• About me

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

~ As I navigate through this life …

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Monthly Archives: July 2014

Accept it, live with it, don’t fight it!

24 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

acceptance, denial, Friends, friendship, life lessons, relationships, understanding

So I have no friends, that fact has already been established on my last post.  Now I must set about making new, hopefully available, friends.  This post should be about all my efforts and results in that endeavor, but instead it is the opposite.  It is about the reasons why I am doing nothing, or very little.

This “doing nothing or very little” is very hard for this impulsive all or nothing Aries.  My approach to problems has never been slow and steady.  Once I determine a task needs to be done, and I want it bad enough, I jump head first.   I go about it in crazed fashion only intent on results and missing everything else.  Not this time! This time I am going for non-reaction and non-action.  It is often told that we should challenge ourselves and get out of our comfort zone, and this “doing nothing” is definitely uncomfortable to me.

 “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This is my way of attempting to learn not to react (and overreact) to events and situations.  This is accepting instead of fighting it and trying to change it.  I will eventually attack the task (making new friends), but the idea here is to have a better, more thoughtful and controlled approach.   I am controlling the problem, it is not controlling me.

This time I decided that perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to try to correct a situation that I deem wrong and unacceptable.   This situation, and any uncomfortable situation, presents a big opportunity for contemplation and learning.  Perhaps I should spend some time in the moment and in the feeling of being friendless.   I should learn to acceptance silence and stillness.  I have no friends, but I am surrounded by sound and busyness of my own making: TV, music, internet, books, games, etc.  I feel I am always on, not knowing what to do with myself when all else is off.

 “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I should accept the stillness and silence of the moment.  There is a need for friends but there is also value in the lack of it.  I am respecting the nature of things and God’s will.  There is a reason for this.  I will do my part, but I will not be aggressive and thoughtless, not that they are the same thing, but oftentimes that is what happens to me when I engage in something. I am in search of new activities that will lead me to new friends, but not with any urgency.  I am moving with the determination of a sloth, and I like it!

Perhaps this moment will yield some much needed creativity that I lack at the moment.   Perhaps the lesson here is humility, to realize that there is no shame in being friendless.  Being friendless should in no way have a reflection on the quality of my friendship.  Perhaps this approach will help me realize the need to take things slow and the need to focus.  Sometimes I lack focus, I do it all, and I do it all together.  I think I lack respect, respect for the function I am performing at the moment.   I am lucky that the result is always positive; things get done, and actually done well.  But I question if they are done as well as they should or could if I had really paid attention to each moment and task.

“You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.” 
― Stewart O’Nan, The Odds: A Love Story

There is time for Book Clubs, gyms, Meetups etc, but there is only this one moment to feel the emptiness of the moment.  I always believed that happiness is an option,  and every morning as soon as I open my eyes I choose happiness. But happiness is also learning to be happy in this very moment, not on the moment somewhere in the future when I will have made new friends or in the past where I had friends to do things with.  Happiness is right here and right now.  I am still looking for friends and activities, but I got rid of the sense of urgency. I am learning to be okay with not having friends.   One can say I am basking in the glory of loneliness, I am letting it envelope me, but not to bring me sadness, but to bring me happiness and peace on my own.

I believe I am the master of my destiny so letting things happen is very hard.  But I am learning the benefits of letting marinate and flow as they will.  I always viewed that inaction and non-reaction as laziness.  It is actually the total opposite of laziness; it takes a real effort to let things be.  I have been amazed to realize that some things get resolved on their own without my having to do anything about it.  What an amazing realization!

 “The best way is not to fight it, just go. Don’t be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Or maybe… just maybe… everything I wrote above is all a bunch of hogwash that I made up to make me feel good about my lack of effort and total lack of results.  😦

Share this:

  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
  • Telegram
  • WhatsApp
  • Skype

Like this:

Like Loading...

The need for friends…

13 Sunday Jul 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

failures, friendships, honesty, laughter, loneliness, love and family, need to change, new friends, opportunities, realizations, rewards

 

“A friend is a gift you give yourself.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

I NEED FRIENDS!!  This is very hard for me to write.  I pride myself in being independent and not needing anybody for anything.  I have learned a long time ago that if I want to do something I should go ahead and do it and not wait for anyone.  Waiting for others always led me to nothing and nowhere.  So I always did everything alone, from taking vacations to taking classes.  But at this point in my life I have been noticing this empty space that only friends can occupy.

