Tag Archives: fireworks

Where is the affection? Where is the passion?

12 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Daily Life

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The third date was at my apartment.  He came over to watch the Brazil/Germany game with my sister and I at 2pm last Friday.   It was not a happy day for Brazil.  They played their heart out but it was not enough to win.  Now we wait another 4 years to try again. Actually only 2 years, because I also enjoy the Women’s World Cup and that is in 2020.

He and my sister got along and we all had a good time even though Brazil lost.  He stayed until the evening.

The next day I went to his house.  I got there around 12:30pm.  He gave me a tour of the basement and garage, parts that I had not seen before.  I still didn’t see the garden on the roof. He sent me pictures of it later.

I helped him paint a table and chair to be delivered to a store.  Then we went to Cold Spring, which is a charming historic town on the Hudson River.  It is directly across the river from West Point – The US Military Academy.  It has charming little antique shops.

We were going to stop by a shop that sells his stuff.  He wanted me to meet the owner and friend.  But after delivering the table I realized that if I didn’t eat anything I would become a nightmare.  It hit me all of a sudden that I was hungry.  I become moody and silent.

By the time we were sited and finally our orders were placed I was in such a foul mood I could barely speak.  I was humorless as he attempted to crack jokes.  I really controlled myself as best as I could and for the most part it worked.  He understood and said that from now he will carry snacks at all times.

The food eventually came and I slowly returned to my upbeat, full of life self.  Note to self: Don’t go without eating from 9am to 6pm.  He goes for long periods without eating, I can’t keep up with that.  I am always munching.

After dinner we finally went to his friend’s boutique.  It was a very cool high end and eclectic place with antiques and one of a kind items.  He has some of G’s work there.   We got along amazingly well, cracking jokes and being sarcastic. It was good to be introduced to a friend of his and see how much respect this person has for him.

After visiting the store we decided to walk back to the river as we had seen signs of an open air movie and decided to check it out.  They were showing Hitchcock’s Notorious.  We got popcorn and fizzy drinks and settled down on the grass.  They made an announcement that throughout the movie we would hear fireworks but the movie was not going to stop.

We sat and watched for about 20 minutes and we both couldn’t concentrate.  We decided to walk to he boardwalk area and see the fireworks.  It was a 2 minute walk.  We sat on a rock overlooking the water and a few minutes later the fireworks started.  It was awesome.  I think he didn’t like that I took pictures and videotaped some. In hindsight I shouldn’t have.  Live and learn and try again.

We got back to his home and went to bed.  I think it was about 11pm.  When I say “went to bed” I really mean went to bed.  It was a bit disappointing to me that all he wanted to do was sleep. And it was not like he was really so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open.  He actually got up and took a shower, later got up again and took Valerian to help him sleep.

The next day after breakfast we went to a park at the beach.  We walked for a long time along the shore then went into an area to collect drift wood.  He does some artwork with drift wood. It is really cool.

At one point we stopped, sat on a rock watching the waves while enjoying some snacks.   I chose that time to bring up the fact that I thought it was weird and awkward that we slept in the same bed and all he did was hug me for a few minutes.  He listened and then eventually just said:  I don’t know what to say.

I said: it is okay. You don’t have to say anything.

Later I was kicking myself for not demanding an answer, as I still don’t know what the deal was.  Maybe he was trying to be respectful, or perhaps he was trying to pay me back because I had been a bitch at dinner or  still perhaps he just not really interested in me.  It is really confusing as there was so much passion the prior Sunday.

I am sure we will talk about it again as I cannot deal with not having answers. And that to me is a huge elephant in the room.  There were some pecks and he held my hand over the weekend but that was it.

By the time we got back to his house it was 4pm and he wanted to make dinner but I wanted to go home.  Sundays I like to be home in the evening and prepare myself psychologically for the week ahead.

Later he said that he was a bit surprised and saddened that I left so sudden, as he wanted to make me dinner and just enjoy each other.

I am bringing up all my questions/issues tonight as we will be going out to dinner.

Strangely enough I am at peace.  I am not worried about this working out or not working out.  I really like him, but I will never be with someone that is not feeling for me as I am feeling for him.  Chemistry is either there or not there.  That is the foundation where we can build a life together.  Without that foundation of chemistry I don’t think we have anything. It just feels forced.

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself” – Unknown Author

 

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Grateful for Friends, Faith and Freedom!!!

03 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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I have been having a great time watching the World Cup games.   Watching Brazil’s game last Saturday almost gave me heart attack.  I keep telling myself it is just a game but my heart cannot help but beat faster any time Brazil is playing.  It is in my blood, it is country pride.   We have been lucky to have come this far with subpar performances.  Tomorrow we need to get our act together and play the way we played at the Confederate’s Cup last year; otherwise it saddens me to say it may be the end of the road. 😦

The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one.  ~William Shenstone

In between the games I have been busy at work.  There has been a lot on my plate lately, but fortunately I am one of those people that work well under pressure.

