Tag Archives: a world of possibilities

No just a smile

18 Wednesday Sep 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.”― Friedrich  Nietzsche

It was just a smile,
Walking a different route
Just another random street
I looked up and saw you coming
A stranger that my heart recognized
You knew me too, I could tell
We got close
You smiled
A smile that disarmed me
We both said hi, but
We never stopped, we never chatted
We kept going
Opposite ways
I never looked back, did you?
It was just a smile

It was just a smile, but to dreamers like me it meant the world.  It meant sustenance.
To those in love with life, a smile that the heart recognizes is a window into a world of possibilities and hope.
There is no one at the moment, no person I am talking to, no date in sight, and because of that nothingness, the entire world is a possibility. And it is perfect, beautiful and so full of miracles!

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”― Thomas Merton

Awful food but an awesome date

30 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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On Friday night I had an awesome dinner date with such a sweet gentleman.  The date was awesome because of how nice he was and how the conversation just flowed, not because of the food.  The restaurant was disappointing.

When he said he was taking me to Allora, I Googled it and was excited when I saw all the great reviews.  I also looked at the cocktail menu and found a drink I wanted to try.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes earlier and went downstairs to the bathroom, by the time I returned he was already at the bar waiting for me.  He was just like his picture and I could tell he was a little on the shy side.

We chose to sit at a table right away instead of lingering at the bar.  When the waiter comes to take our drink order I asked for the drink menu.  He said he didn’t have one.  I was confused, as there was one on the website, so I insisted: are you sure you don’t have a cocktail list?

He said:  “This is not that kind of place.” I was a little put off by that comment.  Then he added: “The bartender can make you anything you want”. He said that the old manager had created the cocktail list, but the new manager removed it.  It would have been nice if they had updated their website.

Mr. D., my date, ordered an octopus appetizer.  I was game for trying it. My date said it was not well prepared.  I agreed with him.  Even though I never had octopus before this could have used some more seasoning.

The Rigatoni Bolognese was bland and almost completely meatless. The beef ravioli, which I don’t even know what was the filling because it didn’t taste at all like beef, was just awful.  It came covered in cranberry sauce. They should have mentioned that it was covered in the sweet sauce when we asked what the ravioli of the day was.  The waiter only said beef.

In retrospect I should have complained about the food especially because of the price charged.  I didn’t pay or see the bill but there were prices on the menu.  I had already done my share of complaining about the drink menu I didn’t want to bring negativity to the evening. I also didn’t want him to feel bad for having chosen the restaurant.

The conversation was flowing and we were having such a great time that the food seemed like an afterthought.

At one point I went to the bathroom again and I got back and the waiter is waiting with the dessert cart.  My date looked at me and said: “I knew you would want it”.  I thought that was cute since I had previously mentioned I had a sweet tooth.  We shared some kind of chocolate mousse cake.  It was just good.

I am not sure why all the great reviews.  Perhaps we just ordered the wrong food or the chef had an off day. I will never go back and would never recommend it.

“I dwell in possibility…”  – ― Emily Dickinson

After the dinner we walked to the train station and he offered me his arm.  It was all so easy and effortless.  At my train track we continued talking for a few more minutes.  We talked about taking a skiing trip together.

Then we hugged good bye and we kissed twice on the lips – just quick pecks.  I definitely would have been okay with more, even though I don’t particular care for kissing on the first date.  I guess I am changing my stance on that.  The kiss is a great way to see if chemistry is really there or it isn’t.

I will definitely go on a second date if he asks me. He seemed interested but since the date we have texted a little with both of us talking about being busy at work and not much more than that.  This time I honestly have no idea if a second date will happen or not.

I am inclined to think it will not as I find that most guys will ask me out right away.  If they don’t then things normally fizzles out.  Perhaps it is a New York thing.  Everyone is always moving on to the next thing instead of focusing on what/who is at hand. Or perhaps people always think that there will be someone else better out there.

I know he has a lot on his plate, perhaps it is even a little too early for him to start dating.  He is still only separated, has kids, still living with the spouse.  They are trying to sell the house and go their separate ways. They also share a variety of businesses that they are trying to get sorted it out.

He is very busy, but that is an excuse that I don’t accept.  If someone is online dating, and interested in someone, then they will make the time.  Otherwise they are just not interested.

