Monthly Archives: October 2021

A Colorful Change in Plans

30 Saturday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“If you dare nothing,
then when the day is over,
nothing is all you will have gained.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

As I was choosing materials for a new mosaic project I am starting, I grouped the glass tiles by color.  I loved the way they looked and decided to do a piece just like that.  

I call it “A Colorful Detour”. 

This is huge step forward for me.  To stop doing something I had planned to go do something totally different and unplanned is new and exciting.

Having ideas and being creative is not natural to me.  Going off course feels wrong to me, and yet this piece feels so right.

This to me represents being okay with doing something unplanned, just because; in art, as well as life.

My message to you is: It is okay to change directions in the middle of the journey.  It is okay to go off the script.  Change things up, do things different.  Don’t be so planned, so expected.  Routine is the enemy of creativity and growth. 

One of the joys of getting more involved with mosaics is finding out that I am creative, that I have this whole side to explore.  It doesn’t have to be perfect or make sense to anyone.

All my projects talk to me.  They all say: “You go girl, you can do it!”

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson, with Annotations – 1841-1844

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” ― E.E. Cummings

[

“Don’t be very frightened, Marilla. I was walking the ridge-pole and I fell off. I suspect I have sprained my ankle. But, Marilla, I might have broken my neck. Let us look on the bright side of things.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“Love is like a wind stirring the grass beneath trees on a black night,’ he had said. ‘You must not try to make love definite. It is the divine accident of life. If you try to be definite and sure about it and to live beneath the trees, where soft night winds blow, the long hot day of disappointment comes swiftly and the gritty dust from passing wagons gathers upon lips inflamed and made tender by kisses.” ― Sherwood Anderson, Winesburg, Ohio

Dates updates: Easy does it

27 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

There is not a lot to update you guys on.  Of the 3 guys that I was set to meet, D. is the only one that I was really excited about meeting and the only one I met so far.   

One of the guys canceled on me once, then I had to cancel on him.  We will eventually meet.  I am just not sure he is ready to date.  He is not yet fully divorced.  He has 3 little kids under the age of 5.  He seems to have a lot on his plate.  He does seem very nice and with an interesting background. I am willing to meet as friends.

The other one, we keep having scheduling conflicts. My heart is not really into it to make more of an effort.  I think his heart is not into it either. So we message every now and then, and is feeling more and more like a friendship.  I think we will become friends, and meet one of these days.

“So we won’t take ourselves too seriously. Because taking something serious doesn’t make it go away any faster. In fact, it keeps making it a little bit worse.” ― Ram Dass, Experiments in Truth

As far as D, we went on a second date on Saturday night.  We went to a small brewery called Diner Brew Co. near my apartment. We met late as he is committed to working late Saturdays for the next few months. 

I had a couple of rose wines and he had a couple beers. I was not hungry, as I had had dinner, but towards the end of the date I saw the free popcorn, and couldn’t stop eating it.  

Similar to the first date we had a great time. It was easy, fun, nothing bad or awkward about it.  Again it was all about enjoying ourselves.  We  laughed and joked the whole time.  We found out a little more about each other, but not too much.

I am really holding back on all the questioning and also volunteering of information.  We have time.  I don’t need to know everything about him right now, and he doesn’t need to know everything about me right now.  

I am not exactly sure why I am choosing to go about it this way.  I think that I normally ask many questions to try to find reasons to run.  

“And somebody might now want to ask me, “Can’t you ever be serious?” The answer is, “No.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Armageddon in Retrospect: And Other New and Unpublished Writings on War and Peace

I don’t want the heaviness and burden that I feel when I know everything about someone.  It is as if I need to make a decision right away if he belongs in my future or not.  At this point I don’t feel like making final decisions.  

After leaving the brewery,  he walked me to my door.  There was some kissing goodbye, but nothing too much or embarrassing.

Since the second date we have either texted or talked most days.  I am not sure we will see each other this week, but I am sure we will see each other again.

