Another dysfunctional day in a dysfunctional industry

23 Friday Aug 2019

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Some of you may wonder what happens in a small office when there is a big blow up as the one I had the other day with that co-worker.  Or specifically what is happening in my office right now.

In this industry yelling and screaming among the brokers are normal and par for the course.  Sometimes their arguments get so heated I fear one is going to hit the other. By the end of the day or by the next day they are speaking as if they are best friends.

Similar to them when I have any issues with any of the guys normally we are back to normal in a few days.  The normal for this guy and I is tricky.  He is a complainer and I don’t deal well with people that only complain and never has a positive thing to say about anything. He is not happy that I don’t allow him to brush his teeth in the kitchen sink and that he has to wash his own plate after lunch, among other things.

Our normal is just being cordial to each other. He is like one of those dogs that look inoffensive and cute. You let your guard down, you get close, you pet it and then it bites your hand off.

Time and time again I get bitten. Yet I never learn. Professionally and personally I don’t hold any grudges.

The ball is his court. But it seems that he will take longer to get over being called out for his behavior.

Yesterday when he needed something from me he asked one of the other partners to come and ask me. Later when he needed additional information he sent me messages via chat.

Today I walked in and there was a note on my desk (pictured at the top).  I blocked the client’s name on it.  It is childish of him to avoid speaking to me, but it is so expected. It would have been classier and more gentlemanly  if that was a note of apology but I don’t believe he ever said “I am sorry” in all his life.  I am sure that writing “pls” almost killed him.

I want to know what he is going to do next time he needs something personal notarized or scanned.  Well, I know what will happen, he will come and ask.  And I will do it because I don’t know how to say no. If I can help, I help, no matter what.

I don’t get the boss involved.  He has asked me to let him know if he needs to get him involved, but I rather fight my own battles.  Plus he goes a bit overboard so I like to avoid that.  I was glad he was not in the office when it happened.

“Give, but give until it hurts.” ― Mother Teresa

How early in advance is too early to book a vacation?

21 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Is August too early to book a vacation for January or February?

When I think of paradise I picture a snowy mountain.  I love skiing, or I should I say, attempting to ski. I took up skiing late in life and I struggle with it. The fear of heights, of gaining speed and falling paralyzes me.

On some skiing trips I do well, I even get to blues, and on others I end up on the bunny hill. Still I am not giving up. The beauty and feeling of freedom is just too enticing for me.

I have heard countless times people say to me that at my age I should be stopping and not starting to ski.  I feel everything in my life follows a different clock that is normally much later than everyone else’s.  I bet I will hear my biological clock ticking when I am 60 🙂

I pay no one any mind.  Only I know my heart and my desires.

At the top of a mountain is when I feel the freest, the most in tune with nature.  At the top of a mountain I am able to turn off my mind.  I just breathe in the beauty of nature and feel the gratitude in my lungs.

Since 2010 I have taken a skiing vacation a year. I have been to Whistler Blackcomb (3 times) and Mont Tremblant in Canada. I have been to Snowmass (Buttermilk and Aspen) and Breckenridge in Colorado and Park City in Utah. I have gone on a couple of short trips to Vermont and a couple of places in NY.

I am always in search of a location that is fun and welcoming to beginners. I think I will forever be a beginner. And I am okay with that. I don’t have lofty goals of ever skiing blacks. I just want to feel more comfortable on skis.

For the past 2 seasons (2018 and 2019) life happened and I didn’t go on my yearly trip or even a day trip. I am not even sure what prevented it. I guess it was a combination of different factors in my personal life and deadlines at work.

This coming season I want to make sure that I will not let things get in the way. I was thinking that the best way to accomplish that was to book the trip now. That way I would be forced to go or lose a lot money.

Do you think is it a good idea to book a trip this far in advance? Any suggestions of where to go and where to stay? I welcome any tips and suggestions.

And if I end up in your neck of woods perhaps we can have a drink. Crazy enough idea I think!

“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” ― Maya Angelou

All it takes is one overgrown baby to mess up an otherwise great day.

