Tag Archives: future

Blessed with a Star on the Forehead: Not just a name, a belief and a way of life!

31 Friday Jul 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I am exhausted from hosting my brother and his girlfriend for 3 weeks.  I need a vacation from their vacation.  It was fun and I got to do a lot of touristy stuff, but happy to have my solitude back!

“Visits always give pleasure–if not the arrival, the departure.” ― Portuguese Proverb

An update on my date (the doctor) from the previous posts:  He texted a couple of Sundays ago asking me if I was free.  I said I was going to be free after my brother left on the 29th.  We texted back and forth and also spoke on the phone that day, but I heard nothing since then.  When I asked him why he went silent the first time he said: “You could have called also”.  When he asked if that answered my question I said no, he then said:  “Women need to understand that men are insecure too!” I don’t understand how my honesty and telling a man I like his company would make him feel insecure.  I realize I need to date a man that is not insecure, but we can still be friends and I did enjoy all our conversations. His silence now doesn’t bother me at all, so I think I will text him to wish him a nice weekend.  It is amazing how different things feel when you take the emotional investment out of it.  When you feel you have nothing to lose you take more chances. With more chances there is more to gain.

“A man’s spirit is free, but his pride binds him with chains of suffocation in a prison of his own insecurities” -― Jeremy Aldana

***

I received an email asking me about the meaning of “a star on the forehead”.  So I decided to write here a brief summary about it.

I arrived in the US on November 9, 1984 at the naïve age of 17 years old.  I was clueless as to what awaited for me. I was full of dreams and totally fearless (it is easy when you have no clue at all that could have gone wrong).  At that point in time Brazilians would come to NY to work for a year or two and make enough money to buy a house or start a business. Looking back I am not sure what my plans/goals/dreams were but I knew 2 things:  1) No matter what I would not go back to Brazil a failure and 2) I would not give any reasons for my family to worry about me (so I never complained and never told them the truth of how incredibly hard and difficult my beginning here really was).

I will leave all the details of eventually finding work and creating a life for me here for a future post.

On Sundays I used to meet an old acquaintance from Brazil.  On this particular day she was going to the Bronx to a fortune teller, so I tagged along.  Even though I always enjoyed that type of stuff I had no money to spare so I was not going to get my fortune read/told.

We get to this very poor decrepit area in the Bronx, go to this one house and proceed to wait in this waiting area.  A woman comes out and calls my friend’s name and we go in.

There was this very large man sitting on a rug or a very thin mattress.  For some reason I was expecting the fortune teller to be a woman.   He was very heavy, it seemed that his body spilled over and it became one with this mattress/rug.  As soon as we entered the room, he man covered his eyes with one hand as if attempting to shield the glare of the sun.  He pointed to me and said: “You, don’t sit down! I am not wasting my time with you.  You have a star on the forehead!  You will have everything you want, school, work, money, anything.  Anything you want will be yours; you will just have to want it.  That is all you need to know!”

And that was all I ever needed to know.

I just moved away and my friend sat in front of him and he read her fortune.  I am not even sure if he used cards or what he did.  His words were swimming in my head the whole time as he was giving her some bad news.

Even though he spoke in Spanish (he was Puerto Rican) I was able to understand exactly what he meant.  My friend later reiterated the same thing, so there is no doubt.  At that point was not even about what he really said but about what I heard and how I felt.  I would be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me.  It affected my entire life and still does.  I took that as a sign that I was specially blessed. I held on to that at all times and still do.   To me it was a sign that my work was going to pay off and the hardships and pains were simply bumps in the road.  That was exactly what I needed to hear at that difficult time.

Since then I go through life thinking I am special.  Don’t get me wrong, I do think we are all special and we all should focus on our blessings and be more positive. There is nothing to be gained or accomplished by feeling like victims and being pessimistic.  So why not smile more, walk taller and know you are blessed?  I often say that we are all blessed, but the only difference is that I know it and recognize it and some people are totally ignorant to it.

Today, 30 years later I have an amazing life. I call it amazing, but it is simple, no frills, I just love the fact that I can afford my parents anything they need/want.  Nothing was handed to me freely and easily.  Everything I have I achieved on my own, with my own hard work and perseverance.  I have been blessed with the opportunities and skills and have made the most of it.  I have been blessed with the certainty of a Superior Power that watches over me and has my back.  Nothing can cause me harm!

I plan on one day writing in detail all I went thorough in the past 30 years.  From the very tough early days,  the trials, tribulations, the laughter and the fun.  I don’t feel ready to write it yet.

I believe anyone can have whatever they set their hearts on.  I believe that if I don’t have something I want,  it is because 1) it is not the right timing or 2)I don’t want it bad enough and therefore I am not working hard to get it.

And that is how I came up with the name of my blog.

“In the difficult moments believe in yourself.  Believe that you are whole, perfect, powerful, and blessed.” ― Debasish Mridha

It is all about a kiss!

