serious in the sense that we are not seeing other people.

****

The cartoon below doesn’t reflect my situation but it was too funny to pass it up!

 

Day 3: Sorry Pilates, I will see you Sunday!

24 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Yesterday, against what my body was asking for I went to a Yoga class followed by a Zumba class.

I am all for listening to my body, but lately all it has been asking for is sweets and tv so sometimes I have to put my food down. I figure exercise will help release some toxins and if nothing else will make me forget about the itching for a couple of hours.

 

I am happy I went. The itching didn’t get better but my mood improved!

 

This morning I gave in and went to a doctor. I didn’t go to my regular doctor. I went to Docs, a walk-in place right next to my office. I had been there before and had a good experience, but this morning I had the absolute worst doctor. He kept me waiting forever, paid half attention to what I was saying, would walk in and out of the examining room for long periods of time. I was getting so frustrated and being PMS time everything was taking an extra dimension. I had to stop breath and talk myself out of making a scene.

So finally they drew some blood and gave me a prescription for steroids and now I am back at work.

If you ever had hives, you know that the darn thing travels throughout your body. It has been mostly on my stomach, breasts and thighs, but today it decided to concentrate on my arms and upper back! Lord have mercy!!! I feel like screaming!!!

So tonight I am skipping Pilates. But it is for a very good cause. I am getting my hair and nails done! I love being a girl!!

Day 2: A bunch of nothing

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I realize that having to write something every day will have me writing about day to day mundane stuff.   That is a little tough for me, to feel that I am writing about nothing.  I guess I will become the Seinfeld of the blogging world – haha.  A blog about nothing!

So you can look forward to a post about socks disappearing in the washer and my not being able to find my car in a parking lot!

So here is today’s nothingness:

I had a piece of delicious pound cake with butter for breakfast – yes I know better!  I know that I need to stay away from cake and all its carb relatives, but thinking about it makes me crave carbs more!

I am still itching like crazy.  Today I didn’t take Benadryl as it didn’t really help yesterday and it was making me so drowsy that is impossible to concentrate on any work.

So, the plan is, if it doesn’t get better by tomorrow morning I will be walking to the Docs located in the building next door. At least their location is convenient!

I need to get better by Thursday as I have this great night to look forward to!  I am going to see the Counting Crows at the Roseland Ballroom and then will stay at this great hotel complete with a rooftop bar.  Everything promises to be an amazing evening, so I better not be itching or it will put a big damper on the night.

Until tomorrow …