• About me

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

~ As I navigate through this life …

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: men and their excuses

Chivalry needs to be resuscitated

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

case by case, chivalry is not dead, I expect more, men and their excuses, online dating, this is not for me

“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect” ― Jane Austen

Following up my last post where I mentioned the date with P. I was still thinking about his behavior.  I think that it bothered me even more than I was willing to admit.  I needed to get back to him with a yes or no in regards to the second date.  So I decided that honesty was the best policy and flat out asked him about it.

I emailed him: “Why would you hurry and get your food before I got there and not offer to get me my coffee?

Here is his reply: “I apologize for what appeared rude or improper behavior.  Frankly, what’s appropriate these days is not so clear as it used to be.  I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just a drink and conversation, or something more like a  mini meal.  I was very hungry so I had some choices.  If I ordered something that took time to cook, but I didn’t know how far away you were, either I’d have time to eat fast, or you’d show up close to when I got my food, so I would wait for you to get what you wanted.

When it comes to buying your coffee, food or whatever, this is a meeting, not a date(as some women have said to me!), so it seems fair and “modern” to just each of us do our own thing. The old way, the guy always buying, has a touch of “She owes me now” to it, especially in this time when #metoo has emerged. I am trying to tread lightly, not be aggressive or overbearing or make you in any way feel “obligated” to me. Maybe I’m overdoing it. Maybe I’m overanalyzing. All I can say is it’s not easy being a guy sometimes! lol 

Yes…I probably could have let all our conversations be that “first meeting” and treated this more like a first date.  But if we both had actually felt exactly like that, we probably would have been locked lip to lip in a lengthy goodbye kiss on the sidewalk. “

“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.” ― Haruki Murakami

That answer didn’t make everything all better.

Manners and chivalry are always appropriate, that to me is clear as a bell.  It sounded like he really thought about how to get his food so that he didn’t have to buy mine. He knew I was just a couple minutes away.  I am thinking he was being just cheap.

I think many men are coming up with the excuse that the first date is just a meeting and therefore they don’t need to pay for anything.  For the women that say that I think they don’t want to be stuck with someone they don’t like.  I understand and don’t want to judge, but for me the first date is the first date.  I only agree to meet people that I think could at least be a friend.  If I don’t want to sacrifice an hour or 2 of my time I just don’t agree to meet the person period.

I don’t care where we meet, at the park or the library, but if he chooses a coffee shop I expect that he is paying for my coffee. After all I got my hair done, nails done, I am wearing perfume.  Everyone is making an effort to put their best foot forward or so I hope.

#metoo?  Really?  He is going to use that?  What does that have to do with a cup of coffee?

Why would I think I owe the guy anything because he paid for my coffee?  To me it is just a kind gesture.  It sounds to me that he is the one that has expectations when he does anything for a woman.

We had been exchanging emails for over 3 months on a daily basis.  I expected more.  I expected a cup of coffee and it seems that he expected passionate kisses.

We exchanged a couple of emails after the one above.  I politely declined the second date and wished him luck.

And so it goes…

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” ― Stephen R. Covey

Share this:

  • Print
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Pocket
  • Telegram
  • WhatsApp
  • Skype

Like this:

Like Loading...

For contact:

blessedwithastar@hotmail.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 7,163 other followers

When I remember I have an Instagram account

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
"Preocupa-se com o que as pessoas pensam, e voce sera prisioneiro delas" #laotzu #quotes #livefreely #vivalivre
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
"O Universo interio se rende perante a mente que esta quieta" #laotzu #laotzuquotes #universe #universo #mentequieta #stillmind #quietmind
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Don't run after anyone. Take care of yourself and good things and good people will come to you!
"Esqueça a ideia de que voce 'e Atlas carregando o mundo nos ombros. O mundo continuaria o mesmo sem voce. Não se leve tão a serio." #quotes #normanvincentpeale #relax #fiqueleve #feelfree #vivaavida #enjoylife
Dreaming of blue skies and snowy mountains - Dec 19 in Winter Park, Co
Writing from Mario Quintana.
"Esqueça a idea de se tornar alguem. Voce ja 'e uma obra-prima. Voce nao precisa melhorar. Voce tem apenas que chegar, saber e perceber o seu eu interior, o seu valor" #osho #oshoquotes #obraprima #masterpiece #mondaymotivation #segundafeira
"The earth laughs flowers"
Welcome the heartbreak and pain. They are great teachers!
#peace #paz #ocean #oceano #misquamicut #misquamicut #praia #endofsummer #fimdoverão
Rumi is the best! #rumi #rumiquotes
'E melhor acender uma pequena vela do que amaldiçoar a escuridão" #confucius #confuciusquotes #gratitude #gratidão #kindness #gentileza
Plenty of baking powder and one lonely last pack of flour. #everyoneisbaking #four #quarantinelife #breadmaking
My hope for the weekend #donothing #sleeplate
Another day, another dollar!
Leave it to the flowers to brighten our days and our lives! #flowers #naturalbeauty #brightday #nature
"Justamente a possibilidade de realizar um sonho que torna a vida mais interessante.! #paulocoelho #dreams #sonhos #possibilities #possibilidades #thealchemist #alchemist #oalquimista

Blog Stats

  • 203,752 hits

Archives

Recent Posts

  • Another day, another rose, another sign…
  • powerless…
  • 2 pennies and a rose: how lucky can a person be? or should I say blessed?
  • Your Love is King, my heart is your castle!
  • Online dating blah blah blah

My favorite posts

… letting my heart be my guide…

Of prayers, expectations, love and hope!

After the Hurricane

Relationship Smarts

Exes are like Old clothes

The Last Kiss you gave me

Hanging on for dear life

In looking back I move forward

Categories

  • AWARDS
  • Daily Life
  • Daily Message
  • Dating
  • documentaries
  • EX Files
  • Fiction
  • Finding Me
  • Food
  • Mosaic and other crafts
  • Poetry
  • Reviews
  • travels
  • Volunteering
  • Youtube Videos

Most recent comments:

A Star on the Forehe… on Another day, another rose, ano…
Americaoncoffee on Another day, another rose, ano…
A Star on the Forehe… on powerless…
chattykerry on powerless…
A Star on the Forehe… on Online dating blah blah b…

Pages

  • About me

Blogroll

  • Learn WordPress.com
  • WordPress.com News
  • Get Support
  • Discuss
  • Get Inspired
  • Get Polling
  • Theme Showcase
  • WordPress Planet
  • List Universe

This month’s post

February 2021
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
« Jan    

Categories

AWARDS Daily Life Daily Message Dating documentaries EX Files Fiction Finding Me Food Mosaic and other crafts Poetry Reviews travels Volunteering Youtube Videos

Blog at WordPress.com.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
%d bloggers like this: