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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Monthly Archives: September 2019

New Windows: It is all a Beautiful Mess

27 Friday Sep 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

controlled chaos, dating trials and tribulations, not according to plan, patience is key, renovating and renewing, replacing windows, the joys of home renovation, when things go wrong

OLD WINDOWS

NO WINDOWS

NEW WINDOWS

At times, like yesterday, my life feels like a mess.  I let windows mess up my day and my mood.  Windows!  It was not brain surgery or the end of the world, it was just windows.

Life sometimes is messy.  We are thrown curve balls and we have choices.  To breathe and handle it or to pull my hair out? Since I don’t want to sport the bald look I handled it.

The feeling of powerlessness, panic and failure that overwhelms me at times when things well planned in advance goes wrong.

My windows were finally installed yesterday, not without some issues.  I will summarize.  The installer originally didn’t want to install the windows and left with the excuse that he was going to his truck to park.  He then called and rambled on excuses, and I quote: ” The building is too luxurious. I need additional help.  It will mess up the elevators.  There will be not enough time to finish”  I don’t live in a dump but I would not call it luxurious.

To each of his issues I had a solution: Don’t worry about the elevator, the super is cool he will not throw you out at 5pm.  I even offered to have the handyman that I had already hired for the day to help them. I also called the company that assured me that they were handling and would get back to me.

Finally they relented and came back.  They started in my tenant’s apartment first.  Another issue: there were cars parked in the parking lot beneath the window and they were afraid that they my drop something and damage the cars.  I had to get the super to move some and cover the ones that couldn’t be moved.  Installing continued.

Once done my tenant called me to inspect.  One look at it and I see it is the wrong grid-lines.  Even though the new ones look great it is not inline with the rest of the building. Now more calls to the office.  Originally they wanted to blame me for ordering the wrong windows.   Then they realized that the right windows were ordered and they blamed the manufacturer.

They have ordered the right ones  but I will have to wait another month for them to return and swap the top window for the right number of grids.  The same ones were installed in my apartment as they assured me that to change the grids will be a quick thing.

It would be nice if I could choose whatever windows I wanted. I would choose just a big panel but I have to follow the aesthetics of the rest of the building.

The back and forth with the technicians and the company while trying to deal with work and keeping my mom from feeding off my stress was beyond stressful.

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity”― Sun-Tzu

At those times I feel exasperated and powerless.  I feel like a complete mess and failure.  The truth is sometimes everything it is indeed a mess and it is ok.

Even though things are at times messy still they are perfect as they should be.  People make mistakes.  Things don’t go according to plan.  People don’t handle things as they should.  Still life goes on.  In the meantime this control freak gets the chance to learn to survive in a mess.  Controlled chaos is a thing and I think yesterday I had a taste of it.

In the end, it is just windows and I sound like a cry baby – I know 🙁

“I’m not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, ‘For the same reason I laugh so often–because I’m paying attention.’ I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide.”― Glennon Doyle Melton

 

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No just a smile

18 Wednesday Sep 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

a smile can transform, a world of possibilities, Nothingness is everything, ready for life's surprises, the beauty in the details

“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.”― Friedrich  Nietzsche

It was just a smile,
Walking a different route
Just another random street
I looked up and saw you coming
A stranger that my heart recognized
You knew me too, I could tell
We got close
You smiled
A smile that disarmed me
We both said hi, but
We never stopped, we never chatted
We kept going
Opposite ways
I never looked back, did you?
It was just a smile

It was just a smile, but to dreamers like me it meant the world.  It meant sustenance.
To those in love with life, a smile that the heart recognizes is a window into a world of possibilities and hope.
There is no one at the moment, no person I am talking to, no date in sight, and because of that nothingness, the entire world is a possibility. And it is perfect, beautiful and so full of miracles!

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”― Thomas Merton

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Remembering and being grateful

14 Saturday Sep 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

appreciating life, grateful for all, remembering always, September 11, simple moments

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I forget…a lot.  The good and the bad.  Out of sight, out of mind.  But some things are not meant to be forgotten. Some things need to be remembered.

Two days ago, September 11,  I arrived at JFK from my trip to Brazil.  I was feeling blessed for having had an uneventful, but still amazing trip to Brazil.  It makes me feel good that I am able to bring my mother to NY twice a year and provide her with a comfortable and fun time this late in her life.

This flight to NY was unexpectedly better than previous ones.  Mom and I were upgraded to first class.  To be able to lay flat and sleep on a 9 and a half hour flight is just amazing. The Brazilian cheese bread and Brazilian corn biscuits for breakfast were the icing on this champagne filled cake.  What I loved most is that my Mom was able to experience the comfort of first class.

“Human beings do terrible things to each other and the tragic thing about it all is the way the remembrance of past hurt can rob us of our future and become the narrative of our lives.” ― Richard Holloway

Life was unfolding as it normally does whenever I arrive from Brazil with unpacking and catching up on work stuff when I realized it was September 11.  I should have remembered it.  I felt silly for celebrating flying first class when so many were remembering and mourning a tragedy.  I felt tone deaf and disrespectful.  I am embarrassed that I didn’t remember it earlier.  I didn’t think of it when I booked the ticket or even when I checked in.

I personally knew and worked with several people that died that day.  I worked for Euro Brokers Inc for several years in their Stamford, CT office.  Their main office was on the 84th Floor of the South Tower of the World Trade Center.  I quit that job on a spur of the moment when they decided to close the CT office and move everyone to the NY office. I had no interest in working in Manhattan and I also felt I was done with the commodities brokerage world.

A year later, and still to this day I am working in Manhattan in the same industry I was tired of 20 years ago.  

“The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them.” – ― Czesław Miłosz

I was late remembering the date but I often remember details and moments lived with some that have passed, in other occasions also. There are so many memories of the people I knew that perished.  I remember one for his kindness, one for his laugh and one for his readiness to help. Then there is another that loved life so much he never missed a party or a trip and only dated models.  There were so many people, so many different stories, so many lessons to learn.

I said prayers for their souls and their families.  I also paused for the ones that I didn’t know and also the survivors  that are still dealing with survivor’s guilt. I remembered the true heroes of that day, both dead and alive.

I am remembering and trying to honor their memories the best way I know how: being kind always, being helpful whenever I can,  laughing aloud often, enjoying life fully, and being grateful for all.  I am no longer feeling guilty and embarrassed about talking about flying first class.  Enjoying life is the best way to honor the dead.

I am grateful for the gift of memory, even though late and faulty.  For having my parents still here, for being upgraded and feeling luxurious for a moment, for having life while many were taken too soon.  For all the blessings small and large. For every moment and every breath.

“I could have.What does this phrase mean? At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but, didn’t. The magic moments go unrecognized, and then suddenly, the hand of destiny changes everything.”― Paulo Coelho

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Brazil here I come again, and again, and again

03 Tuesday Sep 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

better planning, Brazil trip, less chaos, more order

  “Chaos is merely order waiting to be deciphered.” ― José Saramago

Time and time again I am being taught that nothing is under my control and not everything can be done according to my clock.  I have to wait for people and things and waiting kills me.  At this moment life feels chaotic and I am learning (kicking and screaming) to be okay with it.

I like order and everything organized, but messy is becoming my new normal.  The work I am doing in my apartment is not completed yet and at this point has no completion date.  I wanted to have it all done before I brought my Mom here for her biannual visit.  It will not be the case.

“You may delay, but time will not.” ― Benjamin Franklin

Time got away from me.  All of a sudden I realized that September is here and I still hadn’t scheduled a date to go to Brazil.  So last week I got tickets for tomorrow.  My lack of planning resulted in paying an arm and a leg for the tickets. I will try to plan things better in the future, but it seems that there is never a right time to leave work.  Since this trip is so last minute I will be taking my laptop with me and will be doing work from there. I am already regretting having said I was going to do that.

I will be in Brazil for 10 days, bring Mom here for 3 weeks, then returning to Brazil to take Mom home.  After Mom turned 80 and her health has declined a bit I don’t like to let her travel alone anymore.

In the meantime I still haven’t planned my skiing trip.  Perhaps there is a Ski Trip Fairy that will come in during the night and put an itinerary under my pillow.

One can hope.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin

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