Happy Holidays!!

24 Thursday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” – ― Hamilton Wright Mabie

This is another opportunity for me to thank everyone here for their continued love and support.  I have been blogging here since 2012 and it wouldn’t be the same without you.  Your visits mean the world to me!

May the joy of the holiday season invade our hearts and homes! 

May we look at others with eyes of compassion and love!

May we always remember to be grateful for our blessings!

Peace, Light and Love to All! ♥♥♥

 

 

“Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and desires of little children; to remember the weaknesses and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and to ask yourself if you love them enough; to bear in mind the things that other people have to bear on their hearts; to trim your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open? Are you willing to do these things for a day? Then you are ready to keep Christmas!” ― Henry Van Dyke

Momentarily foggy, but not lost

23 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” ― Thomas Merton

I had a date on Saturday night.  He is 52 yrs old, never married, no kids and works in financial services.  He is very similar to me in a lot areas.  It was like I was meeting an old friend.  We talked and laughed non-stop.  He was the consummate gentleman. 

We will probably go on a second date, but I am not sure about chemistry.  I know we could be great as friends, but I am not sure if there are enough sparks for anything else.  We shall see…

“It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tired into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.” ― Martin Luther King Jr

In the meantime, I have been a little out of sorts the past few days.  I have been unable to complete any tasks.  I started at least 5 different blog posts and was unable to finish any of them.  Fingers crossed I finish this one.

I imagine I am not the only one going through this feeling of imbalance and uncertainty.  Never in a million years I expected this Covid-19 nightmare to last this long.  Now they are talking about this new virus mutation… what next?

Can someone please wake me up from this sci-fi nightmare? When will I be able to fly to Brazil and see my parents?  The fact that I cannot travel at will is really doing a number on me. 

My usual sense of urgency is on asteroids.  I keep thinking that I am wasting time and feeling unproductive.  The worst part is that instead of acting/doing, I feel frozen and without direction.

“Don’t underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities. Strengthen the individual. Start with yourself. Take care with yourself. Define who you are. Refine your personality. Choose your destination and articulate your Being. As the great nineteenth-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche so brilliantly noted, “He whose life has a why can bear almost any how.”  ― Jordan B. Peterson

I am well aware that I have no reason to complain or to feel anything other than blessed.  So please just ignore this momentarily loss of myself, purpose and meaning.  I guess in writing this I want to say that it is okay not to feel 100% happy 100% of the time. 

The key for me is to remember that unhappy moments come and go.  Nothing lasts forever, good or bad.  I have to learn to cope with those “in-between” moments without overdosing on sugar.

Thanks heavens that I do have healthier coping mechanisms.  My number 1 go to feel better action is to do a mental Gratitude list.  By number 3 on the list I am already feeling better.  There is so much for me to be grateful for.  This is an endless list.

“You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act. You simply don’t know what you believe, before that. You are too complex to understand yourself.” ― Jordan B. Peterson

The second thing I do that helps to ground and center me is to stop throughout the day and recite the H’onoponopono mantra to myself: I am sorry.  Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.  

Psychology Today describes Ho’oponopono as: The Hawaiian word ho’oponopono comes from ho’o (“to make”) and pono (“right”). The repetition of the word pono means “doubly right” or being right with both self and others. In a nutshell, ho’oponopono is a process by which we can forgive others to whom we are connected.

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.” ― Herman Melville

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian spiritual practice and literally means to “Set things right’. My simplistic view is that I am responsible for my actions, even if unintentional.  Without realizing, I hurt others. I become disconnected, I let my ego appear and be in charge.  Past mistakes continue to permeate through my life now and cause imbalance and create negative feelings. By asking for forgiveness and expressing gratitude, to no one in particular, but to everyone, I take accountability for my actions and I connect to others. 

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” ― William James

When I say I’M SORRY, I acknowledge my errors, my part in anything wrong that happened to me and to others in the past.

When I say FORGIVE ME, I accept my role in those errors and I ask for forgiveness for my part in all. I recognize that I am responsible for everything I touch.

“Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.”
― Carl Gustav Jung

When I say THANK YOU, I show gratitude to all, to my ancestors, to myself.  I am grateful for everything, big and small. I am grateful to all.

When I say I LOVE YOU, I spread love to the world. I am in love with myself and with everything around me. I am in love with all the Universe presents me.