I like this idea of going slow, and not have to talk/text every day and see each other often.  I like the slow and steady route, instead of crash and burn alternative. 🙂

“I like to prowl ordinary places.
I feel sorry for us all or glad for us
all
caught alive together
and awkward in that way.

there’s nothing better than the joke
of us
the seriousness of us
the dullness of us”
― Charles Bukowski, Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit

The Power of Consistency

22 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently” ― Tony Robbins

Today marks the 100th day that I started using Duolingo to learn French.  

Throughout the years I have attempted to learn French, but I never really stuck to it.  I have mentioned it several times, but only to let it fall by wayside.  So, 100 straight days feels amazing.

After 100 days I know over 1300 words. I am able to read and write a lot.  My pronunciation is terrible, but I am not discouraged.   It took me a long time to be comfortable and not self-conscious speaking English, so I know that it will take time and effort, but it will come.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” ― Tony Robbins

The fact that Duolingo keeps track of the days and let’s me know every time I complete a lesson, made it like a game.  How many straight days can I get?

I realize that being consistent is key to success to everything in life.  Now, even if it is just 5 minutes, I don’t go to sleep if I don’t login and do at least 1 French lesson.

It may be silly but the number 100 makes me feel powerful. What makes it important is that it is straight, every day with no days off.  It is the build up of one day at a time. It is the result of not leaving it for tomorrow, but doing it today, even if for only a few minutes.

Now, if I can only take this surge of energy and feeling of invincibility and let it flow over other areas of my life.  What else can I improve on, by dedicating just a few minutes a day? Everything!

Perhaps I van be more consistent here.  🙂

Wishing everything a weekend blessed with progress! ♥♥

“I can tell you the secret to happiness in one word: progress.” ― Tony Robbins

 

My instincts were right: The first Bumble date was a hit

21 Thursday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” ― Anais Nin

We met at 7:30 at Gigante Restaurant in Eastchester, NY

Before I actually met him there were a couple of hiccups.

First, as I got to the door of the restaurant, a gray-haired man came and opened the door.  I thought he was my date, but I wasn’t sure because of the gray hair.   The guy I was hoping to meet had dark hair in his pictures.  We exchanged greetings, then he asked: “Do you want to fix your hair?”

When I looked at him quizzically, he added: “Do you want to go to the ladies’ room?”

I said: “I guess I need to fix my hair.”

He said: “It looks fine to me.”

After going to the ladies’ room to check on my hair and making sure my hair was fine, I was met in the lobby by the same man and now he had the hostess with him.

I said I was meeting someone, and the hostess said: “Oh yes, there is someone waiting by the bar.”

“Hope is a waking dream.” ― Aristotle

As I am walking towards the bar they were both walking with me.   In front of the bar there are some couches.  The man pointed to a guy sitting on the couch and asks me: “Is this him?  I said: “I don’t know I never met him before.”

I could only see the back of the guy’s head, and he had dark hair so I thought it could be him.  I go around the couch and with a big smile I say hi. The man looked up at me and just stared.

At the same time, I hear my name from the other end of the bar.

I look over, and there is my date by the bar,  laughing.

I burst out laughing.  Everyone is laughing. I wanted to find a hole and just hide in it.

I went over and we hugged.  We both couldn’t stop laughing.

My date said: “That was cute.  I am glad that we got the awkward moment out of the way.”

The man with gray hair felt bad.  He offered to take us to the most romantic table he had.

I still don’t know who that gray-haired man was, perhaps the owner or manager, but he was definitely dressed to go on a date and not to work in a restaurant.

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..” ― Thoreau, Henry David

My date was well dressed. He had khakis, a nice dress shirt and a sports jacket.  I had a blue blouse, jeans and high heels.

The restaurant was beautiful. It was large, modern, beautifully decorated for Halloween with spider webs.  Sounds weird, but it worked.   The atmosphere and service were perfect.

He had a beer, and I had a the Gigante Spritz.  It was a cocktail made with raspberries, Pinot Grigio, Stoli Raspberry, St. Germaine and Prosecco Rose.  It was delicious.