15 Friday Nov 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” 
― Eckhart Tolle

I had an awesome time at the date! Did I flirt, drink and kiss as I had hoped? Read on and find out…

I had been speaking on the phone with this person on and off for about a month.  We agreed to go on a date after my mother had left and he had returned from a trip abroad.  On the phone he had talked about taking me to his favorite Indian restaurant.  He was disappointed to find out that Indian food is not one of my favorite cuisines.  I mentioned that on a first date, the most important thing to me was the company and that I am able to find something to eat in any menu.

I like that he was the type of guy that made phone calls and was not only texting and emailing.  I don’t normally go around giving my phone number to every guy on e-harmony but if I do give my phone number I expect a guy to use it.

When he invited me via text to a hotel bar I was a little taken aback, but not to the point of saying no since we had already had agreed to meet.  At that point I had a feeling that dinner was not on the menu and just drinks.  I am fine with that!  I just like to make sure that I eat something beforehand so that I can enjoy a drink.

I like that he picked a bar that was extremely convenient to me.  I also liked that he got to the bar earlier and was sitting there waiting for me when I arrived.   When I got there he got up and gave me a hug.  When we sat down at a tall table he complimented me on my hat (it is pretty cute! J).  He also mentioned that I was exactly the way he had pictured.  He had seen my pictures but sometimes pictures can be so misleading.  I took that as a compliment.

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.” 
― Walt Whitman

The date lasted approximately 3 hours.  We talked about everything.  He got my jokes and I got his!  We made each other laugh.  I am happy to say I did not monopolize the conversation as I normally do.  I had 3 flutes of sparkling wine.  We are talking about little flutes, so I think it amounts to only about a drink and a half.  That was plenty to make a girl that rarely drinks tipsy.  Perhaps I was laughing a little too much, but I don’t think that is bad thing.

At one point when I got up to go to the ladies room, I jokingly asked if I needed to bring my purse with me in case he decided to run away (We had been talking about bad dates).  He laughed and handed me his cell phone to take with me as security.  I thought it was a cute gesture.

We were very flirty towards each other.  I did mention to him that I liked his accent and that I thought he had kissable lips.  Being the red-blooded man he is, at that point he got up, approached me and kissed me.  It was perfect!  It was soft, gentle, sweet.  I could have stayed in that kiss for days.

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” 
― Henry David Thoreau

After our 3 drinks, we had some water and he walked me to the train station.    Before walking out of the bar he kissed me again. There were no issues on my side about being kissed even though this is our first meeting.  All I felt like saying was: More please!  At the train station he kissed me good bye.

We exchanged a couple of emails while on my way home regarding some glasses that I thought that I had left at the bar and it turned to be in my purse.  He also asked if I realized I had sent the text about the glasses 5 times, which I absolutely did not, so I am not sure what to make of that.  He managed to add a good touch when he said good night writing my real name, which I had said to him in passing and no one ever remembers it after hearing it only one time.  I was impressed by that; and that has been the end of our communication.

We have met on Wednesday night and it is now Friday afternoon, and I still haven’t heard from him.  I cannot say I am surprised, as I really had no expectations.  I only think that we had a great time and there is absolutely no reason not to see each other again.  But that is the thing with dating, it takes 2 people and sometimes 2 people on the same date will have totally different opinions of how the date went.  If there is one thing I have learning dating in the city is that one never knows, no matter how awesome the date was if you will ever hear from that person again.

“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.” 
― Catherynne M. Valente

I don’t like to wait.  Any time a guy makes me wait before he calls me again after a date, I feel he is playing games and the longer he takes to call me the more uninterested I get.  I feel that guys that wait a certain number of days to call so not to appear eager are playing games and I am not into games at all.  If I like you I tell you, so if you like me tell me and don’t make me wait.

So at this moment I don’t know if I will see him again or even hear from him again, but here is the best part: I don’t care!  Nothing changes the awesome time I had at the date.  It was an awesome re-entry into the dating world after a few months absent.   I am a simple girl and those simple sweet kisses will hold me up for awhile. I would not change anything about the date.

Was he really awesome or was I just in terrible need of a kiss? Who knows … 🙂

I realized how much I have been changing.  I am able to be in the moment and appreciate the moment without dreaming up a future and therefore not being disappointed if that future never comes!

“Mindfulness is like that—it is the miracle which can call back in a flash our dispersed mind and restore it to wholeness so that we can live each minute of life.” 
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

An open letter to my Friend … Letting go of pain and fear and embracing the moment!

27 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by in Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 215 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

(this started as an e-mail to my friend after a long conversation last night.  

Dear Friend, this is to you, and to me, and to all in pain!)

I am really sorry for being hard on you sometimes and probably causing you pain with my harsh words.  But my words are only the frustration that I feel when I think that you are stuck on the hurts of the past. I wish I could just grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you.

I hope one day to come up with a magic word that will snap you out of the past and into the present. Until then I will keep trying with the weapons I have: brutal honesty peppered with humor all enveloped in love.

I wish I could just give you a hug and hold you for a long time and be held by you for a long time.  I want to be like that as day turns into night and then into day again. I just think that you need to be handled with love and care like I do. And I am not talking about sex (even though, that probably wouldn’t be so bad either), I am just talking human touch and connection.  Just that feeling of somebody being there for you – no words necessary!