To you, today: I’m sorry, Forgive-me, Thank You, I love You! ♥♥♥

“Be drunk with Love, for Love is all that Exists”- Rumi

 

 

 

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Friends are the ornaments that light up my life

13 Sunday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

(written yesterday)

Today I woke up feeling so grateful – even more than usual.  Today, I am especially grateful for friends.  It is said that if a man has friends he is rich.  In that case, I am a billionaire. Not in the amount of friends, but in the quality of my friends.

I am grateful for old trusted friends, but today I feel specially blessed for the new friends that the Universe surprises me with.

Some people appear out of nowhere.  They are gifts.  All of a sudden they are standing by the door to your heart.  You welcome them and they fit right in, as if they belonged there all along.

They come bearing acceptance, promise, possibilities and so much love.

“There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met.” ― Jim Henson

Friends are lighthouses.  They represent guidance and safety just by being there.  No matter how far apart they are or how long in between conversations, they know you are there, and you know they are here.

A friend claps when you win.  A friend cries when you lose.

Above all, a friend inspires.  New friends wake you up to new potential.  They see you in a brand new light.  The see the “you” that you don’t see in yourself yet.

New friends are hidden gems, buried treasures, winning tickets, unnamed stars.

Thank you K (N), my sweet, darling Canadian friend, for coming into my life and breathing new air into it.

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” ― Linda Grayson – (or macarons 🙂

****

Monica at https://brilliantviewpoint.com/2020/12/16/a-christmas-surprise-at-the-mailbox, suggested I make mosaic ornaments. By chance I had done them last Saturday.

I am posting them here unfinished.  Glitter is missing in a lot areas – I couldn’t tell until they dried.  I also need to Dremel the sharp edges.  I can’t finish them at the studio because the studio is closed until further notice.  Thank you covid! 😦

“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” ― Jane Austen

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
― Rumi

 

 

Tis the season … to passively aggressively assert myself

12 Saturday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.” ― Orson Scott Card

Since we moved into the new office in May, I have become friends with the lady from the office down the hall.

She is nice and stops by often to chit-chat.  She is always offering me a ride home. I have accepted a couple of times.

Yesterday I saw her in the hall.  I mentioned to her that I got inspired by her Christmas decorations and decorated my office.  

Seeing her big beautiful tree through the glass door did inspire me.  In my old office I stopped decorating for the holidays. I grew tired of everyone and their opinions.  Now, most of them are working from home or in our other offices.

Yesterday morning, on the way to work, on the spur of the moment, I stopped at the dollar store and CVS.   I was going to order items from Amazon but there is a delay on deliveries at the moment and I didn’t want to wait.  I got only a few things that I was able to carry as I was on foot.     

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” ― Benjamin Franklin

I was very happy with my purchases and how they looked when I put them around the office. Next year I will plan and do better, but for now I am content.

Later in the day, the neighbor lady stopped by to see my decorations and to bring me a couple of little lights and strings of red beads leftover from her decorations, which I thought it was nice.  She added those to the little tree and then proceeded to move around some of the other decorations.

I was a little taken aback and didn’t know how to react.  I just watched.  I didn’t like the way she was rearranging things but I was mostly amused by it at the time. 

“Nothing is ever quiet, except for fools.” ― Alan Paton

But it did bother me.  When I got home I told to my sister about it.  We agreed that we often do that.  We put up with certain things/people because we don’t want to appear ungrateful.    

I don’t think she realized that it was annoying. I should have told her that I liked the way things were as I had done them. 

I am a tell it like it is person.  I don’t like confrontations, but I have no problem in standing up for myself.  I have been known to have shouting matches with the brokers when I think I have been disrespected in some way.  Still, why am I so passive in certain situations? 

This morning I walked in and rearranged some of the decorations as I had before.  I kept some of what she did, but changed what bugged me most, which was where the 2 big figures stood.  

She stopped by this afternoon and didn’t say anything.  I am sure she noticed it.  

I feel better.

“You should have spoken up sooner.” her grandmother answered. “No need to bear pain unless you have to.” ― Cynthia Voigt Homecoming

Of Saints and Mothers

09 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts, Poetry

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“Art is the child of nature in whom we trace the features of the mothers face.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My mother has always been more spiritual than religious.   Even though I grew up catholic, we never attended mass.  As a child, my sister and I went to Sunday Bible School at a Baptist church with our neighbors.  

My mother preached the idea that you don’t need to attend church to pray.  She never said one religion was better than the other, instead she would say that any place where the word of God is being spoken was a good place. 

