A book, drinks, food, laughs = fun date

06 Friday Jan 2023

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“Come to the book as you would come to an unexplored land. Come without a map. Explore it and draw your own map.” ― Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis

On Wednesday night I met T. at the Beach House Cafe in Old Greenwich, CT.  He is a 59 year-old engineer, that also teaches yoga.

He looked better in person than he did in his pictures.  He had some facial hair, and it made him look younger.  I didn’t realize how short he was until we met.  I am not sure how I feel about that.  I don’t have a type, and normally don’t care about physical attributes, hair, etc.  But I am always hoping my date is taller than me. I am 5’4, and he is the same.  I would hate to be disqualified over my height, so I don’t want to be that person.

From the second we met we didn’t stop talking.  He was laughing a lot, because, apparently, I am very funny and quick witted. Or so he thinks.

There was just one moment of pause in the conversation.  He thought I paused because I didn’t understand the meaning of the word “ambivalent”.  I explained that my pause was about the way he used it in a sentence.  It didn’t fit. I wish I could remember the details so I could relay it here.

He apologized and said because English is my second language he had assumed that I wasn’t familiar with the word.  I didn’t take offense to that, but perhaps I should have.  For the record, the word is almost the same as in Portuguese, “ambivalente”, and I do know the meaning.

That was just a minor blip. We moved on. We have had similar experiences and have a similar outlook on life.  We are both very positive, and with a thirst for life.  One funny coincidence is that we both refuse to visit Paris until we have found The One.

Before coming to meet me he went to a bookstore to buy me the book pictured above.  In our messages I mentioned I like Kahlil Gibran. He paid attention.  I appreciated that!

We both like to open a book on any page and see if we get a special message.  Before I went to bed that night, I did just that.  It opened on the page below:

I sent it to him, then quickly regretted.  I don’t want him having any preconceived notions.

And I almost forgot to mention the most important part of evening 😉  Here is what we had to eat and drink:

To drink I had the “Pear Necessity”: Absolut pear vodka, elderflower liqueur, pear nectar & champagne.  It was delicious, but it could have used some kind of garnishment.  It was not as visually appealing as it could have been.  I think I am becoming a cocktail snob!  He had a couple of draft beers.

To eat, we shared: Yellowfin tuna flatbread, spicy fish tacos, Peking duck tacos and sweet potato fries.  He also had crab cakes (I don’t eat shellfish).  Everything was delicious.

I forgot to look at the desert menu.  Even if I am not going to order anything I always take a look to see if there is anything interesting.

He called last night.  Supposedly he was testing to see if he correctly connected his phone to his new truck.  Or it is just the excuse he gave.  I was out with my sister and a friend, so I just said a quick hello.

Last night was another night of fun eating at Little Drunken Chef in White Plains, NY. No drinking for me.  I already had cocktails twice this week. I offered to be the driver.  The food was fun (the pic below is not mine, but it is exactly how the empanadas arrive) and it was also delicious.  Besides the chicken empanadas we had beef tacos, fish tacos, chicken wings, mashed potato and shrimp.

To drink, my sister and my friend had the “Brazilian Wax”: Cachaça, fresh lime, fresh oranges, sugar cane and St. Germain. Delicious!!!! I had a sip, and also had it before, that is how I know how delicious it is. They also tried the “Between The Sheets”: vodka, fresh grapefruit juice, lemon juice and cava.  This one was too sour for them.

Now, getting back to the date.  Will there be a future? We shall see.  I would probably go on a second date, if asked. The main problem is not the height, but the distance.  We are over 1 hour away from each other.

“Distance sometimes lets you know who is worth keeping, and who is worth letting go.” ― Lana Del Rey

A friend for life or just a lesson?

03 Tuesday Jan 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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Last night (Monday, January 2nd, 2023) I had dinner with Mr. Sweet.   He continues to be sweet and thoughtful.  He drove from NYC to pick me up to go to dinner, and he brought bagels for my sister.

I am glad I said yes to dinner, even though I almost canceled to stay home and watch TV.  The time apart had made me realize I didn’t miss him at all.   It was great to confirm that he is definitely not the one for me, not now, not ever.

The last time I saw him was in October when we had gone to dinner in NYC with my sister and my friend.  That night he repeated that he wanted to see “what is out there”. And that night time I finally understood it. I wrote about it here:  https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/10/27/still-sweet-but-not-yet-the-one/

Last night I chose to go to Hinoki Restaurant in Greenwich, CT.  It is a restaurant I have been to before and wanted to go back.  The meal and drinks were delicious. To drink I had the Pornstar – Stoli vanilla vodka, passoa liqueur, passion-fruit puree and lime juice.  Later I had a Lychee Martini – Japanese vodka, lychee puree and dry vermouth.  He had a spicy drink, I don’t remember the name but it was good.  To eat we shared: fried rice, chicken lettuce wrap, boneless short ribs and black cod with grilled endive.  For dessert we shared lava cake with ice cream.

