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“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.” ― Albert Einstein

I have a love-hate relationship with online dating.  I love the idea of being proactive and  not sitting around waiting for someone to knock on my door.  I love meeting people that I wouldn’t normally meet on my day to day life.

I dislike a lot about it.  I hate all the catfish and fake profiles. I hate the people that are not serious about meeting someone.  I hate the time and energy that I need to put into it to come away with one or two good dates.

At the moment, I am only on OKCupid.  It is by far the dating site I like the least.  I have been on E-harmony, Plenty of Fish and Match prior to OKC.   I am normally able to find interesting people to meet, but so far here it has been slim pickings.

Perhaps I shouldn’t blame only the site. I can blame Covid.  I need to take some of the blame also.  I go through phases.  Phases of putting more energy into it, and phases of not having patience for it.  Lately, I lack time, energy and patience.

“You walk like others? You talk like others? You think like others? Then the world doesn’t need you because others are already abundant in the world! Be original!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Here are some of the reasons why I chose not to meet someone after we matched online and started exchanging messages:

  • All he did was badmouth his ex-wife.  I didn’t ask or invited the topic, but he kept finding reasons to mention her.  I don’t appreciate that.
  • HIs finances are a disaster.  He volunteered that he has tons of credit card bills and lost his home due to overspending.   I appreciated the honesty, but don’t want to embark on that sinking ship.
  • He lived too far and expected me to drive to him to meet for the first time.  He said we could meet by a coffee shop near the highway.  How was that supposed to be enticing to me, I will never know.
  • He never called me by name.  It was always honey, sweetie, babes, etc, in a way that felt condescending. It just rubbed me the wrong way.
  • He was a show off and thought he knew it all.  I couldn’t get a word in.  It was all about his exotic vacations, expensive cars and artwork. It was all very unattractive to me.
  • He couldn’t make conversation or form a sentence.  In texting it was only abbreviations and slangs. There was never any real conversation.
  • He was too young.  Even though he seemed like a great person, more than 20 years difference is just too young.  Tempting, very tempting.
  • He lied about being older.  After sharing phone numbers and scheduling a date, I found out that he was over 70 years old.  On his profile it said he was 62.  I didn’t appreciate only finding that out because I asked. What else was he not telling me?
  • He was too slow to respond.  He said he was very busy, only sending a message on the app every other week. I am very busy, but if someone interests me, I make the time.
  • He wanted to speak on the phone and text forever, always being too busy to meet. I don’t want nightly phone calls with somebody I never met and doesn’t have time to meet.
  • He had 5 kids by 3 different women.  It just felt too much for me.

“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense. (xxvi)” ― Eve Ensler, I Am an Emotional Creature

Here are some of the reasons why they chose not to meet me or continue exchanging messages:

  • I didn’t want to give him my phone number right away.  I like to know something about the person before speaking on the phone or texting.  His initial message was: Hi, what is your number?
  • I mentioned I don’t pay or split the check on a date, specially the first date.  He said that I am not a modern woman.
  • I was not willing to have a first date at his house. He said I was uptight and not fun.
  • I didn’t want to talk on the phone every night.  He felt I was not interested in him enough.
  • I was too much of an adventurist.  I said in my profile that I was adventurous.  What is adventurist anyway?
  • I was not interested in his attempts at sexting. He said he was looking for someone more fun.
  • I was vaccinated. The moment he found out I was vaccinated all he did was talk about Eugenics and depopulation agenda.

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” ― Margaret Mead

Am I too picky, or perhaps just overqualified for the job of girlfriend?  I am happy as is, and that makes it difficult to add a person to that situation.

It is a matter of what feels good to me and my heart.  Who makes my heart sing, who makes me feel comfortable and at home.  Who makes me feel special.  Perhaps I am antiquated in my dating views, but I am sure there is an antiquated guy out there for me.

Someone pointed out to me at this rate I am going to end up alone.  I joked: “That is not a problem.  I love my own company”.  Well, I do!

And on that note, I am leaving now for a brunch date.  Will report late.

“Journey to the Heart of Beauty; do not be obsessed with mental and egoic ideas of form and perfection. Get your hands and feet dirty, dance in the rain, and rejoice in the Life that is Living Itself through the Uniqueness of You!” ― Laurence Galian, The Sun At Midnight: The Revealed Mysteries Of The Ahlul Bayt Sufis