Category Archives: Daily Life

When the right thing is also the hardest thing!

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.”  ― Kahlil Gibran

Last night was my last timr at the Nursing Home.  I went to say good bye to some of the residents.  I didn’t want to just suddenly not show up anymore.  I didn’t  want them thinking that I deserted them.  I think they have too much of that in their lives already.

It was not easy to follow through on the decision to stop volunteering there, but it was the right decision for me.  The director and I didn’t see eye to eye.  I respect their need for security and all the rules, but it made me feel like I could only volunteer if there was someone to watch me.  That didn’t sit well with me.  I need a place more flexible, with less structure that I can come and go as I please.

I tried to hold back tears as I explained to residents that this was good bye.  I was very wisely reminded by one of the residents not to say good bye, but to say see you soon.  Some took the news better than others.   I guess some are used to being let down.  Unfortunately I did just that.

I cried when their sad eyes asked me why.  I cried even more when Claude, one of the residents, said:  “You have to come back, I need you!”  I was happy that he eventually understood how I felt (or pretended to) and went on to dictate a letter to be sent to his son.  He made a point of mentioning me in the letter.

Deep in my heart I know I am making a decision that works for me at this point in time.  I have always listened to my heart, and this is another instance where I am letting my heart be my guide even if it hurts.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I still want to give back.  So my search for volunteer works continues…

…and the friends that I made at the nursing home will be forever in my heart.  I have their names and I will send them a letter every now and then. There is something in me that says that perhaps I was getting too attached to them, or perhaps I am trying to looking for reasons to support my decision.

This feels right, but it is not easy!  I know there will be a place for me, I just have to keep searching.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

No good deed goes unpunished!

30 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Volunteering

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I am crying, sobbing like a baby…  well it is PMS time so I am bound to cry over something.  This time I am crying out of sadness and anger.  I don’t know if it were not for PMS if I would be this emotional, but right now I feel so misunderstood and unappreciated.

It turns out that my days volunteering at the nursing home are over! Yep, you heard me right, over!  That didn’t last longer.  It took longer to get everything in order to volunteer.

Here is what happened:

I normally go to the nursing home on Monday nights for 2 hours and I just visit the residents.  In the beginning they were not sure what I would be doing, so they had me tag along and visit,  and I  realized that is what I enjoy doing.  I feel I would be the most helpful bringing joy and warmth to some people that seem to be forgotten.

This week I couldn’t go on Monday because I went to the opening night at the US Open tennis, so I wrote an email that I was going Tuesday instead.  I went Tuesday and was very happy when one of the nurses told me how happy and appreciative they were that I was able to go and visit.  I had asked her to let me know if I was interfering with anything.  She said absolutely not, that in fact I am a big help and I should come as often as I can.

That evening J., one of the residents, mentioned needing to talk to me (she has been talking about finding me a boyfriend – lol) but she couldn’t do it at that moment because her roommate was already sleeping.  She made me promised to return the following evening (Wed).

Because of the comments of the nurse I was under the impression that I could show up at any time.  So I returned on Wednesday to see J, and of course, since I was already there, I went on to say hello to some of the others.

As I was leaving 2 hours later, around 8pm, the Head Nurse was at the front lobby desk and with an attitude she started questioning me and asking me if anyone knew I was there.  I said that I was there visiting and I didn’t think that they needed to know when I visited.  After all, visitors are allowed in any time until 10pm.  I mentioned to her that if the problem was that I signed the volunteer book I wouldn’t do that next time.

I was offended and could feel my face burning up and I walked out holding back the tears.  I am a very sensitive creature to begin with and PMS turns me into a cry baby.  My first instinct was to get home and immediately send an email to the Director of Volunteers and quit, but because I am becoming more aware of myself, actions and reactions I decided not to act on impulse.  I also know that the end of the month is her busiest time of the month and decided to respect that and talk to her later.

Well, it turns out that S. spoke to the director and here is the email I received from her:

” I really appreciate your enthusiasm in volunteering and coming in late in the evenings to visit.. However, you really should only volunteer when our staff members are present.  Also, please continue letting me know if you decide to come in  (like you have been doing) on days that you were not originally planning to, so I can let my staff and/or front desk know.. On Monday and Tuesday 2K and 2S, you can volunteer up until 8PM with D., and then for the rest of the week, B. and D. are only there till 7PM. So I guess for the front desk person, it looked a little strange when you showed up after the recreation people were no longer there (even if they were, their work hour would be over by then). It this situation changes,  I will let you know (as I really think we do need evening visitors!)—that is if you can just come in even when the staff members are not here.. But I will just need to clear it with the administration. Hope that’s Ok with you!  Again, thank you so much for everything. Our residents and recreation staff love you!!  My ladies think you are great with the residents!”

