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Tag Archives: second dates

What is worst than pulling teeth?

07 Sunday Jul 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

complainer, first dates, negative people, second dates, self-centered

What is worst than pulling teeth?

A date with an arrogant dentist!  But excuse me; he is not a regular dentist, as he reminded me a bunch of times.  He is a prothodontist.   He makes a lot of money, which he made a point of telling me more than once.

The date was all about him.  Besides talking about how successful he was, he enjoyed talking about being popular with young women.  The last 2 women he dated were less than half his age.  He said he broke things off when they wanted to have sex after only a few dates and he doesn’t want that.  He wants a commitment.  If he wants a commitment why is he going out with women that are younger than his youngest son?  I didn’t bother asking that.

He also wanted to talk a lot about online dating itself, the website and his experience there, all negative.  He didn’t make a single positive comment about it.  While I agree online dating could be much better I think it is silly to waste time on a first date complaining about it.  After all, online dating is the place that brought us together.  He focused too much on all the is negative.  I don’t like complainers.

When I was able to get a word in he made sure to disagree with me.  It seems he just disagreed for the sake of disagreeing.  A lot doesn’t bother me so I made the best of it and stayed for the whole dinner, but needless to say there will be no second date.

Speaking of second dates.  I did have a second date with B.  I haven’t mentioned him here yet, so the next post will be all about him.  Stay tuned.

“Self-centered people often get angry when someone tells them no.  Stan said yes out of fear that he would lose love and that other people would get angry at him. These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries:” ― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

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Dates, friends and the whatnots

24 Thursday May 2018

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

dental implants, emotional cheating, feeling pressured, Friends with benefits, friends with perks, Lapip, online dating, second dates

Dental Issues: I had a laser treatment called Lapip done to try to save a couple of implants I have. I had several shots of local anesthesia so other than the pain of the needle there was only minor discomfort afterwards. Now, fingers crossed and invoking the help of angels, I pray that it will work. Otherwise I will need to return and have the implant(s) removed. Please send me a positive vibe. 🙂

Cheating?
Not even close. My married pal and I have been keeping the texting strictly platonic.   We haven’t texted much, but when we do it, it is mostly fun and platonic.

In the beginning it seemed that things would veer off the friendship course and into the sexual realm. Incredibly and happily, they did not.

I realized that I can be quite an instigator. Once I started paying more attention to what I was saying/writing and staying away from innuendos, he caught on and toned things down also.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”  – Paulo Coelho

It was good for me to realize that I needed to take accountability for my actions and to realize that it was all up to me.  I am not a victim, this time or ever.

It feels good to just be friendly without the added pressure of wondering if it will go any further.

Trips down memory lane are a waste of time and energy. They don’t add anything to my present or future. It glamorizes a time that perhaps it was not even that great, but the absence of it makes it appear so.

“Yet in opinions look not always back,–
Your wake is nothing, mind the coming track;
Leave what you’ve done for what you have to do;
Don’t be “consistent,” but be simply true.” – 
― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. 

Friends with Benefits?
Not really full benefits, just a little perk every now and then.

Last Thursday my doctor friend and I got together again for dinner. This time it was just food, drinks and conversation.  We went to Rio Bravo in Larchmont, NY.  It was late and all the other places we wanted to go to were already closing their kitchens.  That is the problem with the suburbs… the kitchens close at 9:30.  The food and service was great.

We normally talk about everything, life, philosophy, spiritualism, etc.  Sometimes there is flirting, sometimes there is not.  This time there was no flirting or kissing.  It was equally fun.  I enjoy his company period.

I don’t think many people would understand it, but so far it works for us.   The deep, meaningful conversations is what I treasure most.  Kissing may happen or may not, and it hardly makes a difference.

“There can be no life without change, and to be afraid of what is different or unfamiliar is to be afraid of life.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I know, it is still crazy for me that I am okay with that.  It is crazy to discover this new side of me.  I normally like thinks defined, black or white, yes or no.  To find out that I am perfectly okay with this situation is freeing.

I think it works because, not only I don’t expect anything more than what it is, I don’t want it either.  I like things just the way they are.

This feels exactly like what freedom should taste like. There is this calm, no pressure, no expectation and I love it!!

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” – Anthony Robbins

Dating?
Some.

