That is what I want most: a clear mind, on this clear day!

I am achieving that. I am facing my future today, I am facing truths that are undeniable. There is no way I can sweep it under the rug anymore.  There is no way I can ignore the huge white elephant in the room.  The end is here.  I thought it didn’t have to happen, I though I could just go slowly day by day and it would happen naturally.

But I guess sometimes nature forces you to act. There are such things as acts of self preservation. This end is my self preservation.  It is my saying to myself: you are important, so I will let go of everything else, of the illusion of comfort and amenities, the illusion of companionship and friendship.

There is one day when you must stand up and against everything and everyone and say enough is enough. I am turning the other cheek, I am forgiving and forgetting, I am wishing you happiness, but I don’t have to be around.

Being around Ex, even though not often, just stirs up stuff inside.  The last few days all my feelings have been on high alert. I am seeing things, I am feeling things. None of it positive.  So I am doing my best to just last these last few days for the sake of the Moms.

God please help me bite my tongue and keep me from speaking all that is inside me.  For once hold back the impulsive me.

There is no need to say anything, there is no need to ask questions, there is no need to confront.