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The last kiss you gave me

Let me describe the scene: As I was driving away you reached your head inside the car and kissed me.  I felt nothing, the fireworks were no longer there.  I was staring not on the face of the boyfriend.  I was staring in the eyes of a liar.

The last kiss you gave me

It was empty

It was cold

It was painfully emotionless

It was dead

The last kiss you gave me had nothing that I knew we had

There was no feeling

There was no warmth

There was no desire

The last kiss you gave me it was for appearance

It was to keep the impression that all was ok

The last kiss you gave me it was as if it represented all you felt for me: nothing

 

I try not to think that it was a big nothing, but how can I not?

Where was I that didn’t see your unhappiness, I thought the laughter and intimacy was joy

Where was I when you had already began getting involved with others?

Didn’t deserve respect?  Do you know the meaning of the word?

Didn’t I deserve honesty?  Do you know what that it is? 

I am trying not to hate, not to be angry, not for you but for my sake.  I don’t want to carry it around with me.

 

I thank God and the Universe for giving me the strength not to crumble. 

For making me realize that all this is growing pains.

For making me see that I am special and honest and deserve the same.

 

What you did and are doing, and we both know what those are. I probably don’t know the full extent of it, but at this point I don’t even want to know. Nothing else surprises me.

It is weird but I feel I have been sleeping with a stranger.  What made you change?

You hit 50 and all of sudden you want attention and power and some more attention. Oh well, go and enjoy and I hope it feeds your cravings.

I wish you only the best. I hope you never ever have to feel the pain I feel inside.  Take my word for it loving a loser is no fun!

So it is indeed fitting that I will not have a passionate last kiss to remember you buy.  It will be as meaningless as I was to you.

The last kiss you gave me is what I am most thankful for!

***

Yes folks, I am in pain, and said to say that tears are still coming. If anyone can relate please let me know perhaps we can help each other.

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