For appetizer we had Crispy Chicken Parmesan Rolls.  It was a chicken egg roll and it was delicious.  For the entre, I had the Chicken Milanese.  I wasn’t going to have chicken again but the waitress mentioned being their best dish.  It was indeed delicious.  My date had the filet mignon and it was perfect.  He shared some with me.  For dessert I ordered a mango panna cota. I ordered it because of the coconut whipped cream and the berries.  I wouldn’t order it again.  But it was so pretty I took a picture of it.

During the date we talked about everything and nothing.  I don’t think we found out too much about each other’s past.  But in a way, it felt right, it felt light and unburdened.   This is different for me than other dates.  Normally I ask so many questions and come away knowing a lot.

I found out that he has been divorced four years.  Because of his two daughters he hasn’t dated at all until now.  One is in college, and the other will be going very soon.

We are both Aries. He is an adrenaline junkie. We both love massages and quote Seinfeld. He is self-assured but unassuming.  I normally don’t get along with Aries guys, but in this case it seemed to work.

We talked about sex, actually, the lack of sex in our lives and how we want to change that. We both think similarly on the topic. It needs to be meaningful. I introduced the topic.

There were tons of sparks.  At the end, he walked me to my car.  He asked me for my number. And when we hugged goodbye, we kissed.  I am not a big fan of kissing on the first date, but it seemed the perfect way to end this date.

He later texted to say thank you, and this morning again he said thank you for the great evening.

I had to describe him with only one word it would be: gentleman.

I am sure we will see each other again.

“I have dreamt in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind. And this is one: I’m going to tell it – but take care not to smile at any part of it.” ― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

**

On another note.  I woke up at 4am from a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I had a dream that I was entrusted to take care of a newborn baby. All of a sudden, I realize that I had not been giving the baby a bottle.  I remember feeling a terror inside that the baby was probably going to die or was already dead, because of my neglect.  I hurried to warm up the milk for the baby. The baby looked like he was sleeping serenely all wrapped up in a white blanket.  Or perhaps it was already dead?  I alternated thoughts of “the baby is dead” with “the baby will be okay”.

This dream really messed me up this morning.  I should have been dreaming of rainbows and butterflies and not potentially dead babies.

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”― Louisa May Alcott

OKCupid sucks, Bumbles rocks. Excited over a first date.

20 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

Hi everyone, I am stopping by quickly to say I have a date tonight.  Please send me good vibes. This is not just another date.

I just joined Bumble last week. It is so much better than OKCupid and all the other sites I have been on before.  If I were to rate them, this would be the order:

  1. Bumble
  2. Plenty of Fish
  3. Match
  4. E-Harmony
  5. OKCupid

My rating has to do with the matches I made, and that is probably sheer luck.  They all have their share of fake profiles and take time and energy to search through all the profiles.

I have come across only 1 fake profile in Bumble, and all the guys that I have messaged have been polite and real.  Perhaps it is because it is my first week 🙂

Oh, and guess who was the first person that matched up with me?  The guy from the last date.  I don’t get it why he would try to match with me again.

“It is the possibility that keeps me going, and though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible.” ― Nicholas Sparks

I have 3 dates lined up, but it is the one tonight that has me all giddy.

This doesn’t feel like just another date.  I am excited about it, and I seldom get excited about dates anymore.

I don’t really know why I am this excited.  If I were to describe a reason, there isn’t really one.   We don’t even know much about each other.  Because I don’t have much information, I was not able to do all my Google research.

We have been exchanging messages for a total of 4 days.  And it wasn’t that many messages.  We didn’t even exchange numbers or spoke on the phone.  And that is perfect for me, as I don’t care for speaking on the phone before meeting anyone.

There is just something about the easy flow of the messages.  I didn’t feel pressured to talk on the phone.  I hate to be cliché, but I do feel like I know him for ages.

There wasn’t a single moment since I scheduled the date when I am coming up with reasons to cancel, as I do 99% of the time.

Tonight is all about a feeling.  Not necessarily a feeling of love, but a feeling of finding a similar soul.  I truly believe I am about to meet a lasting friend.

There something about him, and tonight I will find out.  I hope there are sparks.