Here is my reply: (and I did reply on impulse…oh well…so much for getting to know myself and working on not being so reactive all the time)

“No it is not okay with me.  I didn’t appreciate how S. talked to me yesterday.  That was after being very happy when B. (she dispenses medicine) told me how great it was that I could come and visit on Tuesdays.  I guess I was under the wrong impression that I could show up any time and visit my friends.

I showed up yesterday because I had promised J.  I would. I guess I should have not signed the volunteer book.  My visit was going to be only 15 minutes but I lost track of timing as I decided to say hello to my others resident.

It is very unfortunate that you have to take time out of your busy schedule to deal with this.  So I will just make it easy on everybody and not volunteer anymore.  I thank you and apologize for wasting your time.  But that old saying is really true: “No good deed goes unpunished!”

I hope it will not be a problem for me to still show up as visitor to visit some of the new dear friends I have made.  I would hate for them to think that I just abandoned them!  Let me know if there is anyone I need to speak to in regards to that.  I guess I can just check on the website for the visiting hours.

Again I am sorry you had to waste time for something I did.”

So my plan is to go back to visit my new friends.  I am sure they cannot stop me from doing that.  The residents know me and have huge smiles when they see me.  When I say good bye they always ask me to come again.

I realize that at this moment I feel on my skin the way the residents feel.  They all tell me that they don’t like to be told what to do and when to do it.  Because I always visit in the evenings I witness them having to wait around to be put to bed.  I understand the staff does their best and try to accommodate everyone as quick as they can and with a smile, but still to the resident is a loss of their independence and control over their own lives.  I try to play it off and say how we are all slaves to some sort of clock and rules.  I mention having to wait for things all the time such as a train or an appointment, and having to respect a schedule at work (which I actually don’t but the point is making them feel they are not alone in feeling helpless and out of control at times).

I understand them.  I hate being told what to do, especially in this case when I know I am doing good and only have goodness in my heart.  Their smiles and laughter at the crazy stories I tell them about my life (I tell them about dates and my family and day to day happenings) not only tell me that I am bringing joy, but it warms my heart and brings me joy.

Lucky for me I am not a resident there,  I don’t have to play politics with this nursing home at this point.  I don’t have to obey their rules.  At this point in my life I can just walk away from things I don’t like.

I am not afraid of growing old or dying, I am afraid of becoming dependent on others.

****

As I was about to publish this I get a reply to my reply:

I am sorry this is how you feel. I would not want to lose you as a volunteer. Maybe we can talk on the phone. I spoke with S, and she really did not mean anything bad. She said she was sorry you felt the way you did. She was just doing her job.  We did have bad some experiences with unsupervised evening visitors. We also recently had instances of people just coming in and roaming around..  So we have undertaken extra-precautions.  Our primary concern is residents’ safety. And that is why it is a  the front desk’s person job to make sure they know who people are visiting , where they are going and why.  That is why the volunteer hours are specifically agreed upon by both volunteers and myself,  so that I can tell the night staff that people are coming.. For instance, your first day here, I told everyone that you were coming and to expect you. Of course, mature and responsible volunteers like yourself can probably visit in the evenings on their own, but I, as a director, am responsible for where they are going, and if I am not here, then, it’s other staff members who need to keep track—again, it’s really all done for residents’ safety.  Also, in my experience, you are the first volunteer who wanted to put in extra time—which is wonderful and much appreciated, but unfortunately, it is not common. I have just undertaken the volunteer department last November, so it will take some time for people to get used to  and understand how to treat different volunteers who only want to visit out of goodness of their hearts. But again, in the evenings, we do have to be extra-careful-that is why all we ask to let us know ahead of time.. I would love to talk to you more on the phone to explain, — maybe next week?

What next?  I don’t know! I don’t feel like replying.  I don’t feel like wasting any more time and breath on this.  I just know that all this seems stupid, a waste of people’s time and effort on a problem that shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.  Everyone is so worried about making sure they are “doing their jobs” and covering their ass.  What about reason and common sense?

