Tag Archives: online dating

Enjoying the wait while dreaming of the future

05 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“You are a child of the universe, 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” 
― Max Ehrmann

I had another date with D.  This time he drove to my town on Saturday night.  We met at 9pm at a wine bar called Gnarly Vine.  We shared a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine.  We were there until 11:45pm.  We would have stayed longer but they normally close at 10:30pm.  We were the last ones to leave.

As usual we had a great time talking about everything.  He gave me a better insight on his various businesses.  I enjoyed mostly talking about the trips we want to take together.

He held my hand and mentioned how special he thinks I am and how happy he is to have found me.  Again he expressed his wish to have his house sold soon and be done with the divorce.  Again I tried to reassure him that I will be patient and wait.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. 
…live in the question.” -― Rainer Maria Rilke

In the meantime I manage my impatience by still being on dating sites and going on dates.  I told him about that and he seemed to understand.  I probably didn’t need to tell him that, but I don’t want miscommunication.   I pretend I don’t really care if he ever gets divorced, but after 4 dates I am really growing to like him and to dream about the possibility of a future together.

At this point he seems very sincere in his words, transparent in his actions and really interested in a future together. I am taking the “wait and see” approach. I am enjoying the moment regardless of the outcome.

Up to now there was only a couple of quick kisses, but that changed when he walked me home after the date on Saturday.  In the lobby of my building we exchanged some kisses that made me crave more of him.

He is also started texting more. I think he is starting to believe that this can become serious.

“A warrior of the Light is never in a hurry.  Time works in his favor; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.” ― Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light

So, on that note yesterday I had a date with a student/professor.  A. is 48 years old and lives in a neighboring town.  He teaches and is also working on his second PhD, to go along with his many other degrees.  The conversation was stimulating to see the least.  We talked for many hours.  I think I would be the injection of fun that he needs in his life.  Last night after the date he sent me a text: “Really enjoyed being with you and wish the night didn’t have to end.  Attractive, caring, intelligence.”

He was a very nice man and last night asked for a second date on Thursday. I said yes, but now I am not sure. I guess there is no harm in seeing him again.

“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.” – Vincent van Gogh

 

The waiting game and spark-less dates

16 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“The happiness you are seeking is not to be found in the flow of life, but in your attitude toward whatever life brings.” ― Ramesh S. Balsekar

Life proceeds with the ups and downs.  I proceed with gratitude.  On the downs I tell myself that it will pass and I remember the ups.  Without the downs life would just be flat and boring.  At the up times I remember to be even more grateful.

SALE OF APARTMENT

The contract is signed.  I am hoping to close soon but we have to wait for the title search that normally takes 2 to 3 weeks.  For this impatient Aries having to wait is painful, but it is also a chance to learn acceptance.  So I sit back, breath and inhale patience.

I was at the apartment last night and I remembered how much I loved living there.  It is so cozy.   I moved out to go live with the ex-boyfriend.  After 3 years there he cheated on me and broke my heart, and I started this blog.

I felt a bit nostalgic.  I reminded myself the reasons why I am selling it: for simplicity, for less encurbements.  It is the end of a chapter.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” – Paulo Coelho

DATES

I have had a couple of date these past several days.  I decided to keep those 2 very short, just coffee dates.

Mr. A.  He is 61 and is a psychologist and also involved in a business venture.  We met at a nice coffee shop in my neighborhood.  His ex-wife and business partner was having issues and texting him non-stop.   For some reason I didn’t really care about that.

He is a bit too much for me.  It is hard to explain.  He talked non-stop.  I had trouble keeping up with all he was saying.  No chemistry but I think we may still become friends and bond over spirituals and zen pursuits.  Some of what I was able to grasp from what he was saying was actually interesting.

Mr. L.  He is 55 and works for the NY Federal Court System.   We met in Grand Central Station, which was very convenient for me, so I appreciated his thoughtfulness with that.  We had some pleasant conversation but I did most of the talking.  We seem to be at very different stages in life even though we are almost the same age.  Again, a good guy but not for me. Zero chemistry.