All I know is that he was smart, open, honest, and such a gentleman.  He was an absolute joy to be with.  I could see hints of sparks and chemistry. Fingers crossed.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” -― Nicholas Sparks,  The Notebook

I will continue dreaming…

30 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 
― Albert Einstein

In the darkness of my room, in the safety and comfort of my bed, right before I am about to fall asleep, thoughts occupy my mind…All kinds of thought and memories.  Often good thoughts, sometimes thoughts of Ex and the way we were (which I have been good at keeping those at bay), but most often what is on my mind are dreams and plans of an awesome tomorrow.  At that very moment every night the world is full of promise and the possibilities are endless.  At that very moment I could conquer the world.   I often think about some special someone I may be talking to online or on the phone, and all its promise of a future together.

Finding a partner and starting a family is a recurring dream.   When I say starting a family it doesn’t mean having kids.  Even though the idea of kids are amazing; at this point is no longer feasible.  So it will probably be a family of two adults acting like kids, and perhaps a few dogs.

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning.” 
― Gloria Steinem

But last night a dark thought entered my mind.  It interrupted my day-dreaming, it got me scared.  The following words came into my mind: it isn’t all a bit too late?

That thought woke me right up!  Since when did I let facts and reality interrupt my awesome illusory life?  Am I turning into a realist? Or worst yet, a pessimist?   I love being a dreamer, an optimistic.  I love thinking that the world is amazing and life is beautiful.  I go out of my way to focus on the good only.

The next thought was: Should I give up?  Give up on the idea of finding a partner?  I thought I would never say this, but I am thinking that perhaps it is just too late.  Too late, way too late to find a husband and start a life together.  Yes, I said it!  I want a husband! I want the commitment, the partnership, the idea of romance, fairy-tale, forever. And yes I also said that perhaps I decided to want that a bit too late in life. In my teens, twenties, thirties, I never wanted the wedding, the marriage, the fairy-tale.  I pushed it all aside and focused on surviving, and thriving in all other areas of my life.

“We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming – well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.” 
― Amy Tan

My single life is awesome and I adore all I have, and having the right partner would add to it.  But I am also aware of the potential of encountering the wrong person and all of a sudden realizing that I was better off alone.

Do I continue to live an illusion or do I wake up and wise up?  Is it harmful to live in la-la-land?

“Dreams, if they’re any good, are always a little bit crazy. ” 
― Ray Charles

I guess those thoughts came to me because of being excited about someone I am getting to know online.  He seems full of potential, and at times too good to be true.  We have not met yet as I want to dedicate my free time now to my visiting mother and decided to meet him after she leaves in about 2 weeks.

As I navigate the online dating waters, I alternate between hopeful and cynical.  Somebody contacts me and it seems really promising, I get excited and the next instant he totally disappoints me.  Perhaps this time I am trying to protect myself about being too hopeful.

With all that being said I rather spend my days and nights in the illusion of the infinite world of possibilities.  I rather continue to think that my dreams will come true and work towards that.  I rather think that perhaps next time I turn a corner I may bump into Price Charming.  I rather bask in the rays of oblivion, than to live in a world where “I missed the boat” because I dared to go at my own pace and do things my way and on my time.

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future.” 
― Victor Hugo

I have noticed that people are often too afraid.  They are afraid of trying, of taking a chance.  Afraid of putting themselves out there and looking desperate.  People are afraid of failing and therefore they give up on trying.   They are afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of taking a chance on love. Afraid of looking foolish.

I am not saying everyone should have a partner.  What I am saying is that I want one and I am not afraid of appearing desperate and foolish.  I will not give up on that idea at the present moment.  What I am saying is that people should not be afraid of taking a chance on what they want, be it a boyfriend, a new job, a singing career, a single life.  Whatever it is that you dream with/about go ahead and take steps to make it a reality.

The harder something is to achieve the better it will taste when you finally get it.  There is nothing better than reaping the rewards of hard work, of taking a chance and making it.

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.” 
― Carl Sandburg

If you are satisfied with single life, stay single! I am not there…yet, perhaps tomorrow I will wake up and think single is the way to go, until then there is online dating.  Until then I will distract myself dreaming of the possibilities.

I want someone like me.  I want the fearless!  I want the one that keeps falling flat on his face and keeps going. I want the one that keeps going after what he wants against all odds.

And with that I am telling the dark pessimistic thoughts to go bother somebody else. I am not an easy prey! I look great with my rose colored glasses on! I got dreams to make into reality and goals to achieve. I don’t have time for negativity and darkness!

Always a dreamer and proud of it!!

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?” 
― John Lennon