20 Tuesday Aug 2019

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I am shaking. My hands are trembling so bad that I can barely type. And yet I don’t feel like crying…progress!

I am shaking because I just have been through a not so very lady-like screaming match with such mentioned man-child.

It never fails to amaze me the entitled whiny attitude of some of the men I work with. There is one in particular that my assistant and I have nicknamed “only child”. Clearly his parents did everything he wanted when he wanted so now he wants the rest of the world to cater to him also.

Not on my watch!

He doesn’t know how to hear a “No” or to be asked to do something or comply with some rule. I don’t make the rules I am just the enforcer. I do everything here, from Human Resources to Compliance, so I need to interact with the brokers and make sure that they are doing what needs to be done. I am often the bad guy, but I do it well and often work with them on getting things done. I look the other way on minor offenses and give them second and third chances. I often go out of my way for them and that is why I get so annoyed when someone that I keep going out of my way for has the nerve to attack me.

I expect to get what I give, respect and not a condescending tone. I don’t care who you are. I expect not to be told how to do my job when my job is performed beyond reproach, plus I don’t tell them how to broker, even though I would probably do a better job than some here. And I especially expect not to have this firm compared with prior places of employments. If those places were so good why didn’t he stay there? Because we pay a better commission and at the end of the day there is nothing he likes more than money.

I am in the Wall Street/Financial world. Here money rules, and more than once I have been told by the brokers here that their job is to make money as if that is an excuse not to follow rules and regulations and not do what I need them to do.

About once a month for the past 3 years every time I need certain receipts this broker whines about it and starts to tell me that certain receipts shouldn’t be required, and that the distrust level here is too much. Do you think I can use that line with the IRS?

Today again he started giving me the same speech, he raised his voice and upgraded his tone to an even more condescending one if that is at all possible. Again, calmly, I explained that those were the requirements and no matter how many times he questioned them they wouldn’t be changing. Again he used the “distrust” line and started telling what his prior employer use to require. I cut him off and he said: Can you let me speak? I said no. I am done with that subject.

He left my office mad saying how this place is this and this place is that (really meaning me) and went straight to another partner yelling and complaining about me and how I do things. I don’t remember exactly the order and all that was said, but I pretty much went out on the floor after him and said I was not going to be talked to in such tone. I said I was tired and done with him, and that if he wants to get paid he better produce receipts.

He asked if I was really saying I was done with him in front of everyone and on tape (everything that is said on the floor is recorded). I said yes. He said: Don’t speak to me. I said: gladly!

Normally when I get upset with one of the brokers I may regret it later and I will tell them I should have handled differently. Especially since I am one of the partners here I think I should not stoop to their level and not engage in the back and forth shouting. But this time I think he got what he deserved. I only regret not saying more.  Enough is enough! I don’t care who he thinks he is and I don’t care how much money he makes.

This was mostly about his tone of voice and attitude and not necessarily about what he actually said today, as I am used to hearing all sorts of things from all brokers.  But I will never get used to being talked to as if I am of an inferior kind.

Thanks for letting me vent!  I feel better already!

“Create boundaries. Honor your limits. Say no. Take a break. Let go. Stay grounded. Nurture your body. Love your vulnerability. And if all else fails, breathe deeply.” ― Aletheia Luna

the bad, the good, and the past

19 Monday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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After a couple of days of silence, my phone now rings once a day.  No, it is not Prince Charming. The caller hangs up when I answer.  Each time is a different phone number with my same area code.  I stopped answering. Problem solved. For now.

I had been feeling unwanted but Delta Airlines came to the rescue with an email to inform me that I have been promoted to Gold Medallion Member.  I don’t think it means much more than my old Silver status, but I still feel special.  I am easy.

“Just as a snake sheds its skin, we must shed our past over and over again.” ― Gautama Buddha

On Friday I got an email from an email address I didn’t recognize.  This person called me by name and wanted to reconnect.  As I searched my inbox I was able to find one email that we had exchanged in 2015 that didn’t say much but it seemed that we had exchanged a lot flirtatious messages in the past.

