Monthly Archives: November 2019

Finding gratitude in everything is the key to a happy life!

28 Thursday Nov 2019

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“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” – ― Thich Nhat Hanh

This post is about gratitude and yet I was about to start complaining about all that is going wrong at the moment.   At this very moment I realize that nothing is really going wrong.  All is going as it is supposed to be going.  Problems and all. Headaches and all.

There is no wrong.  Everything is right.

Reminder to myself:  There are no problems, only opportunities.  It is up to me to welcome those opportunities and to figure out how to best use them; or how to learn from them.

In the last few months it seems I have misplaced my rose colored glasses.  My life is the same, with the same issues.  The difference is that I have been noticing them more and complaining more about it. My reaction to what is happening is what has changed.

It is time to stop.  Complaining doesn’t become me.  It also doesn’t solve anything.  It only serves to make me feel like a victim and to invite more negative energy.  It is about time to put the rose colored glasses back on.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.”― Alphonse Karr

The best way to look at life is with gratitude.  Gratitude creates a positive energy that permeates throughout all areas of my life.

This Thanksgiving I am reminding myself to be more grateful.  I am reminding myself of old me, positive and optimist no matter what.

Thanksgiving should be a daily prayer and not only a day in the year.

Problems are oftentimes wake-up calls.  They are the signal that perhaps we need to change directions.  My body is signaling that I have been neglecting areas that I need to look at.  

Some times if we are left to our own devices we just go, go, go, on 1 speed, not paying attention, not respecting our bodies and our limits.  We also get used to dysfunction, we adjust instead of changing.

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” – Rumi

So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for all the problems and challenges I faced this year.  I am fully aware that they offer me a big chance for reflection and growth, so with that thought in mind I welcome and look forward to many more.

If I look back at my life what I believe are the 2 most important things are: gratitude and hard work.  So I will continue working hard with a grateful heart and the whole universe will continue to conspire to give me all that I dream about it.  Actually the result is more often much more than we can possibly dream about it.

On this Thanksgiving day I am grateful for this blog and most specially to you my friends that read and comment with so much wisdom and generosity of heart.  You make my blog and my life so much better.  You really do!!

I wish you a beautiful holiday!  May you be surrounded by all you love!

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”― Epicurus

Bye bye sleep. Hello hot flashes

23 Saturday Nov 2019

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“For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

My sister has been having hot flashes for a couple of years now.  I thought I was the lucky twin that had been spared.

Sadly I I find out I am not.  I am just late to that party.  This week I started feeling sudden flashes of heat that seem to start inside my chest and go up my body.

I should be happy to see an end to menstrual cycles, but I am not.  To me it is just another sign that I am getting older and older.  I don’t want to grew older!

I am watching my parents getting older and lose a lot of themselves.  They are lucky they my siblings and I to care for them.  Who do I have?  Well, that is another story, another post.

Back to getting hot, and I don’t mean excited …

During the night it has been a constant struggle with the covers. I pull the blanket off,  I put the blanket back on, over and over again.  That makes me wake up and then I have trouble going back to sleep.

I am also having some lapses in memory, having trouble thinking of names or things that I was about to say or do.

Instead of losing the 10 pounds I wanted to, I gained 10 pounds in the space of a couple of weeks – all around my now non-existent waist.

Is this all related to Menopause? the joys of getting older?

Now add the vertigo to that.  It has gotten better but still makes an appearance every morning and night.

Yes I have been feeling like a prize lately 😦

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

DATING:  Dating? What is that?  I am not sure what is going on with me as far as dating is concerned.  I lack the patience for it, that is what I can surmise.  I am making zero effort online to connect with anyone.  Let’s face it,  online dating requires effort and patience and at the moment I am lacking on those departments.

WORK:  I have been facing a lot decisions at work and the fear of making the wrong decision is almost paralyzing.  Constant prayers for wisdom!

“I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity. I want this adventure that is the context of my life to go on without end.”
― Simone de Beauvoir ,  La Vieillesse

This has been a cry baby post, so please forgive me.  The next one will be better.  It will be about my skiing trip that is coming up.  I am getting very excited for it. 🙂 ♥

Life is beautiful and I am blessed!

All good, a bit bad and lots of fun

17 Sunday Nov 2019

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“How would your life be different if…You were conscious about the food you ate, the people you surround yourself with, and the media you watch, listen to, or read? Let today be the day…You pay attention to what you feed your mind, your body, and your life. Create a nourishing environment conducive to your growth and well-being today.”― Steve Maraboli

Biopsies: All good.  The doctor called me on Friday with the good news. The biopsies came back negative.  Even though I already knew that;  it is still a relief to hear it directly from her.  I can now stop with the thoughts of doom.

Vertigo: I have been having another bout of Vertigo for the past 2 weeks.  I had it in the beginning of 2018 and it went away after a couple of days, but this time it has been a bit more persistent.   I am not even sure it is vertigo. People that have Vertigo normally have nausea and headaches along with the dizziness.  I don’t.

What I have is the sensation that the room is spinning every time I move my head fast, specially when I lay down or get up.  Every morning and night, and throughout the day.

I had a physical yesterday and the doctor said it is hard to pinpoint a cause for that.  His first guess would be rhinitis.  He said that any kind of cold and stuffy nose can affect the balance. He wants me to use Flonase or another allergy relief medication for a couple of weeks and see if it gets better.

It is getting better on its own everyday so I will not be using Flonase.  If it gets worse again or returns in the future I will probably go to an Neuro or ENT doctor.

I think it is my body telling me things are not quite right.  It started with the chronic hives a couple of years ago, now vertigo.  At 53 years old I am sure hormones have something to do with it, but I am sure that diet has a big part in it.  It is time to pay more attention to my body’s cries for help.