… perhaps I am extra sensitive now, perhaps in a few days I will have a different view.

to be continued …

Being a bridesmaid is for the birds!

21 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should be happy that my friend asked me to be in her Bridal Party.  I am in fact  honored, but it is all such a hassle.  I was never one of those girls into these types of celebrations.  To me going to baby showers and bridal showers are a chore that I’d rather pass on.

I am guessing a contributing factor for my dislike for things bridal and baby is that I never yearned to have one of those for my own.  I grew up saying that I would never get married and that I would adopt if I ever wanted any kids.

All of a sudden I wake up and the missing ring on my finger and the missing baby in my arms is weighing heavily on me.  What, is it too late to change my mind? Why am I not allowed to change my mind?  Where did time go? What do I do now? Do I call life unfair?  Do I blame myself? Is this a life sentence? Do I marry the first willing guy?  What about the baby?

I try not to dwell on what could have been.  But I am only human and some times there is this little voice inside me that wishes things could have been different.  I relish myself on living a full life independent of what is or is not missing in it.  Lately my mantra has been:  “If you don’t have everything you love, love everything you have!”

I just surprised myself now,  this post was supposed to be about my awful experience shopping for a bridesmaid dress and the problems encountered:

1) too many choices.  the bride wanted to be nice and is allowing all the bridesmaids choose different dress styles, as long as it is Champagne and long.  This is a problem for indecisive me.

2) the worst salesperson ever.  Had me trying dresses that were not available in the color I needed, and twice I had to hunt her down on the sales floor only to find her staring lost in space.

3) lack of good choices. It seems that 99% of the styles are strapless and if somebody has been blessed in the breast department as I have it is just not flattering.  Yes folks, besides being blessed with the metaphorical star on my forehead I have been real blessed in the breast department!

4) crazy prices.  How can I in sane conscience pay over $200.00 (and that is choosing the cheapest dress plus alterations)  for a dress that I will never wear again.

It seems more of a hassle and waste of money.  I spent the entire Saturday hunting for a dress.  I went to so many stores and came back home empty handed. 

If it was only the dress, it wouldn’t be so bad, but when you add shoes, hair, nails,  make up, hotel, car rental, this can be as much as a nice skiing vacation.  Oh and not to mention the gift, that I still have no idea what that will be.  Any ideas?

By the way the only other wedding that I was a bridesmaid, they got divorced a year later.  Just saying…

oh gosh, I am sounding like a bitter old maid! I am making it all about me while the whole point is my friend and her celebration. It is not all about me and what is good for me.  Sometimes you do stuff you don’t care for, you spend money you don’t have, you wear what you don’t like, all because you love someone and their happiness is important to you.  This friend is important to me!  Therefore I am putting on a happy face and I am going to be the best, most helpful bridesmaid ever!

So, I will save this longing for a baby for the next post!

of trips and falls and the need to change …

14 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Overconfidence precedes carelessness.” 
― Toba Beta

(I wrote this on Saturday,  August 10)

Instead of being en route to Boston I am sitting here at Penn Station with broken fingernails, scraped and painful knees, a sore wrist and wearing a pair of ripped jeans.  That is the result of falling while running to catch a train.

When I fell I had no time to be embarrassed, but the fact that I fell  on the sidewalk of a very busy street, right where there was the weekly Farmer’s Market is not lost on me.  I quickly gathered all the spilled contents of my bags and took off running even faster.  I got to the station with a 1 minute to spare.

The train is late, giving me time to finally assess the damages.  Only now I realize my jeans are ripped on the right knee.  2 fingernails on my left hand are broken.  My knees are throbbing and when I look through the hole I see blood.  I am not even sure what to think or feel.  I guess the prevailing feeling is anger at myself. I can’t blame this on an uneven sidewalk or anything else, this is all on me!

Finally after 10 minutes, that seems like 10 hours, the train comes and I jump in.  I get settled in the comfortable seat.  My entire body is sore, so it feels great to let my body relax in the seat and get ready for the 4 hour trip.

I am not relaxed for long.  When the conductor comes and takes a look at my ticket, his face falls.  He looks like he is going to start crying.  He explains I am on the train to Washington and not to Boston.  He cannot understand how I didn’t hear the many announcements he made.  I consoled him and said it was not his fault, three or four times.   I remember hearing announcements but never dawned on me to think to pay attention to what was being said.  Also, the fact that the train was heading South instead of North was another detail I had failed to notice.