“Let yourself disappear in the darkness; if you are loved, people will come and find you with torches in their hands! Love is a great searcher; it always searches the loved one! To see who really love you, just disappear!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Dates and Decisions

05 Saturday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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DATING

Update on the date with Mr. J. – We met at a Brazilian restaurant on 46th Street called Ipanema.  We had a couple of appetizers that were delicious.  I had the passion fruit caipirinha and he had the original one.

We talked non-stop like old friends and bonded over our love of skiing. Unfortunately there wasn’t much chemistry.  Also his divorce is not final yet and he is still living in the family home.  It is going to be awhile until he gets his situation sorted out and I don’t want to get involved in it, chemistry or no chemistry.

I have no dates schedule.  I want to date more but I will only schedule something if I think that there is an inkling of chance that I will meet a lover or a friend.

Speaking of friend, I have a friend date scheduled with my friend A. for another sauna, gym and food session tomorrow.  We are going to try a natural organic vegetarian restaurant. I am shocked to say that I am looking forward to it. 🙂

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.” ― Paulo Coelho

****

APARTMENT SALE (Simplifying life)

My apartment was listed on Thursday afternoon.  By the end of the day I already had an offer for my full asking price.  Did I list too low?  It is hard to tell.  It seems comparable to apartments in the area and the ones that have been sold in the complex.

At the same time there are not a lot of similar properties in the market so my realtor and I hoped to generate a buzz and possibly receive multiple offers. I was hoping for a cash offer and not have to deal with waiting for financing, etc.

The person that made the offer is someone that has been interested in the apartment for years.  She wanted to rent but missed that to someone that gave me a full year of rent payments in advance.

She made the offer on the condition that I would not go through with an Open House  scheduled for tomorrow.  I declined. I want to do at least one and see what happens.

I don’t think this person will go away if she really wants it, but it is a gamble.

I am a bit sad about selling this apartment.  I really loved it when I lived there but the chances that I will go back and live there are slim to none. The apartment I live at now has 2 bedrooms and is closer to the train station. Two things I need at this time.

On the other hand there is jubilation.  There is this feeling of freedom and of leaving the past in the past, good or bad.

Time to let go, move on and simplify.

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.” – Henry David Thoreau

A whole new year to learn, to live and to love

03 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“There will be no New Year for those who keep living in the older years! If you really want to enter a new year, shot all the doors behind you and stick yourself to the New Year where everything is ready for you to be designed by you! Every man is an artist and every artist has the power to create infinite things; just be in the present time and design your life! No man can design his life by being in the past because present time is the only studio we can do our work!” -― Mehmet Murat ildan

2019 is here!  Now what?  Now we get to forget all the failures of 2018 and have a whole year to be successful. How exciting: A whole year to make new memories!

I want to do more this year.  More of everything. More dating, more exercise, more reading, and more writing. I want to live more.  When I die I don’t want to leave any living on the table.  No regrets!

*** DATING

Mr. M. We had a couple of dates. He is a 60 year old executive in the health industry.  We kissed on the second date and it was okay.  The earth didn’t move, but I wouldn’t mind being kissed again.  Then things fizzled.  I think he wanted me to be more aggressive and ask for a third date. I am not that into him to go after him.

Mr. J.  He is a construction engineer and we are having a first date tonight.  I don’t know much about him. We both enjoy skiing, that is what I am most excited about since I am dying to go skiing.  Perhaps we will hit off and plan some skiing trip.

Mr. A.  He is a psychologist. We have been exchanging email where he is mostly instructing me about Meditation and some other spiritual stuff.  It has been fascinating.  I think this will be a beautiful and rewarding friendship.  We are not talking about meeting yet but it will happen in due time.

I am open to meeting great minds and great hearts. I love meeting people that are open to sharing their knowledge with me. In that sense I am a sponge. Everyone is a teacher, and I am always ready to learn.

Mr. R.  We had a date last year then he disappeared.  He is now back asking me out for a drink.  I didn’t say no yet, but I don’t think I want to revisit the past.  He explained why he disappeared but even if he hadn’t disappeared I probably wouldn’t have gone on a second date.  He is smart and funny but we had zero chemistry.  I am going to offer friendship.

