Author Archives: A Star on the Forehead

Dates, friends and possibilities

08 Thursday Oct 2020

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“Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don’t last your whole life.” ― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

Dating, as it can be expected, has been slow going.  Still I have managed to go on 3 dates with a 62 year old attorney.  He thinks he looks younger so he set his date range on his profile to 40 to 54 years old.  I barely made it. 😊

Upon meeting him I thought he looked and carried himself a bit older than 62 .  I asked his age again to make sure.  He said he thinks he looks younger because he is active. I didn’t have the heart to tell him what I thought. I am glad he didn’t ask.

It got me thinking about what it means to be young.  My date thought that because he walks every evening and plays golf Saturday and Sunday that he looks younger.  It is awesome that he feels that way but it is not what I saw and felt.  (but really who cares what I think.  Good for him for feeling that way)

He didn’t have the characteristics that make me think of someone as being young.  It has nothing to do with a number or how they look.  It is how they carry and present themselves.  It is their attitude.

To me being young is never losing the sense of adventure. Being young is being eternally curious and always wanting and willing to learn. Being young is not being set on my ways, being capable of changing and to adapting.  Being young is being hungry.  Hungry for life.

What is important is how somebody feels, so great for him for feeling younger.   I just don’t think he is being realistic wanting to date someone as young as 40 years old. 

“All I want to be is very young always and very irresponsible and to feel that my life is my own-to live and be happy and die in my own way to please myself” ― Zelda Fitzgerald

Still I went on 3 dates with him.  After the third date I was sure that there was zero romantic chemistry.  I actually knew that after the first date.   Looking back, I guess I just wanted to get out of the house and he was a nice person, so why not.  At the time I thought I was being open-minded and taking a chance.

On paper he seemed like a great match for me. He was a gentleman, smart and successful.  I realized after those 3 dates that not only there was no chemistry, there was not much of meaningful conversation either.  I asked and he answered.  I asked about his profession, family, etc.  He didn’t ask about mine. 

I feel I know a lot about him, but he knows nothing about me. Whatever he knows about me is because I volunteered.  I enjoy the give and take conversation when someone is interested in finding out about me as much as I am about him.

I was relieved when, days later, he wrote me a message saying that we should be friends.  I agreed.  I thought I was never going to hear from him again, but he called over the weekend to say hi.  I was shocked he even asked about my sister. Go figure!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – ― Anais Nin, The Diary of Anais Nin

****
Then there is A.-The Renter. I mentioned him in a prior post. He is moving to NY from California maybe this month. We have been communicating for 2 months.  In the beginning there was a lot texting and phone calls.  I was very excited about him as it seemed that he could be the perfect match, but at this point it is hot and cold.

He texts me a lot one day then goes silent for many days, then starts texting again.  I am not happy about that and talked to him about it.  He mentioned he is very busy with his new position and that is why the infrequent texting.  He also mentioned that he is still very interested and nothing has changed as far as that. AS he mentioned: “I am the only one”.

It takes a second to send a text, so I don’t accept not having a second to send a text in as many as 5 days.  A few days ago he texted “Good morning” and I just didn’t have it in me to reply just to have him disappear again.  I ignored it.

I want to be open-minded, understanding and accommodating, but I am not willing to accept scraps, I want to be important in somebody’s life.  

If he ever moves here I am willing to meet.  That is, if he ever texts again.  Either way I am ok.  The earth will not stop moving.

****

I have a date tonight with a guy that is not really my type but he seems nice and I am curious.  He likes classic cars and has a motorcycle, not normally the guys that I go for, but when all else fails…

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov


Another table

05 Monday Oct 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“We’ve taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

I love doing mosaic on tables.

Here is the latest.

When I broke the plates to use, I realized that it was not ceramic but glass covering paper. Instead of breaking as intended, it shattered.

I decided to use it anyway, even though it was not as I had originally planned.

I swear all my projects look much better in person than in pictures 🙂

The secret to attracting butterflies – Borboletas – Mario Quintana

29 Tuesday Sep 2020

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This is a text that I like.  I think it was written by Brazilian Writer Mario Quintana but I am not 100% sure.

“Quando depositamos muita confiança ou expectativas em uma pessoa, o risco de se decepcionar é grande. As pessoas não estão neste mundo para satisfazer as nossas expectativas, assim como não estamos aqui, para satisfazer as dela.

Temos que nos bastar… nos bastar sempre e quando procuramos estar com alguém, temos que nos conscientizar de que estamos juntos porque gostamos, porque queremos e nos sentimos bem, nunca por precisar de alguém.

