“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I should be happy that my friend asked me to be in her Bridal Party. I am in fact honored, but it is all such a hassle. I was never one of those girls into these types of celebrations. To me going to baby showers and bridal showers are a chore that I’d rather pass on.
I am guessing a contributing factor for my dislike for things bridal and baby is that I never yearned to have one of those for my own. I grew up saying that I would never get married and that I would adopt if I ever wanted any kids.
All of a sudden I wake up and the missing ring on my finger and the missing baby in my arms is weighing heavily on me. What, is it too late to change my mind? Why am I not allowed to change my mind? Where did time go? What do I do now? Do I call life unfair? Do I blame myself? Is this a life sentence? Do I marry the first willing guy? What about the baby?
I try not to dwell on what could have been. But I am only human and some times there is this little voice inside me that wishes things could have been different. I relish myself on living a full life independent of what is or is not missing in it. Lately my mantra has been: “If you don’t have everything you love, love everything you have!”
I just surprised myself now, this post was supposed to be about my awful experience shopping for a bridesmaid dress and the problems encountered:
1) too many choices. the bride wanted to be nice and is allowing all the bridesmaids choose different dress styles, as long as it is Champagne and long. This is a problem for indecisive me.
2) the worst salesperson ever. Had me trying dresses that were not available in the color I needed, and twice I had to hunt her down on the sales floor only to find her staring lost in space.
3) lack of good choices. It seems that 99% of the styles are strapless and if somebody has been blessed in the breast department as I have it is just not flattering. Yes folks, besides being blessed with the metaphorical star on my forehead I have been real blessed in the breast department!
4) crazy prices. How can I in sane conscience pay over $200.00 (and that is choosing the cheapest dress plus alterations) for a dress that I will never wear again.
It seems more of a hassle and waste of money. I spent the entire Saturday hunting for a dress. I went to so many stores and came back home empty handed.
If it was only the dress, it wouldn’t be so bad, but when you add shoes, hair, nails, make up, hotel, car rental, this can be as much as a nice skiing vacation. Oh and not to mention the gift, that I still have no idea what that will be. Any ideas?
By the way the only other wedding that I was a bridesmaid, they got divorced a year later. Just saying…
oh gosh, I am sounding like a bitter old maid! I am making it all about me while the whole point is my friend and her celebration. It is not all about me and what is good for me. Sometimes you do stuff you don’t care for, you spend money you don’t have, you wear what you don’t like, all because you love someone and their happiness is important to you. This friend is important to me! Therefore I am putting on a happy face and I am going to be the best, most helpful bridesmaid ever!
So, I will save this longing for a baby for the next post!
I lost my best friend of 5 years over JUST this. I had to have surgery and couldn’t afford my dress for her wedding that was in 5 months. When I told her that my surgery co-pay was 500 and I would have to wait until next paycheck to get the dress, she never spoke to me again.
Clearly the friendship wasn’t stellar, but really!?!??!
We haven’t spoken since. Been three years.
I think being a Bridesmaid should be illegal in 47 out of the 50 states.
LikeLike
wow, that is crazy to lose a relationship over this.
I do know that my friend would be upset and sad if I told her how I really feel about this. I guess this is where it is okay to not say all I am thinking.
If the friendship was real you guys will find a way back to each other!
Many blessings to you and I hope the surgery was successful! 🙂
LikeLike
I told my daughter to just jump over a sword… I don’t think she will though 🙂
lots of little kids who could use someone big in their lives…. that might help fill one void.
LikeLike
haha, yeah your daughter will probably not follow your advice.
You are right, and we will see what the future holds. For now bringing smiles to the residents at the Nursing Home is bringing me incredible joy.
Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
good for you … the more we help those in need, the more we heal ourselves and bring joy into the world.
LikeLike
Amen! 🙂
LikeLike
Don’t get down hearted, I am sure you will find a beautiful dress, for beautiful you. Don’t look in the bridesmaid department, but in the evening out department. And…… Believe me, not being so blessed in the breast department is as difficult as your way 🙂 strapless dresses just don’t hold. 🙂 he he. Wishing you good luck for this wedding, enjoy it.
LikeLike
HI Ute. That is my plan this week, to look for evening gowns instead of bridesmaids dresses. I am thinking that even if I pay more I will probably get a dress that I would be happy to wear again.
Strapless dresses are overrated! 🙂
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLike
I agree, good luck!
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
I’m with you on this! I never wanted to get married either. I’m so not a “Here Comes the Bride” person. Then I met my love and wanted to get married, so we eloped. It was absolutely beautiful. To be honest, it was the most beautiful wedding I ever went to 🙂
I don’t enjoy weddings or big parties. I like people on a small group or one-on-one basis, which is why I loved that all our friends took us out individually to celebrate. I don’t “do” baby showers or bridal showers. And the one time I was a bridesmaid I regret because after that so called “FRIEND” got married I never saw her again!
LikeLike
I totally agree with you! I most definitely prefer small gatherings and one-on-one.
It is a shame about the friendship!
I think eloping is the way to go.
Many blessings to you and your lucky loved one! 🙂
LikeLike
You can get some really good, well made dresses online from HongKong at very reasonable prices. Try Google xx
LikeLike
Hi, I saw those sites and was wondering about them. I am going to take another look tomorrow! Thank you for the tip!
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
My granddaughter gt wedding and bridesmaid’s dresses from there – we were all on tenterhooks in case they were rubbish, but they wre excellent quality silk and perfectly made to measure. Lots of choice in styles, too.
LikeLike
Good to know someone that has had a good experience, perhaps I will try…will let you know the outcome! Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
LOL at the cartoon. I agree that we choose to spend money, time and energy on and for those we love. Just because. But yikes, some of the bridesmaid outfits I’ve seen leaves me wondering…
LikeLike
I do have to make sure to focus on the happiness of my friend and not about the money otherwise I will not enjoy this celebration as much as I should.
I am not sure who designs those dresses and pick the colors, but some just seem like a bad joke!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLike
Nice save there at the end. Yes I know you do really mean all that about your friend, but you also mean all the stuff about the dress too.
If God means for you to have a baby of your own then He can do all things.
Can you believe some people pay for breast. I would just once love to buy a cute top that didn’t make me look like a porn star.
LikeLike
Thank you! I had to redeem myself at the end! lol
hahaha You made me laugh with the porn star comment! lol
And you are so right, for God nothing is impossible! I have faith that my life is meaningful even if babies will not be a part of it!
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
I found my perfect dress on Amazon of all places – and that was for my own wedding! My bridesmaid had a dress in the colour I wanted her to wear (it was a Beltane wedding, so I wore red and she wore green) so she had it altered very cheaply. I think the bride should at least go halves with you on the hair though!
LikeLike
I have to confess my ignorance, I had to Google Beltane – now I have learned something new.
I love red, It must have looked great along with the green.
The bride is not paying for anything. And I still have to think of a gift.
I have found some things on Amazon but just scared that it will not come in in time or fit.
A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
LikeLike
Babies (children) are wonderful gifts, I know secondhand as an aunt as I don’t have children of my own either. I am sometimes filled with regret and longing for what may no longer be a possible option, but on the other hand, I have an amazing freedom that a parent would never have and to me, it balances it out. Am I saying if I could go back in time I would make the same choices? Hmmm, not entirely sure, although I think it’s quite possible that I might opt to go for having a family given a chance, but at the same time, I kind of love being in the state that I am.
Que sera, sera. Enjoy your life as is and see what comes your way and may it all be GREAT! 🙂
LikeLike
Freedom! That is a great point! Unfortunately in my small family of 3 none of us have any kids, so I also feel for my parents not having any grandchildren.
I guess this is also a case of “the grass is always greener…” and longing for what you don’t have.
Que sera sera is a great attitude, and that is what I am trying to enjoy the present moment and stop wondering “what if”.
A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
LikeLike
I felt the same way. Almost married (he changed his mind) and was blessed, however, with a beautiful daughter who will be 20 this year!
LikeLike
A 20yr old daughter and you looking so young is most definitely a blessing! A blessed week to you! 🙂
LikeLike
Oh wow – I think I have a ‘Girl Crush’ on you now! hahaha
LikeLike
hahaha – Girl crushes are allowed and welcomed! 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Update – what I have been up to lately | Blessed with a Star on the Forehead
I am glad I am male! But your adventure is just as stressful on the lady’s male partner… 🙂
LikeLike
I guess women just worry more about looking good and following all the unwritten wedding rules… I am glad it is over! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Unless I’ve missed your posts, had you disappeared for a while?
LikeLike
I am around, but busier than usual lately, so I have been posting around once a week. It feels good to be missed 🙂
LikeLike