Sorry I know all I do lately is talk and cry about Ex, but please bear with me I know this will not last forever and at least it got me blogging.
I know things happen for a reason and I know I will be better off alone, but still is so painful.
I long for the day that he will not be the first person I think about in the morning when I wake up and the last person I think about before I fall asleep.
It is still beyond comprehension why would he decide to throw “us” away. We had so much fun together, and still do every time we are together. But it is over. For some stupid reason I thought I was still going to continue seeing him after I moved out. I did and I could continue to do so, but I recovered my senses. Why would I want to continue seeing a man that betrayed me and that is putting his dick in every pussy he finds.
I am forgiving myself for seeing, and when I say seeing, I mean sleeping with him, the few times I did. I love him, what can I do? So that is what women in love do some times, we do stupid stuff and try to rationalize it. I said I was going to be open to love and just love as much as I can, and not put any burdens or ask anything back. Well that is all fine and dandy, until it all hits you in the face. WHY?
I am going to be open to love, but that is going forward with the next people I meet. With him being friends is already more than he deserves. When I think back, and believe me I do it many times throughout the day, even though I am trying not to, I realize even more lies. Things fall into places, his sneaky behavior, the major attachment to the phone, the never ending work at the office, etc, etc,
I plan on continue to be his friend, because I think that holding grudges and carrying anger inside me would me more harm than good, but I plan never ever allowing his lips to touch my lips or any part of my body other than my face for a kiss hello and vice-verse, my sweets and soft lips will never touch anything on him other than his face.
It feels good to come up with decisions such as deals and to realize that I am choosing to love myself. I am getting back some little pride and self esteem.
I am going to save my body and soft lips for the next guy. The very lucky next guy!
E-harmony here I come!!!