We had a second date. We met for a drink at the rooftop bar at the Strand Hotel. You can see by the picture above the awesome view of the Empire State Building
The bar is small and normally full of tourists that may or may not be staying at hotel. On this night, a Monday, it was pretty quiet.
I got there and he was already seated waiting for me. He was in a very sharp looking gray suit with no tie. He had been attending a conference.
He is very nice, but perhaps a bit on the shy, introvert side. I seem to be the one that has to be introducing conversation topics.
I can tell he likes my company and I like his, but I am not sure why the quiet times. Perhaps the issue is more on me having a problem with silence. Any silence more than a few seconds and I am already asking a question to fill in the space.
On dates I have been trying to be okay with silence and have the man direct the conversation. I am failing miserably at that.
He had 2 drinks and I had one. After almost 2 hours he suggested we leave and walk to the station. One block away from the train station he asked if I was hungry and wanted to have dinner. It caught me off guard as I was already in my “going home” frame of mind.
I figured that if he wanted to get something to eat we could have done so at the bar, so I was a bit confused. I just said that I wasn’t necessarily hungry but I can always eat, but I also said I think I should just go home, or something like that.
It would have been nice to grab some dinner with him but I was a bit tired of being in charge of the conversation.
We mostly talked about writing. He has a couple of novels published. I mentioned the joys of blogging and suggested he should do that to connect to other writers.
I am not sure there will be a third date. I am leaving the door open, but I want him to do the talking.
Why does silence makes me uncomfortable?
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” – Kahlil Gibran
The 34 yr old accountant
We have been texting since the first date and were scheduled to meet tonight to go get cookies at Levain Bakery. I also have to meet him to pay off a $5.00 bet.
On Monday I had already mentioned to him that dating wouldn’t be a good idea because of the age difference and that we were going to meet as friends.
He said that he was not concerned about the age. He has been trying to convince me otherwise.
Due to communication issues we will not be meeting tonight and perhaps never again.
On Monday he was sick at home. On Tuesday he said he was bored at work with nothing to do. He confirmed that Thursday was the best day for him to meet. Yesterday (Wednesday) he said he was having a busy day. Today at 2 pm I texted him to confirm place and time to meet.
He asked if we could meet tomorrow. I said that I already had plans and that we could try getting together a day next week.
Back and forth emails ensued. At one point he said that if I was not so insistent in meeting at 5 pm then perhaps he could do it.
That came out of nowhere. I was never insistent on 5 pm. What I say to all the guys when talking about scheduling a date is that I can make myself available as early as 4 pm. the good thing about texting is that I have that in writing. We have met before on a Friday at 5:30 because he said that was the best time for him.
I don’t expect everyone to be able to meet that early so I often stay in the office and work while waiting to meet someone at a better time for them.
I said to him that he should have told me about the timing issue before today so we could have cleared that up and not wait until I contacted him on meeting day to say something.
Eventually he said I was right and that he was not being fair to me. He said that he would make it work and we should still meet. I said that work should come first and that I would feel guilty if he was skipping work to meet me.
He kept insisting on meeting but by then I was already turned off about meeting tonight. So I came home early and made myself a good meal.
I still want the big yummy cookies from Levain Bakery though!
“Words are the source of misunderstandings.” – Atonie De Saint-Exupery
I try to be completely honest and communicate clearly. Still I have a lot miscommunication with a lot of my dates. I sometimes annoy people because I want to clarify things. I guess I need to get better at it, specially with texting, so many things get assumed.
As far as the age difference I just realized as I write this that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if we had some more things in common, other than just being chemically attracted to each other. I know I am not interested in a just purely physical relationship.
Or am I?