“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”
― Paulo Coelho
As I opened my mailbox I see a familiar handwriting. I look at the post-mark and it reads September 30th. I imagine this is the response to my text (see previous post) I ripped the envelope open and here it is in its entirety, a letter from Ex:
” September 28, 2013
I love you
I always have and always will.
For 2 1/2 years I was pretty good at loving you and holding the rest of my life together.
The last few months, I was not as good and I will never be able to make it up to you or explain how disappointed in myself that I am.
Currently, I have not yet pulled the rest of my life together and many things have worsened.
You are an exceptional and wonderful person and lady that deserves better than me and I realize how lucky and fortunate that I was to be in your life, even for just a few years.
I will always provide you with anything I can, just let me know if you need anything.”
As you may have guessed I couldn’t hold back the tears. I want to believe that he loved me, to think that I have dreamed up what we had it is too much to take. This letter somehow validates my feelings.
“A true love story has no endings.”
― M.F. Moonzajer
I am choosing to believe his words at this point, specially when he says I deserve better. With him still in my heart, and I am guessing he will forever be there, I am moving on.
In 2 days I am flying to Brazil to be with my family for 10 days. It will be good to get out of the NY air and all its memories even for a little bit.
Can I close this chapter for good?
Yes I can! And I dare believe in bigger blessings coming into my life! Ex was a blessing! He showed me love, he exposed me to new experiences. I would not trade the time that we spent together for anything in the world. I am a better person for having met him. Perhaps he is really showing me how much he loves me by letting me go. I am ready to accept this new version of the story.
This letter doesn’t erase his betrayal at the end of our relationship, but somehow I feel it is already helping me heal. Acceptance…oh sweet acceptance!
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
― Dalai Lama XIV