Monthly Archives: October 2019

BE HAPPY! NOW!

25 Friday Oct 2019

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Everything ends.

With that in my mind I try to be more conscious of all my blessings.  Of that I have tons and there is no bigger blessing than opportunities.

Lately I have been feeling that I am on a roller-coaster. Between being busy and bracing myself to be busy I am not fully experiencing and enjoying anything.  I am also not taking advantages of opportunities and just accumulating stress.

In Brazil we have a saying that loosely translated means: “I was happy and I didn’t know it”

So many times we don’t realize how good someone or something is, until they are gone.  When don’t honor the people around us, we are not grateful for our jobs, for the food on the table, etc.  Am I taking things for granted?  That I am sure of it!

All that came to mind  today when I realized that this is the last year I will be working in Manhattan.  It is a done deal, we will be moving out of NY City.  Have I taken advantage of the fact that I have been here every single weekday for the past 19 years?  Did I take enough bites of this Big Apple? Chances are I have not.

I have done a lot, gone to many shows, restaurants, bars, events, etc, but there is still so much I haven’t done.  So many museums, galleries, shows, sights, etc that I left for later.  It was all here, easily accessible, and yet so many I kept postponing.

What if later never comes? Can I come to NY again after I stop working here? Yes, absolutely, but not as easy and seamless as already being here.

Why do I worry so much about missed opportunities? While worrying I miss new ones. The key is to stop worrying about that and focus on not missing new ones.  And if I can’t find need ones I need to go about creating new ones.

I need to slow down and be aware of every moment. A lot of my time is spent looking at the past or planning for the future. I guess I am a combination of anxious and depressive. And that is not a joke, it is a realization.

What I want written on my headstone is:  “She never let an opportunity pass by.  She was blessed and she knew it”

“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.” – Kazuo Ishiguro

While I ponder all that is left to do in NYC before I no longer work here I may be able to cross some items off of that list in the next couple of weeks.  Tomorrow at 6am I will be at JFK airport picking up a friend from childhood and her husband.  He is coming to NY to run the NYC marathon.  They don’t speak English and they have no clue of what they want to do while here. So it will be up to my sister and I to entertain them for 10 days.

My aunt, God Bless her soul, used to say:  “Guests are like fish.  After 3 days they start to stink.”

I will keep you guys informed on how bad this stench gets.  All kidding aside what I dread most is the absence of my routine.

“Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.”-― Roy T. Bennett

On the subject of where and when to go skiing I came up with the following:  Skiing in Keystone in the first week of December.  I didn’t book anything yet, but I feel good about deciding at least where and when.  I also plan on something overseas in February.

“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.” ― Elbert Hubbard

Be aware, be in the moment, be happy! Slow down and get going!

nyc, mANHA

some moments in small town, Brazil

15 Tuesday Oct 2019

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“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” ― Robert Frost

 

The neighbor’s cat loves that tree

My favorite fruit – Marolo. It is only available in March and in certain areas of Brazil, so we fill the freezer with them

“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.” – ― Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon

Some of Mom’s plants

A close of the view from Mom’s back balcony

Chocolate and coconut fudge

A little church in my friend’s farm

“Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.” ― James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

at the farm the kids found a baby bird

Leaving the farm

Just the beautiful vast green

“I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and the dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes and possibly in the gristle of the earlobe.” – ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

Havan stores use iconic symbols to attract attention

A trip to the hairdresser

“After all,” Anne had said to Marilla once, “I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Letting go and letting God!

08 Tuesday Oct 2019

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“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”― Lao Tzu

At the moment I am back in Brazil at my parent’s house for another few days. I was here in September to pick up my mom for her semiannual trip to NY. Now I returned to bring her back. My dad doesn’t fly so I get to spend time with him on these trips.

It is hard seeing my parents age and become more and more dependent on others. During those trips I am constantly trying to think of ways to make their lives easier.

Often the hardest part is convincing my Mom to accept help and to accept my improvement ideas. Right now I want to make some changes to the first floor of the house to create a bedroom for her.

One moment she is okay with the idea, but in the next she is very mad about it. When the house was built my parents were in their early 50s. Getting old and dependent was far from their minds. My mom is now 84. My dad is 83. The house is full of stairs and dangerous steps.

I am mad and annoyed at my mom’s stubbornness. I am the one that will pay for it and I am willing to be here to oversee this construction (removing floor tiles and building a wall, etc).

Then it hit me!  My mom is not the problem, I am! Why must things be as I want? She has not asked for this kind of meddling.  The only person I need to be mad at is myself.

Many years ago I visited a Shaman and he told me: “You are not God.  Why do you think you can fix everyone’s problems?  Why do you think you have to be the one to take care of your family?  Are they asking?  How about you taking care of your own life?

Those words resonated with me then and now they come to mind again.  I will, once again, try to Let go and let God. I can only to do so much. The rest I need to let God (the Universe) handle it.  I will try to wait to be asked for help and not try to force my help unto people, specially my family.

It is a matter of acceptance and control. Instead of accepting that they are aging and that there will be issues, I am doing all I can to deny that fact and control the situation. I am trying to control not only the situation but the outcome. I try to think of potential problems and what I can do to overcome them.

The law of nature is clear and merciless. My parents are aging and will eventually die.  I need to accept that for my parents but also for myself. I cannot protect then from falling or getting hurt. I cannot foresee every problem. I also can’t force them to agree to do whatever I want.

I am letting go and letting God!

I am witnessing what age and health issues are doing to my parents. I am seeing their struggles, not only physically but mentally. Am doing all I can to be in the best shape that I can, body and mind, by the time I get to their age?

Sadly the answer is no. There are tons that I could be doing to make my future better and old age less of a factor.  Watching my parents is a wake up call for action in my own life.

Think about it:  What are you going to be like at 80 if you continue doing what you are doing at this moment?

The house below is where I am writing from at this moment.  Today was so hot and it is only spring now.  I am looking forward to cooler NY in a few days.

Thank you for stopping by ♥