Last Monday I met the Nature/Science writer.  We went to Wine 34, a fun, as the name would indicate, wine bar on 34th street. The food and drinks were great. He is very smart and loves to talk so there was no silent moments.  There was no hint of romantic chemistry for me.  He wants a second date. I didn’t give a final answer yet, but I think there will be no second date.  I don’t want to waste his or my time. And even worst, I don’t want to give him false hope.

Last night I finally met the realtor that I have been speaking to for the past couple of months.  I give him credit for his patience and not giving up.  We went to Favela Cubana near Washington Square Park.  As the name would hint at, the food was Brazilian and Cuban.  Some dishes were good, but the pao de queijo was awful. My date had 3 Bloody Marys and a gin and tonic. I had a passion fruit caipirinha and then I tried a drink made with St. Germain, which is a liquor that I enjoy.  They were both good.

He was a very nice guy and the jury is still out on if there will be a second date or not, but I am leaning towards not.  He kissed me, a quick peck on the lips and that was okay.  But then he just kept wanting to kiss me again.  There is nothing more annoying to me than to keep saying no to someone.  What is the rush?  I hate feeling pressured.

The data architect is still in the picture.  We haven’t met again due to our conflicting schedules.  I don’t detect romance but he is just such a nice person and with all this texting we have become friends.  I think I will meet again and see what happens.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” – Albert Einstein

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The second date was a success! Now what?

06 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

being in the present, embracing the future, giving people a chance, La Boheme, learning to relax, letting go of past pains, Opera, second dates

“It is not uncommon for someone to be a self-saboteur and compound that by also having a victim mentality. It is as though they are holding their own breath and then blaming others for their inability to breathe. If they can break free from this cycle, everything in their life changes for the better.” – Steve Maraboli

Now I start getting scared and I either run away or I try to scare him away.  I will say something I shouldn’t. I will find faults.

He made the mistake of telling me that he likes me and that there is nothing I can do that will make him go away. He is smitten! I am scared!

What am I afraid of?  I am not sure. Perhaps I fear getting hurt or hurting someone.  Perhaps I fear being cheated on again. Perhaps I fear losing my freedom.

I have been trying to sabotage this potential relationship ever since. My mind is working overtime trying to find problems with him and reasons why it is not going to work.

Even before going on the second date I was already trying to sabotage it. He texted me to ask me which restaurant we should meet at.  I had a problem with that. I wanted him to choose the place.

I know that is a pretty bitchy attitude. Since I am not a bitchy person I think it is my subconscious attempt to mess things up.

I stopped, thought about what I was doing and decided to choose a restaurant instead of telling him that he should choose the place.

I chose a place I had been to before, Lea Wine Bar. It is a nice Tapas and Sushi place with a great atmosphere.  I had 2 lychee martinis that were amazing.  I even had Sushi for the first time.  Even though I have been to some of the best sushi places in Manhattan, I always ordered something else.  This time I tried the eel and it was good. I had some other tapas dishes, empanadas and bruschettas.

I told him at dinner that I like the man to choose the restaurant and that I was initially upset that he had asked me to choose.  He said that he wanted me to choose so that I could choose a convenient location but that from now on he is happy to choose it every time.

He is one of the nicest guys I have ever been on a date with.  My EX (the one that broke my heart and was what caused me to start this blog) was one of the nicest men too. He adored me from day 1. He treated me like a princess.  Then I found out he was cheating.

I don’t want to let that experience prevent me from giving this guy a chance, from giving me a chance. We are both excited about each other and the future, even though we have met only twice.  Unfortunately the weather here in the Northeast is brutal, so we are not sure when we will be meeting again.  Saturday and Sunday the cold will be record breaking and I don’t want him traveling over 1 hr to take me to dinner in such a weather.

He is very thoughtful and wants to take me anywhere I want to go.  He already got tickets for us to go to the Opera. His favorite Opera is La Boheme and he thinks that I will like it too. It is for February 16, which means that we have to be together until then. That is our joke now, that we have to put up with each other until then.

He is respectful, perhaps a bit too respectful. He kissed my hand a couple of minds and finally kissed me when I made it clear that it was okay.  The kiss didn’t blow me away. It was mostly a couple of pecks on my lips. I can tell, and he has told me, that he doesn’t to rush anything and upset me.