The conductor informs me that luckily the train is making a stop at Penn Station in NY City where I can get off and catch another train.  After the conductor leaves I sit there thinking of how I need to change my ways. Why must I wait until the last minute to leave the house?  Did I really need to vacuum the apartment? Did I need to make my own salad to bring? Why must I come up with 300 things to do and then have to run like a bat out of hell?

I laugh welcoming this little curve ball, realizing there are lessons here! I need to learn them and change my ways otherwise some thing worst than a bruised knee and a ripped pair of jeans is bound to occur.

With all being said about my need to change my ways, my positive self thinks that all this happened for a reason.  I was not meant to be in that train and was meant to be sitting at Penn Station right now.  I do not know why.  I do not need to have a reason, I just need to believe that at this moment I am where I need and was meant to be!

“For myself I am an optimist – it does not seem to be much use to be anything else.”― Winston Churchill

***

After I wrote the above, my train was delayed and eventually canceled. I had paid $60 more to be put on the 12pm Acela Express instead of the regular 1pm train.  The Acela kept being pushed back due to mechanicals problems.  The girl at the Amtrak counter tells me to wait until 12:45 and if the Acela is not set to leave she will put me on the 1pm.  I make sure to ask if there will be still room on that.  She said: There is plenty of room.  Now, almost 12:45pm the announcement says the Acela has been canceled.  I go to the counter, not waiting in line and going straight to the girl from before.  When she tried to put me on the 1pm, she says: “oh, it is sold out!”.    I think at this point I have tears rolling down my face.  She feels my pain and is talking to co-workers and supervisors to see what can be done.  All of a sudden after a phone call to someone she says that the Acela is back on.

What Amtrak ended up doing was combining both trains in the 1 pm.  There wasn’t enough room, so take a guess who had to ride standing until the next station? At the next station people left and seats became available.  That station happened to be my town,  where I had started my trip 3 and a half hours early.  Yes, it was tempting to just get off the train and go home.

It all seemed like a never ending comedy, where the only not laughing was me!

My tears at the Amtrak counter were not about wasting money and time, or ripping my favorite pair of NYDJ jeans,  but about my lack of attention and care.  I tend to be an airhead, careless and klutzy.  I think I cannot waste a minute, and try to pack as much as I can on my day.  All I do is talk about the need to pay more attention to my surroundings and to be in the moment, but no changes have been made.  When am I going to start?  This quirk of mine used to be cute – on Saturday not so much!

At times I do think I suffer of overconfidence.

At the end of the day,  my trip was successful.  I went to Boston to help a friend choose a wedding dress.  That was accomplished, she has a dress now and she was extremely appreciative of my being there to help her choose it.

Now, for the wedding in September I think I will be driving! 🙂

“How could I have been so ignorant? she thinks. So stupid, so unseeing, so given over to carelessness. But without such ignorance, such carelessness, how could we live? If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you’d be doomed. You’d be as ruined as God. You’d be a stone. You’d never eat or drink or laugh or get out of bed in the morning. You’d never love anyone, ever again. You’d never dare to.” 
― Margaret Atwood

Who is the new Mosaic Artisan in town? me! me! me!

09 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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“For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.”  ― Aristotle

I continue to experiment with mosaics.  It has been a very rewarding experience.  I am beginning to think that there is perhaps some creativity within me.   I am also trying to learn discipline and patience.  “Trying” being the key word, as I still struggle with being in the present moment and enjoying the process instead of just wanting to get the job done.

I have been using a variety of materials I find around the house, at the dollar store and at the craft store.  I think that is one of the beauties of mosaic, you can use anything and make it work.

“‎Determination, effort, and practice are rewarded with success.”            ― Mary Lydon Simonsen

I decided to make frames for my family member’s to surprise them with on my next trip to Brazil.  Well it is not much of a surprise because I have already told them what I was up to.  🙂

And here they are for your viewing pleasure.  Please keep in mind that I still have to clean some of the grout from around and on top of some tiles.  I am giving my sore fingers a break from this detailed job for now.

This one I made for my Mom.  I made it from stones and buttons.   She collects owls and if you look closely you will see tiny owls on the side and at the top.

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This one I made for my dad.  He adores animals, specially dogs.  There are 14 different types of dogs on it.  Also made with buttons.

