Tag Archives: getting older

Bye bye sleep. Hello hot flashes

23 Saturday Nov 2019

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“For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

My sister has been having hot flashes for a couple of years now.  I thought I was the lucky twin that had been spared.

Sadly I I find out I am not.  I am just late to that party.  This week I started feeling sudden flashes of heat that seem to start inside my chest and go up my body.

I should be happy to see an end to menstrual cycles, but I am not.  To me it is just another sign that I am getting older and older.  I don’t want to grew older!

I am watching my parents getting older and lose a lot of themselves.  They are lucky they my siblings and I to care for them.  Who do I have?  Well, that is another story, another post.

Back to getting hot, and I don’t mean excited …

During the night it has been a constant struggle with the covers. I pull the blanket off,  I put the blanket back on, over and over again.  That makes me wake up and then I have trouble going back to sleep.

I am also having some lapses in memory, having trouble thinking of names or things that I was about to say or do.

Instead of losing the 10 pounds I wanted to, I gained 10 pounds in the space of a couple of weeks – all around my now non-existent waist.

Is this all related to Menopause? the joys of getting older?

Now add the vertigo to that.  It has gotten better but still makes an appearance every morning and night.

Yes I have been feeling like a prize lately 😦

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

DATING:  Dating? What is that?  I am not sure what is going on with me as far as dating is concerned.  I lack the patience for it, that is what I can surmise.  I am making zero effort online to connect with anyone.  Let’s face it,  online dating requires effort and patience and at the moment I am lacking on those departments.

WORK:  I have been facing a lot decisions at work and the fear of making the wrong decision is almost paralyzing.  Constant prayers for wisdom!

“I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity. I want this adventure that is the context of my life to go on without end.”
― Simone de Beauvoir ,  La Vieillesse

This has been a cry baby post, so please forgive me.  The next one will be better.  It will be about my skiing trip that is coming up.  I am getting very excited for it. 🙂 ♥

Life is beautiful and I am blessed!

Older, wiser and still crazy

26 Tuesday Mar 2019

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Date 6 with D. was a week ago. We went to a Italian restaurant near my house and had pizzette and wine.  We have been meeting every Saturday but yesterday I had already scheduled a sleepover with my goddaughter and her sister so we couldn’t meet then. On Sunday he had to travel for business.  We will see each other this coming weekend if he is back by then.

He is such a sweet, nice gentleman, probably a bit more on the shier side than I am used to. We are cultivating a slow friendship, and that is probably the best way to go at this point since we don’t know when his life will be less tangled.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” – ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

My sister and I will turning 53 this Thursday,  March 28.  I cannot believe I am that age already. Where did time go?  I was 30 yesterday.  I have so much to see and do still, it doesn’t seem there will be enough time.  How can I make every second count? How can I not lose sight of what is really important in life and not get bogged down in stupidity?

We had so many ideas of what to do to celebrate our birthdays, but again timing is not on our side.  I have this audit and other matters hanging over my head and she is getting ready to start a new job on April 1st.  She got the job she wanted.  It is in a Brazilian financial company that is growing by leaps and bounds.  It is entry level but she will learn a lot and there is a lot potential for growth.  The salary is entry level too but at this point she can manage on that.

We have so many reasons to be grateful and celebrate! The list is very long.  It is easy to get bogged on the adversities.  It is easy to take one difficulty and let it take over my life.  It is easy to fall into the victim mode.  But at the end of the day I know the list of my blessings is immense by any measurement stick.

“You solve it as you get older, when you reach the point where you’ve tasted so much that you can somehow sacrifice certain things more easily, and you have a more tolerant view of things like possessiveness (your own) and a broader acceptance of the pains and the losses.”  –  Ted Hughes, Letters of Ted Hughes

So we decided to just choose a local restaurant that we haven’t gone to before.  And because I can be crazy sometimes I decided to let a ghost from the past join us.  What is life if not for the crazy moments?

I think I mentioned a guy I dated 12 years ago that texts me every now and then.  For the past few years I mostly ignore him since he has a girlfriend and I don’t want any issues.  Lately though I started replying to his texts and surprisingly we have become friends.  I replied because he was not flirty and seemed genuine about just a friendship.  He knows that friendship is the best he will ever get from me and he says he is happy and honored with that.

He had mentioned wanting to buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday.  Well, he has been inviting me to dinner every single time we text, but I had decided not to meet him.  I changed my mind and said I would meet him.  I thought he would not take me up on going out with my sister and I, but he jumped at the chance.

I think it will be fun seeing him again since I don’t even remember what he looks like.

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” ― George Carlin

I continue to prepare all the documentation necessary for the audit.   There are moments I go crazy thinking of all the potential issues and all that can wrong.   Still there are moments that I am calm and serene.  It has been a roller-coaster of emotions.

Slowly I can see the good in this audit. It will be good to see if some of what I am doing is actually up to par to all that is what is required.  Did we improve from the last audit? And perhaps it will bring about some changes to what we have been doing.  I don’t agree with all that we do and how we do it.  We don’t do anything illegal but still I see areas where change would be welcome and would probably make my job easier.

“Make improvements, not excuses. Seek respect, not attention.” – Roy T. Bennett