I didn’t want the date to end.  It felt comfortable and easy.  We both feel as if we have known each other forever.  It feels right.  But then the minute I step away I start questioning it, dissecting it, looking for problems.

Nothing is happening and I already have visions of missing being single. He is 59, and perhaps he is too old for me.  He lives too far, and I don’t like to drive.  Maybe he doesn’t know how to kiss and I will have to tell him that.  He is a laid back Pisces, I am a in your face Aries.

Now what?  Perhaps I can learn to be quiet and enjoy the moment, and not talk him and myself out of giving this a chance. Perhaps I can learn to not let my past interfere with my future. Perhaps I can just turn off my mind and be here now.

Perhaps I should just breathe!

***

“Closing The Cycle – Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.” 

– Paulo Coelho

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Anticipation that makes me giddy and Confrontation that makes my blood boil

03 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Dating, Finding Me

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

anticipation, awful first date, belief in God, confrontation, does God exist, great first date, not willing to engage, second dates

“The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting” – Andy Warhol

A great date!

On December 30th I met someone that drove over an hour in a car with no heat to take me out to dinner.  You probably have heard of how cold the Northeast is now, so he deserves an A for effort alone.  All I had to do was walk out of my building and turn a corner.

By his pictures and short profile I didn’t think we would be a romantic match.  Not that he was ugly, but he had only 3 pictures that were just weird. One of them was a selfie in front of a mirror without a shirt.  I don’t like such pictures.  On another he had spiky hair and looked a bit off.  He looked like an old rocker that perhaps had a little too much to drink. I hope he never reads this lol.  His profile didn’t tell me much, it was just a couple of generic lines.

What made me decide to meet him was his emails to me.  From the first one he took his time and wrote meaningful things.  He asked me interesting questions about things I mentioned in my profile.  He asked me about myself.  I detected openness and honesty.  I was intrigued.  I thought that we could have a nice evening and that the worst it could happen is that I would make a new friend.

He chose a great Italian restaurant.  Extra points for not being cheap.  Upon meeting we just clicked. I saw that he was a bit shy and unsure in the very the beginning, but I think I disarmed him with my friendly attitude.  I really never met a stranger.  He turned out to be so real and open.

“… We need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive.” – Albert Camus

We stared and smiled at each other the whole time.  He was so different than what his pictures had shown.  I told him that.  The hair was still a little spiky but tame. I wanted to touch it but refrained from it.  Some people can be very touchy about their hair. 🙂

Before the night was over he asked me on a second date.  He told me how beautiful and funny I was and that he was having a great time.

We ended the night with a quick hug.  I would have been okay with a kiss, but I so appreciate him being respectful.

We are going on a second date tomorrow. This time we will be meeting in Manhattan. Again he is being considerate and said he will be meet me near the train station so I don’t have to go out of my way.

We both seem equally excited about this second date.  Stay tuned, I am hoping for fireworks.  If you have been reading my blog you know I have gotten excited before and things haven’t always end up well, but I am not letting past experiences curb my enthusiasm.

This anticipation is priceless so I am going to dwell in, marinate in and enjoy every second of it. I am going to be stupidly giddy and happy with butterflies in my stomach.  I am going to hope that holds my hand and that he kisses me.

I hope he is real and I have not dreamed him up.

“Never forget that anticipation is an important part of life. Work’s important, family’s important, but without excitement, you have nothing. You’re cheating yourself if you refuse to enjoy what’s coming.” – Nicholas Sparks

***

“It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration and respect.” – Herman Hesse

One of the worst dates ever!

Even with a second promising date scheduled I decided not to cancel a previously scheduled date I had tonight.

I didn’t like that he was a little evasive about work.  He said he was taking classes at the moment and writing a play.  I wanted to have an open mind and give him the benefit of the doubt.  I am a sucker for people that are passionate about something and he seemed passionate about the arts.

In my conversations with him he seemed a bit awkward. How wrong I was!  He was not awkward, he was just a jerk! And I don’t use that term loosely.

For starters, picture this: We are standing in line at the coffee shop and while I am asking the server a question about a pastry, he orders and pays for his coffee.  I should have said good night right then and there.  If I a guy cannot be courteous enough to pay for the lady’s cup of coffee on the first date then he should have no business attempting to date.

