Category Archives: Dating

Another date, another job

21 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“Whatever it takes to finish things, finish. You will learn more from a glorious failure than you ever will from something you never finished.” ― Neil Gaiman

Closing.  It went well. It was the first time meeting my attorney.  Up to now all was done through email and phone.  I will not use him again. He did his job but, as I mentioned previously,  I don’t agree with a couple of things that he did that make me believe he was working more for the other side.

I thought I would feel a bit sad about selling this apartment, which was the first apartment I bought, but there was none of that.  I was happy to have this process finished.

My life is a little simpler now.  One less tenant to worry about.

“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

B33. After the closing I went on a date.  The restaurant I wanted to go to was closed for vacation so we met at another good one called Posto 22.  I had eggplant parmagiana with angel hair bolognese and he had the Salmon with spinach. All delicious.

This guy is much younger than I am.  He is 33, I am going to be 53 next month.  He looks his age, I look younger, so together, honestly,  we didn’t seem a mismatch.  Still he is way too young to be a boyfriend.  We met more as friends – well, he wants more than that.

He is originally from Albania. He was extremely nice, polite and a gentleman. When I mentioned my sister is returning from Brazil and looking for a job he offered her a job at his store.  And she is taking it.  This is the second time I go on a date and return home with a job for her.

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.” ― Haruki Murakami

A lunch date with D.   Today I went on a third date with D.  We went to Kellary Tavern, which is an amazing Greek restaurant in Manhattan.  I had vegetables croquette and he had some spinach pastry for appetizer.  For entree I had the Salmon with lentils and beets and he had the Mahi Mahi with potatoes.  Everything was divine.

He remains such a great guy.  His life is still complicated. I think it will take a long time for his house to sell because it is very expensive.  I am still willing to give him a chance if we ever get to that point.  At this point all we have are some meals together where we talk about everything.  It never gets too romantic.  Also he is shy, so I get the feeling that at times he wants to say more but holds back.

After lunch he walked me to the station. We said good bye with a couple of pecks on the lips.  I think there is chemistry but until we actually have some real passionate kisses and time together I won’t know.  He again asked me for patience.  I agreed and again said that he should take his time and do what he needs to do.

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
― Fulton J. Sheen

 

Love is coming soon, but dental surgery is here now

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  ― Paulo Coelho

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Valentine’s Day has become one of the most commercial holidays around, but still despite that,  I still enjoy seeing the love in the air.  Men carrying flowers and chocolates home to their wives. Red hearts everywhere.  I love all that.

It is the perfect excuse to think about old friends and reach out and say hi and I love you.  I have done that.  I reached out to some friends and wished them a great holiday!

I don’t have a Valentine tonight but still I am so happy and full of love.  Life is beautiful!  I have so many reason to be grateful!

My plan for tonight is to go get a massage, then have something exciting for dinner.  Which I am not sure what that is yet, but it will be followed by something sweet.

D., the man I have written about before, the one that asked me to be patient while he untangles his life texted me today.  Honestly I was not sure he would think of it. He doesn’t text often and doesn’t text long.  He will send one or 2 texts every 2 or 3 days.

I am surprisingly okay with that.  He mentioned wanting to go real slow.  It is better this way, then to be bombarded with texts while he cannot really make any commitment.  This is really different that what I am used to.  It is worth a shot, specially since it doesn’t really require an investment from me. What have I got to lose?

Today he just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day and said he is looking forward to seeing me soon.  He also talked about the weather.  He is not in town at the moment.  He is on business trip on the West Coast.  Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to make conversation lol

Stay tuned…

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

I am still online dating, but decided not to have any dates tonight.  I have a couple of dates scheduled for the weekend but I am seriously thinking about canceling.   I am not that excited about either one, so it all seems like a waste of time fro them and for me.

Also, I am having yet another dental surgery tomorrow, so I will probably not feel like talking too much over the weekend.  This is a repeat of the laser surgery I had done before.  I thought it had worked, but the area didn’t improve and the x-rays actually say it is worst.