It is time to make changes.  But I have said all that before …

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” – Samuel Johnson

********

I have decided to try to do more things in Manhattan.  I want to make sure to take advantages all this amazing city has to offer.  So on that note my sister and I went to see the musical Tootsie this past week.

It was a fun show.  It had beautiful wardrobe,  clever setting, funny lines and wonderful acting.  I was reminded of how much I loved the movie.  I want to see it again, along with other Dustin Hoffman’s movies.  Growing up I had a crush on him.

“Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don’t last your whole life.” ― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

 

Refreshing honesty with a side of warm bread

12 Tuesday Nov 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Shame was an emotion he had abandoned years earlier. Addicts know no shame. You disgrace yourself so many times you become immune to it.” ― John Grisham, The Testament

It is 6am Sunday. The fire alarm in my building starts sounding. I knew there was no fire. Well, I didn’t know for sure but I assumed. The alarm has been malfunctioning and has been going off at times. So, by now, no one cares, which is scary because if there is really ever a fire no one is coming out alive.

Since the alarm was not stopping and we were already up my sister and I decided to go to the supermarket to look for the brown bread from the Cheesecake Factory. I love bread and one of the reasons I love going to the Cheesecake Factory is because of their brown bread served at the beginning of every meal.

Warm bread with butter it my version of paradise. I had heard from a friend that the Cheesecake Factory’s bread was now being sold in some supermarkets.  It seemed like the perfect time to go bread hunting.

To go exercise never came to mind 😦

We get there and as we are walking in I pass a man arranging a bag of cans to recycle. I catch up with my sister that was ahead of me and I mentioned that I felt bad for the man and wondered if he needed anything. She hadn’t noticed him and immediately felt bad. She said: go ask.

I turned around and went outside and approached him. He was on the younger side but it was hard to tell his age as life on the streets has a way of aging people beyond their years. I assumed that he was homeless and lived in a shelter because he had a cart with his belongings with him.

I approached him and said hi. He turned around looking a bit surprised. I asked how he was doing and he answered: good.

I said: I am going to do some shopping. Is there anything you need? Can I get you anything?

I thought he would say coffee, or something along those lines, but he replied with one word:

Beer

Beer? I asked, I am sure looking very surprised. He replied: Yes, I could use some beer now.

I said: It is only 6:30am, they aren’t selling beer yet.

I actually didn’t know if that was true or not, but I was not about to buy him alcohol.

He looked at his watch and agreed with me.

I asked him if I could get him something else and he said: No, that was all I wanted.

I wished him well and said good bye.

Later I checked and found out that grocery stores in NY state are not allowed to sell alcohol on Sundays from 3 am to 12 noon.

I appreciated his honesty. He didn’t try to get me to give him cash or get me to buy things he didn’t want. I pray he is able to fight his demons and come out victorious.

I found the brown bread and it was divine. Why must bread be public enemy number 1? I guess I do love bad boys after all… and by “boys” I mean food.

That man in the parking lot sorting cans is me. His weakness is alcohol, mine is carbs. Hard to say no. Hard to remember to say no.  Vicious cycle of blindly doing, feeling guilty, then doing it again to silence the guilt.

He has work to do and so do I.

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”― Santosh Kalwar

But what if?

06 Wednesday Nov 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”― Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

But what if?

That thought came to mind as I was crossing the street on the way to the doctor.

What if turns out that I do have something to worry about? What if it is cancer?

What do I do then?  Is there anything to do?  What if I had only a few months or weeks to live? What would I do?

Who would I choose to spend the last moments with?  Any final declarations of love? Anyone I need to say sorry to?

Is there anything left undone? Left unsaid?

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”― Mark Twain

Would I continue to do what is expected of me or would I do only what I want? 

Would I ignore my brain completely and only listen to my heart?

Would I do nothing?

I think I would curl into a ball and cry until there were no more tears left. Then I would get up and go on.  I would probably start making lists of everything that I need my sister to take care of.  Even in my dying I would want things organized and people taken care of.

“Life is for the living.
Death is for the dead.
Let life be like music.
And death a note unsaid.”
― Langston Hughes

No, I am not dying, and no it is not cancer.  Well, I don’t think it is.  I don’t have the results yet, but I am not concerned.

The only certainty in life is that we are all dying at some point.  We just don’t know when.  But when the word cancer makes an appearance in our vocabulary, death becomes a new thought.  Movies with sad story lines keeps coming across my mind.

A lot people are alive but not living. Just breathing doesn’t equal living. But then again, who am I to judge how a person chooses to live?  I sit in an office and stare at a screen for the majority of my days.  That is hardly something worth writing about.

Why do I have death in mind? In July I went to a new ob/gyn because my regular one retired.  The pap smear came back abnormal and she wanted me to get a cervical biopsy.

“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I had an abnormal pap in 2016 and at that time the doctor really had me worried.  She referred me to a specialist at the Cancer Institute. It was nothing.  I think it has been abnormal since then but new doctor probably wants to be thorough.

This time I was so unconcerned that it took me from July until October to schedule the biopsy.  I finally got it done last week.  I only did it because I feared my new doctor would let me go as a patient if I didn’t follow through with her request.

I am not a cry baby and have a high tolerance for pain but it hurt like hell, because, of course, the opening of my cervix is absurdly small.  The doctor said that in the future if I have to have it done again she will give me a couple of pills to insert so that it will make it easier the next day.   That was no consolation at that moment in time.

So there is nothing to worry, until there is something to worry.  Cancer and death were stupid thoughts that sneaked by while I wasn’t looking.

The message is:  We are all going to die one day.  Let’s make the most of today!  Let’s indeed live as if we are dying.

 “Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.” –― Haruki Murakami