“I thank you for your courage to expose yourself.
This courage is needed by everyone because without this courage, you cannot hope for any possibility of transformation – into a new world, into a new consciousness, into your authentic being, which is the door to ultimate reality and to the ultimate benediction.”― Osho, Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other

A Different Way to Look at Anger

18 Monday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“A monk decides to meditate alone.

Away from his monastery, he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake, closes his eyes and begins to meditate.

After a few hours of unperturbed silence,
he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his.

With his eyes still closed, he feels his anger rising and, when he opens his eyes, he is ready to shout at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw that it was an empty boat, not tied up, floating in the middle of the lake …

At that moment, the monk achieved self-realization and understood that anger is within him; it simply needs to hit an external object to provoke it.

After that, whenever he met someone who irritated or provoked his anger, he remembers;

“The other person is just an empty boat.
Anger is inside me. “

Thich Nhat Hanh

Introducing Miss Lucky Ladybug

15 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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“I’m a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it”― Thomas Jefferson

She is not perfect, but she knows it and she is proud of her uniqueness.  She is larger than life, in her mind and size. If you look at her and make a wish, it will come true!

“When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.”― Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson

 

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” ― Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” ― Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”― Dalai Lama XIV

Date Report: Short and not sweet

13 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“But what really matters is not what you believe but the faith and conviction with which you believe…” ― Knut Hamsun, Mysteries

Time: 12pm

Place: Chat 19, Larchmont, NY

Weather: Cold and drizzling

Date: 57 year old businessman

Beforehand:  We have exchanged messages on and off for the past few months.  I knew he was not the best at making conversation but I thought that in person things would flow.  I figured that we could tap in some things we have in common.  We are both immigrants.  He speaks French, and I am learning French.  He loves soccer and I do too.  His business is similar to mine. He has traveled to some of the same places I have.

My First sight:  He looked like his pictures.  Not the best looking, and I am fine with that.  I don’t want good looking.  I want interesting, funny, with things to talk about, and serious about making a connection.  He was none of those things.

His first sight: He commented that I looked good.  As he was saying that he reminded of the Big Bad Wolf looking at Little Red Riding Hood.

Sitting: I wanted to sit inside.  He wanted to sit outside.  We sat outside.  A lot things don’t bother me, so we sat outside.  I immediately took up my long flowing hair into a bun.  Not 10 minutes later we had to move inside once the rain got heavier with sideway winds.

My Ordering: Besides where to sit, this was another sign of trouble.  I am very specific when I order because I want to eat/drink exactly what I want and don’t want to send anything back.  I asked for half a cup of coffee with a side of whipped cream.  The waitress seemed confused with that order and started offering other drinks instead, such as a cappuccino, etc.  I insisted on my order. He made faces and gave me the impression that  he thought I was being high maintenance.  So I asked if that was what he was thinking and he confirmed.

His Ordering: While perusing the menu he mentioned that he wanted to substitute the goat cheese in an omelet with Swiss cheese.  When the waitress came, he didn’t say that.  So, I asked him if he didn’t want another cheese instead of goat cheese.  He said no, that was fine, he didn’t want to be difficult.

My food: I enjoyed my coffee with delicious mini scones that were in the bread basket.  By the time my bacon cheeseburger and fries arrived I had had enough. Of him and scones.  I took only one bite of my burger and took the rest home for dinner.

His food: He barely touched his omelet.  He made all kinds of faces at the omelet and said it was not good, it was too strong, and he should have gone with the Swiss cheese.  I said I told you so. I am normally not the type to say that, but I couldn’t resist.

The conversation: What conversation?  It was mostly him ranting about the state of the country, about the lack of immigration policies, and all sorts of political stuff.  None of which I felt like talking about on a first date.  I tried discussing other things such as soccer and travels, but those didn’t go far.  Then I gave up and waited for the end, knowing that it would be soon.

The aftermath: Thankfully, it was a short date, as we barely touched our food.  He had mentioned wanting to go watch a soccer game, so I used that as an excuse to hurry up and leave.  When I got home I had a text from him saying he had a good time and saying we need to meet up again. What? NO!! Was I there?