This time it will be even more painful as he will attempt to go even deeper and clean more the area around the implant.   At least it will not be painful in my pockets as he offered to do this again for free.  It is likely that it will not work again and that in 3 to 6 months I will have to go in cut one implant out and do a bone graph in the area in an attempt to save the other 2 implants attached to this troublesome one.  But I need to do all I can to try to save this one implant before I give up on it.

Fingers crossed.  I am asking you all to please send me angels and prayers.  The surgery is scheduled for 12 pm NY time.

Thank you and until then love, love, love and say so!

I leave you with some great words to read and live by:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

 

Chivalry is not dead, and neither are some old boyfriends

08 Friday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”  – Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

The cutest thing happened today.  I have been the recipient of chivalry and it felt so good.

Today I decided to take a taxi to work from the train station instead of walking 11 blocks.  It was raining and I was carrying a huge bag of bagels, cream cheese and butter.

When the cab stopped to let me out, and as I was paying, this guy comes and opens my door.  I was startled and said thank you.  Then I felt silly for saying thank you because I imagined that he was wanting to get in the cab and was trying to hurry me along.

I paid and got out.  He closed the door and proceeded to walk along me.  I asked him:  Aren’t you getting in the cab?  He said: no.  Oh, I said, thank you so much that was nice.  It doesn’t happen often.

He smiled a big beautiful white smile and said: it should.  I do it all the time.

I smiled and turned the corner and he proceeded to go straight. We were both looking back and smiling at each other.

This nice gesture put a little extra spring on my step today.

***

“Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business, that’s what.”  – ― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

Yesterday there must have been something in the water or the moon was in a special way.  Three men from the past reached out.

I think it has to do with Valentine’s Day approaching.  Seeing all the hearts and advertisement telling us that we all need to be coupled.   Or perhaps they are feeling extra lonely and thinking of all of the ones that got away.

Anthony-  He works in Risk Management.   We had met online and started a phone and texting relationship, but we never met.  We were getting along great and he was trying to get his schedule in order for us to meet, then he just disappeared.

This is now his excuse and I quote: “Between my new job, settling in a place and my Mom was sick for a while. I did not have time to myself.”

Why can’t people just say what is going on instead of disappearing?  I will never know the real reason why he disappeared.  I don’t really care at this point.

I may meet him as a friend.  Once something like that happens it turns me off romantically but I like to keep an open mind as far as making new friends.

“Conscience is no more than the dead speaking to us.”  – ― Jim Carroll

Peter – He is a stockbroker.  I have written a few blog posts about him.  We had a few dates, everything seemed fine, and then he turned distant.  He is the guy that took me to the Opera.  See his text below.

I don’t have a problem saying hello every now and then or even having a drink as friends, but I am definitely not interested in romance.

Frankie- works for the NY court system.  I have written about him in the past.  We had a few dates 12 years ago (he actually remembered the exact day we met).  I broke it off saying I was too busy to date.  It does sound like an excuse.  I do not remember why I broke things off.

Anyway, I mostly ignore him, especially since he told me he has had a girlfriend since we broke up.  I am not interested in him romantically, but don’t want to meet as friends either.  I don’t want any issues.

At one point I asked him why he continues texting me when I mostly ignore him.  He said:  because you are an awesome person and I want to be your friend.

He will text good morning or good night sometimes.  He will text about any holiday we may have. Or he will say: hi stranger.   I mostly don’t reply to his texts.   But not matter what, few or even several months will go by and he will say hello again.  I have to admire his tenacity.

This is his text from last night.

Since he has sent me brownies a couple of times in the past for my birthday  I am not shocked that he thought about taking me out for Valentine’s Day.  This time I had to reply and find out what he was thinking.  He wasn’t thinking, that is the answer.  I cannot blame a guy for trying.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

A second date yeah!