After finding a table and sitting down with our coffees he took a piece of a donut I got after I asked him if he wanted some.  He took a piece, ate it, then started to lick each finger more than once.  I offered him a napkin.  Then he took another piece and repeated the same finger licking exercise.  All of a sudden I didn’t want any more of this amazing coconut cream donut.  Strike 2!

He started talking about a play he wrote about religion.  It seemed interesting and I told him that.  I agreed with him that there are religious fanatics out there and people can get insane about religion.

He sneezed and I said: God bless you.  He responded by saying he didn’t believe in God.  When I opened my mouth to say something he immediately said:  “Here comes the questions”.  And from there things became confrontational.

I asked: What questions?  He said that people normally start questioning him on why he doesn’t believe in God.  I could sense his confrontational tone.  I said that there would be no questions from me as I respected his beliefs and hoped that he would respect that I believe in God and didn’t want to talk about it at that point.

He clearly was disappointed that I didn’t want to engage on a debate over the existence of God.  He ignored my wishes of not wanting to discuss the subject.  He kept going on and on trying to get a reaction out of me.  I kept saying that I could debate it but was not interested in it.

One thing I dislike most is when people try to change my mind about some belief I have.  Specially when I say that I am not interested in discussing it.

He said: “But I should be allowed to say why I don’t believe”.  I said: “Go ahead”

He mentioned that the main reason that he couldn’t believe in God it was because he couldn’t understand if God exists why he chooses to only help some people and not others. And if that is the case God is very incompetent. He said that with a smirk as if he expected that word “incompetent” would make me mad.

At some point in response to something he said I said he had a simplistic view.  He got up got his jacket and said I offended him.  I said that my words were not meant to offend but that if I offended him I apologized.  Truly, I never want to offend anyone and my comment was not meant to offend.  I also said that that was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to discuss it.  The moment I said something he didn’t like he was ready to go.

He sat back down, but instead of changing the subject he continued trying to push me to talk about my reasons for believing in God and to explain that eternal question: “Why bad things happen to good people”

I mentioned that I didn’t have all the answers and I felt it was a deep and long conversation as I would have to talk about all my studies since I was a child and being exposed to all sorts of religions and different philosophies of life, including topics such as spiritualism, reincarnation, karma, etc.

While I don’t have a problem talking about why I chose to believe in God, a Superior being, the Universe, The Light, or whatever name people choose to call it, I felt he was intent in proving me wrong.  He seemed to want a debate and not a healthy discussion.

“Tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs. It’s about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” – Timothy J. Keller

I know people with different beliefs and have had many great conversations on our different believes.  In the end we end up getting even closer understanding our differences.  I think it is important to try to understand each other, with always having respect at the forefront.  But he seemed intent on proving a point and not open to listening.  I am not interested in that.

It is not only the fact that I said I didn’t want to about it.  It was also not only about what he was saying but how he was saying it.  He had a smirk on his face as if he held the knowledge in his hands and I was this poor ignorant being in the darkness.  I didn’t like the cynicism in his voice and his ironic tone.

Towards the end he started saying that I had issues if I was not willing to discuss different topics.  This is a first date and I think I am allowed to refuse to discuss any subjects I don’t want to discuss. After putting up with it as much as I could and not wanting to be in that negative energy any longer,  this time I was the one getting up and leaving. It never felt as good and freeing walking away from someone.

By the way the whole time there was guy sitting in a table across from listening to our conversation.  He would from time to time just shake his head in disbelief.  At one point I thought he was going to come over. I should have walked to his table when I got up.

Once again, for the record, I am a firm believer in God.  It sustains me, it grounds me and it gives me wings.  But I don’t need people to agree with me.  I am respectful of people that hold different beliefs. I don’t profess to have the right answer and I would be leery of anyone that think that they do.

The only thing that I hope for is the universal belief in the Golden Rule.  Let’s do no harm and let’s strive for peace, understanding and respect.

“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.” – Robert F.Kennedy

 

 

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I rather have an amazing cookie than a so-so date

08 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Empire State Building, Levain bakery, Levain cookies, miscommunications and misunderstandings, not ok with silence, rooftop bar in NYC, second dates, Strand Hotel, the writer and the accountant

Empire State Building

The writer

We had a second date. We met for a drink at the rooftop bar at the Strand Hotel. You can see by the picture above the awesome view of the Empire State Building

The bar is small and normally full of tourists that may or may not be staying at hotel. On this night, a Monday, it was pretty quiet.