This fact became abundantly clear to me on 4th of July as I watched the fireworks from my balcony.  (I attempted to invite someone, but this person didn’t respond)  As a particular beautiful and big display appeared in the sky I felt the want/the need to share with someone the beauty of the moment.  At that moment I realized that my wanting was not for a boyfriend but just for a friend. I guess my perception (real or not) was that the fireworks could have been even more amazing had I shared it with someone.

Until now I suppose I never realized that huge void in my life.  God is my friend, my family is my friend, books are my friends, entertainment is my friend.  oh yeah, food is my friend.I never noticed anything anything missed, and when I did, I thought I missed a romantic relationship.

Do you know what I am talking about?  That person that you can meet on the spur of the moment and just spend time together and talk.  It doesn’t have to be deep conversations and confidence, it could just be laughs over the absurdities of life, or the latest gossip, or take a walk, go shopping, etc.

I guess the fact that my entire family lives in Brazil and I live alone in the US makes being friendless more noticeable.  One would think that because I have no family here I would have made tons of friends here, but instead, having no family here made me cultivate the dependence on only myself.

It may also be odd to you, if you read my post the other day where I thank God for the friends I have that I am now saying I have no friends.  The truth is I have great friends, but they are not available.  I NEED AVAILABLE FRIENDS!  The friends I currently have either live far (Brazil, Boston, etc) or they are too busy with their own lives.  They have commitments, family, work, other friends and all of a sudden I realize they have no time for me.

I love the friends I have, I feel blessed to have them in my life and I know that in an emergency they would come running (well, I hope :-). I also think I should make more of an effort to see them.  Perhaps I should be more pushy and let them make it clear that they don’t have time, instead of assuming that that is what the silence means.

I question now if it is better to have a few great friends that are not available or several no so great ones.

“A friend to kill time is a friend sublime.” ― Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

So how did I get here, 48 years old and no friends?  I am fully aware of who is the person to blame in all this: ME!  But I am a combination of my circumstances, environment, nurture,  personality, etc.  It is a combination of facts, starting in childhood.  Well, perhaps even before that, I guess it started in the womb.

  • I have an identical twin sister, so I was born with an immediate best friend, not needing any others
  • My mother instilled in us the need to be self-sufficient and not rely on others
  • Some of my Aries traits can work against me: stubborn, opinionated, honest to a fault, impatient. Always telling people exactly what you think is not always the best way to keep friends. Is a friend that want to hear lies instead of the honest truth a friend worth having?  Well, from my lonely couch at this moment I am going to say yes.
  • I relied on significant other’s friends and when those relationships failed, I made it easy on those friends by just leaving so they would not be put in the awkward position of having to choose sides
  • I always loved being alone, it always felt natural to me.  I guess I was always proud of the fact that I was never needy (that is why this post is extremely humbling and painful).
  • I was always focused in work, school and getting things done, results, leaving a minimal amount of time for friends.
  • Taking friends for granted and not really cultivating friendships. Letting silence reign instead of being the first to reach out.
  • A tendency to want people to go at my pace, and as I raced friends and potential friends fell by the wayside.
  • Nursing only a couple of friendships, instead of letting more people in.

I believe that focusing on the Shoulds, Coulds, Woulds now will not help, but being aware of how I got here will.

Please don’t feel sorry for me when you read this post.  There is nothing to be sorry about.  This is actually a huge opportunity. This is a great chance to open my life to others, to give more of me and to be accepting more of others. I love the fact that I realize that is not a man I am missing, but a person!

“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

How great it would be if I could meet my readers and fellow bloggers?  I have gained so much support, motivation and understanding from you all that I consider you a great friend.   Why couldn’t you all just live right here in NY, more specifically South Westchester?

So now I am embarking on this new friend finding mission I am setting on a course of finding new friends.  I am looking into Meetup, book clubs, physical activities, etc.  I will keep you informed of my progress or lack of it.