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”
― G.K. Chesterton, Heretics

We got caught up on what we have been up to.  He talked about a couple of trips he has taken.  He asked about my mosaics.  He talked a lot about dating.  I was okay with that, since I am no longer interested in the role of being his girlfriend.

He is still like a kid in a candy store.  It seems he is dating anyone that looks his way, or swipes right on him.  I think he may have broken some record of the most dates in one week, or something like that.  It feels a bit desperate and chaotic.

His divorce negotiations are about to start. The more we talked, the more I felt it was a good thing that we had not continued dating.  Not only his divorce will probably take forever, he seems to have a lot of growing up to do.  What appears quirky and cute, would annoy me to no end.  It seems he has money, perhaps from his family, so perhaps that is why it seems he lacks ambition and job stability.  That would make me nervous in the long run.  I want a man with more of a sense of direction.

He wanted to talk about how we ended things last time. To me there was nothing to talk about.  He felt he needed to apologize for leading me on.  I said that apologies were not necessary, I was at fault for assuming things.  I hadn’t felt sparks in a long time, and got caught up in it.  That was a great lesson that I learned and it will help prevent heartaches in the future.

“I prefer to surround myself with people who reveal their imperfection, rather than people who fake their perfection.” ― Charles F. Glassman

He said that he was hoping that I didn’t take this dinner invitation in a different way, meaning, he hoped I didn’t think it was a date.   I assured him I did not, and I didn’t.

He then started telling me that I am so great, so beautiful, so smart, that he hopes I will find someone, etc.  He added: ” I will see if I have any friends to introduce to you”. OMG, ouch, I just hate that.

I am fine if someone says: “you would be perfect for my friend/cousin, etc”.  But to say I am going to look around for someone for you is just annoying, even offensive to me.   As if having a boyfriend is such a necessity, like a job.  It is not like I am asking him to do it.  Am I the only that hates that?

My response to him was to start laughing, and I added: “Please, Please, don’t introduce me to anyone, I barely have time and motivation for the dates I find on my own.”

I also said: “I know I am a catch, and the right man for me will see it.  The fact that you said you need to see what is out there says it all.  I am not the one, and the world has not come to an end.”

That was just a blip in the evening.  We do have a great time together.  There is always a lot laughs.  At times he seems a bit childish, and that is another trait that is now charming, but probably would drive me crazy later on.

Towards the end of the date he came clean and mentioned there was someone that he was excited about and getting serious with. I think he didn’t want to say it earlier for fear of hurting me. Once he realized I could care less if he is serious about someone or not, he felt free to mention it.   I hope she is as excited about him as he is about her. I hope that, if that is the case, he stops dating every skirt he sees.

After dinner he drove me home and we hugged goodbye.  He said he is a phone call away, and that we should meet up more often.  I agreed, and said I would call him.  I may or may not.  Time will tell if this is a friend for life or not.

Speaking of being friends with guys on dating sites.  My best friend, a guy I met on Plenty of Fish in 2015, will be moving into my building this month.  He is great as a friend, let’s see how he is as a neighbor.

Tomorrow night I have a quick drinks date with a ski lover that likes Rumi.  Sounds like a promising friendship, hopefully more.

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” ― Franz Kafka

Not Resolutions, Goals!

31 Saturday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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Cheers to an amazing 2023!

Cheers to an amazing 2023!

I didn’t want to make any New Year’s resolutions.  I didn’t want the pressure.  I still don’t.  But, at the same rate, I want to have goals and accomplish them.

What is the difference between resolutions and goals?  To me resolutions are just wishful thinking.  One just comes up with things they want to change, but with no set plans to get it accomplished. After one week or two into the new year, all is forgotten.

Goals are a written list of what one wants to achieve, along with detailed steps to get it done. Writing it down, and having clear steps aligns the thoughts with the actions.

As I get older, time seems finite and limited. I cannot waste it.  Whatever I want I need to get serious about getting it, doing it, accomplishing it. The time is now.

Wishing you all, old and new friends, the most amazing New Year! Wishing you blessings and miracles!

“Make New Year’s goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you’re interested in fully living life in the year to come.

Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction.

What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?

What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?

What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?

Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down – as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency

RIP Pelé, King of Futebol

30 Friday Dec 2022

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A legend passed away yesterday.  It was not only about how he played the game.  Pelé gave hope to the black, poor, little kid in Brazil, and all over the world.  He put Brazil in the world map.