“Be believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

My advice to him on his next first date:

  • Don’t drive over 1 hour to meet someone if you are in a bad mood. It is best to say you are sick and cancel it.
  • Let the lady choose where to sit.
  • Ask the lady some questions. If you don’t have anything nice to say or don’t know how to make conversation ask questions.
  • Don’t talk politics or any sensitive subjects on the first date.
  • Don’t make her feel like she is being high maintenance, specially if you have any intentions of asking her on a second date.

My advice to myself on my next first date:

  • Who am I kidding, No advice, I am perfect 😊
  • Continue being yourself
  • Continue asking for what you want
  • Continue knowing your worth
  • Continue being high maintenance and ordering what you want, how you want
  • 1 advice, next time insist on where to sit

In the end, I am glad I went, so I can move on to the next, knowing he was not the one.

I want to be looked at like I am the only person that matters in the world at that moment. To the right guy I am not high maintenance, I am quirky.  He will not be slobbering while looking at me,  he will have a twinkle in his eye. He will be interested in what I have to say.  He will ask questions and not rant about all that is wrong in the world. Because, sitting in front of him, is all that is right in the world.  And for that guy I am willing to wait forever and a day!

 

 

Online dating: rejection reasons

10 Sunday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.” ― Albert Einstein

I have a love-hate relationship with online dating.  I love the idea of being proactive and  not sitting around waiting for someone to knock on my door.  I love meeting people that I wouldn’t normally meet on my day to day life.

I dislike a lot about it.  I hate all the catfish and fake profiles. I hate the people that are not serious about meeting someone.  I hate the time and energy that I need to put into it to come away with one or two good dates.

At the moment, I am only on OKCupid.  It is by far the dating site I like the least.  I have been on E-harmony, Plenty of Fish and Match prior to OKC.   I am normally able to find interesting people to meet, but so far here it has been slim pickings.

Perhaps I shouldn’t blame only the site. I can blame Covid.  I need to take some of the blame also.  I go through phases.  Phases of putting more energy into it, and phases of not having patience for it.  Lately, I lack time, energy and patience.

“You walk like others? You talk like others? You think like others? Then the world doesn’t need you because others are already abundant in the world! Be original!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Here are some of the reasons why I chose not to meet someone after we matched online and started exchanging messages:

  • All he did was badmouth his ex-wife.  I didn’t ask or invited the topic, but he kept finding reasons to mention her.  I don’t appreciate that.
  • HIs finances are a disaster.  He volunteered that he has tons of credit card bills and lost his home due to overspending.   I appreciated the honesty, but don’t want to embark on that sinking ship.
  • He lived too far and expected me to drive to him to meet for the first time.  He said we could meet by a coffee shop near the highway.  How was that supposed to be enticing to me, I will never know.
  • He never called me by name.  It was always honey, sweetie, babes, etc, in a way that felt condescending. It just rubbed me the wrong way.
  • He was a show off and thought he knew it all.  I couldn’t get a word in.  It was all about his exotic vacations, expensive cars and artwork. It was all very unattractive to me.
  • He couldn’t make conversation or form a sentence.  In texting it was only abbreviations and slangs. There was never any real conversation.
  • He was too young.  Even though he seemed like a great person, more than 20 years difference is just too young.  Tempting, very tempting.
  • He lied about being older.  After sharing phone numbers and scheduling a date, I found out that he was over 70 years old.  On his profile it said he was 62.  I didn’t appreciate only finding that out because I asked. What else was he not telling me?
  • He was too slow to respond.  He said he was very busy, only sending a message on the app every other week. I am very busy, but if someone interests me, I make the time.
  • He wanted to speak on the phone and text forever, always being too busy to meet. I don’t want nightly phone calls with somebody I never met and doesn’t have time to meet.
  • He had 5 kids by 3 different women.  It just felt too much for me.