“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’ ‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.” ― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

I have been hanging out a lot with my friend A. We have definitely become great friends.  Remember, he is the friend that I kissed on occasion, but that I decided not to do it anymore. A kiss is harmless, but why do it if we don’t care for each other in that way?

On Sunday we went to the sauna, to a juice bar and then Starbucks.  We skipped the gym.  We had been there on Saturday and my hip was not happy.  Then in the evening he invited me to go to an Ethiopian Restaurant.  The food was good and I enjoyed giving it a try, but it is not at the top of my favorite cuisines.

After the restaurant he wanted to go to a specific bar, but it was closed.  He then asked if I wanted to go see his apartment, which I have never been to before even though it is only a 5 minute drive from my home.  I have been curious to see his apartment as I am always curious to see how people live but I decided to decline the invitation.  I didn’t want to be in a situation where he would try to kiss me and I would have to refuse. He would respect that I am sure but it would be awkward.  We have a great friendship going, why chance it? We joke and flirt but at the end of the day we both just want to be friends.

***

Image result for green book

On the first day of the year I had lazy day, then in the late afternoon my sister and I went to the movies. We saw The Green Book.  It was awesome.  It is a road trip where differences disappear and hardships unite.  Ultimately, to me, it was about friendship. It is about recognizing that we are all the same in our core.  Everyone just trying to survive and be happy.   It is a message of respect and kindness. I highly recommend it.

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” ― ZORA NEALE HURSTON

 

Chivalry needs to be resuscitated

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect” ― Jane Austen

Following up my last post where I mentioned the date with P. I was still thinking about his behavior.  I think that it bothered me even more than I was willing to admit.  I needed to get back to him with a yes or no in regards to the second date.  So I decided that honesty was the best policy and flat out asked him about it.

I emailed him: “Why would you hurry and get your food before I got there and not offer to get me my coffee?

Here is his reply: “I apologize for what appeared rude or improper behavior.  Frankly, what’s appropriate these days is not so clear as it used to be.  I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just a drink and conversation, or something more like a  mini meal.  I was very hungry so I had some choices.  If I ordered something that took time to cook, but I didn’t know how far away you were, either I’d have time to eat fast, or you’d show up close to when I got my food, so I would wait for you to get what you wanted.

When it comes to buying your coffee, food or whatever, this is a meeting, not a date(as some women have said to me!), so it seems fair and “modern” to just each of us do our own thing. The old way, the guy always buying, has a touch of “She owes me now” to it, especially in this time when #metoo has emerged. I am trying to tread lightly, not be aggressive or overbearing or make you in any way feel “obligated” to me. Maybe I’m overdoing it. Maybe I’m overanalyzing. All I can say is it’s not easy being a guy sometimes! lol 

Yes…I probably could have let all our conversations be that “first meeting” and treated this more like a first date.  But if we both had actually felt exactly like that, we probably would have been locked lip to lip in a lengthy goodbye kiss on the sidewalk. “

“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.” ― Haruki Murakami

That answer didn’t make everything all better.

Manners and chivalry are always appropriate, that to me is clear as a bell.  It sounded like he really thought about how to get his food so that he didn’t have to buy mine. He knew I was just a couple minutes away.  I am thinking he was being just cheap.

I think many men are coming up with the excuse that the first date is just a meeting and therefore they don’t need to pay for anything.  For the women that say that I think they don’t want to be stuck with someone they don’t like.  I understand and don’t want to judge, but for me the first date is the first date.  I only agree to meet people that I think could at least be a friend.  If I don’t want to sacrifice an hour or 2 of my time I just don’t agree to meet the person period.

I don’t care where we meet, at the park or the library, but if he chooses a coffee shop I expect that he is paying for my coffee. After all I got my hair done, nails done, I am wearing perfume.  Everyone is making an effort to put their best foot forward or so I hope.

#metoo?  Really?  He is going to use that?  What does that have to do with a cup of coffee?

Why would I think I owe the guy anything because he paid for my coffee?  To me it is just a kind gesture.  It sounds to me that he is the one that has expectations when he does anything for a woman.

We had been exchanging emails for over 3 months on a daily basis.  I expected more.  I expected a cup of coffee and it seems that he expected passionate kisses.