06 Wednesday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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D. texted and asked me out for lunch on Sunday.  I said yes.

We met at Ipanema Restaurant, a Brazilian restaurant located on 46th Street.  I have been there before and I like the food and drinks.  He said I could order for him.  I was okay with that, since I was in my element.  I choose for appetizers cheese bread and a variety of empanadas (beef, cheese and hearts of palm).  For the entree we had sizzling picanha (top sirloin), rice, beans and potatoes.  Everything was delicious.  To drink he had the original caipirinha, a Brazilian signature drink made out of cachaça (sugar cane alcohol), lime and sugar.  I had a passion cosmo – a cosmopolitan made with cachaça and passion fruit.  He had 2, I had 1, but I could easily have had more if it was in the evening and we had been there longer.

Even though I was full and had no room for dessert, I could not pass on the opportunity of getting brigadeiro (chocolate fudge truffles) and beijinho (coconut cream truffles), so I ordered dessert to go.

The second date didn’t disappoint.  Conversation flowed as if we had known each other for years.  We talked about our favorite movies, about the sale of my apartment and how he hopes his house sells soon, among many other topics.

He is shy, and I am not.   I see a lot differences and also a lot of similarities.  I already find myself working extra hard to find issues with him. I do that when I like someone.  I am trying very hard not to do that.  I am making a choice here to be open minded, to give it time, to be vulnerable and not to sabotage what can be a good thing.

Towards the end of the meal he became serious and said that he wanted to ask me to be patient with him.  I don’t remember his exact words, as he was nervous and it seemed that it all came out at once, but he said something like: “I like you a lot. You are a special person.  I am not saying I am getting you a ring on Tuesday, but I am not interested in looking for anybody else. I am longer on Match.  But my life is complicated now and I have a lot to get resolved. I want you to know I am serious but for the next few weeks I am going to be very busy and it will be awhile until my life is sorted out.”  He also mentioned taking the slow route.

“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” – Moliere

He said a lot more, but I cannot remember it all.  When he mentioned a ring, I jokingly removed my ring so he could see the size.  He laughed and he too my hand in his.  He held and caressed my hand while he was talking.  It felt so amazing to have someone hold my hand and look into my eyes.  I could see and feel his care, honesty and vulnerability.

He is still living and working with the ex-wife.  They have the house and businesses to sort it out.  Then there are the teenage kids that don’t know about the divorce yet.  They think that they are both living on different wings of the house because they are on different sleep schedules due to the business travel that both do.  He said that he is going along with her wishes not to say anything yet.

There were things that he told me that he didn’t have to.  I rather not say too much here. I find his honesty refreshing.  He is somewhat like me. I just tell the truth even if that is not going to paint me in a good light.  I like that he didn’t try to sugarcoat his situation and minimize how complicated it really is.  I rather have the truth than promises and pretty lies.

I know it will be a long road, but at this point I don’t feel he is asking too much. There is really nothing going on between us yet.  He is not asking for me to stop dating and sit at home and wait for him.  He just asked me to be patient with him and his situation.  I am not a patient person but I am taking this opportunity to exercise those never used patience muscles.

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.”  – Paulo Coelho

I said to him:  Do what you need to do.  I like you and I hope to see you again.  Just don’t just disappear without letting me know.

It is weird.  This is only the second date but it felt for a second that we were discussing the rest of our lives. It felt as if we were ready to plan a future together.

After he paid the bill, we walked out arm in arm on the streets of Manhattan. It was a beautiful day.  It was just cold enough to feel alive and to notice it is winter.