There is always time for dating and friends.  I had a couple of dates that seemed promising but we haven’t managed to get together again due to scheduling conflict.  The best thing at this time is that there is no rush on my part anymore.  I know things will happen when and if they are meant to happen.  It is amazing how just adjusting my attitude a little I am all of a sudden engulfed in “dating peace”.

Last Sunday I was treated to lunch by a friend and his family at a new Croatian Restaurant in my town.  It was a beautiful place, great service and great food.  But the best thing about the lunch was the company and conversation.  I felt so honored that they drove 2 hours to come and take me to lunch.  It is great when you are in the company of people that get you,  that think that you are funny and smart and want you to meet their loved ones. It is priceless!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ― Anaïs Nin

I may have mentioned before that Ex’s mother  and I have remained in touch.  She has now moved from her home in the Midwest to his house in NY.  The other day I took her to a Broadway show and dinner to celebrate her birthday.    She believes, well,  hopes, that one day he and I will find our way to each other.  I have made it clear I am no longer interested.

We saw “Once”, the musical.  I thought it was cute and funny with bits of drama and heartache in the middle.   I found it refreshing and not very “Brodwaylike”, not a lot of costumes and set design.  The main focus is the music.  I really enjoyed the songs and the Irish accent was easy to understand (it can be heard some times).  For dinner she chose Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.  I don’t particular care for themed restaurants, but we had a fun time having an early dinner while watching the throngs of people down on Times Square through our second floor window.

A friendship that can cease has never been real.” –   St. Jerome (374 – 419)

This holiday will be a quiet one.  I am looking forward to getting some sun, watching the World Cup games, and hopefully getting together with a friend or a date.  I am lucky to be able to see the fireworks from my balcony so that will be a treat.

The post today is really about my gratitude for God’s infinite love and ultimate plan.  I have always said I have this unshakable believe in God, but I have to confess, that in the last 3 years while trying to cope with the breakup I had instances of doubt  and questioning.  Why me?  Why now? And just plain Why?

-please note, when I say God, I mean that which you believe in (if you believe), the Light, a Superior Being, the Universe, whatever name you choose to call that invisible guiding and protecting knowledge you have in your heart and soul.

Why would God introduce me to a fairy-tale and then take it away in the blink of an eye? I wanted answers.  But as weeks, then months, then years passed, I started to doubt if I would ever have an answer.  I decided to just believe that God has a plan and a reason for everything on this earth, even though sometimes we are not privy to what that reason is.  I decided that having an answer for everything is overrated and it does not change the state of things.  Sometimes, the answer is right in front of our eyes and we just don’t want to accept it.

“Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.” ― Max Lucado

In the doubtful moments I took a second look at my life and faith.  God has never disappointed and let me down.  Whenever I listen to my heart I know I am hearing God’s whisper.  Faith is only a virtue when is totally blind and unquestioning.  I decided that Faith and Doubt are mutually exclusive, they cannot exist in the same world.  Having that knowledge showed me what to do. I just need to continue on, following my heart, working hard and doing what is right.  My job is to believe in God’s ultimate plan for me and not question it.  If I believe in God there should be no room for doubt and worries.

It it is not about the destination, but about the journey, then it is not about finding an answer, a reason for something have happened. It is about the lesson contained in that experience.  I have learned so much in the last 3 years as a result of the breakup.  I learned enough to know that I know nothing, that I am just scratching the surface of my knowledge and growth potential.

“The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Fast forward to the present moment and it seems I have my answer after all.  I am so blessed not to be in Ex’s life right now.  I will not go into details.  The issues are his and not mine so I don’t feel right talking about them.  What I will say is that if I was still with him at this moment, my life would be totally upside-down, I would be crushed in so many levels.  I would be immersed in chaos, emotionally, financially and in every way.  I feel for him but I cannot help but feel relieved. I always felt he did me a favor, now I realize how big of a favor it was.

Since being told of all the goings on, I have been praying more. I have been thanking God for ultimately knowing what is best for me and for sparing me.  I have also been praying for Ex, his Mom and his girlfriend as I would not want to be in her shoes at the moment.  I feel sad for him.

God really has a plan and things definitely happen for a reason.   Let time, space and faith work its magic.  Learning to accept events and let nature take its course has been hard for me but ultimately what I needed most.  I am learning more and more to be less reactive and let things marinate before acting.  I have learned to be more accepting, I cannot change others, only myself.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

I am certain I am exactly where I need to be at the moment.  I should never spend a second of my precious and blessed life second guessing and doubting decisions I have taken, and situations I have found myself in. I am where and what God wants me to be!

I want to wish everyone an awesome 4th of July! I am taking this moment as an opportunity to be grateful not only for US’s independence, but also, taking a step further, for all the freedoms and rights I have.  I thank the ones that came before me and fought hard, and the ones that are still fighting (literally and figuratively) so that I can live as free as I live.  I am blessed to live in this beautiful and amazing land of opportunity.  Brazil is my roots, it is in my veins and in my heart, but US has welcomed me with open arms and made me what I am today, and for that I am infinitely grateful. No matter where you are, or which country you are from, let’s all celebrate Independence, freedom and choice!