We exchanged a couple of emails after the one above.  I politely declined the second date and wished him luck.

And so it goes…

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” ― Stephen R. Covey

Weekly Update: Date, stress, Sauna

06 Tuesday Nov 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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I finally had the date with P.  He was a handsome guy, but no chemistry.  He wants a second date but I don’t think there is any reason for it, even though I didn’t say no.

He missed the chance of making a good first impression but going ahead and getting his coffee and quiche before I got to the coffee shop.  I got there only a few minutes after him.  When I sat down he was drinking a espresso and said: ” I was hungry and ordered a quiche”.  There was no question or offer to get me anything.  I think that is rude and in bad taste.  It tells me he is either cheap or clueless.  If he is so cheap that he doesn’t want to buy me a cup of coffee on the first date I hate to think how it will be if we ever start a relationship.  If he is just clueless on how to treat a lady, I don’t think I have the energy and time to retrain a 55 year old man.

There was also some difference of opinions that I think it would become more apparent if we were to embark on a relationship.  I am a believer of things I cannot see (God, angels, etc).  He believes in only things that can be seen and proven.  There is nothing wrong with his beliefs, but I think it could cause problems in the future.

There were also additional things that I didn’t care about.   I am not sure if it is just me being picky or really some things are red flags and I should be aware of them.

“[Marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out.” ― Michel de Montaigne

***

The issue with my tenant continues. I realize that to some people conflicts such as this would barely register but I get extremely anxious about any situation in limbo.  He told me he didn’t decide yet if he is moving out or not but he also is not returning to the apartment until the people next door moves.

This being in limbo makes me nuts.  Leave or stay but make a decision.  I said to him not matter his decision he has to pay the rent.  I got a bit annoyed at his audacity of thinking he can do whatever he wants with no regards to me.  Also accusing me of not doing something about a situation that I have no control of it is offensive to me since I have done all I could, always.

I am not cut out to be a landlord.

“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.” -― Lao Tzu

***

Works keeps surprising me with new challenges. I guess it is only fitting since I remember complaining that my job held no challenges.

Now I found out that if we have a Russian customer or a customer with Russian ties they have only 14 days to pay from the date of the invoice.  No one pays within 14 days in our industry.  We are lucky to get paid within 30 days.  Our bank flagged the payment and returned the money to the customer.  We have been told that any payments from them will be flagged if we try to collect this invoice again.

It is safe to say that we are staying away from Russians now.  We are also following closely the OFAC list of sanctions.

Then there are NFA’s and FinCEN’s regulations that make me require more information of new customers.  The customers are not happy with me. All these regulations are making me crazy.

“Challenge and adversity are meant to help you know who you are. Storms hit your weakness, but unlock your true strength.” ― Roy T. Bennett

***

On Sunday I went to the sauna and gym again with my friend.  Afterwards we went to a vegan restaurant.  It was okay, not really my cup of tea.

At the gym I need to be very careful not to overdo with the weights.  I have very strong legs and I like to do very heavy weights, but I realize I am just beginning and I also have hip and back issues.

The feeling of doing something healthy for my body is great.  This feeling of power travels to all areas of my life.

Stay tune for Miss Invincible!  She is returning!

“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.”  – ― Epictetus

 

 

 

Closing doors and making choices

10 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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G. sent me the text above.

He thought I couldn’t resist it.  I did.  I will not reply. I will not fall for the silly attempts.

I let him get back into my life once, thinking that we could build a great friendship after I realized that romance was not in the cards.   Then he made those comments about immigrants.

He was insensitive and never apologized for being so.  Perhaps if he had apologized the friendship could have been saved.

Instead he continued on with his hurtful comments, making matters even worst. He seemed intent on hurting me.

Now it pains me to ignore him. It pains me to ignore anyone.  But I need to stop leaving the door open for anyone to just waltz back in and hurt me again.

I have the power over who I let into my heart and life.  I am using that power.  I am choosing sanity and good energy.

G. don’t bother knocking, the door is locked for you. Don’t try the window either!

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” – Roy T. Bennett

 

3 dates and a job

07 Friday Sep 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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My dating life is going slow as I haven’t been devoting much time to it.  Online dating does become like a second job sometimes.

