Tags
confronting the past, forgiving and forgetting, letting go and letting God, moving on always, the ex and the past, the past keeps coming back
“If it’s over, then don’t let the past screw up the rest of your life.” ―
This is again about Ex. To summarize he is the guy that treated me as a princess then broke my heart by cheating on me. He refused to try to work on the relationship and asked me to move out. It hurt me so much that I thought I was actually going to die of a broken heart.
I hadn’t heard from him since I sold the car back to him a couple of years ago. I was ready not to hear from him ever again. Then he resurfaced in March. I wrote about here: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2019/03/29/cruel-or-just-clueless/
When he emailed in March I just ignored. Then a week ago he texted saying he had a new number and asking my sister and I out again. I didn’t respond. A couple of days later he wrote again mentioning he wanted to tell me some stories that his kids told him.
I ignored him again, but I am getting really annoyed at him writing as if he is my friend. We are not. He is page from the past and that is where I want him to stay.
Today I typed him a reply because his message was still bothering me. I never sent it. I will continue to chose silence as a response.
But is that the best response for me?
I feel there is so much I want to say to him, even though I have already said so much years ago. I think I feel that way because he never really listened. I can say all I want as many times I want and still it will not get through. He believes the stories he tells himself.
Most of all, all I ever wanted was for him to apologize, to take ownership for hurting me. He apologized but not for cheating on me. He gave me a lame “I am sorry I was not the man you needed me to be”. I agree, I needed a man that was honest and loyal and he was neither.
Is there a reason that the past keeps coming back? Is there still anything I need to confront and come to terms with it? ? Why does he still have the power to annoy me?
Should I meet him?
“Let today be the day you finally release yourself from the imprisonment of past grudges and anger. Simplify your life. Let go of the poisonous past and live the abundantly beautiful present… today.” ―
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Don’t reply for any reason, block him or mark as spam. He is trying to manipulate you into contact..
You don’t have to be angry, or bitter, just let go and go forward. He had an opportunity and the trust will never be there.
New doors will be visible when you are looking forward.
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You are right, he is a master manipulator. If I reply, he gets what he wants.
I definitely want to let go of the past and that is why I get annoyed that the past keeps calling back.
I continue to be hopeful for the future and all that surprises it holds!
Thank you for the advice and wishing you a blessed week ahead! 🙂
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Oh heck no! He’s just trying to rewrite the past and make himself put to be a good guy. He’s not. Block him and move on. You deserve way better.
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I think you hit the nail on the head. He definitely thinks of himself as an amazing guy and it is probably killing him that a lot people don’t agree with him.
Thank you for your words and many blessings to you! 🙂
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Just a suggestion but it will probably make you feel better to tell him exactly how you feel and how he hurt you. Be confident, as pleasant as you can possibly be and make it clear what he did was not right. Don’t let him manipulate you into making it seem like it was your fault (men love to do that.) 🙂
Wouldn’t advise taking him back though because if he did it once he will most likely do it again. 😕
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Hi JoAnn,
Taking him back is totally out of question.
I wondered for a second if I should meet to tell him all I want him to understand. But then the next moment I am reminded I have already told him everything over and over again.
He will never understand it and I have to be okay with that.
Thank you for reading and giving me your suggestion. Sending you blessings! 🙂
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Yes, too bad for him! 😣
At this point you just need to do what you can to get closure so you can move on with your life. Easier said than done sometimes. I’ve gotten a lot better at that now that I’m older. When I was younger and broke up with someone it would often make me an emotional basketcase for a while.
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I have already put him in the past and resigned myself to believe that I will never get the closure that I want.
But hearing from him again reopened some of the wounds.
Writing about it and hearing from friends like you helps a lot!
Many blessings! 🙂
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I think that a polite, but firm response is required.
“I have no desire to meet you now, or in the future. Please do not contact me again!”
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Hi Peter
I like that response. It would be a great response for a normal person, but I doubt that response would work with him.
I remember years ago telling him to pretend I was dead. It worked for a couple of years.
Thank you and wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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He will most likely never understand unless he is ready to face it – which it doesn’t sound like he is.
Do you want to speak to him? Do you want to block his number? What do you think is the best way to handle it?
Love, light and glitter
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I almost wrote him, then decided against. I have already said all there is to say. I can’t force him to listen or force him to apologize.
One of my problems is the believe that I must act kindly towards others. Ignoring him seems unkind, but at the same time I decided that silence is my right of protection.
Thank you for the kindness! Blessings! 🙂
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Good for you. Your right for protection is kindness to yourself.
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“Thoughts, rest your wings.
Here is a hollow of silence,
a nest of stillness,
in which to hatch your dreams.” – Joan Walsh Anglund
As you sit with yourself and your thoughts, where is he in all of this? I find such wisdom in literature and poetry…this quote is currently at my desk and often brings clarity. Wishing you luck as you decide how best to hatch forward.
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I love that poem! Thank you for sharing it with me!
I struggle with silence and stillness, so I will be reading that over and over again to remind me to be still often.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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You are most welcome…very happy to share the wisdom of others!
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Wisdom is always welcome here ♥
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Same!
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🙏❤
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I believe the others are right, there’s no point in befriending someone like that who would use you, hurt you without apology and then expect to just be your friend after with no signs of remorse. I’ve been through heartbreak like this and I feel for you. In my personal case, I was never even granted honesty about the cheating. At least you have that I guess.
Just remember, that he was never actually the man you thought he was and loved. You were in love with the idea of him that you created. ❤ You will find someone so much better one day.
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Hi Mathew
Similar to your case, he never acknowledged the cheating. That remains to me the most painful part of it all.
For the longest time all I wanted most was for him to be honest about it and to apologize. It has been 7 years and just now I realize that I still want to hear “I am sorry”.
You are so right when you wrote that I was in love with the idea of him that I created. To me that relationship was my fairy-tale, my happy ending. I still think of my life with him as idyllic, but if dissected there were probably cracks all along.
Thank you for commenting and thank you for the love – it helps immensely!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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God your story sounds so similar to mine. He must be a sociopath. They have no conscience. My ex could smile right in my face while I was in near tears and tease me about being so “grumpy”.
Don’t feel obligated to read this; but here is my own story. Perhaps you’ll see some similarities in the situation. Maybe not. 🙂
https://blogofthewolfboy.com/2019/07/10/a-personal-story-of-abuse-and-struggle/
All the best ❤
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You just reminded me of an episode. I remember being in a plane next to him crying and trying to talk about the situation. He turned to me coldly and just said: Stop it! He then just went back to reading a book, as if he had just scalded a 5 year old child.
It is hard to realize that I was living with a sociopath. I should have known better.
I am going to read and let you know. ♥
Thank you!
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You can never really know such things, not whilst you’re in the situation, it’s always hindsight that is 20/20 (((hugs)))
Love, light and glitter
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Yes it is! Living and learning.
Thank you, I need more glitter in my life 🙂 ♥
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I strongly believe that silence speaks volumes. He has a darned nerve bothering you like this. This is in your past, you keep moving forward, there is no point in seeing him, speaking to him etc.. he will simply never see your point or get what he did, as I believe he doesn’t really believe he did much wrong. Leave him firmly where he is, in the past, block him on your phone and email. No good ever comes of recycling a creep. xxxx
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Hi Lilly
Very well said!!
No need to continue second guessing myself.
Thank you and wishing you a blessed week! ♥
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And always to you also x
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♥
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No. He’s past. Leave him behind. He does not deserve you. Someone sooooo much better does.
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Thank you! You are right! He had me, and threw me away. Now it is years too late.
Thank you for the kind words!
Blessings! ♥
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Charmers have their way into the heart. Thankfully, we can reason with our heart and show it care and love on our own, to protect it.
Wishing you a great day.
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He was definitely a charmer. I am glad I am now immune to his charms.
My heart now accepts some reasoning, so I am no longer diving head first into anything or anyone!
Thank you and blessing to you1 ♥
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Timing is always perfect, so this reaching you late should still be wonderful.
NO! don’t meet him. The past is coming up to help you learn a lesson. It sounds to me as if that lesson is that you have not completely moved on and need to. That doesn’t mean talking to him. He still won’t listen, however, he may have gotten better at faking it and could draw you back in. It will do no good to talk to him. Sit down in a chair and say everything to him as if he is there. Have your sister sit in the chair and pretend. Just don’t go see him. This is coming from experience…my first wife was a lot like your guy. I would talk and talk and it never got through and I never have gotten an apology, though she acts somewhat different. It no longer matters to me; you need to be there.
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I am there! I know I am over and done with him. I never think about him at all. It is just so annoying that someone that hurt me so much thinks that he can come and interrupt my life in such a way.
And for a second I pondered if there was still something left to do, some lesson still to learn. If there is I still haven’t figured it out.
Writing about it has been enough to get it all out of my chest, heart and mind.
Some people will never get it – it is on them, not on us.
Thank you for caring! Blessings! 🙂 ♥
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Don’t know your whole situation, but praying that God will give you wisdom to make a good decision. 🙂 Blessings!
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Thank you so much! Thank you for the prayers! Wisdom and guidance is always needed and welcomed!
Blessings back to you! ♥
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