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This one I made for my brother.  He is a spots fan so I was happy to have found those buttons in the shape of different balls.  It is made from tessarae (ceramic tiles).

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This last one, but not least,  I made for my sister.  It is made with glass tiles and other buttons and silver plaques.  She is a teacher so I have some school related decorations (pencils, ruler, etc).  On the 6 silver little plaques at the top are the following words: Faith, Believe, Love, Hope, Destiny and Play.

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This last one, but not least,  I made for my sister.  It is made with glass tiles and other buttons and silver plaques.  She is a teacher so I have some school related decorations (pencils, ruler, etc).  On the 6 silver little plaques at the top are the following words: Faith, Believe, Love, Hope, Destiny and Play.

They look much better in person,  but they still look like a child’s school project,  but I am so proud of getting them done.  I look forward to making more and improving, improving, improving.

“Practice makes the master.” 
― Patrick Rothfuss

My first day at the Nursing Home!

07 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 
― Kahlil Gibran

As I pull out of the parking lot of the nursing home I feel tears welling up in my eyes.  I am trying to process the past 2 and a half hours.

I let the tears flow uninterrupted.  It is hard to describe the multitude of feelings that are all fighting for first place.  I am sad, happy, overwhelmed, calm, powerless, mighty, unsettled, determined, humbled, proud and the list goes on and on.  Last night was a defining moment for me.

It was my first night volunteering at the at the nursing home.  I have been searching for volunteering opportunities for a long time.  I volunteered in Breezy Point  in the aftermath of the Hurricane and I loved it, but I also overdid with the manual labor  and had to stop because of my hip injury.  I was so down about that. So I was happy to finally find a place that wanted me.

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” 
― Winston Churchill

Still in all my happiness to start volunteering, as the day was coming near I was growing more and more apprehensive.  I was making so many excuses in my mind on how this was a dumb idea and all the many different ways I could better spend my Monday night.  I had twinges of regret of having committed myself to this.  But making an excuse and not going was not an option.

I got there and was paired up with D.   D. works there as a therapist and the last 2 hours of her shift she spends visiting the residents.  I am so happy to report that this person embodies what a person that works in a nursing home should be like.  She is kind, calm, smiley and eager.  She exudes goodness.

She really didn’t know what job to give me as the person in charge of Volunteers is on vacation this week and had not left any instructions.  So I just tagged along  as she made her visits.  I love how respectful of their space she was, always asking for permission before entering their rooms, which is something,  that I have to be honest about it,  I would not have thought to do.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 
― Mother Teresa

We went into probably 10 different rooms and met perhaps another 10 people in the halls.  Since I always focus on results, I am already doing the math and realizing that I need to come in more often to be able to see more people.   Sometimes I forget the middle, the during, the journey.   I forget the real reason some job is performed, not everything is about a final result.  The point is not to see as many people as possible, but to make sure that whoever I see and whatever amount of time I have with them is a special time for them.

Something miraculously happened within the first 30 minutes.  I gotta out of my own head and focused on each moment and made each person the center of my world for that moment.

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 
― Steve Maraboli

At the end of the evening I realized I was born for this. Even though there is sadness in their disabilities and limitations, I like to think that I saw happiness too.  I saw fighters and warriors and I believe I a light that made them shine.  I made them smile and even if in an effort to make a joke I said the wrong thing I know they felt that my words were coming from a good place within in my being, from my heart.

My control freak side tried to make an appearance as this extreme fear of becoming old and dependent as everyone I met last night were. But why dwell on what I cannot control? It doesn’t matter rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, fat or thin, at some point our bodies and minds will start to go and no amount of fighting will be able to turn that around. 

“For it is in giving that we receive.” 
― St. Francis of Assisi

Please don’t think I am this great good-hearted  person.  Last night I gained much more than I gave.  I gained appreciation for my blessed life. I gained a different insight on the value of maintaining a healthy mind and body.   I gained love and acceptance from people that had never met me before.  Gosh, am I making volunteering all about me or am looking for lessons and opportunities in everything?   Is it all about what I can get out of it, or perhaps I am just exploring the extra benefits of extending a hand?  You be the judge.

I already have my mind made up that visiting the residents is what I want to do.  I had mentioned to the director that I was willing to take any job and help with office work, etc, but I think my time will be best used talking and sitting with the residents.  I am going to ask for a list of the residents that never have any visitors.  I want to bring them, in one word, Hope!  I want, not say, but demonstrate, that at least one person cares!