I have managed however to have 3 dates with one guy.  That in itself is astonishing since I am mostly a one date girl.

On the first date we went for a late drink at a wine bar. I had prosecco, he had a couple of different red wines, and we shared a cheese platter.  There were no fireworks but he was nice and friendly.  He asked me on a second date that night and I said yes.

During that first date I mentioned that my sister was now living with me and looking for a job.  The next day he texted me and asked if my sister wanted to work some hours at his restaurant/catering business while she is going on interviews for something in her field.  I showed my sister the text and she agreed to go meet him at the restaurant the next day. She was hired to work 3 days a week.

On the second date he cooked for me at his restaurant. He made crostini with avocado, smoked salmon and capers on top, paired with prosecco (he remembered I like it) for the appetizers.  For the entree he made flank steak (which I had mentioned I liked), spaetzle (German egg noodle) and spinach, paired with red wine.  For dessert I had a choice of brownie sundae or ice cream sandwich. By then I was so full that I just had a chocolate chip cookie.  The photos above are not that great as I took them in the kitchen and not at the table.

For the third date we had drinks at an Italian restaurant and then went to a lounge with loud dance music as it was the only thing open after 11pm.  Still we found a quiet corner and managed to be able to talk.

I am still not sure about chemistry.  He is a great guy, but also a gentleman and there hasn’t been anything other than a peck on the lips.  Until there is a kiss I cannot tell where this will go.

He has 3 kids between the ages of 10 and 14 and he is busy with them every day.  He is also very busy with the restaurant and catering, so we haven’t met each other again after those 3 dates.  For now we have a texting friendship and that suits me fine, but if we ever start a romantic relationship the lack of time would probably annoy me.

It is a tricky dynamic to mix work with romance even though I am not the one working for him.  At first I was overthinking this, then I decided to relax and go with the flow.  First, this is just a part time gig for my sister and will not last forever.  Second, I have a feeling that he and I will just become good friends and not romantic mates.

I guess the message for me with this post is to keep an open mind.  Open mind to go  a second and third date even if there are no fireworks in the first.  Open mind to think that it is okay to have my sister work for someone I just met and that I can possibly have a relationship with.  Open mind to not shut him down for his lack of time and let things develop.  Open mind to try a different route.

Wishing you all a blessed and fun weekend!

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” – Isaac Asimov

 

Second date and I am still excited

05 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I’d hoped to give you forever” – Nicholas Sparks

I hardly ever have a second date and normally it is just to confirm what I had already known:  that I am not into this person.  But this time it is different.

The second date was last Sunday.  I went to his house.  It is a bit crazy for me to go to someone’s house this early in a relationship but I really wanted to see his home. I love seeing how people live.  It tells me a lot about who they are.  Also, he had told me his house was freaking adorable, so yes I was curious.

I had no doubt I would be safe, so I had no reservations about going there.

His house is indeed adorable. It is small and cozy.  He knew I would like it as I mentioned to him that I like vintage stuff, woods and metals.  His house is filled with all kinds of artifacts, vintage furniture and art pieces he has done.

It was like a log cabin inside and covered in all kinds of nick knacks.  Every item has a story.  G. is by profession a carpenter, but his passion and talent lies in woodcarving and other artwork made out of driftwood.

I specially loved the backyard. It is so fairy-tale like with so many birds, and plants.  One side of the house is totally covered in ivy. I didn’t see the vegetable garden he has on the roof and I didn’t shower in the outdoor shower.  Those are saved for date # 3.

Since I was going to his house and our chemistry is crazy we talked about the subject of sex.   We decided that we would not rush into anything.  We will take it slow and easy.  There was plenty of kissing and snuggling but no sex.

I got there around 9:30am.  It took me 50 minutes to get there.  After a long hug and a peck on the lips he handed me a cup of coffee and proceeded to give me a tour of the house. That probably took a couple of hours.  Not that the house was big, it was that each item, each corner has history and a story.

We sat outside for awhile, talking about the plants and the birds.  Then we went inside and he proceeded to make brunch.  I watched him for awhile and offered to help.  He told me to lay down in his bedroom and just relax.  He said he would call me when it was time to butter the bread.   I did, and after awhile he called to butter the English muffins.

