Tags
acceptance, breakup, healing, heartbreak, love, relationships
“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”
― Paulo Coelho
As I opened my mailbox I see a familiar handwriting. I look at the post-mark and it reads September 30th. I imagine this is the response to my text (see previous post) I ripped the envelope open and here it is in its entirety, a letter from Ex:
” September 28, 2013
Ana
I love you
I always have and always will.
For 2 1/2 years I was pretty good at loving you and holding the rest of my life together.
The last few months, I was not as good and I will never be able to make it up to you or explain how disappointed in myself that I am.
Currently, I have not yet pulled the rest of my life together and many things have worsened.
You are an exceptional and wonderful person and lady that deserves better than me and I realize how lucky and fortunate that I was to be in your life, even for just a few years.
I will always provide you with anything I can, just let me know if you need anything.”
As you may have guessed I couldn’t hold back the tears. I want to believe that he loved me, to think that I have dreamed up what we had it is too much to take. This letter somehow validates my feelings.
“A true love story has no endings.”
― M.F. Moonzajer
I am choosing to believe his words at this point, specially when he says I deserve better. With him still in my heart, and I am guessing he will forever be there, I am moving on.
In 2 days I am flying to Brazil to be with my family for 10 days. It will be good to get out of the NY air and all its memories even for a little bit.
Can I close this chapter for good?
Yes I can! And I dare believe in bigger blessings coming into my life! Ex was a blessing! He showed me love, he exposed me to new experiences. I would not trade the time that we spent together for anything in the world. I am a better person for having met him. Perhaps he is really showing me how much he loves me by letting me go. I am ready to accept this new version of the story.
This letter doesn’t erase his betrayal at the end of our relationship, but somehow I feel it is already helping me heal. Acceptance…oh sweet acceptance!
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
― Dalai Lama XIV