“Did you ever dream you had a friend, Alec? Someone to last your whole life and you his. I suppose such a thing can’t really happen outside sleep.” ― E.M. Forster, Maurice

ps.  Brazil lost again.  This time I was emotionless. I expected it. We needed a wake up call, and nothing like losing twice in a row in spectacular fashion in our own backyard to cement the idea we need a change. This was epic record breaking losses. We cannot afford to ignore it.  I predict that with great failure there will be great rewards.

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” ― Truman Capote

pps. guess what? I just got an invitation to go out and perhaps do some dancing.  I was tempted to say no, it is late (almost 10, and I hate last minute date invitations) and my hair is dirty, but I don’t have to work tomorrow and I happen to have shampoo and water :-), so I am going out of my comfort zone and will meet this guy.

Share this:

  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
  • Telegram
  • WhatsApp
  • Skype

Like this:

Like Loading...

Crying green and yellow tears…

08 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

agony, Brazil, embarrassment, Germany, heartache, humor, loser, moving on, Pain, winner, World Cup

“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.” 
― Napoleon Hill

There are really no words in the dictionary to describe how painful this loss is to me and my country.  Something about futebol being like a religion to us.  My green and yellow heart cries in despair and confusion. How did this happen?

I sat totally motionless and emotionless staring at the TV while Brazil  totally fell apart right before my eyes.  It was hard for a moment to know how to feel.  How could this happen to us, the land of futebol?  We were playing at home and we wanted to re-write the past.  In 1950 the World Cup was played in Brazil and we lost the final to Uruguay.  This is not the happy ending we were dreaming of.  I vote for no more World Cups in Brazil 🙂

Truth is we didn’t have a winning team from the beginning.  I knew it was going to be hard against Germany,  but I hoped the passion and soul of the Brazilian people would carry the team through.  Passion alone didn’t help!

So we lost, but not really a simple loss, this was record breaking embarrassing loss!

Well, we now have another four years to lick our wounds and come back with a better plan and a better team.   There are lessons here for everyone from the players to the fans.  I still don’t know what they are, but pain always brings growth.

I don’t want, by any means, to take any credit away from Germany.  They played a great game and made Brazil look like a bunch of amateurs.  I take my hat off to them.  The German fans should be proud! (thinking of you Ute and Steffi, to name a couple German friends among readers and fellow bloggers)

To Brazil I give you my tears and the hope that the country will unite in sorrow and come out stronger and better for it! It was not just a game!

“But man is not made for defeat,” he said. “A man can be destroyed but not defeated. ” ― Ernest Hemingway

ps. thanks Heaven for humor!  My sister just relayed to me all the jokes that are being told in Brazil about this incredible embarrassment – now I am crying because I am laughing so hard.  There is hope when we can see the humor in it and move on.  I guess if we must lose just make it memorable. And we sure did!!  We broke a bunch of records.  And at least the loss was not to Argentina! 🙂

Share this:

  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
  • Telegram
  • WhatsApp
  • Skype

Like this:

Like Loading...

Grateful for Friends, Faith and Freedom!!!

03 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 47 Comments

Tags

4th of July, acceptance, belief in God, blind faith, fireworks, freedom, Friends, gratitude, Independence Day

I have been having a great time watching the World Cup games.   Watching Brazil’s game last Saturday almost gave me heart attack.  I keep telling myself it is just a game but my heart cannot help but beat faster any time Brazil is playing.  It is in my blood, it is country pride.   We have been lucky to have come this far with subpar performances.  Tomorrow we need to get our act together and play the way we played at the Confederate’s Cup last year; otherwise it saddens me to say it may be the end of the road. 😦

The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one.  ~William Shenstone

In between the games I have been busy at work.  There has been a lot on my plate lately, but fortunately I am one of those people that work well under pressure.

There is always time for dating and friends.  I had a couple of dates that seemed promising but we haven’t managed to get together again due to scheduling conflict.  The best thing at this time is that there is no rush on my part anymore.  I know things will happen when and if they are meant to happen.  It is amazing how just adjusting my attitude a little I am all of a sudden engulfed in “dating peace”.