As pessoas não se precisam, elas se completam… não por serem metades, mas por serem inteiras, dispostas a dividir objetivos comuns, alegrias e vida.

Com o tempo, você vai percebendo que para ser feliz com a outra pessoa, você precisa em primeiro lugar, não precisar dela. Percebe também que aquela pessoa que você ama (ou acha que ama) e que não quer nada com você, definitivamente, não é o homem ou a mulher de sua vida. Você aprende a gostar de você, a cuidar de você, e principalmente a gostar de quem gosta de você.

O segredo é não cuidar das borboletas e sim cuidar do jardim para que elas venham até você. No final das contas, você vai achar não quem você estava procurando, mas quem estava procurando por você!”

Here is my loose translation:

“When we place a lot of trust or expectations in a person, the risk of being disappointed is great. People are not in this world to meet our expectations, just as we are not here, to meet theirs.

We have to be enough …  we alone have to be enough. And when we try to be with someone else, we have to become aware that we are together because we like to, because we want to and because it feels good, never because we need someone.

People do not need each other, they complete each other … not because they are halves, but because they are whole, willing to share common goals, joys and life.

Over time, you will realize that in order to be happy with the other person, you need not to need them. You will also realize that the person you love (or think you love) and want nothing to do with you is definitely not the man or woman for you.  You will learn to like yourself, to take care of yourself, and especially to like those who like you.

The secret is not to run after the butterflies, but to take care of your garden so that they come to you. Ultimately, you will find not who you were looking for, but who was looking for you!”

 

 

 

My ever loving sweet enemy: Sugar

24 Thursday Sep 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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The vertigo came back again.  I spent a couple of days last week barely functioning.  I started taking Claritin and Cocculus Indicus again.  Happily, most of the symptoms were gone in 2 days. 

I discovered a couple of things:

  1. Sleeping on my left side helps immensely to alleviate the symptoms.  So, no more sleeping on my back or on my right side.

2. Sugar exacerbates or perhaps even causes the vertigo.  The last 2 times I woke up with vertigo I remember having had lots of sugar the night before, in the form of ice cream and cake. 

No surprise discovery here.  Sugar doesn’t help anything.  Sugar feeds any kind of body inflammation and only wreaks havoc on the body.

Sugar and I have a long love/hate relationship.  I love it and it hates me.  Not only sugar, but carbs.  I am not talking about the naturally occurring sugar.  I am talking about all the refined ones that do not add anything good to my body.  But it tastes so good!

Back in 2012 I was already writing about this dysfunctional relationship.  https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/07/21/is-sugar-my-new-ex-am-i-looking-for-love-in-desserts/

12 years have gone by and I still have not done anything about it.  That is embarrassing. Why can’t I stop going to sugar on every occasion, happy, sad, indifferent…

At times I think that sugar and I can co-exist in peace.  I think I can just have a little bit on the weekends.  That peaceful existence lasts awhile, but then one day, out of the blue I just give in.  All of a sudden sugar has me again.

What is up with this emotional hunger? 

Baby steps… recognizing I have a problem, yet again, is the first step.  That is all I have.  No solutions.

 

I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl – Nina Simone

I want a little sugar in my bowl
I want a little sweetness down in my soul
I could stand some lovin’, oh so bad
Feel so funny, I feel so sad
I want a little steam on my clothes
Maybe I could fix things up so they’ll go
What’s the matter daddy, come on, save my soul
I need some sugar in my bowl, I ain’t foolin’
I want some sugar in my bowl
You been acting different I’ve been told
Soothe me, I want some sugar in my bowl
I want a little steam on my clothes
Maybe I can fix things up so they’ll go
What’s the matter daddy, come on, save my soul
I want some sugar in my bowl, I ain’t foolin’
I want some sugar
In my bowl

Live Simply and Simply Live!

17 Thursday Sep 2020

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Today I came across the above writing (my loose translation is below) from the Brazilian Writer Mario Quintana. 

“Suddenly everything becomes so simple that it scares.

People let go of their needs and wants, and start reducing their baggage.

The opinions of others are really those of others, and even if they are about us; it doesn’t matter.

We give up certainties, because we are no longer sure of anything. And, we don’t miss them. 

 We stop judging, because there is no longer any right or wrong, but only the life that each of us choose to experience.

Finally, we understand that all that matters is to have peace and quiet, to live without fear, to do what makes your heart happy at that moment.

That is all!”

I had read it before, but today it hit me in a different way.  Today it made sense.  

Today I dream of simplicity.  Today I want to get rid of the excess and of the unnecessary.