We got to the corner of 42nd and Fifth Avenue, where we had to part ways. He was taking the subway to rush to some meeting.  I was taking the train home.  He hugged and kissed me good bye. It was more passionate than a peck, but nothing crazy or embarrassing.  I wanted a little more passion but then again I am Brazilian, I always want more passion, even if I am in the middle of a busy street.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” – Thomas Merton

There are a lot things I like about him and I cannot wait to see him again.  He asked if I was open to breakfast and lunch dates during the week.  His evenings are complicated.  I said I was.  I don’t have lunch breaks at work, but I can come and go as I please so I can meet any time.  Of course meeting during the day will not afford us the chance to be more passionate and see if the chemistry is really there as I think it is but it will give us the chance to continue to find out more about each other.

Since he is traveling this week, he asked me out on the 15th, Friday.  But immediately he looked at his phone and realized that perhaps it will be too late. He showed me his itinerary on his phone and his flight had just been changed to come in later than originally scheduled. So we will play ear on that and try to meet before then also.

Too bad that on Valentine’s Day he will be out of town, not that he would be able to meet if he was in town, but a girl can hope.

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne

One fear I have is: Is he a doormat?  I don’t want to be with a doormat.  I get him not wanting to rock the boat for the sake of the kids. It seems that at this moment he is doing everything the soon to be Ex wants. He doesn’t seem he has a voice.  It seems he never had one in this relationship.

I am going to stop overthinking one way or another.  No one is perfect, no situation is perfect.  At this moment he feels right to me, so I am going to wait and see.  And in the meantime still be open to meeting other people.

I will try my hardest not to be pushy and want to rush thing and have unrealistic expectations.

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Awful food but an awesome date

30 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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On Friday night I had an awesome dinner date with such a sweet gentleman.  The date was awesome because of how nice he was and how the conversation just flowed, not because of the food.  The restaurant was disappointing.

When he said he was taking me to Allora, I Googled it and was excited when I saw all the great reviews.  I also looked at the cocktail menu and found a drink I wanted to try.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes earlier and went downstairs to the bathroom, by the time I returned he was already at the bar waiting for me.  He was just like his picture and I could tell he was a little on the shy side.

We chose to sit at a table right away instead of lingering at the bar.  When the waiter comes to take our drink order I asked for the drink menu.  He said he didn’t have one.  I was confused, as there was one on the website, so I insisted: are you sure you don’t have a cocktail list?

He said:  “This is not that kind of place.” I was a little put off by that comment.  Then he added: “The bartender can make you anything you want”. He said that the old manager had created the cocktail list, but the new manager removed it.  It would have been nice if they had updated their website.

Mr. D., my date, ordered an octopus appetizer.  I was game for trying it. My date said it was not well prepared.  I agreed with him.  Even though I never had octopus before this could have used some more seasoning.

The Rigatoni Bolognese was bland and almost completely meatless. The beef ravioli, which I don’t even know what was the filling because it didn’t taste at all like beef, was just awful.  It came covered in cranberry sauce. They should have mentioned that it was covered in the sweet sauce when we asked what the ravioli of the day was.  The waiter only said beef.

In retrospect I should have complained about the food especially because of the price charged.  I didn’t pay or see the bill but there were prices on the menu.  I had already done my share of complaining about the drink menu I didn’t want to bring negativity to the evening. I also didn’t want him to feel bad for having chosen the restaurant.

The conversation was flowing and we were having such a great time that the food seemed like an afterthought.

At one point I went to the bathroom again and I got back and the waiter is waiting with the dessert cart.  My date looked at me and said: “I knew you would want it”.  I thought that was cute since I had previously mentioned I had a sweet tooth.  We shared some kind of chocolate mousse cake.  It was just good.

I am not sure why all the great reviews.  Perhaps we just ordered the wrong food or the chef had an off day. I will never go back and would never recommend it.

“I dwell in possibility…”  – ― Emily Dickinson

After the dinner we walked to the train station and he offered me his arm.  It was all so easy and effortless.  At my train track we continued talking for a few more minutes.  We talked about taking a skiing trip together.

Then we hugged good bye and we kissed twice on the lips – just quick pecks.  I definitely would have been okay with more, even though I don’t particular care for kissing on the first date.  I guess I am changing my stance on that.  The kiss is a great way to see if chemistry is really there or it isn’t.