I was sitting at my desk this morning when a man from another office, that I had met only a couple of times in the hall, came in.

He asked: “Are you my friend from Brazil?” (When I had met him prior I was wearing the Brazil Jersey and he had been so excited about it)

I said yes.  He walked over to me and said: “I have to give you a hug.  I am so sorry for your loss. For our loss!”

I was momentarily confused as I had been engrossed in solving a payroll issue. I thought that perhaps he was referring to Brazil’s loss at the World Cup.

Then he said: “He was the king!”

When he said that, I knew he was talking about Pelé.  He went on to explain that he is from Jamaica and adores everything about Pelé, and consequently Brazil.  He said he once waited in line 12 hours to have a book signed by him in NY City.

Such is the power of Pelé!  He united people and countries, and his legacy will continue to do so.

As a side note, he is outlived by his mother.  Dona Celeste turned 100 years old on November 20!

To Pelé: The soccer world, and specially Brazil, thanks you for your priceless contribution!  Any place you are, may you continue to play the beautiful game!  

“Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.” – Pelé

Looking back – January 2022

29 Thursday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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At the office – still in the Christmas mood

Before I look to the future and talk about my plans for 2023, I want to take a look back.  Is 2022 really over?  Didn’t it just start?

I am going to look back month by month, otherwise it would be a very long post.

THIS HAPPENED IN JANUARY 2022

It was a busy month, even though I spent most of it struggling with Covid. Some of the symptoms stayed around for 3 months.  Actually, the mental fogginess and anxiety still visit every now and then.

Feeling sick, as it often does, highlights the joys of a time when one is healthy.  At that moment nothing else matters. Health is indeed our most sacred commodity!

A co-worker that I have had issues with in the past got mad at me, for no real reason, and blocked me on our internal communication chat.  I think he felt he had to have the last word.  Weeks later he unblocked me because he needed something.  I then blocked him, not as revenge but as a protection of the peace of not having to chat with him had afforded me.  We now communicate only via email when it is absolutely necessary.

I learned that no matter how much I try, some people will not like me.  I learned that sometimes the best communication is no communication at all. I also learned that forgiving is a virtue, but forgetting can be dangerous.  We have to set up and enforce boundaries to protect our emotional being.

After canceling a date with the Greek because of Covid, we eventually met for the 4th date.  I was really not feeling any chemistry, but since I said I would treat him for his birthday I felt I needed to go.  I was hoping we could be friends.  That night we disagreed on a couple of topics, but as we ended the night, I thought he understood and accepted friendship.

After that, he diminished the number of texts, so I assumed he had gotten the message.  More about him in March.

People will sometimes assume things about me. It is not on me; it is on them.  I cannot force anyone to understand me. I know who I am.  That is enough.

The infamous EX-boyfriend (the cause for the start of this blog 10 years ago) reached out with a weird text about the sauna in his house.  I did what I always do.  I ignored him.  And blocked him.

He no longer has any effect on me. It took me years to put my heart back together after him.  It all passes and I grow stronger and stronger.

I reconnected with an older woman, my mom and I had met in Israel.  It is good to reconnect with people that brings us good memories.  It brightened her day and mine.

I just called her today.  She is now 90 years old.  She was so happy to hear from me. She is such a kind soul.  

I need to remember the good souls from my past and do more of an effort of reaching out. Human connections are important, specially the ones that make my heart sing!

I finally got my floors finished and, and in the process the noise disturbed my neighbors.  I had notified the building management, but they had failed to notify the neighbors.  Instead of getting mad, I knocked on the neighbor’s door with a bottle of wine and a smile as an apology.  They were surprised.

We are now great friends. My sister and I are now included in their get-togethers.

It is often better to take the high road.  It definitely better to be happy than to be right!  It is hard to fight the instinct to fight, not to be perceived as weak and a doormat. But I choose to pick my battles.  Not everything requires a fight. Sometimes is better to solve issues with a bottle of wine and a smile.

That was a summary of January 2022. February coming next.

Final mosaic projects of the year: A basket of flowers and a picture frame

21 Wednesday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Mosaic and other crafts

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“The earth laughs in flowers.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

My last 2 mosaics of the year.  The basket of flowers I made at the studio, and the picture frame I made at home.  I am trying to get used to doing projects at home, for those times that the studio is closed.

They are mostly made from dinner plates and coffee mugs.

With each project I get more and more ideas.  The mosaic world is huge and I want to explore it all!  May you find a hobby you love as much as I love doing mosaics!