“The Very first moment I beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone.”  – Jane Austen

The reason he said laid down on the bed versus sit down on the couch is that from the bedroom where the bed was one could see straight into the kitchen where he was.  I imagine that was the reason, because now looking back it seemed odd.  In the moment all was perfect, nothing awkward or weird about anything.

He made sauteed sweet potatoes, sausage, and eggs. I never cared for sweet potatoes.  I could take it or leave it.  But these were the best sweet potatoes I ever had.

It was probably already 3 pm by the time we were eating. After lingering over our empty plates we laid down on a bed he has in this covered back porch.  I am not sure how long we were there.  There was some kissing.  It was awesome, but we didn’t take it any further.  We both fell asleep at some point.  .

Later we sat in the living room and talked about his plans for the future regarding his art and some other projects.  I love people that pursue their passions, so I am glad he is doing that.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

My sister called me at some point and told me: either you come home before it gets dark or you should stay there and come tomorrow morning.  I said: yes Mom.  I told him what my sister said and he said that I should leave soon.

I was a tad disappointed that he didn’t try to talk me into staying, but I understand his reasons.  While I would have no problem staying over it was too soon for that.  My sister trusts my judgement so she had no worries about me going over and potentially staying over.  For some reason her main concern was my driving in the dark.

We continue to text throughout the day and will see each other this Saturday.  I will probably go over his house again.  I rather go there and have him cook for me than to go to an expensive restaurant.  I am changing.

He is the type that is more at home around a campfire than at the opera, so if there is any area that potentially could there be a disagreement it would be the choice of vacation and entertainment.  I am open to do/try it all and he seems also, so eventually we will both be put through a test and see how our worlds mesh.

For now I am extremely happy to be getting to know him and seeing where this goes. I have made the decision not to look for potential problems.  I am not messaging or dating anyone else at this point.  He is not either.  We both are excited and want to give this a fair chance.

All I know is that I like him a whole lot and I don’t really know how to tone myself down with things I love.

“The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” – Oscar Wilde

 

Wherefore art thou Soulmate?

20 Wednesday Jun 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind I was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”— Rumi

As I mentioned on my previous post I did meet M. for dinner on Saturday night. We went to an Italian restaurant after the original wine bar we were going to was closed due to a private party.  We had a couple of different types of pizza, but what I really enjoyed was the St. Germain, Vodka and lime cocktail I had. So refreshing!

M. was such a sweet man.  He was pleasant, grateful, fun.  There was no lack of conversation and I could tell he really liked me.  He gave me a quick peck on my lips when he said good night.

He wants to go on a second date.  I am still deciding.  My hesitation has to do with G, the other guy that I am exchanging emails with and I have yet to meet. I don’t want to give M. the false illusion that there is a future if my heart is already elsewhere.

G. seems likes the perfect guy for me. Someone that I could spend hours talking to, that would make me laugh and also rock my world between the sheets. He keeps surprising me with his intelligence, maturity and sense of humor. Of course I haven’t met him in person yet and everyone can look good on paper.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” – Thomas Merton

We even haven’t exchanged phone numbers yet.  Which is awesome as I normally don’t like giving out my number before meeting. He thinks that if we did we would not do anything else just text the whole day. He is right. We both just want to meet asap.

I have been here before: where I thought a guy was so amazing and then all of a sudden he shows his true colors.  There is a mix of feelings going on.  At least if we never meet I can still go on dreaming and basking myself on the sea of possibilities.

BREAKING NEWS:  I am meeting G. tonight! It was a sudden decision because if we don’t meet tonight we have to wait another 12 days to meet as he is going away tomorrow morning.

I am rarely nervous before meeting anyone, but I am really nervous about meeting him. So much build up.  I am trying to talk myself into just relaxing and seeing what happens.  No expectations!  oh who am I kidding? All I have are expectations.

At least I am hoping to just not overthink this. I will not predict doom yet.  I promise to go in with an open mind.

I know my soulmate is out there and one day we will find each other.  Why not him and why not now?

“We recognize a soulmate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soul mate without losing his or her love and respect.” –  Linda Brady