“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense. (xxvi)” ― Eve Ensler, I Am an Emotional Creature

Here are some of the reasons why they chose not to meet me or continue exchanging messages:

  • I didn’t want to give him my phone number right away.  I like to know something about the person before speaking on the phone or texting.  His initial message was: Hi, what is your number?
  • I mentioned I don’t pay or split the check on a date, specially the first date.  He said that I am not a modern woman.
  • I was not willing to have a first date at his house. He said I was uptight and not fun.
  • I didn’t want to talk on the phone every night.  He felt I was not interested in him enough.
  • I was too much of an adventurist.  I said in my profile that I was adventurous.  What is adventurist anyway?
  • I was not interested in his attempts at sexting. He said he was looking for someone more fun.
  • I was vaccinated. The moment he found out I was vaccinated all he did was talk about Eugenics and depopulation agenda.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” ― Margaret Mead

Am I too picky, or perhaps just overqualified for the job of girlfriend?  I am happy as is, and that makes it difficult to add a person to that situation.

It is a matter of what feels good to me and my heart.  Who makes my heart sing, who makes me feel comfortable and at home.  Who makes me feel special.  Perhaps I am antiquated in my dating views, but I am sure there is an antiquated guy out there for me.

Someone pointed out to me at this rate I am going to end up alone.  I joked: “That is not a problem.  I love my own company”.  Well, I do!

And on that note, I am leaving now for a brunch date.  Will report late.

“Journey to the Heart of Beauty; do not be obsessed with mental and egoic ideas of form and perfection. Get your hands and feet dirty, dance in the rain, and rejoice in the Life that is Living Itself through the Uniqueness of You!” ― Laurence Galian, The Sun At Midnight: The Revealed Mysteries Of The Ahlul Bayt Sufis

 

 

 

Many ways to break your neck, I mean, to be adventurous

06 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Fiction

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“I didn’t want my life to be an occasional adventure. I wanted adventure to be  my life.” ― Jean-Philippe Soulé, I, Tarzan: Against All Odds

The other day a friend teased me when I said I was afraid to ride one of those e-scooters.  He said: You?  Really?  Aren’t you Miss Adventure?

I always considered myself adventurous, but what have I been doing lately that qualifies as adventurous? Just calling myself adventurous doesn’t make me adventurous.

There are over 200 e-scooters and 30 bikes available around downtown New Rochelle.  They seem fun and dangerous at the same time.  I toy with the idea of trying the scooter above out. 

Perhaps on a grassy field with no people or cars around.  Visions of attempting to rollerblade come to mind.  I didn’t do any better with piloting a motorcycle. I broke the mirror on my sister’s bike on the first try.

“Adventures are all very well in their place, but there’s a lot to be said for regular meals and freedom from pain.” ― Neil Gaiman, Stardust

Do I have to risk injury to prove I am adventurous, or perhaps I should just quit portraying myself as such?

Perhaps I can just be adventurous in mind and not in action. In my mind I am everything.

As far as the bike above, I am not afraid of it.  I just haven’t rode one in several years.  I figure one of theses days I will be riding one. It should be easy, after all, it is just like riding a bike 🙂

Or perhaps I should be afraid of it.  I still remember the last time I was on one.  It was right in downtown New Rochelle, and I think I was riding on the wrong side of the street or something like that.  A man stuck his head out of his van and yelled: “Lady, you are going to kill yourself”.

“Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you’re made of.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I rode home and was never on a bike again. I am not sure if he was the reason or if I just didn’t have a chance to ride again.

Can I just walk and be adventurous, or do I have to risk life and limb? I already risk myself skiing. 

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Why is it so important to me to be adventurous, or to see myself as adventurous?  I guess I equate “being adventurous” as “fully enjoying life” and “living with gusto”. 

I fully embrace the idea that we have to do things we fear to be able to grow.   Perhaps that is the reason that I hang on to skiing.  To feel adventurous. And to also feel young and powerful.

I fear being stuck, and not growing. One of the worst sins for me would be to one day look back in my life, and realize that I wasted my life for fear. Fear of trying, fear of getting hurt, fear of making a fool of myself, etc.

With all that being said: No, I am not trying that e-scooter any time soon.  And yes, I am going to continue to call myself adventurous. 

Hi, I am Ana and I am adventurous, and yet cautious. 

“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” ― Søren Kierkegaard