“I must have flowers, always, and always.”
― Claude Monet

“In joy or sadness, flowers are our constant friends.”
― Okakura Kakuzo

“If you want a forgotten corner to be remembered, a featureless place to be loved, a shadowy emptiness to shine, put some flowers there!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

“There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.”
― Abraham Lincoln

A BLESSED HOLIDAY SEASON TO ALL!  THANK YOU FOR GRACING ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE, ENERGY, SUPPORT AND LOVE!  YOU ARE APPRECIATED AND LOVED! 

Holiday Season Anxiety: feeling the pressure to give the perfect gift

20 Tuesday Dec 2022

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“A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.” ― Seneca

The holiday season gets me very anxious.  My source of anxiety is gift giving and tipping.  I think I have mentioned here before that I hate shopping.  I will do some online but I rather just put cash in an envelope.

But, how much?  For the personnel at my apartment building(8 people) and my office building (9 people) I have an excel spreadsheet that I keep track of how much I have given in the past.  I just update it.  Some people are gone, some new people have been hired.  Still, I obsess over it.

Do I give the same amount?  Do I adjust for inflation? Or do I adjust by how much they have helped me throughout the year?  If that is the case then I would give nothing to some.  In the end everyone gets at least what they got last year.  I have the feeling that I overtip, but I guess that is better than undertip.

What do I do about some people, such as my friends, that I cannot just put cash in an envelope?  My second go-to gift is a gift card.  But to where?  Starbucks?  Amazon? Or is that just lame?

I am one of those people that have good intentions.  Every year I plan on paying attention to people, to their conversation, likes and dislikes, so that on their birthday and at Christmas I will know what to give.  Big failure, I never put those plans in motion.  Pay attention to conversation?  That is so foreign to me.  I am too busy talking or thinking of what to say next.

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.” ― Erma Bombeck

Tonight is my last night at the mosaic studio before Christmas, and I still don’t have a gift for the owner/teacher.  She is such an amazing person.  She is so thoughtful and giving. Throughout the year she has given me little things here and there just because.  She already gave me a couple of things for Christmas.  I need to find the perfect gift for her, not only because of those gifts but because of the joy she gives me by having the mosaic studio. Her guidance and joy is priceless.

The clock is ticking… I can probably buy myself some time and announce that I have something coming, but its arrival is late.  Yes, I am considering lying and blaming the mailman.  I will probably just come clean and tell the truth: I don’t know what to give, so I freeze.

I am always hoping that people don’t give me anything, because the pressure to retribute is immense.  The more thoughtful their gift is, the more anxious I get.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love to give.  The moment I know someone needs something I am the first one to give/donate.  I struggle with coming up with ideas for people that have everything.  My problem is feeling the pressure to find the perfect gift.

For some new acquaintances I like to give a bag with 3 of my favorite books: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.  I also bring soaps and lotions with natural ingredients from Brazil as gifts.  Perhaps there is a bit of thoughtfulness in me after all.

Happy gift giving and receiving to you all! I have some more obsessing to do.

“Books make great gifts because they have whole worlds inside of them. And it’s much cheaper to buy somebody a book than it is to buy them the whole world!” ― Neil Gaiman

If my money grew like my money tree is growing…

15 Thursday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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Money tree (on the wall is a panel forest scene my mom painted)

“The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.” – Leo Buscaglia

My money tree is out of control.  For the longest time it was just one height, it never really grew… until now.  All of a sudden it keeps achieving new heights.

Will it stop eventually or do I put a stake up so I can guide it and keep it straight?  After all it is called “tree” so perhaps it can be as tall as a tree.

I just Goggled and apparently it is like a bonsai tree, it needs to be trimmed.

That is venturing into scary gardening area.  I will water it, and even repotted it, but taking a pair of scissors to it is a different ball game.

I never intended to keep plants.  Well, what I mean is I never intended on being a gardener.  My idea of having plants was “just water it once a week”.  And that is what I have been doing.  My plants are thriving not because of me, but because of the sunlight here.

Well, I do talk to them, so that may help a bit.  And I do repot them when they get too large for their pot. So, I guess I have been gardening without knowing.

Similar to any other relationship, the relationship with plants takes work.  For them to prosper I need to invest time and care.  What I will get out of it, is in proportion to the care and time I put into it.  No brainer really.  Just life explaining to me, yet again, the concept of work and reward.

So,  trimming I will.  Wish me luck!

I got this plant years ago just because of the name. According to Feng Shui, the money tree brings prosperity and good luck.  It should be placed in the southeast area of the home or office.