Today I want to make space in my life for only what makes my heart sing.  Let spaces be empty until the right item, person, task, etc comes along.

I am happiest when I clean and organize, when I get rid of things (donating all instead of throwing out).  I feel unburdened and light.  

Let’s get rid of excess in all things.  Let’s get rid of people and things that are dragging us down and not contributing to the life we want to lead.

I wish the entire world to live simply and simply live! Less is so much more!

 

Tell the truth or keep a friend?

11 Friday Sep 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?”― Socrates

I have this long time girlfriend that is such a sweet, giving person but has terrible taste in men.  I don’t think she knows her worth and keeps settling for much less.

Years ago I was very vocal about a boyfriend that she had.  To make a long story short, she took offense to some things I said to her and stopped speaking to me.

Eventually we started speaking again and she apologized. Since then she has had other boyfriends that I also didn’t think were good enough for her but I never expressed my opinion again.  She lives a couple of hours away so we don’t see each other often, but any chance I get I just make sure to tell her to put herself first.  

Fast forward to this past weekend when I was visiting her area and she was excited to introduce her new boyfriend.  She is still getting rid of a prior boyfriend and is immediately starting up with someone else.  A mistake in my opinion.  My advice to her and to everyone after a breakup is to be alone for awhile, focus on oneself. 

“Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.” ― Warren Wiersbe

I am happy for her excitement but I don’t think the new boyfriend is any better than the prior one.  I don’t want to go into detail here why I don’t think he is the right person for her.  I met him for 10 minutes and in that short time I think, as they say in Brazil, she is changing 6 for half dozen.  

Later she called to ask my thoughts about him.  I was not sure how to kindly tell her that I was not impressed.

How to tell the truth to someone that cannot handle the truth?  By truth, I mean my truth, the way I see, which can be wrong or right but it is my truth as I see it. 

One of the good traits and also bad trait of Aries is the brutal honesty.  I normally just tell it like it is.  But with age comes wisdom and I realized that I don’t have to always tell it like it is.  There are times that it is okay to be less than 100% honest.  

“The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”― Norman Vincent Peale

I keep wanting her to be alone for awhile and focus her love and energy on herself.  But I have said all of that before.  

This time when she asked my opinion I mentioned to her I didn’t want to say anything because of our past experience.  She said she was immature then and apologized for it again.  Still, this time I chose a more refrained honesty.  I said to her that 10 minutes was too short of a time to form an informed opinion of him.  I said it wouldn’t fair to judge him on that little interaction. 

I did, however, pointed out to her something he did that I had an issue with.  She promptly came up with 2 excuses for said action.  The fact that she made excuses for him tells me she is not ready to hear exactly what I think. 

She is excited, happy, full of renewed energy and making a lot plans.  I couldn’t put a damper on that. So this time I chose kindness instead of brutal honesty.  I felt those were my only choices.   I pray I am wrong and he is not another one to take advantage of her.

“Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.”― Robert Brault

the dating continues…

04 Friday Sep 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Since G, the insecure personal trainer, has become history there has been a few guys that I had been speaking to and  2 that I met.  

I met F – The Widower.  We first started speaking 1 year ago on POF. He kept asking for additional pictures.  I felt I had plenty on my profile and refused to sent to him.  He kept insisting, I got annoyed and decided that I didn’t want to meet him at all.  After meeting again on Match I finally gave in and met him for a drink.  He drove 1 hour,  I took literally 30 steps to the Italian restaurant next to my apartment.  That was the extent of effort I was willing to put into this date and he knew it.

It was a friendly meeting.  He talked a lot about his late wife who died 10 years ago, and apparently became a saint.  No one can and wants to compete with a saint.  He wants to go out again. I am interested in friendship only.

“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.” ― Cornel West

I met T – The Client.  We met on Match and realized that we were in the same industry and that he was actually a former customer.  Since he is no longer a customer I decided to meet up.

Since we were meeting at a Brazilian restaurant next door to my sister’s job on 46th Street in Manhattan my sister joined us half way through the date. It was a lot fun.  There was a lot laughing.

We had passion fruit and lime caipirinhas and had some yummy skirt steak with rice, beans and yucca fries. We also had cheese bread and some other appetizers. We took home chocolate and coconut fudge balls.  Those little desserts are so delicious!

Since I brought my sister along, I insisted on paying half. He didn’t want to agree but I beat him to the check and made sure to pay half.  He insisted on walking us to the train station.  We kept in touch and will meet again but I am not sure there were romance vibes for me.

