“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” ― Kahlil Gibran
Last night was my last timr at the Nursing Home. I went to say good bye to some of the residents. I didn’t want to just suddenly not show up anymore. I didn’t want them thinking that I deserted them. I think they have too much of that in their lives already.
It was not easy to follow through on the decision to stop volunteering there, but it was the right decision for me. The director and I didn’t see eye to eye. I respect their need for security and all the rules, but it made me feel like I could only volunteer if there was someone to watch me. That didn’t sit well with me. I need a place more flexible, with less structure that I can come and go as I please.
I tried to hold back tears as I explained to residents that this was good bye. I was very wisely reminded by one of the residents not to say good bye, but to say see you soon. Some took the news better than others. I guess some are used to being let down. Unfortunately I did just that.
I cried when their sad eyes asked me why. I cried even more when Claude, one of the residents, said: “You have to come back, I need you!” I was happy that he eventually understood how I felt (or pretended to) and went on to dictate a letter to be sent to his son. He made a point of mentioning me in the letter.
Deep in my heart I know I am making a decision that works for me at this point in time. I have always listened to my heart, and this is another instance where I am letting my heart be my guide even if it hurts. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I still want to give back. So my search for volunteer works continues…
…and the friends that I made at the nursing home will be forever in my heart. I have their names and I will send them a letter every now and then. There is something in me that says that perhaps I was getting too attached to them, or perhaps I am trying to looking for reasons to support my decision.
This feels right, but it is not easy! I know there will be a place for me, I just have to keep searching.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”
― Martin Luther King Jr.