After a few back and forth emails where I kept asking for more information it was clear that he was intent on not telling me who he was.  I was curious and didn’t like being in the dark and feeling vulnerable.  I was tempted to continue emailing to try to figure out who he was.

There was curiosity, but there was also hope.   Hope as in the idea of romance and fairy-tale.  It goes like this: this charming admirer from the past realized that he cannot live without me. He comes back, sweeps me off of my feet and we live happily ever after.

I was curious but had no interest on playing his one-sided game.  I stopped replying.  The real power is not in having the last word, but in fighting the urge to engage.  I no longer need to have the last word. I refuse to waste my time, energy, heart and hope on stupidity and distractions.

There is a reason this guy was left in 2015.  I don’t need to be reminded of what that reason was.  It is always tempting to revisit the past.  Even if dysfunctional it is always comforting and familiar.  Happily, this time I am choosing the future, not the past.

As I often say:  Let’s make new mistakes, learn new lessons!

“Can’t you give me brains?” asked the Scarecrow.
“You don’t need them. You are learning something every day. A baby has brains, but it doesn’t know much. Experience is the only thing that brings knowledge, and the longer you are on earth the more experience you are sure to get.” ― L. Frank Baum

When every call is an annoyance

14 Wednesday Aug 2019

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Today I have been inundated with phone calls of people trying to talk about refinancing a mortgage.  Inundated is an exaggeration, but by 12 pm I had received 8 phone calls and 2 texts. It has been quiet now for the past 2 hours so perhaps this is it.

I only answered all the calls because I am waiting for a phone call from my condominium’s board and I am not sure what number they are calling from. Incidentally they haven’t called yet.

On the last call I was told that someone probably wrote the number incorrectly when they requested a quote from Lendingtree.com.

That is a plausible explanation, but I have an alternative one. Perhaps that is still the result of giving my number to that guy (or girl or robot) that disappeared.  Perhaps he put my number in some mailing list somewhere, or still, a third explanation is that somebody did this on purpose to interrupt my day and annoy me.

I am probably overthinking it! But that is what I do.

Why can’t I get a call from the Publishers Clearing House saying I won a million dollars? Why can I get a call from a headhunter offering me an amazing job with 6 weeks vacation and signing bonus? Why can’t that one special guy that is perfect for me call me?

I never entered those sweepstakes. I am not in the market for a new job. That guy is just delayed somewhere or I have been looking for him in the wrong places.  Or perhaps he has arrived and I missed him.  I could go on and on about that last one. 🙂

The rest of my life feels overwhelming, so I am breathing in and out slowly.  Just putting one step in front of the other.  Not complaining, just stating a feeling. Still blessed beyond belief!!

A Joe, a Jerk and an Unapologetically Aries

10 Saturday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“We are all hypocrites. We cannot see ourselves or judge ourselves the way we see and judge others.” ― José Emilio Pacheco

Joe. He is one of the Joe’s I wrote about the other day.  I was not sure I like the idea of being asked out just because it was convenient.  I was not excited about him romantically either. For those reasons I didn’t think a second date would happen.

But it did! It happened because it was convenient – oh the hypocrisy of it all! Shame on me!

Here is my reasoning:  I was not excited about him romantically, but I did have a nice time on the date.  I figured a second meeting wouldn’t hurt, especially since all I had to do was to walk across the street to the same restaurant from the first date.

We had a good time, as we had had the first date.  We talked and joked the whole time but there was no romantic vibes.  Third date?  no, but I am open to meeting as friends.

***

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”  – ― Abraham Maslow, 

The jerk and the unapologetic Aries

The jerk is a 57 yr old attorney and the unapologetic Aries is me.   We made plans to meet a couple of times and he flaked.  When I said I didn’t want to meet him anymore he asked for another chance and I said ok.

I met him at a Mexican Restaurant near my home. It started off fine with us making some small talk.  He did some complaining about the ex-wife, which is a huge turn off for me, but I was able to change the subject.