“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.” ― Oscar Wilde,  The Picture of Dorian Gray

I am currently talking to a few guys but 2 seem interesting enough to text/talk so I gave them my number:

M-the Neighbor.  We realized the we live just a couple of blocks away from each other.  The other day I waved to him when I was walking home from work.  He doesn’t know where exactly where I live.  We will be meeting one of these days.  So far we are having trouble coming up with a time.  It will probably happen some time next week.  We haven’t spoken a lot, mostly exchange a few texts here and there, but he seems like a good guy.

A-the Renter.  We have been speaking for 1 month.  He currently lives in California but is moving to Manhattan in the next few weeks.  I am calling him The Renter because 80% of our conversations are about the rental market in Manhattan.  He has been back and forth from CA but because of COVID quarantine requirements we haven’t met yet.

At this point it seems neither of us are in a hurry to meet.  I normally like to meet right away, the longer one talks without meeting there is the change of creating a false sense of intimacy and thinking there is more connection than there is. There is also a bigger potential for miscommunication.

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” ― Dale Carnegie

A few days ago I detected a change.  A text went unanswered and later he said something about not feeling well and going to bed earlier.  A perfectly plausible excuse, but that is not what my gut is telling me.  The texting and calls decreased, and so did my interest.  But I still think we can meet and be friends.

I want to meet someone and be transformed.  Not because he is making me better, or I am making him better, but because we can no longer imagine a time when we weren’t in each other’s lives. I want the love that emboldens and strengthens us and make us want to conquer the world.  So I search and search…

“Even if you cannot change all the people around you, you can change the people you choose to be around. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you. Spend your life with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel loved.” ― Roy T. Bennett

 

The beautiful mosaic of life

27 Thursday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts

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“Life has its ups and downs. When you are up, enjoy the scenery. When you are down, touch the soul of your being and feel the beauty.” – Debasish Mridha

I am sorry I haven’t written in awhile.  I have been busier than usual with tons of work deadlines and I also have been going out more than usual.  But the real culprit is my lack of energy and less than optimal mood.  Some days I am struggling to be upbeat.

There is no need to worry, I am still smiling and enjoying life.  It is just a downturn on that journey full of ups and downs that we call life.  How boring would life be if there were no ups and downs? BORING!!

I am having some issues with my tenant and some other issues that I think are contributing to bringing me down.  My hip and clavicle continue to prevent me from exercising the way I want.  Lately, health-wise, it seems that if it is not one thing it is another.  I am happy to report though that the vertigo feelings are gone! (Thank you Tom for the recommendation!)

“If we do not have the depths, how do we have the heights? Yet you fear the depths, and do not want to confess that you are afraid of them. It is good, though, that you fear yourselves; say it out loud that you are afraid of yourselves. It is wisdom to fear oneself.” ― C.G. Jung

All the issues that are bothering me aren’t really that important in the grand scheme of things.   I am able to appreciate that at times such as this, my body, mind, and soul are crying for help.  They are telling me that I need to stop, pay attention and make some changes.  I need to acknowledge that.

It is time to recharge, to redo, to rethink.  Why am I letting situations affect my mood.  Happiness has always been a choice for me.  I need to remember that.

Life is a mosaic, with good parts and not so good parts all working together to make us a whole beautiful artwork. Broken pieces of anything can be put together and create something beautiful! There is no perfection in mosaic, but there is beauty! 

“Climb up the stairs cheerfully, climb down the stairs cheerfully! Let your mind be unaffected by the ups and downs of life!”― Mehmet Murat ildan

It is important that I know and acknowledge that I am blessed beyond belief.  My list of blessings are endless.

This downturn is also a way the Universe uses to prevent me from becoming too complacent, too comfortable.  It is amazing what and how much we get used to, even pain and discomfort can often become the norm.  I keep learning to live with body pain instead of addressing it more effectively. 

This not so optimal phase is a wake up call.

I am feeling down, but life continues to be full, and getting fuller by the minute,  I am doing my mosaics, eating out often, and going on adventures.  Saturday was mosaic studio and a night with the girls. Sunday was the beach. The smile is sometimes forced but it is still a smile 🙂

As far as dating I haven’t given it too much time but I been exchanging messages with a few guys.  I have also been exchanging texts with someone I didn’t meet yet, but I see so much potential.  Finger crossed.  More to come.

I leave you with my latest mosaic project.  Another table.  I still have to paint it, but I am holding off on that for now.  I think I will eventually open a craft shop called “Tables or Us” 😉

Fun, sun and won some!

13 Thursday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“Tomorrow is tomorrow.
Future cares have future cures,
And we must mind today.”
― Sophocles

Another weekend is around the corner and I didn’t even have a chance to write about the last one, so here we go:  My sister and I  went again to Foxwoods Casino.  This time we brought along another friend that had never been there before.  She was tired of being locked in for so long.