I got there and he was already seated waiting for me. He was in a very sharp looking gray suit with no tie. He had been attending a conference.

He is very nice, but perhaps a bit on the shy, introvert side.  I seem to be the one that has to be introducing conversation topics.

I can tell he likes my company and I like his, but I am not sure why the quiet times.  Perhaps the issue is more on me having a problem with silence. Any silence more than a few seconds and I am already asking a question to fill in the space.

On dates I have been trying to be okay with silence and have the man direct the conversation.  I am failing miserably at that.

He had 2 drinks and I had one. After almost 2 hours he suggested we leave and walk to the station. One block away from the train station he asked if I was hungry and wanted to have dinner. It caught me off guard as I was already in my “going home” frame of mind.

I figured that if he wanted to get something to eat we could have done so at the bar, so I was a bit confused.  I just said that I wasn’t necessarily hungry but I can always eat, but I also said I think I should just go home, or something like that.

It would have been nice to grab some dinner with him but I was a bit tired of being in charge of the conversation.

We mostly talked about writing.  He has a couple of novels published.  I mentioned the joys of blogging and suggested he should do that to connect to other writers.

I am not sure there will be a third date.  I am leaving the door open, but I want him to do the talking.

Why does silence makes me uncomfortable?

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” – Kahlil Gibran

The 34 yr old accountant

We have been texting since the first date and were scheduled to meet tonight to go get cookies at Levain Bakery.  I also have to meet him to pay off a $5.00 bet.

On Monday I had already mentioned to him that dating wouldn’t be a good idea because of the age difference and that we were going to meet as friends.

He said that he was not concerned about the age.  He has been trying to convince me otherwise.

Due to communication issues we will not be meeting tonight and perhaps never again.

On Monday he was sick at home. On Tuesday he said he was bored at work with nothing to do. He confirmed that Thursday was the best day for him to meet.  Yesterday (Wednesday) he said he was having a busy day. Today at 2 pm I texted him to confirm place and time to meet.

He asked if we could meet tomorrow. I said that I already had plans and that we could try getting together a day next week.

Back and forth emails ensued.  At one point he said that if I was not so insistent in meeting at 5 pm then perhaps he could do it.

That came out of nowhere.  I was never insistent on 5 pm. What I say to all the guys when talking about scheduling a date is that I can make myself available as early as 4 pm.  the good thing about texting is that I have that in writing.  We have met before on a Friday at 5:30 because he said that was the best time for him.

I don’t expect everyone to be able to meet that early so I often stay in the office and work while waiting to meet someone at a better time for them.

I said to him that he should have told me about the timing issue before today so we could have cleared that up and not wait until I contacted him on meeting day to say something.

Eventually he said I was right and that he was not being fair to me.  He said that he would make it work and we should still meet.  I said that work should come first and that I would feel guilty if he was skipping work to meet me.

He kept insisting on meeting but by then I was already turned off about meeting tonight.  So I came home early and made myself a good meal.

I still want the big yummy cookies from Levain Bakery though!

“Words are the source of misunderstandings.”  – Atonie De Saint-Exupery

I try to be completely honest and communicate clearly.  Still I have a lot miscommunication with a lot of my dates.  I sometimes annoy people because I want to clarify things. I guess I need to get better at it, specially with texting, so many things get assumed.

As far as the age difference I just realized as I write this that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if we had some more things in common, other than just being chemically attracted to each other.  I know I am not interested in a just purely physical relationship.

Or am I?

Levain cookies

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"Eu vivo na possibilidade..."
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"Às vezes você ganha, às vezes você aprende."- John C. Maxwell
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My very indulgent daily coffee involves a combination of everything in this picture. The most exciting part of my day.
In a day where everything is going wrong, I dare to feel extremely hopeful and happy. There are tons of miracles in the making. Patiently, I wait.
It blossomed while I was away.
"Viver é a coisa mais rara do mundo. A maioria das pessoas apenas existe."
Hello New York! Happy to be back home!
"Onde nós amamos é casa - casa que nossos pés podem sair, mas não nossos corações."
Change is good! Becoming blonde little by little. Blonde and straight instead of dark and curly.
“Sempre é cedo demais para desistir." -

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