I will definitely go on a second date if he asks me. He seemed interested but since the date we have texted a little with both of us talking about being busy at work and not much more than that.  This time I honestly have no idea if a second date will happen or not.

I am inclined to think it will not as I find that most guys will ask me out right away.  If they don’t then things normally fizzles out.  Perhaps it is a New York thing.  Everyone is always moving on to the next thing instead of focusing on what/who is at hand. Or perhaps people always think that there will be someone else better out there.

I know he has a lot on his plate, perhaps it is even a little too early for him to start dating.  He is still only separated, has kids, still living with the spouse.  They are trying to sell the house and go their separate ways. They also share a variety of businesses that they are trying to get sorted it out.

He is very busy, but that is an excuse that I don’t accept.  If someone is online dating, and interested in someone, then they will make the time.  Otherwise they are just not interested.

All I know is that he was smart, open, honest, and such a gentleman.  He was an absolute joy to be with.  I could see hints of sparks and chemistry. Fingers crossed.

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” -― Nicholas Sparks,  The Notebook

The waiting game and spark-less dates

16 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“The happiness you are seeking is not to be found in the flow of life, but in your attitude toward whatever life brings.” ― Ramesh S. Balsekar

Life proceeds with the ups and downs.  I proceed with gratitude.  On the downs I tell myself that it will pass and I remember the ups.  Without the downs life would just be flat and boring.  At the up times I remember to be even more grateful.

SALE OF APARTMENT

The contract is signed.  I am hoping to close soon but we have to wait for the title search that normally takes 2 to 3 weeks.  For this impatient Aries having to wait is painful, but it is also a chance to learn acceptance.  So I sit back, breath and inhale patience.

I was at the apartment last night and I remembered how much I loved living there.  It is so cozy.   I moved out to go live with the ex-boyfriend.  After 3 years there he cheated on me and broke my heart, and I started this blog.

I felt a bit nostalgic.  I reminded myself the reasons why I am selling it: for simplicity, for less encurbements.  It is the end of a chapter.

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” – Paulo Coelho

DATES

I have had a couple of date these past several days.  I decided to keep those 2 very short, just coffee dates.

Mr. A.  He is 61 and is a psychologist and also involved in a business venture.  We met at a nice coffee shop in my neighborhood.  His ex-wife and business partner was having issues and texting him non-stop.   For some reason I didn’t really care about that.

He is a bit too much for me.  It is hard to explain.  He talked non-stop.  I had trouble keeping up with all he was saying.  No chemistry but I think we may still become friends and bond over spirituals and zen pursuits.  Some of what I was able to grasp from what he was saying was actually interesting.

Mr. L.  He is 55 and works for the NY Federal Court System.   We met in Grand Central Station, which was very convenient for me, so I appreciated his thoughtfulness with that.  We had some pleasant conversation but I did most of the talking.  We seem to be at very different stages in life even though we are almost the same age.  Again, a good guy but not for me. Zero chemistry.

“Let yourself disappear in the darkness; if you are loved, people will come and find you with torches in their hands! Love is a great searcher; it always searches the loved one! To see who really love you, just disappear!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Dates and Decisions

05 Saturday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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DATING

Update on the date with Mr. J. – We met at a Brazilian restaurant on 46th Street called Ipanema.  We had a couple of appetizers that were delicious.  I had the passion fruit caipirinha and he had the original one.

We talked non-stop like old friends and bonded over our love of skiing. Unfortunately there wasn’t much chemistry.  Also his divorce is not final yet and he is still living in the family home.  It is going to be awhile until he gets his situation sorted out and I don’t want to get involved in it, chemistry or no chemistry.

I have no dates schedule.  I want to date more but I will only schedule something if I think that there is an inkling of chance that I will meet a lover or a friend.