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” 
― Charles Dickens

A quick update on previous posts

31 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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Life happens and then all of a sudden I realize that I have not posted anything in one week.  I don’t want you guys to forget about me and find another blog to read, plus I miss all the terrific comments.  I have learned and grown so much from my post and the responses to it! 🙂

What has been happening is work has gotten really busy and after I goofed on a couple of things I am making sure that I am dedicating my time at work to work (what a crazy idea! lol).  I also have stepped up my hip exercises, and have been working more on my mosaics.  But all of that is no excuse not to make time to something I love: blogging!

So here are updates relating to previous posts:

“Magic trick: to make people disappear, ask them to fulfill their promises.“
Mason Cooley 

 
On The disappearing Act  https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/the-disappearing-act/

Since I could not let bygones be bygones I went straight to the point and asked Mr. Disappearing what happened.  He said that he is having medical and care issues with his mother, and he also added and I quote: “I felt you are still not over your last boyfriend. Dragging things and hopping maybe is going to turn better is not something i want to experience at this time..”

Fair enough!  Perhaps I should have not spend hours talking about Ex on that last date lol  oh well, I kinda knew the reason why he disappeared, but it is good to have a confirmation and not wonder anymore.

on the hip pain https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/my-hips-dont-lie-neither-does-my-back/

I continue to do physical therapy,  now once a week instead of twice.  It has gotten a lot better, but I am still not 100%.  What plagues my mind is the question: Will I ever be 100%?  I try to be positive and I know the reality that the answer to that question depends solely on me.  So I am doing my part!  I am following my exercises and stretches to a T.  I have also started using my elliptical machine again.  My aim is 30 minutes, but for now it is until my hip starts hurting which is after 15/20 minutes.  After the exercises and stretches, I am making sure I use a foam roller and I apply ice.

Slow and steady! Slow and steady!

Volunteering – https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/first-step-in-volunteering-and-going-back-to-dance/

Finally I am all set to start volunteering.  After, what I felt, it was a lot of red tape, I will start volunteering at a the Dementia/Alzheimer Unit in a nursing home starting this coming Monday.  I will do one evening a week and see how it goes.  On Friday I went for an orientation, then and now I am am experiencing a multitude of feelings, anxiety, excitement and nervousness about it.  I guess it is only normal to feel apprehensive about something new.  We shall see how it will go!

Milton https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com//?s=milton&search=Go

I continue to stop and chat with Milton.   This past weekend he said he took the subway to the Bronx and played cards with friends.  He won $27 dollars.  He said I brought him luck.  I am glad to see that he has friends he associates with.  Last week he wanted to get me a pink watch similar to the one he has.  I declined and said I have enough watches, which is true.  I am not sure what he meant by get.

****

The next 2 post will be update on Ex and Mosaics.  Ex’s absence in my life has played a huge role on where I am today.  I am getting more and more into my mosaics.  They still look like a child’s school project but I am so proud of them. Stay tuned…

My crazy friend Dalton!

22 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life

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I have known Dalton since he arrived in NY from Brazil in 1985. We have one of those relationships where we spend years without seeing each other and may speak once a year, or even longer, but every time we talk we pick up where we left off, like we had just spoken yesterday.

He will call me when he has an art showing or he is planning a trip to Brazil.  I call him when I see his name or his sculptures/artwork in some publication.

Dalton makes sculptures on the lead of a pencil (or whatever the inside of a pencil is made of).  I think he simply calls it “sharpening”.  The type of crazy detailed work that few can do or has the crazy detailed patience and focus to attempt.

I called him last week because I saw a small blurb about his artwork on O, The Oprah Magazine.  I left a message saying that I wanted to make sure to be in touch with him now that he was about to explode in popularity.  He had a good laugh about it.  He has one of those very freeing laughs, and he normally laughs at everything I say.

Dalton made me realize that I have great friends and that I should make more of an effort to be in touch with them.  I wish I would call friends more often, but unfortunately I am one of those friends that is right here for you should you need me but I will not call you unless I have something to say.  I have to stop that.  I have to start calling just to say hi, and say that I care.

Anyway, going back to Dalton, I call him crazy, not only because of his art work, but because of the minimalist way he chooses to live his life.  He doesn’t own a TV, computer or even a cell phone.   He has a Facebook account and a website now, but both are done and maintained by a friend.  I am not sure he even looks at them.