Then he mentioned that Aries people are very difficult. He proceeded to tell me all the ways people born under the sign of Aries are extremely difficult to get along with, specially with a Sagittarius(him).  He said that I showed how difficult I was when I had decided not to meet him because he had canceled last minute twice.  He went on and on.

I agreed with him.  I don’t think he expected that.  I think he expected an argument.  Why would I try to disagree with him?  It wouldn’t change anything.  It would just make me not enjoy my food.  I ordered the skirt steak and I was looking forward to it.

Aries people can indeed be difficult people.  We are impatient and opinionated.  We are impulsive and think we know it all.  We are also great leaders, fiercely independent, passionate lovers and generous to a fault.

Instead of defending Arieses (is this really the plural of Aries, just seems such a funny word), I asked him questions about Astrology.  He seemed to know a lot about it.  I did ask him why did he want to meet me since, according to him, we were not a match?  He said he was open minded.  I laughed.

Certain traits are definitely more distinguished among people of a same sign, that is for sure. I have been able to guess some people’s signs just by the way they conducted themselves.  Every sign has its good and bad traits, but to generalize and make assumptions like he did is troublesome and unfair.

Two of my favorite people are Sagittarius. We have an amazing relationship. So Sagittarius and Aries can get along.

I am so happy to be an Aries!  I think it is the best sign in the zodiac!  🙂

He came in ready to dislike me.  He succeeded in that and more.  I didn’t like him either.  The skirt steak however, was divine!

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov

 

Can online dating lead to scam phone calls?

08 Thursday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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I think so!

I have been on dating sites on and off for a long time.  By now I am a pro, or so I like to believe. I go out of my way to be safe and not take chances.  I can normally spot a fake, phony or scam profile a mile away.

But as we are getting smarter online so are the scammers.

In the past I rarely gave my phone number out before meeting someone.  Lately I am more lax about it. If I believe that the person is a real person and serious about meeting I will normally talk or text him before meeting.

I don’t go only by my instincts.  I Google pictures, phone number, parts of the profile, etc.  I play detective, something I enjoy.  It is amazing what one can find online if one digs far enough.

Last week, after I did all my research and thought it was safe, I sent a text to a guy that I had been exchanging messages online.  He never replied.  I looked at his online profile and he was gone. It was very odd.  That had never happened to me before.

I wondered what was the deal.  Why would someone just want my phone number? What for?

This week I think I found out.

Yesterday I got 2 phone calls from 800-325-0778.  A recording said it was from the Social Security Administration and that my social security number was going to be suspended. I was instructed to hit 1 to get more information. Of course I didn’t.

Today I got 2 phones calls from 800-538-9983.  A recording said it was from Apple and that my iCloud account was compromised.  Again I was told to press 1 for more information. Again I didn’t.

I don’t think it is a coincidence.  I think those phone calls are related to the guy that wanted my number and once he got it he disappeared.

1.  If you are online dating, do not give your number out unless you think you know who the person really is. That is what I always did and I will go back to being more strict.

2. If you receive a phone call regarding something sensitive such as social security, credit card, cell phone, etc, never press 1 or any other button.  Just hang up as fast as you can.

3.  Never engage in telephone conversation with anyone that calls with alarming news/information and requesting your personal information. Never ever give out personal information over the phone.

4. Don’t ever call the same number that called you even if seems legit.  Phone numbers can be spoofed and appear legit.  When in doubt it is always best to call the appropriate agency or company directly.

and on that note, I will share the link to a post I wrote years ago about spotting fake profiles: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2016/10/27/how-to-spot-a-fake-dating-profile/

Living, learning and adapting ♥

“Be silent and safe — silence never betrays you; 
Be true to your word and your work and your friend; 
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end.” 
― John Boyle O’Reilly

 

Trying to enjoy the process without rushing to get results

06 Tuesday Aug 2019

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“I can hardly wait for tomorrow, it means a new life for me each and every day.” ― Stanley Kunitz

This month I am doing some work around my apartment.  I live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment measuring a little over 1,000 square feet.

It started with decided to replace some windows and now I keep adding to the list of things to do/buy.