Speaking of friend, I have a friend date scheduled with my friend A. for another sauna, gym and food session tomorrow.  We are going to try a natural organic vegetarian restaurant. I am shocked to say that I am looking forward to it. 🙂

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.” ― Paulo Coelho

****

APARTMENT SALE (Simplifying life)

My apartment was listed on Thursday afternoon.  By the end of the day I already had an offer for my full asking price.  Did I list too low?  It is hard to tell.  It seems comparable to apartments in the area and the ones that have been sold in the complex.

At the same time there are not a lot of similar properties in the market so my realtor and I hoped to generate a buzz and possibly receive multiple offers. I was hoping for a cash offer and not have to deal with waiting for financing, etc.

The person that made the offer is someone that has been interested in the apartment for years.  She wanted to rent but missed that to someone that gave me a full year of rent payments in advance.

She made the offer on the condition that I would not go through with an Open House  scheduled for tomorrow.  I declined. I want to do at least one and see what happens.

I don’t think this person will go away if she really wants it, but it is a gamble.

I am a bit sad about selling this apartment.  I really loved it when I lived there but the chances that I will go back and live there are slim to none. The apartment I live at now has 2 bedrooms and is closer to the train station. Two things I need at this time.

On the other hand there is jubilation.  There is this feeling of freedom and of leaving the past in the past, good or bad.

Time to let go, move on and simplify.

“Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.” – Henry David Thoreau

A whole new year to learn, to live and to love

03 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“There will be no New Year for those who keep living in the older years! If you really want to enter a new year, shot all the doors behind you and stick yourself to the New Year where everything is ready for you to be designed by you! Every man is an artist and every artist has the power to create infinite things; just be in the present time and design your life! No man can design his life by being in the past because present time is the only studio we can do our work!” -― Mehmet Murat ildan

2019 is here!  Now what?  Now we get to forget all the failures of 2018 and have a whole year to be successful. How exciting: A whole year to make new memories!

I want to do more this year.  More of everything. More dating, more exercise, more reading, and more writing. I want to live more.  When I die I don’t want to leave any living on the table.  No regrets!

*** DATING

Mr. M. We had a couple of dates. He is a 60 year old executive in the health industry.  We kissed on the second date and it was okay.  The earth didn’t move, but I wouldn’t mind being kissed again.  Then things fizzled.  I think he wanted me to be more aggressive and ask for a third date. I am not that into him to go after him.

Mr. J.  He is a construction engineer and we are having a first date tonight.  I don’t know much about him. We both enjoy skiing, that is what I am most excited about since I am dying to go skiing.  Perhaps we will hit off and plan some skiing trip.

Mr. A.  He is a psychologist. We have been exchanging email where he is mostly instructing me about Meditation and some other spiritual stuff.  It has been fascinating.  I think this will be a beautiful and rewarding friendship.  We are not talking about meeting yet but it will happen in due time.

I am open to meeting great minds and great hearts. I love meeting people that are open to sharing their knowledge with me. In that sense I am a sponge. Everyone is a teacher, and I am always ready to learn.

Mr. R.  We had a date last year then he disappeared.  He is now back asking me out for a drink.  I didn’t say no yet, but I don’t think I want to revisit the past.  He explained why he disappeared but even if he hadn’t disappeared I probably wouldn’t have gone on a second date.  He is smart and funny but we had zero chemistry.  I am going to offer friendship.

“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’ ‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.” ― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

I have been hanging out a lot with my friend A. We have definitely become great friends.  Remember, he is the friend that I kissed on occasion, but that I decided not to do it anymore. A kiss is harmless, but why do it if we don’t care for each other in that way?

On Sunday we went to the sauna, to a juice bar and then Starbucks.  We skipped the gym.  We had been there on Saturday and my hip was not happy.  Then in the evening he invited me to go to an Ethiopian Restaurant.  The food was good and I enjoyed giving it a try, but it is not at the top of my favorite cuisines.

After the restaurant he wanted to go to a specific bar, but it was closed.  He then asked if I wanted to go see his apartment, which I have never been to before even though it is only a 5 minute drive from my home.  I have been curious to see his apartment as I am always curious to see how people live but I decided to decline the invitation.  I didn’t want to be in a situation where he would try to kiss me and I would have to refuse. He would respect that I am sure but it would be awkward.  We have a great friendship going, why chance it? We joke and flirt but at the end of the day we both just want to be friends.

***

Image result for green book

On the first day of the year I had lazy day, then in the late afternoon my sister and I went to the movies. We saw The Green Book.  It was awesome.  It is a road trip where differences disappear and hardships unite.  Ultimately, to me, it was about friendship. It is about recognizing that we are all the same in our core.  Everyone just trying to survive and be happy.   It is a message of respect and kindness. I highly recommend it.

“Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” ― ZORA NEALE HURSTON

 

Chivalry needs to be resuscitated

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect” ― Jane Austen

Following up my last post where I mentioned the date with P. I was still thinking about his behavior.  I think that it bothered me even more than I was willing to admit.  I needed to get back to him with a yes or no in regards to the second date.  So I decided that honesty was the best policy and flat out asked him about it.

I emailed him: “Why would you hurry and get your food before I got there and not offer to get me my coffee?

Here is his reply: “I apologize for what appeared rude or improper behavior.  Frankly, what’s appropriate these days is not so clear as it used to be.  I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just a drink and conversation, or something more like a  mini meal.  I was very hungry so I had some choices.  If I ordered something that took time to cook, but I didn’t know how far away you were, either I’d have time to eat fast, or you’d show up close to when I got my food, so I would wait for you to get what you wanted.

When it comes to buying your coffee, food or whatever, this is a meeting, not a date(as some women have said to me!), so it seems fair and “modern” to just each of us do our own thing. The old way, the guy always buying, has a touch of “She owes me now” to it, especially in this time when #metoo has emerged. I am trying to tread lightly, not be aggressive or overbearing or make you in any way feel “obligated” to me. Maybe I’m overdoing it. Maybe I’m overanalyzing. All I can say is it’s not easy being a guy sometimes! lol 

Yes…I probably could have let all our conversations be that “first meeting” and treated this more like a first date.  But if we both had actually felt exactly like that, we probably would have been locked lip to lip in a lengthy goodbye kiss on the sidewalk. “

“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.” ― Haruki Murakami

That answer didn’t make everything all better.

Manners and chivalry are always appropriate, that to me is clear as a bell.  It sounded like he really thought about how to get his food so that he didn’t have to buy mine. He knew I was just a couple minutes away.  I am thinking he was being just cheap.

I think many men are coming up with the excuse that the first date is just a meeting and therefore they don’t need to pay for anything.  For the women that say that I think they don’t want to be stuck with someone they don’t like.  I understand and don’t want to judge, but for me the first date is the first date.  I only agree to meet people that I think could at least be a friend.  If I don’t want to sacrifice an hour or 2 of my time I just don’t agree to meet the person period.

I don’t care where we meet, at the park or the library, but if he chooses a coffee shop I expect that he is paying for my coffee. After all I got my hair done, nails done, I am wearing perfume.  Everyone is making an effort to put their best foot forward or so I hope.

#metoo?  Really?  He is going to use that?  What does that have to do with a cup of coffee?

Why would I think I owe the guy anything because he paid for my coffee?  To me it is just a kind gesture.  It sounds to me that he is the one that has expectations when he does anything for a woman.

We had been exchanging emails for over 3 months on a daily basis.  I expected more.  I expected a cup of coffee and it seems that he expected passionate kisses.

We exchanged a couple of emails after the one above.  I politely declined the second date and wished him luck.

And so it goes…

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” ― Stephen R. Covey

No date, Brazilian Trump, stress galore and gym time

30 Tuesday Oct 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 10 Comments

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Dating or the lack of it – Unfortunately no update on the date with P. because a date didn’t happen yet. He had to cancel once and I cancelled twice.  We both had work issues.  We both don’t seem motivated to make this date happen.  I am not motivated to go on a dates in general lately.