Last Sunday I was treated to lunch by a friend and his family at a new Croatian Restaurant in my town.  It was a beautiful place, great service and great food.  But the best thing about the lunch was the company and conversation.  I felt so honored that they drove 2 hours to come and take me to lunch.  It is great when you are in the company of people that get you,  that think that you are funny and smart and want you to meet their loved ones. It is priceless!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ― Anaïs Nin

I may have mentioned before that Ex’s mother  and I have remained in touch.  She has now moved from her home in the Midwest to his house in NY.  The other day I took her to a Broadway show and dinner to celebrate her birthday.    She believes, well,  hopes, that one day he and I will find our way to each other.  I have made it clear I am no longer interested.

We saw “Once”, the musical.  I thought it was cute and funny with bits of drama and heartache in the middle.   I found it refreshing and not very “Brodwaylike”, not a lot of costumes and set design.  The main focus is the music.  I really enjoyed the songs and the Irish accent was easy to understand (it can be heard some times).  For dinner she chose Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.  I don’t particular care for themed restaurants, but we had a fun time having an early dinner while watching the throngs of people down on Times Square through our second floor window.

A friendship that can cease has never been real.” –   St. Jerome (374 – 419)

This holiday will be a quiet one.  I am looking forward to getting some sun, watching the World Cup games, and hopefully getting together with a friend or a date.  I am lucky to be able to see the fireworks from my balcony so that will be a treat.

The post today is really about my gratitude for God’s infinite love and ultimate plan.  I have always said I have this unshakable believe in God, but I have to confess, that in the last 3 years while trying to cope with the breakup I had instances of doubt  and questioning.  Why me?  Why now? And just plain Why?

-please note, when I say God, I mean that which you believe in (if you believe), the Light, a Superior Being, the Universe, whatever name you choose to call that invisible guiding and protecting knowledge you have in your heart and soul.

Why would God introduce me to a fairy-tale and then take it away in the blink of an eye? I wanted answers.  But as weeks, then months, then years passed, I started to doubt if I would ever have an answer.  I decided to just believe that God has a plan and a reason for everything on this earth, even though sometimes we are not privy to what that reason is.  I decided that having an answer for everything is overrated and it does not change the state of things.  Sometimes, the answer is right in front of our eyes and we just don’t want to accept it.

“Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.” ― Max Lucado

In the doubtful moments I took a second look at my life and faith.  God has never disappointed and let me down.  Whenever I listen to my heart I know I am hearing God’s whisper.  Faith is only a virtue when is totally blind and unquestioning.  I decided that Faith and Doubt are mutually exclusive, they cannot exist in the same world.  Having that knowledge showed me what to do. I just need to continue on, following my heart, working hard and doing what is right.  My job is to believe in God’s ultimate plan for me and not question it.  If I believe in God there should be no room for doubt and worries.

It it is not about the destination, but about the journey, then it is not about finding an answer, a reason for something have happened. It is about the lesson contained in that experience.  I have learned so much in the last 3 years as a result of the breakup.  I learned enough to know that I know nothing, that I am just scratching the surface of my knowledge and growth potential.

“The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Fast forward to the present moment and it seems I have my answer after all.  I am so blessed not to be in Ex’s life right now.  I will not go into details.  The issues are his and not mine so I don’t feel right talking about them.  What I will say is that if I was still with him at this moment, my life would be totally upside-down, I would be crushed in so many levels.  I would be immersed in chaos, emotionally, financially and in every way.  I feel for him but I cannot help but feel relieved. I always felt he did me a favor, now I realize how big of a favor it was.

Since being told of all the goings on, I have been praying more. I have been thanking God for ultimately knowing what is best for me and for sparing me.  I have also been praying for Ex, his Mom and his girlfriend as I would not want to be in her shoes at the moment.  I feel sad for him.

God really has a plan and things definitely happen for a reason.   Let time, space and faith work its magic.  Learning to accept events and let nature take its course has been hard for me but ultimately what I needed most.  I am learning more and more to be less reactive and let things marinate before acting.  I have learned to be more accepting, I cannot change others, only myself.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

I am certain I am exactly where I need to be at the moment.  I should never spend a second of my precious and blessed life second guessing and doubting decisions I have taken, and situations I have found myself in. I am where and what God wants me to be!