I don’t know the extent of your hurt and your pains from the past, but I know that is holding you back from being in the present and looking to a future.  I don’t want to compare my pain with your pain.  We all hurt in different ways and different degrees.  We all deal with it in different ways.  I really have no business telling you what to do, how to react and how to feel.  But being a friend allows me no other choice.  I have to tell you how I feel.

.. and in writing this to you I realize I am also writing it to myself!

I really want you to understand that there is at least one person that cares about you: ME.  I don’t want anything from you.  I don’t want anything in return.

Well, actually I do.

I want you to be happy! I love the sound of your laughter! I long to hear it every day! That is why I make the most stupid jokes, all in an attempt to hear your laughter!

I want you to realize what a great person you are! You are not perfect! Nobody is! But among all your imperfections you shine! You have so many great things about yourself, such as honesty, generosity, compassion.  You have morals and lives by them! What I appreciate the most is the way that you present yourself to me: real, fallible, caring and sensitive.

I want you to make peace with the hurt in the past and leave the past in the past!

I want you to stop fearing your future! Live the now in full!  Be here completely now!

You are not your past and your past is not you! Right now you can decide who you want to be and what life and future you want.

Respect the pain! Don’t run away or try to bury your past: expose it, confront it, feel it, cry it, mourn it, forgive it, and then let it go! Stop dragging it around with you.  It is such a heavy baggage and it has no place in your present and future.

Forgive the people that hurt you in the past!  Only when you forgive them, you are able to leave them where they belong:  in the past.  Let them be just a page on your big book of life. You have no idea of the pain that they could be carrying themselves.  Whatever they did to you it was not because of you but because of their own pains and their inabilities of dealing with it and communicating their needs. Wish them well, pray for them.  I still pray for Ex and wish him only the best in life. The peace that I get whenever I send him good thoughts is priceless to me.  It frees me.  It pacifies my heart!

Forgive yourself! Even if you think that you caused yourself pain in the past or that somehow you did something to deserve it, realize that you are a flawed human being. You will make mistakes every now and then – making mistakes is part of our growing.  The key here is to acknowledge it, learn from it, forgive yourself and let it go!

Believe in God without any question! Believe that there is a reason for everything, even in the hurt.  If you believe that God is a loving and merciful God than what do you fear? What do you doubt?  Pray, meditate, talk to God, tell him your fears, place your fears in his hands and let it go!

Be grateful! Remember to thank God for the goodness he has blessed you with.  Remember to be thankful for everything you have in life. Be grateful for your health and the health of family members, for the job you have, for the house you live in and the car you drive.  Be grateful for the beautiful sunshine, and the benefits of the rain, for the food you just had and for the smile of a stranger!

Pain is necessary and unavoidable! The pain was necessary to get you to where you are today!  But it is your choice to wallow in self pity or gain strength from it and move on.  And don’t get me wrong, the future won’t be only love and joy, you will probably get hurt again, but that is called living!  If were not for the bad, the good wouldn’t have any flavor.

The best is yet to come. We both thought that our last relationships were amazing and the one that we were destined to be with, but guess what? Life has bigger and better things in store for us.  That was just an appetizer for the feast that lies ahead!

Am I just fooling myself?  Perhaps, but who really knows what the future holds? No one, but God (if you believe), so choose to live a life that is full of promise.  Concentrate on today and love and live the most that you can! Send to the Universe that idea the your future is so bright you will need sunglasses 24/7.

Hurt? Hurt is growing pains! Hurt is just the price that we have to pay for the ultimate happiness!

Stop looking for answers! Sometimes in life there are no answers.  People behave in the ways they behave and sometimes it makes no sense and there is no explanation.  Yes, they could have been honest and open and upfront about whatever was troubling them instead of blindsiding us with “we are over”.

See hardships as gifts! I totally believe that when people break up with us they are doing us a favor! Of course I wish the break up was different. Pain and hurt are there to makes us stronger.  It forces one to confront themselves and either fall apart or thrive!  It gives us a chance to rediscover ourselves and be the best that we can be!  There is an unique lesson here and we need/want to make sure not to miss it!

Enjoy life-don’t let fear hold you back! I want you to go out and dance and date! Try again, as many times as necessary! (yeah I must admit this was a real tough one for me to write.  There is nothing I dread more than you finding someone and my dreams of ever meeting you and perhaps being more than friends will have to come to an end.  But when you love someone you have to put their needs ahead of your wants.)

LIVE! LOVE! AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, WHENEVER YOU CAN! That is my dream and hope for you!

(Thank you Ex for making my pain so unbearable that I started writing a blog so I would not explode. Were not for that, I would not have gotten back to my love of writing.  Were not for that I would not  have met so many great people that genuinely care and graciously offer their love in the form of comments. Were not for that I would have not met my Friend – the one that I am sure was part of my life in a previous existence.  He walked straight into my heart!. My heart doesn’t have an exit door!  Once you are in you are there to stay)