Now if I can only figure out where the southeast area is…

“Everyday is a bank account, and time is our currency. No one is rich, no one is poor, we’ve got 24 hours each.” ― Christopher Rice

Being ok with disappointment

13 Tuesday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were.” – Brad Warner

I am still sad and disappointed over Brazil’s loss at the World Cup! It is stupid, it is just a game, but why does it hurt so much?

To us Brazilians it feels bigger than a just a game.  It is our identity.  I grew up thinking Brazil was the best soccer team in the world.  We had something of our own to be proud of.

But, Friday, we didn’t play the jogo bonito (beautiful game).  The players looked tired. It was definitely not a good day for us.  Actually, we haven’t played well in many, many years. We have been living in the past.

I sound like a hardcore soccer fan.  I am not.  But when it is the World Cup, I love everything about it.  Specially thinking that Brazil may triumph.

What to do when you are disappointed about something that you have no control of?  Not much.  I did what I often do with feelings that are hard to deal with. I confront them. I acknowledge them. I sit with them in discomfort.

I acknowledged that I was disappointed.  I accepted the loss and accepted that it hurt.  Brazil lost fair and square, no one to blame.  There was no anger, just sadness.

The best team that day won.  And unfortunately the best team was not Brazil.  Kudos to Croatia!

Now what?  Now we wait another 4 years to try again.  It is life, and we move on. Now we have 4 years to think about what went wrong, make better choices and try again.

The World Cup 2022 has lost some of its flavor for me, but I will still tune in and root for the underdogs. Go Morocco! May they make history and go all the way!

“When we refuse to work with our disappointment, we break the Precepts: rather than experience the disappointment, we resort to anger, greed, gossip, criticism. Yet it’s the moment of being that disappointment which is fruitful; and, if we are not willing to do that, at least we should notice that we are not willing. The moment of disappointment in life is an incomparable gift that we receive many times a day if we’re alert. This gift is always present in anyone’s life, that moment when ‘It’s not the way I want it!” ― Charlotte Joko Beck

 

Post about this and that

09 Friday Dec 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Food

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I want to post more, I do.  I start writing a post, then I get busy or distracted; by the time I get back to it, it feels like old news and I start a new one.  I need to break this pattern.  I am going to try.  Until then, these are some of the topics/posts unfinished.

“How can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like kleenex?” ― Julia Child

Friends and baked goods.  This past weekend we met friends in Edison, NJ.  That is the half way point between my home in NY and theirs in PA.  The wife is a baker that likes to try new recipes.  She is so gracious and will gives us breads and other goodies on our birthday and for Christmas.  This time she gave my sister a box full of savory goods, and me one with sweets.  As that is our preference.

She makes a bunch of different items throughout the months and always saves us a sample.  My only complaint, if I can’t be that ungrateful, is that I was eager to have the scones, but she decided to flavor them this time with ginger. It was too strong for me.  But there were plenty of other goodies for me to try, such as the mini chocolate chip muffins below.

I feel beyond grateful to have kind, thoughtful friends, that like to bake!!!

mini chocolate chip muffins for breakfast just because

“We are made for loving. If we don’t love, we will be like plants without water.” ― Desmond Tutu

The Christmas cactuses are blooming.  The plants in my office continue to thrive. The picture below is from the beginning of the week.  Today they look even better and by next week all the buds will probably be in bloom.  I will take another picture them.

Christmas cactus starting to bloom

My Brazil jersey is a guy magnet.  Well, if the guy is a soccer loving one.  Since the World Cup is in the winter, I cannot show off my Brazilian jersey outdoors.  The 3 guys that saw me in the hall at work immediately smiled and approached me to talk about the World Cup.

Two of the guys I had crossed paths with before and there was never a hello.  All of a sudden they are my best friends.  That is the beauty of the World Cup.  It unites people in fun.

World Cup is on – Go Brazil!!

“The first World Cup I remember was in the 1950 when I was 9 or 10 years old. My father was a soccer player, and there was a big party, and when Brazil lost to Uruguay, I saw my father crying.” -Pele

Ultimatums are useless with me. I received an ultimatum from a person listed in my phone as “Waste of time”. He said it in the voice mail: “This is the last time I am calling you and leaving you a voice mail”.  I thought to myself: thank you!!

This is a person that I had one date with several years ago.  A couple of times a year he will call, waste my time on the phone complaining of how busy with work he is.  Then he will say that we need to get together and he will reach out when he has more time to meet.

Every time he called or texted I was polite and answered, but by now I had enough and blocked him.  So I don’t even see when it rings, I only get the voice mail. And now it seems I am free from that also.

I wish him well, but I am happy to never hear from him again.

“Relationships are negotiated and if you deal with ultimatums and authority all the time, then you’re not going to get anywhere.” – Phil McGraw