I think I will be going to Foxwoods more often.  They give me free hotel rooms and I am just 10 minutes from Mystic, CT and 20 minutes from the beaches in Rhode Island.  Plus, I have a friend in Westerly, RI that we like visiting.  She knows the ins and outs in the area and loves to show us around.

This time we played the slots, spent time sightseeing, ate delicious meals, laughed a lot and, most importantly, we forgot all our troubles for that weekend.  We came back renewed and with plans to travel more.

“It is difficult to live in and enjoy the moment when you are thinking about the past or worrying about the future.  No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.”― Roy Bennett

Here are some pictures:

View from Andrea Seaside Restaurant

Drinks from Guy Fieri’s restaurant. One is Guido’s Freaky Tiki (Bacardi 8, Passion Fruit & Tiki Sour), and the other is Tattooed Mojito (Bumbu Tropical Rum, Strawberry & mint, Lime Simple)

Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island

I won 1K in a slot machine.

After treating my sister and a couple of friends to meals at Andrea Restaurant, Guy Fieri’s Kitchen and Hash House I made $1,000.00 in a slot machine.  I believe it was the Universe paying me back.  In the end when all was said and done I had a free weekend. The casino comped the room, and the slot win was enough to pay for all I spent (gas, gambling, meals, etc).

Below, not related to anything, it is a music video I enjoy.  I love when singers from different countries sing together.  Below is Ivete Sangalo from Brazil and Alejandro Sanz from Spain.

 

 

More patience, less anger!

07 Friday Aug 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.”― Simone de Beauvoir

I have been frustrated and angry.  Angry with people. Angry at the world. Angry at myself.  I wrote a post about it.  I took a break from it, came back and re-read it.  I wanted to throw up.

It was all about me wallowing in self pity.  It was this long list of complaints. I went on and on about people not being fair to me and the fact that I cannot do anything at the moment.  It was me being sad, angry and feeling powerless.  

“The best fighter is never angry.” – Lao Tzu

Since when did I become that person? I refuse to allow myself to be down in the dumps. I refuse to be angry without action.  Just being angry solves nothing, just eats me up inside.

Do I have a cause to be annoyed and complain?  Yes, I do.  But what will I accomplish if I let myself go down that rabbit hole called anger?  I fear never coming out of it. 

Whatever I am facing now I have to learn to live with it for the time being.  It is not the “punching it in the face” time yet.  Time and time again I am being taught patience and reminded that it is not my timing, but the divine timing. There is a right time for everything.

“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it…Don’t allow his anger to become your anger.”― Bohdi Sanders

I will do now what I do best. I am going to count my blessings, of which I have so many.  I will start making a list, not of everything that is going wrong as I was doing before, but all that is going right.  Making a list of all my blessings helps put me in the right frame of mind.

It reminds me of how truly blessed I really am.

“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.”― Roy T. Bennett

As I deleted that post and embarked upon writing this one I received a message from my brother.  He is one of those people the you hate, but love, that will send you memes, jokes, prayers, songs, anything.  He sent me the video below. 

I thought the message couldn’t be more timely and appropriate for me: Let it be!

The problems, the anger, all the issues that are making me sad, sick, and keeping me awake at night I am going to just let it all be.  I am going to put it all aside until the right time to deal with it.  Chances are that they will resolve themselves before then.

I am not one to let problems sit still, but Kabbalah taught me that some of my actions are really overreactions and knee jerk responses that only bring about more pain and chaos.

I now try to let a problem be still and marinate before attacking it.  Taking that time beween problem and action helps me see things clear and deal with the problem with the right amount of attention and force.

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”― Aristotle

Until I am ready to deal with the problem why should I let all that is annoying me and ailing me take away my sanity and energy?   I refuse to do it.

These times haves been a struggle for everyone.  It seems that there is one problem after another, but such is life – a succession of challenges. 

In my now deleted post I mentioned needing peace and wisdom.  We all do!  But what I sometimes fail to remember is that those are all within in me  They are my core.  I just have to connect to it. 

I will not find those outside. Peace is within me and happiness is a choice.  Those abstract concepts makes so much sense to me. That knowledge is both powerful and freeing. I can assert for sure that I am at peace and I am happy.  No matter what!

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

oh, and about that list of everything that is going right in my life, it is just too long! It is becoming a very long list that deserves it’s own post but for starters:

  1. I am alive
  2. I am going away for the weekend

  • Wishing you a blessed weekend!