“It does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are 20 gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” ― Thomas Jefferson

She was leery of people that attended church religiously.  She often mentioned that most people she knew acted one way in church, and outside of it proceeded to stab their brother/sister on the back. That included pastors, priests and such.   

She lives by the “do no harm” and “always help others” rule.  I am grateful for having learned that early on.  With my mother I learned about the concepts of karma and reincarnation.  She used to talk about books she read on those subjects, including books about spiritism by Allan Kardec.

We also attended weekly meetings of Seicho-No-Ie.  They believe mostly in the power of positive thinking and the gratitude for our ancestors.  I am blessed that I grew up exposed to different religions and beliefs.  All mind opening, all enriching, all positive!

“God has made different religions to suit different aspirants, times, and countries. All doctrines are only so many paths; but a path is by no means God himself. Indeed, one can reach God if one follows any of the paths with whole-hearted devotion…One may eat a cake with icing either straight or sidewise. It will taste sweet either way.” ― Sri Ramakrishna

As my mother ages – she will be 86 in May, she has become more religious.  She still doesn’t attend mass but she watches it on TV every day at 6pm.  The mass that she watches is held at the Cathedral Basilica of the National Shrine of Our Lady Aparecida. It is a huge church located in the state of Sao Paulo in Brazil. A picture of it is at the top of this post.  It is the second largest catholic church in the world.  The largest one is, of course, located in the Vatican.

“I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother.” ― Martha Gellhorn

Nossa Senhora da Aparecida is the Portuguese term for the Blessed Virgin Mary.  It is Brazil’s patron saint and the saint most Brazilians are devoted to. The official statue is housed in a shrine in the church.  See a picture of the actual statue above.

I had the idea of doing that statue in mosaic for my mother.  I had to take some artistic license but I think I was successful in capturing the spirit of it. 

If you are from Brazil you will have no problem recognizing the statue.  If you are not, then I hope you appreciate the attempt.

“Only the poet or the saint can water an asphalt pavement in the confident anticipation that lilies will reward his labour.” ― Somerset Maugham

I forget to take pictures along the way as I work, but here are some:

In the below picture I need to glue the background tiles and add all the accessories.

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This is the final version:

The jewels on the crown are from a bracelet that I took apart. The cross on the crown and on the necklace are from a pair of earrings that I bought specifically for that. The flags are 2 pins that I had.  The leaves on the bottom are from earrings and the scroll on the bottom of the statue are part of a hair barrette. 

Is it perfect?  Absolutely not!  But I love, love, love it! It is done with so much love and I know my mother will love it.

I think it is whimsical and yet respectful.  I am proud of creating it.

I have another project almost finished and also just started something for my dad so he doesn’t feel left out.  I am becoming a mosaic machine 🙂

“A saint is not someone who never sins, but one who sins less and less frequently and gets up more and more quickly.” ― St. Bernard of Clairvaux

“Sinner’ and ‘saint’ are waves of differing size and magnitude on the surface of the same sea. Each is a natural outcome of forces in the universe; each is governed by time and causation. Nobody is utterly lost, and nobody need despair.” ― David James Duncan

 

 

This is how I roll: I closed the entire restaurant for my friend’s birthday!

07 Monday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Food

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“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well, not really.  Credit, or should I say, blame Covid for that.  Here is what happened:

My friend Anthony’s birthday was yesterday and on Saturday night I treated him to dinner.

We chose to go to a restaurant called Bonasera’s in Larchmont. Since the start of Covid, they have tables outside and live music on Thursdays and Saturdays.  Unfortunately, on Saturday the restaurant called me to let me know there was no music that evening.  The voice on the phone seemed relieved when I said we still planned on going there for dinner.  

“We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” ― Ray Bradbury

At 7pm we got there and the waiter said we could sit anywhere.   There were tables outside under a tent but we chose to sit inside.  The place was empty.  And it remained empty the whole night.

We had our own bartender, our own server, our own chef.  It was awesome, but I felt bad for the owner and somewhat guilty.

I wonder how can restaurants survive. I am not saying people should be going out to restaurants.  I think people need to do what they are comfortable with, respect others and the law.  I, for the most part, still go out when I have a chance.  Still I think about businesses, such as restaurants.

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel

The food and service were amazing.  To drink I had 2 cosmos and my friend had 2 Proseccos. We had arugula salad and scallops with spinach for appetizers.
For the main entrée he had a gluten free pasta with tomatoes and capers and a side of broccoli. I had cod fish with risotto and broccoli. For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a crème brulee.

Everything was divine!