If it happens I will definitely post about it.

“Life is short. Focus on what really matters most. You have to change your priorities over time.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Stress, Stress, Stress –The amount of craziness and stress I had on Friday and Saturday was insane. I credit God for giving me the strength to not lose it.

Equipment broke at work and because the boss is out sick was up to me to make decisions and deal with that area. Dealing with tech and such can be a nightmare.  Since then one thing keeps breaking after another.

My tenant was calling me the whole day on Saturday while I was at work tending to the equipment emergencies.  Finally at the end of the day he tells me he is not staying and I should be receiving a letter from his attorney.  He had been complained of noise and fighting in the apartment next door.  I have no control of that and since he doesn’t have a contract he can move out at any time after giving me a 30 day notice.  So I am not sure what his attorney has to write me about so I sit on pins and needles until I get said letter.

Not everything is a lawsuit!  Unfortunately a lot people don’t think that way.

I can hardly wait for him to be out so I can put this apartment up for sale.  It would make more sense financially to rent it out and keep it awhile longer but I don’t have the time and energy to be a landlord. My peace of mind is priceless.

I also know that all is for the best and for my betterment.  Everything is a lesson.  Everyone is a teacher.

“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” ― Steve Maraboli

Brazilian Trump – Now in Brazil, in keeping with modeling ourselves on the US we have elected the Brazilian Trump.  His name is Jair Bolsonaro.  I hope to God that he is blessed with good advisors. I pray that he honors love, equality and the well-being of every Brazilian, but so far what I have heard of him is scary.

Similar to the US, I do understand why people voted for such a person.  They wanted a change.  They are tired of the crime and corruption and wanted a change.  Well, at least I hope that that is the reason and not that, deep down inside, they are all haters.  I hope and pray that things will not become as polarized in Brazil as they are now in the US.

It does seem that Trump’s reach has no boundaries.  He seems to be influencing the entire world to be more selfish and mean towards each other.

Unfortunately from the 2 main candidates that were left after the Primaries it was a lose-lose situation. Stay with the devil we know or choose a new one, perhaps much worse?

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

Sauna, Gym and Dinner – On Sunday I agreed to go to the gym with my friend. I had canceled a couple of times so even though gym was the last thing I wanted to do I felt I had to.  Plus he sandwiched it between a sauna session and dinner, so the idea was more attractive.

We spend 50 minutes in 144 degrees.  I only started sweating a little bit in the end.  For some reason it takes a lot for me to sweat.

This sauna brought to the surface all kinds of feelings.  When I lived with Ex we had a sauna in the bedroom that was exactly like the one I was in on Sunday.  For a second it was like I was back in 2010 sitting next to Ex.

Yes, I missed that time for a second.  No, I don’t want it back.

After the sauna we went to Planet Fitness and did some weight training for over an hour.  It is amazing how I just fell back in love with weight lifting in a second.  Of course I overdid on the weights and today I can’t barely walk.   Call me crazy but I love the pain of feeling I got a good workout.

After showering we went to a Mexican Restaurant called Tequila Sunrise.  I had passion fruit mojito and he had water.  I had steak fajita and he had vegetables.  He is really into being healthy, even more so lately.  I am into more moderation always and treating myself often.

It is interesting how from dating him a few times years ago we have just become great friends.  I know I have kissed him in the past, but I decided that it is not worth doing it anymore.  Next time he tries I am turning him down.  Being friends is so much better.  I don’t want to date him anymore.  I did back in 2015 when we dated, but after he was a bit evasive I realized he was not that interested. In turn I lost interest.

I do treasure his friendship and I am glad that he pushed me to join the gym.


“Make improvements, not excuses. Seek respect, not attention.” ― Roy T. Bennett