I wish I had taken some “before” pictures so that later I could proudly show the “after”.  The before was not so bad.  The last time my apartment was painted was in the beginning of 2015. The paint is still good but since I am changing the carpeting and windows in some rooms I decided to do the painting also.

I have ordered new windows for my sister’s bedroom and the living room.  The current windows look great but they are drafty and don’t close correctly.  The one in my bedroom is the one that works the best and also the one that would be the most expensive since it is rounded at the top and it has to be custom ordered.  For those reasons I am leaving that one alone for now.

While I am waiting for the windows to be ready to install I am getting the painting done.  After the painting is done then the carpet will be replaced in the bedrooms.  I would love to have hardwood floors in the bedrooms but carpet it is less noisy on my neighbor downstairs and it is cozier in the winter.

My sister’s bedroom is a very pale yellow now with dirty beige carpet that doesn’t clean no matter how many times it gets watched.  It will now be a light gray/blue walls with gray carpeting.

My sister’s bathroom will remain dark blue with a fresh coat of painting.

My bedroom has sage walls with light beige carpeting.  It will be white walls with new beige carpeting.  I normally don’t care for white walls but I will bring color and personality with all the paintings I have.  The worst that can happen is that I hate the white and have it repainted another color.

My bathroom will be repainted the same colors it has currently. It will continue to be a light mustardy/yellow color with a small accent area of brick color.

The living room has chair rail, the bottom part is the color of brick and the top is a very light cream color.  It will now be blood red on the bottom and white on top.  I just adore red on the wall but haven’t been able to replicate the blood red color I had in an apartment once.  I am trying again.

The kitchen is very light beige/cream and it will be the same color.  It will just get a fresh color of paint.

My TV and microwave both died.  I replaced the TV a month ago and I just ordered a new microwave. I don’t use that much but it is mounted about the stove so I want to make sure I have all appliances working properly.

I will be replacing my 2 chairs round table with a 4 chair s square table.  I have that in my storage area, so if I don’t like I am just going to return it there or give it away. Even though the round table is much nicer, I miss the seating for 4 when I have people over.

I am also thinking about ordering a couple of bookcases to put on each side of the TV.

All the paintings currently on the wall will all change locations or be replaced with other ones I have.  My mother paints, so I have a lot of her paintings.

My apartment will continue to be a crazy mixture of styles and stuff.   I am okay with that because I am a crazy mixture myself.

The only problem at the moment is trying to relax.  I am results driven.  I don’t have patient for the journey and the details.  I can’t deal with too many options.  I find myself just wanting the painter to choose the colors and the carpet guy to decide on the carpet type.

Give me important decisions and I am able to decide right away, but present me with multiple wall colors and types of carpeting and I go crazy.  When given more than 2 options I freeze.

The painting started today and I am already thinking about cutting the painting short. I just want order.

I am repeating to myself: Enjoy the process!

The painter just sent me a picture of my sister’s bedroom wall.

Before

After

 

The past that is trying to be present

04 Sunday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

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“If it’s over, then don’t let the past screw up the rest of your life.” ― Nicholas Sparks

This is again about Ex.  To summarize he is the guy that treated me as a princess then broke my heart by cheating on me.  He refused to try to work on the relationship and asked me to move out. It hurt me so much that I thought I was actually going to die of a broken heart.

I hadn’t heard from him since I sold the car back to him a couple of years ago.  I was ready not to hear from him ever again.  Then he resurfaced in March.  I wrote about here: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2019/03/29/cruel-or-just-clueless/

When he emailed in March I just ignored.  Then a week ago he texted saying he had a new number and asking my sister and I out again.  I didn’t respond.  A couple of days later he wrote again mentioning he wanted to tell me some stories that his kids told him.

I ignored him again, but I am getting really annoyed at him writing as if he is my friend. We are not. He is page from the past and that is where I want him to stay.

Today I typed him a reply because his message was still bothering me. I never sent it. I will continue to chose silence as a response.

But is that the best response for me?

I feel there is so much I want to say to him, even though I have already said so much years ago.  I think I feel that way because he never really listened. I can say all I want as many times I want and still it will not get through.  He believes the stories he tells himself.

Most of all, all I ever wanted was for him to apologize, to take ownership for hurting me.  He apologized but not for cheating on me.  He gave me a lame “I am sorry I was not the man you needed me to be”.  I agree, I needed a man that was honest and loyal and he was neither.

Is there a reason that the past keeps coming back? Is there still anything I need to confront and come to terms with it? ? Why does he still have the power to annoy me?

Should I meet him?

“Let today be the day you finally release yourself from the imprisonment of past grudges and anger. Simplify your life. Let go of the poisonous past and live the abundantly beautiful present… today.” ― Steve Maraboli

Two fun weekends and two guys named Joe

31 Wednesday Jul 2019

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Reclaim your curiosity, your sense of adventure, and have some fun. Don’t take every moment of your life so seriously. Allow yourself to enjoy life.” ― Akiroq Brost

A little glimpse of what I have been doing the last couple of weeks, when I was not too busy texting a married guy (a little self-deprecation humor never hurts)

Work:  I sent the final response letter to the auditors yesterday.  I thought this day would never come.  I hope this response is acceptable and I won’t hear from them for another few years.   Now I am preparing for a lot changes at work. I will be talking more about it in the next month or so.

My sister and I had a busy couple of weekends with friends visiting.

July 20th. A 27 year old friend of mine came for the weekend. On Saturday we went to a Quiet Clubbing/Silent Disco event at 230 Fifth Ave in Manhattan.  We were given headphones with 3 stations.  There were 3 DJs and we got to choose which one to listen to.  I had fun flipping from station to station and when it all got too much I just removed the headphones and silence reigned.  It was a fun experience.  On Sunday we went for brunch at Chat 19 in Larchmont, NY.  Always a favorite place to go to for a meal.

July 27th. A 57 year old friend of my sister visited.  On Saturday we went to a new restaurant I wanted to try: Little Drunken Chef in White Plains, NY.  It was a fun atmosphere and great food. We had, among other things, the empanadas in the picture above.  After that we went to the Empire City Casino.  No big win, but no big loss either.  On Sunday we had pizza at Colony Pizza in Port Chester, NY.  It was my first time eating their pizza in over 20 years.  It is a very thin crust, delicious! I also had the best prosecco ever, in the picture below!

Dates: In the past week I had 2 dates with guys named Joe.

First Joe.  He is 50 years old. He is in IT and has a young son. We met at Modern Restaurant in New Rochelle.  We shared a pizza.  He seems very nice, but is constantly busy even to reply to texts.  It seems more like lack of interest.  He asked me out for drinks next Monday night because he will be in my area for business.  I am not sure I like the idea of being asked out just because it is convenient.  I was not excited about him to begin with, so I think the second date will not happen.

Second Joe.  He is 65 years old. He is semi-retired accountant. We met at Burrata in White Plains, NY.  I had delicious short ribs filled pasta dish.   The conversation was great until it turned to politics.  I am not a fan of Trump but I am respectful of other people’s opinion.  He is a hardcore Trump fan.  He detests immigrants, but as he says it, from certain countries only, trying to tell me that Brazilians are okay, but Guatemalans are not.  He wanted to go on and on about Trump to try to change my mind.  I asked him to stop.  I said I understood both sides of the immigration debate, and I do.  I said I hope that Trump is successful as I love the US but it would be a waste of time to try to change how I feel about him.  Finally I was able to change the subject and it seemed that we were able to forget about politics and enjoy dinner.

I got home and sent a text thanking him for dinner.  He replied the next morning with a long list of compliments about me, with everything from smart to funny and everything else in between.  Then there was just silence.  I was not excited about him but I decided to confront the silence.  That is a new thing for me.  I would normally just ignore, since silence is an answer in itself but I decided to ask what happened.

He replied with, again, many compliments but said that he was no sure about me because of our political separation. He said he loved Trump and he was not happy about Obama.  Why did Obama make an appearance in this conversation I don’t know.  I said thank you for the explanation and wished him luck.

Next!

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ― Roy T. Bennett