He told me now that he recently gave up listening to the radio.  He says he finds that since then he is more aware of his surroundings, the world and himself.  He has had more and clearer ideas. I don’t doubt that!

I am in awe and a little jealous of that type of focus,  but at the same time I think that is too drastic.  I believe in moderation.  Could I live without TV?  I believe I could as I believe that I can do whatever I set my mind to.  But, I believe that there is good and bad in everything, technology included.  It all depends on how you use it, and how much you use it.

Even though I enjoy living alone, everything I do is accompanied by the TV or the radio.  TV has always been part of my life.  My TV is my cat or dog, it is companion.  You will never find me just sitting and watching it, but it will be on most of the time.  If the TV is off, then the radio is on.  Perhaps I do have a problem with silence.  I notice that if I am with other people and there is silence I immediately fill it by saying something.  I can never let silence reign.

I think I need to try meditating again.  I attempted at the time of the Break up, and I think it helped.  I was in so much pain at that time that I would have tried anything that I thought it would help.

Enough about me and my shortcomings/bad habits, this post is about Dalton.  I debated the title for awhile as I do have a problem with calling someone crazy just because they are different.  I love the unique, the different, the strange.  I love people that believe and live by their own rules, therefore I respect Dalton immensely.  I decided to leave crazy in the title as this is what I always call him and he takes no offense by it.  I think he sees it as a term of endearment; and it is!

Here is Dalton’s website if you want to check out more of his work out:

http://daltonmghetti.com/

https://www.facebook.com/DaltonGhetti

“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.” 
― Jon Katz

Milton, my new friend!

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Volunteering

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I walk 10 blocks from my office to Grand Central Station. This is normally very fast paced without much attention paid to my surroundings.  Because of my hip injury I have been forced to slow down and as a consequence I am paying more attention to things and people along the way.

Last week as I walked up Madison Avenue, I noticed that there were 6 beggars (what is the correct word to use?) in those 10 blocks.  I was shocked and saddened.  Some of those faces I had seen before, but most were totally new.

What is their stories?  Where are  their families?  Are they mentally ill? sick? homeless?  Or do they have fully furnished apartments somewhere and just enjoy this lifestyle? I guess I would love to think that the answer is the latest, but it is unlikely.

I am ashamed to say that I am tempted not to walk on Madison Avenue anymore and just use Park Avenue.  One block away and there are no beggars.  The reason why I am tempted to avoid the beggars is because I am at a loss of what to do.  I have written about it before.  Do I give money, food, or do I just ignore them and go along with my life?

I think that what they need most is perhaps a friendly smile and conversation.  I decided to try to talk to the ones that seem receptive.  So far I have managed to speak to only one.  I am afraid of some of the others.  I think I have mentioned in a past post how, many years ago, I approached a man laying on the side walk to hand him a plate of food and he yelled at the top of his lungs for me to leave him alone.  Frankly it scared and scarred me!  At that moment I thought that perhaps is not my right to interfere with anyone’s life unless they asked me directly.

This is Milton.  He was pleasantly surprised when I asked to take a picture of him.  I explained it was for my blog.

Milton

Milton sits in a wheelchair at the entrance of a store that has been closed down.   I asked him where he sleeps and he said that when he gets enough money he sleeps in a hotel around the corner.  He said he worked in that hotel for many years before and they are nice to him.  He mentioned that the city of New York is lining up an apartment for him to move in in August.

I am curious about his situation, but I am not going to bombard him with too many questions at this point.  He said he came from Virginia with the dream of making it big in the city, but due to severe arthritis he has been wheelchair bound and unable to work. Do I complete believe that?  I don’t know,  but I decided it is not my right to question or judge him.  I think that is his truth and is that is good enough for me.

He is so friendly and warm, always with a smile on his face.  Today I asked him if he drinks. He said:  “I am not going to lie to you, I normally have a beer in the afternoon, but never this early” (it was 9 am).  I gave him a few dollars and asked that my money be used to buy food or clothing, but not to drink.  He said okay.

I approached him the first time because he seemed safe, non-threatening.  He was not talking to himself or yelling at the world. He didn’t smell of alcohol or drugs.  He was actually sleeping the first time I approached him, I had not realized that until I said hello and I startled him.  Even when startled he responded with a smile.

