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Daily Archives: April 26, 2012

So now I am mad!!

26 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

betrayal, cheating

I just read in a Brazilian site about what this soccer player’s wife said about a husband cheating on his wife.

First the soccer player in question is Kaka, handsome, religious and rich.  She is a spoiled rich girl that got lucky in the husband department.

Any way she said and I am going to loosely translate from Portuguese: I would forgive a betrayal because wwhen the man betrays is a sign that the wife failed in some area. She was not giving what was necessary, and I don’t mean only sex. I speak of caring, dialogue, cumplicity. If Kaka betrays me it means I am doing something very wrong.

Her name is Carol Celico and supposedly they were both virgins when they got married.  Kudos for them, but not our real world.

I hope she does not go through a betrayal in the future, but I would like her to at least for a second feel what we, betrayed women, feel.  We do enough of second guessing on our own. We do question if we gave enough in all areas. We do look back and look for places where we could have been more caring, more attentive, more supportive, less critical, less demanding.

But guess what?

After all this guilt trip, after all this blame game, after all the clue collection and soul searching I realize that a man cheats because:

He was not man enough to voice his opinions, needs and wants.

He wasn’t honest enough to say that he no longer wanted a relationship.  

He thought he could get away with it.

The situation/opportunity presented himself.

He is having a mid-life crisis.

He wants to tell himself he still got it.

He is bored.

But I found the real truth.  A man (or woman) cheats because they are not happy with themselves.  If they were happy with themselves they would choose the honest path, they would communicate.  They would perhaps realize the value in their partner and how good they have at home before it is too late.

So, Carol Celico you are famous by virtue of your husband, please use this fame for some worthwhile causes. Do not use your soapbox to make woman feel guilty.  Do not add to their pain by making them feel it was their fault.  Their egos and self esteem are probably shattered by now, do not make it worst.

I know in my heart that I did my best and more than that in all areas, but sometimes no matter what you, no matter you can turn water into gold, some people will just lie to your face and cheat on your.  Their reasons, if they are able to come up with any, are not important.  the damaged is already done.  And lies and excuses just make it worst.

It would be refreshing to just hear: I lied and cheated and I don’t deserve you, please forgive me! 

Now that is what I wanted to hear, but I am sure some of you have heard that time after time, so if you do love yourself first and move on.

***

Do you agree with Carol Celico?

If not why do you think man cheat?

 

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The last kiss you gave me

26 Thursday Apr 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in EX Files

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

god, last kiss, liar, loser, relationship, Universe

The last kiss you gave me

Let me describe the scene: As I was driving away you reached your head inside the car and kissed me.  I felt nothing, the fireworks were no longer there.  I was staring not on the face of the boyfriend.  I was staring in the eyes of a liar.

The last kiss you gave me

It was empty

It was cold

It was painfully emotionless

It was dead

The last kiss you gave me had nothing that I knew we had

There was no feeling

There was no warmth

There was no desire

The last kiss you gave me it was for appearance

It was to keep the impression that all was ok

The last kiss you gave me it was as if it represented all you felt for me: nothing

 

I try not to think that it was a big nothing, but how can I not?

Where was I that didn’t see your unhappiness, I thought the laughter and intimacy was joy

Where was I when you had already began getting involved with others?

Didn’t deserve respect?  Do you know the meaning of the word?

Didn’t I deserve honesty?  Do you know what that it is? 

I am trying not to hate, not to be angry, not for you but for my sake.  I don’t want to carry it around with me.

 

I thank God and the Universe for giving me the strength not to crumble. 

For making me realize that all this is growing pains.

For making me see that I am special and honest and deserve the same.

 

What you did and are doing, and we both know what those are. I probably don’t know the full extent of it, but at this point I don’t even want to know. Nothing else surprises me.

It is weird but I feel I have been sleeping with a stranger.  What made you change?

You hit 50 and all of sudden you want attention and power and some more attention. Oh well, go and enjoy and I hope it feeds your cravings.

I wish you only the best. I hope you never ever have to feel the pain I feel inside.  Take my word for it loving a loser is no fun!

So it is indeed fitting that I will not have a passionate last kiss to remember you buy.  It will be as meaningless as I was to you.

The last kiss you gave me is what I am most thankful for!

***

Yes folks, I am in pain, and said to say that tears are still coming. If anyone can relate please let me know perhaps we can help each other.

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