(this started as an e-mail to my friend after a long conversation last night.
Dear Friend, this is to you, and to me, and to all in pain!)
I am really sorry for being hard on you sometimes and probably causing you pain with my harsh words. But my words are only the frustration that I feel when I think that you are stuck on the hurts of the past. I wish I could just grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you.
I hope one day to come up with a magic word that will snap you out of the past and into the present. Until then I will keep trying with the weapons I have: brutal honesty peppered with humor all enveloped in love.
I wish I could just give you a hug and hold you for a long time and be held by you for a long time. I want to be like that as day turns into night and then into day again. I just think that you need to be handled with love and care like I do. And I am not talking about sex (even though, that probably wouldn’t be so bad either), I am just talking human touch and connection. Just that feeling of somebody being there for you – no words necessary!
I don’t know the extent of your hurt and your pains from the past, but I know that is holding you back from being in the present and looking to a future. I don’t want to compare my pain with your pain. We all hurt in different ways and different degrees. We all deal with it in different ways. I really have no business telling you what to do, how to react and how to feel. But being a friend allows me no other choice. I have to tell you how I feel.
.. and in writing this to you I realize I am also writing it to myself!
I really want you to understand that there is at least one person that cares about you: ME. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want anything in return.
Well, actually I do.
I want you to be happy! I love the sound of your laughter! I long to hear it every day! That is why I make the most stupid jokes, all in an attempt to hear your laughter!
I want you to realize what a great person you are! You are not perfect! Nobody is! But among all your imperfections you shine! You have so many great things about yourself, such as honesty, generosity, compassion. You have morals and lives by them! What I appreciate the most is the way that you present yourself to me: real, fallible, caring and sensitive.
I want you to make peace with the hurt in the past and leave the past in the past!
I want you to stop fearing your future! Live the now in full! Be here completely now!
You are not your past and your past is not you! Right now you can decide who you want to be and what life and future you want.
Respect the pain! Don’t run away or try to bury your past: expose it, confront it, feel it, cry it, mourn it, forgive it, and then let it go! Stop dragging it around with you. It is such a heavy baggage and it has no place in your present and future.
Forgive the people that hurt you in the past! Only when you forgive them, you are able to leave them where they belong: in the past. Let them be just a page on your big book of life. You have no idea of the pain that they could be carrying themselves. Whatever they did to you it was not because of you but because of their own pains and their inabilities of dealing with it and communicating their needs. Wish them well, pray for them. I still pray for Ex and wish him only the best in life. The peace that I get whenever I send him good thoughts is priceless to me. It frees me. It pacifies my heart!
Forgive yourself! Even if you think that you caused yourself pain in the past or that somehow you did something to deserve it, realize that you are a flawed human being. You will make mistakes every now and then – making mistakes is part of our growing. The key here is to acknowledge it, learn from it, forgive yourself and let it go!
Believe in God without any question! Believe that there is a reason for everything, even in the hurt. If you believe that God is a loving and merciful God than what do you fear? What do you doubt? Pray, meditate, talk to God, tell him your fears, place your fears in his hands and let it go!
Be grateful! Remember to thank God for the goodness he has blessed you with. Remember to be thankful for everything you have in life. Be grateful for your health and the health of family members, for the job you have, for the house you live in and the car you drive. Be grateful for the beautiful sunshine, and the benefits of the rain, for the food you just had and for the smile of a stranger!
Pain is necessary and unavoidable! The pain was necessary to get you to where you are today! But it is your choice to wallow in self pity or gain strength from it and move on. And don’t get me wrong, the future won’t be only love and joy, you will probably get hurt again, but that is called living! If were not for the bad, the good wouldn’t have any flavor.
The best is yet to come. We both thought that our last relationships were amazing and the one that we were destined to be with, but guess what? Life has bigger and better things in store for us. That was just an appetizer for the feast that lies ahead!
Am I just fooling myself? Perhaps, but who really knows what the future holds? No one, but God (if you believe), so choose to live a life that is full of promise. Concentrate on today and love and live the most that you can! Send to the Universe that idea the your future is so bright you will need sunglasses 24/7.
Hurt? Hurt is growing pains! Hurt is just the price that we have to pay for the ultimate happiness!
Stop looking for answers! Sometimes in life there are no answers. People behave in the ways they behave and sometimes it makes no sense and there is no explanation. Yes, they could have been honest and open and upfront about whatever was troubling them instead of blindsiding us with “we are over”.
See hardships as gifts! I totally believe that when people break up with us they are doing us a favor! Of course I wish the break up was different. Pain and hurt are there to makes us stronger. It forces one to confront themselves and either fall apart or thrive! It gives us a chance to rediscover ourselves and be the best that we can be! There is an unique lesson here and we need/want to make sure not to miss it!
Enjoy life-don’t let fear hold you back! I want you to go out and dance and date! Try again, as many times as necessary! (yeah I must admit this was a real tough one for me to write. There is nothing I dread more than you finding someone and my dreams of ever meeting you and perhaps being more than friends will have to come to an end. But when you love someone you have to put their needs ahead of your wants.)
LIVE! LOVE! AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, WHENEVER YOU CAN! That is my dream and hope for you!
(Thank you Ex for making my pain so unbearable that I started writing a blog so I would not explode. Were not for that, I would not have gotten back to my love of writing. Were not for that I would not have met so many great people that genuinely care and graciously offer their love in the form of comments. Were not for that I would have not met my Friend – the one that I am sure was part of my life in a previous existence. He walked straight into my heart!. My heart doesn’t have an exit door! Once you are in you are there to stay)