I want to wish everyone an awesome 4th of July! I am taking this moment as an opportunity to be grateful not only for US’s independence, but also, taking a step further, for all the freedoms and rights I have.  I thank the ones that came before me and fought hard, and the ones that are still fighting (literally and figuratively) so that I can live as free as I live.  I am blessed to live in this beautiful and amazing land of opportunity.  Brazil is my roots, it is in my veins and in my heart, but US has welcomed me with open arms and made me what I am today, and for that I am infinitely grateful. No matter where you are, or which country you are from, let’s all celebrate Independence, freedom and choice! 

Share this:

  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
  • Telegram
  • WhatsApp
  • Skype

Like this:

Like Loading...

For contact:

blessedwithastar@hotmail.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 7,190 other followers

When I remember I have an Instagram account

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
"Preocupa-se com o que as pessoas pensam, e voce sera prisioneiro delas" #laotzu #quotes #livefreely #vivalivre
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
"O Universo interio se rende perante a mente que esta quieta" #laotzu #laotzuquotes #universe #universo #mentequieta #stillmind #quietmind
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Don't run after anyone. Take care of yourself and good things and good people will come to you!
"Esqueça a ideia de que voce 'e Atlas carregando o mundo nos ombros. O mundo continuaria o mesmo sem voce. Não se leve tão a serio." #quotes #normanvincentpeale #relax #fiqueleve #feelfree #vivaavida #enjoylife
Dreaming of blue skies and snowy mountains - Dec 19 in Winter Park, Co
Writing from Mario Quintana.
"Esqueça a idea de se tornar alguem. Voce ja 'e uma obra-prima. Voce nao precisa melhorar. Voce tem apenas que chegar, saber e perceber o seu eu interior, o seu valor" #osho #oshoquotes #obraprima #masterpiece #mondaymotivation #segundafeira
"The earth laughs flowers"
Welcome the heartbreak and pain. They are great teachers!
#peace #paz #ocean #oceano #misquamicut #misquamicut #praia #endofsummer #fimdoverão
Rumi is the best! #rumi #rumiquotes
'E melhor acender uma pequena vela do que amaldiçoar a escuridão" #confucius #confuciusquotes #gratitude #gratidão #kindness #gentileza
Plenty of baking powder and one lonely last pack of flour. #everyoneisbaking #four #quarantinelife #breadmaking
My hope for the weekend #donothing #sleeplate
Another day, another dollar!
Leave it to the flowers to brighten our days and our lives! #flowers #naturalbeauty #brightday #nature
"Justamente a possibilidade de realizar um sonho que torna a vida mais interessante.! #paulocoelho #dreams #sonhos #possibilities #possibilidades #thealchemist #alchemist #oalquimista

Blog Stats

  • 208,071 hits

Archives

Recent Posts

  • Cute or Cruel?
  • Rolling the Dice
  • Feeling blessed: Pat found me, P. is getting better and A. celebrated me
  • My date has been found
  • Accepting uncertainty and hoping for the best

My favorite posts

… letting my heart be my guide…

Of prayers, expectations, love and hope!

After the Hurricane

Relationship Smarts

Exes are like Old clothes

The Last Kiss you gave me

Hanging on for dear life

In looking back I move forward

Categories

  • AWARDS
  • Daily Life
  • Daily Message
  • Dating
  • documentaries
  • EX Files
  • Fiction
  • Finding Me
  • Food
  • Mosaic and other crafts
  • Poetry
  • Reviews
  • travels
  • Volunteering
  • Youtube Videos

Most recent comments:

Athira on Another day, another rose, ano…
A Star on the Forehe… on Another day, another rose, ano…
A Star on the Forehe… on Rolling the Dice
A Star on the Forehe… on Cute or Cruel?
Athira on Another day, another rose, ano…

Pages

  • About me

Blogroll

  • Learn WordPress.com
  • WordPress.com News
  • Get Support
  • Discuss
  • Get Inspired
  • Get Polling
  • Theme Showcase
  • WordPress Planet
  • List Universe

This month’s post

July 2014
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
« Jun   Aug »

Categories

AWARDS Daily Life Daily Message Dating documentaries EX Files Fiction Finding Me Food Mosaic and other crafts Poetry Reviews travels Volunteering Youtube Videos

Blog at WordPress.com.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: