Monthly Archives: November 2021

Cautiously optimistic about a 3rd day in the horizon

22 Monday Nov 2021

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“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”
― Margaret Mitchell

Update: Well, not much of an update, but the potential love story with the funeral home owner is dead.  He still sends a hello every now and then.  He asks about my schedule for a second date, but fails to make plans.

I don’t like that.  I no longer have an interest in him.  Anyone that is interested will make plans or tell me why they can’t.

***

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes

Second Date with A. IT guy

Date: Saturday, November 20th, 6:30 pm

Location: Tapas and Cusina Restaurant, in Eastchester, NY

Drinks: He had 2 glasses of red wine and I had 2 glasses of passion mimosa (passion fruit juice with champagne)

Food: We chose a bunch of small plates: eggplant rollatini, meatball marinara, fried potatoes with garlic mayonnaise (the best!!), croquettes, fried sardines with salad, pulled pork and beef with polenta. 

Dessert: Limoncello cake.  Turns out he doesn’t care for that much lemon 🙂

We arrived in the parking lot at the same time, and from there we walked to the restaurant. It was a charming small restaurant. We waited 5 minutes while they arranged a table for us.  

We ordered some small plates as I described above.  I thought it would be more fun to share food rather than to get our own entrées.  Plus, I always have food envy.  I always think that the person I am with ordered better than I did.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson

I had a great time, and I think he did too. It was even better then the first date. Plenty of conversation and laughter.

He remembers every single word that comes out of my mouth.  He remembered details that I mentioned in passing about my childhood. Perhaps I am impressed because I don’t remember anything that people say to me.  I find myself asking the same question 2 or 3 times (I know, embarrassing! I need to do better)

When the coffee he ordered came, before the dessert, he handed me his coffee spoon. When I looked at him quizzically he said: You don’t like to eat your dessert with big spoons so take this one just in case they only bring a big spoon.

Little details like this melts me.  He remembered that from the first date. They did bring huge spoons with the dessert and I happily had my little spoon.  

We talked a lot about so many different things.  On the first date I felt I only talked about myself, so on this date, I enjoyed getting to know more about him, his sons, his work, etc. 

There were so many little instances of magic and joy. There were moments that I wish I could bottle that feeling, that look.   There were also plenty of moments that I wish I hadn’t talked too much, that I had not revealed exactly what I was thinking.   He did mention that I don’t have to filter or edit myself.  Unedited Ana can be a handful, too much, too in your face, too impulsive, too impatience.

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ― Shel Silverstein

On the date he mentioned wanting to see me again.  He also mentioned he likes to take things slow. He is not much into daily texting and such.  That is a needed adjustment for me. I am used to believing if I don’t hear from someone daily, then they are not interested.  And that is not necessarily the case, specially at this early in the game.

I feel that meeting someone that wants to take things slow is a good thing for me.  It is the Universe forcing me to face the fact that I need to slow down in everything.  Things are not on my timing.  I don’t need to hurry anything, because they will either happen or not, in the right time.  The divine time, as I like to call.

At the end of the date, we walked to our cars that were parked next to each other. As I stood there on the sidewalk next to my car to say good bye, he stepped back on the street saying that that way we would be at eye level.  I laughed and said he was calling me shorty.  He is 6’1 and I am 5’4.

There were a few kisses 🙂

When I got home he texted me at the same time I was texting him.  We will be making plans after the holiday, as I am going away today for a little road trip to CT, RI and MA.  

Just now he texted me to wish a good trip and happy Thanksgiving. We shall see.

And on the note, I wish you guys a wonderful Thanksgiving.  May it be with family and friends,  and have lots of food and fun!  May you have a lot to be grateful for.  

I am so grateful for having this blog and meeting so many amazing people.  You enrich my life in so many beautiful ways. Forever thankful! ♥♥

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.
” Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.”
― Alexandre Dumas

 

Be like a gardener to those around: Give them attention and be patient, and they will blossom

19 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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I am so in love with my plants at the office.  Perhaps I have a green thumb like my mom.

I always wanted to have an office with plants, but I had no motivation to have them before.  We had too many people, with too many opinions. 

Now the opinionated ones are working from home, and don’t want to return to the office.  Thank Heavens! I couldn’t be happier.

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” ― John Muir

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

“There’s something satisfying about getting your hands in the soil.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Vocation of a Gadfly

“The planting of a tree, especially one of the long-living hardwood trees, is a gift which you can make to posterity at almost no cost and with almost no trouble, and if the tree takes root it will far outlive the visible effect of any of your other actions, good or evil.” ― George Orwell

“What’s growing around you is what you planted. Therefore, if you don’t like the plants, change the seeds.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

 

“A thing which I regret, and which I will try to remedy some time, is that I have never in my life planted a walnut. Nobody does plant them nowadays—when you see a walnut it is almost invariably an old tree. If you plant a walnut you are planting it for your grandchildren, and who cares a damn for his grandchildren?” ― George Orwell

Two dates in two days : a nay and a yea!

16 Tuesday Nov 2021

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“When you have butterflies and you’re feeling anxious and you have anxiety or are nervous, that’s when you’re most powerful… A lot of people, instead of honing this power and using it, they allow it to just consume them. There’s another quote that says, ‘A big challenge, a big pressure is like a fire, it’s like a raging fire. Either you can allow this fire to consume you and just take you over completely, or you can gain control of this fire and harness it and you blow it right at your opponent, Dragonball Z style.’ That’s what I’m trying to do, trying to get my emotions under control and use this adrenaline to my advantage.” ― Jon Jones

Flower I received from the lunch date

Saturday Lunch Date

Date: October 13, 2021, 1pm

Location: Sedona Taphouse, Mamaroneck, NY

Date: 60yr old accountant

Family Situation: Single, no kids

Food/Drink: I had salad, fish tacos and sweet potato fries.  He had a chicken Alfredo pasta.  For dessert we shared the brownie with ice cream in the picture below. We both had club soda, and coffee for dessert.

When I got there he was waiting by the door with the beautiful white rose from the picture above.  We hugged hello.  I hug everyone.

He was a nice guy, but that was it.  He was a gentleman, but there were no sparks.  In person he seemed older.  He was also very nervous.  Still we had a good time. 

It seemed we mostly talked about the weather and other mindless topics.  There was anything that stood out in the conversation.

I never pay on first dates, but for some reason I felt like paying half this time, and he was okay with that.

After the date I messaged him and told him that I was open to being friends, but no chance of romance.  He seemed surprised and disappointed.

“Pray don’t talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous.” ― Oscar Wilde

 

Dessert always

Sunday Drink Date

Date: October 14, 2021, 6:30pm

Location: Lilly’s, White Plains, NY

Date: 55 yr old teacher/IT

Family Situation: Divorced, with two grown kids.

Food/Drinks: I had 2 glasses of prosecco and he had 2 glasses of red wine.  I had already had dinner, but we shared a couple of appetizers. The grilled sirloin and the fish tacos were delicious. We also shared a gluten free brownie with ice cream.  Yes, I love fish tacos and brownies! 🙂 

He was already seated when I got there.  I surprised him by entering from the back of the restaurant.  I said something that made him laugh.  I don’t remember what it was.  We hugged hello. 

The conversation and laughter just flowed.  Apparently I can be quite funny!  He laughed so much.  Or perhaps it was nervous laughter. He did say he was nervous about the first date.  He asked a lot questions about myself.   

At the end, he walked me to my car.  There was a funny moment.   I saw he was coming towards my lips and I guess I made a face or balked, because he said: “I am coming in for a kiss, unless you don’t want me to”.  I said: “I was hoping you would”. 

It was a quick kiss while we were both laughing.  The date started and ended in laughter.  It was somewhat different than I expected.  For some reason I was expecting, serious, cerebral conversation, focusing on self growth and spiritual matters.  Instead, it was mostly laid back fun, peppered with some of our life history.

After the date, while texting, we both agreed that we would need a do over on that quick awkward good bye kiss.  He is traveling at this moment, but asked me out for dinner on Saturday.  I happily said yes.  

“I think it’s glorious to be nervous. Being nervous is great! How often do we get nervous on a daily basis? Being slightly nervous means you care, and you’re alive, and you’re taking some kind of risk. Hooray for being nervous! A friend told me to substitute the word ‘excitement’ for ‘nervous’. That way you acknowledge the physical feelings without putting a negative spin on things. So to answer your question, sometimes I still get so excited about ‘Update’ that I want to throw up” – Amy Poehler

 

Accepting, being grateful and moving on to a date with a new guy :-)

10 Wednesday Nov 2021

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“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Before I get to my date report I need to admit that I am still annoyed and disappointed about D.’s silence. Yet, I am not surprised.  Somehow I knew it the moment he canceled it.  As the hours passes and the silence increases it is just a confirmation that silence is his way of saying he changed his mind.  

I know we only had 2 dates, but it all about the sparks, the conversation, it was all about the huge potential.  I also knew that I was already seeing some potential issues. I worried about the difficult daughter.  I worried about the weird multiple jobs.

“Things change, so I have to change too.”
― Adam Scythe, Immortals, Vol. III.

I don’t like how he has chosen to do it, but I must accept.  I will never understand ghosting someone.  Why not send a quick text and say:  “ I changed my mind”.

Still, I remind myself of the agreement I have with my Guardian Angels.  They are allowed to take anyone and anything from my life that it is not and will not be good for me.  No questions asked.  It doesn’t need to make sense.

So, the situation with D.  doesn’t make sense to me, but if am to look back at my blog, there were many others unexplained disappearing acts. I am accepting it, thanking my guardian angels and moving on to the next.  There is always a next!

“It poured with rain the day I left. But I was filled with excitement, a strange exuberant sense of taking wing. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew what I needed. I needed a new land, a new race, a new language; and although I couldn’t have put it into words then, I needed a new mystery.” ― John Fowles, The Magus

Moving on to the date.

We met at 6:30pm at Sergio’s Restaurant in Pelham, NY.  It is a very beautiful and classy restaurant.  I was surprised that it was such a busy place on a Monday night.

I got there and he was already seated.  He got up and came to meet me.  We hugged hello.  He was handsome and looked like his pictures.  He had a white shirt and tie.  He wears one for work, but he mentioned he likes to dress well.

The conversation flowed.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He said I was beautiful two times.  I love compliments, but if it is too much, it makes me want to run.  I am glad he stopped at two.

To drink, he had an old fashioned and I had a cosmopolitan. My drink was delicious.  If I were not driving, I would have had a second one.

We didn’t want appetizers, and we both ordered the short ribs with risotto.  For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a napoleon, and they were both divine.

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”  ― Mae West, Wit & Wisdom of Mae West

He is 52 years old and owns a funeral home. He has an amazing relationship with his 3 daughters.  Two are living on their own and a 14-year-old lives with him. He has been divorced for 8 years and gets along well with the ex-wife. 

We were at the restaurant for 3 hours.  At the end he walked me to my car, and I gave him a ride to his car around the corner.  When he was exiting my car he kissed me good bye. Then turned back and kissed me again.  It was just a couple of pecks on the lips.  

I am not sure if there are enough sparks. He is such a sweet person, such a gentleman, that I think it is worth a second date.  I am keeping an open mind.

“One can begin so many things with a new person! – even begin to be a better man.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

 

There we go again :-)

08 Monday Nov 2021

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“I might not yet be falling in love, but I might be flirting with the promise of love, the idea of love, the making of a place in my heart for love, though it may have been more a wish than a promise.”  ― Diane Meier, The Season of Second Chances

I have yet to see D. for a third date.  After the two successful dates, it is proving difficult for him to find the time to meet up.

He wanted to meet one day last week for lunch. I had deadlines at work and couldn’t leave.  I also don’t really like meeting up for lunch during the week.  I feel rushed having to go back to the office. 

Then on Friday night he asked me out for a late breakfast the following day.  It was last minute, but as faith would have my mosaic time at the studio had been canceled. So it seemed perfect.

We agreed on time.  He would pick me up and we would drive to a neighboring town.

Then Saturday morning this:

I was a little disappointed about the cancelation, and the fact that he has not contacted me again.  Last night I sent a quick hi, but heard nothing back.

I know he has been busier than usual with some issues. His ex-father in law passed away, and he had to provide support. I also know that his 17 year old daughter has issues, so he tries to really be there for her.  I understand and appreciate that.

BUT,

To me it is very simple. If he is not making more of an effort to see me then he is probably not that interested. 

He had mentioned that he has been divorced for 4 years and that he has waited until now to date because of his daughters.  Now the oldest one is in college and the 17 year old is soon to be off to college also.  Perhaps he should have waited another 6 months longer. 

I know it is very early to make this conclusion but I will not be surprised if I never hear from him again.  This is the nature of online dating.  People change their minds, and find it easier to just go silent.  

We bet on a game last week and I lost, so I owe him dinner. Perhaps he will want to collect.

It is disappointing because he seemed to be into me, as much as I was into him. We are both Aries, but I seem to be the more impatient of the two.  

If he can’t find the time for a third date, how could we ever make a relationship work?  I don’t want a partner that I will see once every other week.

While I am still trying to live in, and enjoy, the moment and have no expectations, I still want to feel important in somebody’s life.  Yes, even after only 2 dates!

**

“A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

and we keep going 🙂

Tonight I will be going on a date with a 52 year old, owner of a funeral home. I have met him on Bumble at the same time I met D., but I had not put much effort in meeting him until now. 

He seems like a nice guy.  He is divorced with 3 daughters.  The youngest is 14 years old.  I don’t know a lot about him.  I know he loves a couple of sports teams and travels around to see them play often. 

We shall see… I will report back tomorrow.

“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart