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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: grateful for all

Remembering and being grateful

14 Saturday Sep 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

appreciating life, grateful for all, remembering always, September 11, simple moments

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I forget…a lot.  The good and the bad.  Out of sight, out of mind.  But some things are not meant to be forgotten. Some things need to be remembered.

Two days ago, September 11,  I arrived at JFK from my trip to Brazil.  I was feeling blessed for having had an uneventful, but still amazing trip to Brazil.  It makes me feel good that I am able to bring my mother to NY twice a year and provide her with a comfortable and fun time this late in her life.

This flight to NY was unexpectedly better than previous ones.  Mom and I were upgraded to first class.  To be able to lay flat and sleep on a 9 and a half hour flight is just amazing. The Brazilian cheese bread and Brazilian corn biscuits for breakfast were the icing on this champagne filled cake.  What I loved most is that my Mom was able to experience the comfort of first class.

“Human beings do terrible things to each other and the tragic thing about it all is the way the remembrance of past hurt can rob us of our future and become the narrative of our lives.” ― Richard Holloway

Life was unfolding as it normally does whenever I arrive from Brazil with unpacking and catching up on work stuff when I realized it was September 11.  I should have remembered it.  I felt silly for celebrating flying first class when so many were remembering and mourning a tragedy.  I felt tone deaf and disrespectful.  I am embarrassed that I didn’t remember it earlier.  I didn’t think of it when I booked the ticket or even when I checked in.

I personally knew and worked with several people that died that day.  I worked for Euro Brokers Inc for several years in their Stamford, CT office.  Their main office was on the 84th Floor of the South Tower of the World Trade Center.  I quit that job on a spur of the moment when they decided to close the CT office and move everyone to the NY office. I had no interest in working in Manhattan and I also felt I was done with the commodities brokerage world.

A year later, and still to this day I am working in Manhattan in the same industry I was tired of 20 years ago.  

“The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them.” – ― Czesław Miłosz

I was late remembering the date but I often remember details and moments lived with some that have passed, in other occasions also. There are so many memories of the people I knew that perished.  I remember one for his kindness, one for his laugh and one for his readiness to help. Then there is another that loved life so much he never missed a party or a trip and only dated models.  There were so many people, so many different stories, so many lessons to learn.

I said prayers for their souls and their families.  I also paused for the ones that I didn’t know and also the survivors  that are still dealing with survivor’s guilt. I remembered the true heroes of that day, both dead and alive.

I am remembering and trying to honor their memories the best way I know how: being kind always, being helpful whenever I can,  laughing aloud often, enjoying life fully, and being grateful for all.  I am no longer feeling guilty and embarrassed about talking about flying first class.  Enjoying life is the best way to honor the dead.

I am grateful for the gift of memory, even though late and faulty.  For having my parents still here, for being upgraded and feeling luxurious for a moment, for having life while many were taken too soon.  For all the blessings small and large. For every moment and every breath.

“I could have.What does this phrase mean? At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but, didn’t. The magic moments go unrecognized, and then suddenly, the hand of destiny changes everything.”― Paulo Coelho

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Older, wiser and still crazy

26 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

birthday celebration, building a friendship, Finding the good, getting older, grateful for all, online dating

Date 6 with D. was a week ago. We went to a Italian restaurant near my house and had pizzette and wine.  We have been meeting every Saturday but yesterday I had already scheduled a sleepover with my goddaughter and her sister so we couldn’t meet then. On Sunday he had to travel for business.  We will see each other this coming weekend if he is back by then.

He is such a sweet, nice gentleman, probably a bit more on the shier side than I am used to. We are cultivating a slow friendship, and that is probably the best way to go at this point since we don’t know when his life will be less tangled.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” – ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

My sister and I will turning 53 this Thursday,  March 28.  I cannot believe I am that age already. Where did time go?  I was 30 yesterday.  I have so much to see and do still, it doesn’t seem there will be enough time.  How can I make every second count? How can I not lose sight of what is really important in life and not get bogged down in stupidity?

We had so many ideas of what to do to celebrate our birthdays, but again timing is not on our side.  I have this audit and other matters hanging over my head and she is getting ready to start a new job on April 1st.  She got the job she wanted.  It is in a Brazilian financial company that is growing by leaps and bounds.  It is entry level but she will learn a lot and there is a lot potential for growth.  The salary is entry level too but at this point she can manage on that.

We have so many reasons to be grateful and celebrate! The list is very long.  It is easy to get bogged on the adversities.  It is easy to take one difficulty and let it take over my life.  It is easy to fall into the victim mode.  But at the end of the day I know the list of my blessings is immense by any measurement stick.

“You solve it as you get older, when you reach the point where you’ve tasted so much that you can somehow sacrifice certain things more easily, and you have a more tolerant view of things like possessiveness (your own) and a broader acceptance of the pains and the losses.”  –  Ted Hughes, Letters of Ted Hughes

So we decided to just choose a local restaurant that we haven’t gone to before.  And because I can be crazy sometimes I decided to let a ghost from the past join us.  What is life if not for the crazy moments?

I think I mentioned a guy I dated 12 years ago that texts me every now and then.  For the past few years I mostly ignore him since he has a girlfriend and I don’t want any issues.  Lately though I started replying to his texts and surprisingly we have become friends.  I replied because he was not flirty and seemed genuine about just a friendship.  He knows that friendship is the best he will ever get from me and he says he is happy and honored with that.

He had mentioned wanting to buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday.  Well, he has been inviting me to dinner every single time we text, but I had decided not to meet him.  I changed my mind and said I would meet him.  I thought he would not take me up on going out with my sister and I, but he jumped at the chance.

I think it will be fun seeing him again since I don’t even remember what he looks like.

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” ― George Carlin

I continue to prepare all the documentation necessary for the audit.   There are moments I go crazy thinking of all the potential issues and all that can wrong.   Still there are moments that I am calm and serene.  It has been a roller-coaster of emotions.

Slowly I can see the good in this audit. It will be good to see if some of what I am doing is actually up to par to all that is what is required.  Did we improve from the last audit? And perhaps it will bring about some changes to what we have been doing.  I don’t agree with all that we do and how we do it.  We don’t do anything illegal but still I see areas where change would be welcome and would probably make my job easier.

“Make improvements, not excuses. Seek respect, not attention.” – Roy T. Bennett

 

 

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