I may have approached him also perhaps because of the wheelchair. My father had to have one of his legs amputated, and every man I see in a wheelchair I imagine that man could be my father and I wish more than anything that people treat him as they would  treat any able-bodied man.  And because my father is elderly I wish that people also treat him with respect and kindness.

That is perhaps the reason that I try to be extra kind to elders.  Living so far from my parents, I figure the way I treat the older people I encounter gets translated into the way others treat my parents.  A Universe paying back type of thing.

Speaking of older people, once again I am encountering road blocks in my attempt to volunteer at a nursing home, similar to my attempt at the nursing home at the hospital.  I wonder if the road blocks are a sign saying this is not for me or perhaps it is to test my perseverance in wanting to help.

…but getting back to my original idea when I started writing this post.  Are there more beggars in NY city now? or perhaps I have only now started paying attention. Is this increase in beggars in  New York reflective of the economy? is money at the core? or perhaps drug and alcohol are the main culprits. Families not taking care of their own?  individuals giving up?  the mentally ill not having appropriate care?  not enough jobs, no access to education and healthcare…

At the end of the day, there is no escape, be it in NY or Sao Paulo there needs to be more done for this entire segment of the population.  The high taxes we pay need to go to the right areas.

and what am I doing? what should I be doing?

I am blessed and I know it (we are all blessed but some are blind to it)  While I plan skiing vacations, some don’t know where they will lay their head this very night.   While I sit at a fancy restaurant, some don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  While I cry about not having a boyfriend, some just wish for a friendly smile.

Today I asked Milton if he thought life was good.  He said: “yes, it is very good, thinking otherwise is not going to help”. I said to him: “If you don’t have everything you love , love everything you have”(not sure whose quote this is).  He thought that was the best thing he ever heard.  He said he is going to memorize it and remember it often. oh and he also said I looked so good today, he said I looked like I was going to a party with all my bling. I did dress up a little more than usual today and it is always nice to get a compliment! 🙂

I have a feeling I am going to miss Milton when he moves to his new apartment!

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Making mosaic and impatiently learning patience.

11 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” 
― Leo Tolstoy

After throwing myself that very much needed pity party, I am now in the full “loving to be alive and single” mode.

I have a renewed motivation to get back to learning those things that I always wanted to.  Mosaic is one of those.  Until I win the lottery and I am able to go and apprentice with some famous foreign mosaic maker I am going about it on my own.

These are the last 3 I have made. I actually made 4 recently, but forgot to take a picture of one before I mailed it away. I sent it to Ex’s mother for her birthday. She said she loved it. (yeah we still keep in contact; I decided that I don’t have to stop loving her and talking to her because he is no longer in the picture)

IMG_1091

I made this one for my friend AL that just returned from a vacation in Ireland.  I thought it would be nice for him to put his favorite picture of him and his little girl on his Irish vacation.

I gave it to him as part of his birthday present, along with some books.   I love giving people books that mean something to me.  The lucky guy also got this Brazilian soccer jersey:

I bought it in Brazil on my last trip and hadn’t had a chance to give it to him yet. I decided on blue instead of the traditional yellow because I figure the yellow is for the hardcore fans like myself, plus I think blue is better for his skin tone. 🙂

We went to dinner last night at our local favorite Mexican  restaurant and it was fun.  It had been a couple of months since we had managed to get together.  I gave him his gifts and he was very happy.  It was a fun night catching up.

****

These next two mosaic pieces are of two of my favorite words in the English dictionary:

IMG_1099

The above is better seen from a distance, but if you look at the white only you can clearly (hopefully) see the word hope.

IMG_1094

Working with mosaics has not been easy for me, well anything that requires patience it is not easy for me.  I am the type of person that likes instant gratification.  I love the feeling of accomplishment, of starting something and finishing it.  I like seeing results and soon.  Mosaic requires patience and attention to detail, two things that I think I lack.

I am very happy with my work.  Of course now that they are finished I can see all the ares where I hurried through to just get it done with.  I know that they look very childish and amateurish right now, but I know that with persistence, practice and patience I will be able to make beautiful and professional looking work. And I know that the patience learned here will help in other areas of my life too.

“Our patience will achieve more than our force.” 
― Edmund Burke

I am working on enjoying the process and not only the result.

Be forewarned, if your birthday is coming soon you may end up getting a mosaic frame as a gift. 🙂 I already have some frames planned for every member of my family.

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” 
― Aristotle