After we left, we crossed the street and went to Chat19 to have a passion fruit drink.  Even though I had already drank my limit, we still wanted to have something with passionfruit in it.   The other restaurant didn’t have passion fruit. 

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” ― Henry David Thoreau

When we got there we were reminded that by law restaurants in New York now cannot serve only alcohol, they need to serve food with it.  We ordered fries with our passionfruit martinis.  The fries were so delicious we got a second order.  The martinis were a bit too sour and disappointing. 

We left at 10pm. All restaurants in NY State have to close by 10pm now.

We had a great night! We always have a great time together. We talk about everything, our dates, our goals, investments, spirituality, etc.

“There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met.” ― Jim Henson

I am grateful for Plenty of Fish for helping me meet him 5 years ago.  He is one of the reasons I am still willing to put up with online dating sites and I am willing to give guys a second chance. 

Anthony and I didn’t work out romantically but as friends we are an awesome match. We had a few dates, then he disappeared.  When he returned I chose to welcome him back and we slowly built a friendship that I treasure.  I always feel enriched by his company and friendship and I know he feels the same way.

“No friendship is an accident. ” ― O. Henry

I am on a dating site looking for love, but the potential to meet another great friend like Anthony is never far from my mind.  I am not one of those people that say they have enough friends. I don’t! 

I know a lot people, but I have only a few real close friends that actually know my heart.  Anthony is one of them.  We don’t always agree, but one thing remains true in our friendship: the care and love we feel for each other.   

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.- Don Corleone” ― Mario Puzo,  The Godfather

 

A fool and his money are soon parted?

04 Friday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Fools make feasts and wise men eat them.”― Benjamin Franklin

Thank you for the title of this post Rob!(https://forfriendswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2020/12/04/the-book-of-life-holiday-edition/.  I was writing this post when he replied to one of my comments on his blog with that saying.  It fit perfectly so I borrowed it.

I have mentioned here before that I am very careful with my money and live well below my means. I have no one to fall back on and cannot collect unemployment so having savings is crucial to me.

It affords me the peace of mind when an emergency comes up and it also allows me to be able to help my family. That is the one thing I am the proudest of: the ability to provide my parents a financial worry-free retirement.

Still there are instances where I feel like a fool. Either because I was taken for a fool or because of spending that may be considered foolish.

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”― Epictetus

Donations:
I helped people that later were on luxurious vacations and flaunting expensive purchases. I helped people that didn’t even say thank you. Not that I am doing it for the glory but it feels good when is appreciated and the money goes where it is intended.

More and more I am learning to let go, to help and not look back. Once the money leaves my hand, it is on them and not on me. I am happy to say that to each person that didn’t thank me or that misuses the money there are at least 3 more that are grateful and uses it wisely.

I will not stop helping no matter what. I will take the chance every time.

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.”― Will Rogers

Casino:
I am blaming Coronavirus for going to the Casino more often. After being locked in for so long, taking weekend trips to the casino feels like a mini vacation. They give me free rooms, which I more than pay for with the money I leave there, but still is a free room.

File that under entertainment. It is fun. I only take money I can afford to lose. I get to see my friend that lives nearby in Westerly, Rhode Island and I get to spend time in Mystic, CT.

I just try not to think about how many massages I could be getting with all the money I leave there ☹

“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned” ― Benjamin Franklin

Now I am stepping in an area where I can really be made to feel like a fool:

The Stock Market:
After working in the financial services industry for 25 years and having people assume that stocks is the kind of brokerage my company does, I am finally dipping my toes in the stock market pool.

I have always dismissed it as something I didn’t know enough to play in it, as a playground for the big boys only.

About a month ago a good friend mentioned that I should put some money into a specific cryptocurrency. I opened a Coinbase account and did that. I invested very little. This week that crypto has more than doubled its value.

Excited over that potential windfall and kicking myself for not having invested more, this week I opened a Robinhood account. and invested in stocks in different areas. Seeing the fluctuation and the ups and downs is both scary and enticing.

“Alvin smiled back, and kissed her. “People talk about fools counting chickens before they hatch. That’s nothing. We name them.” ― Orson Scott Card

I remember several years ago listening to one of our brokers when he was buying bitcoin for around $50.00. At that time it was such an unknown thing. I wasn’t even curious about it. This week it increased to over $19,000.00 each. Do the math 😦

I can see that the potential for making money here is huge, but also to lose. Being an adventurous Aries I have to watch myself.

I feel like I arrived late to the party and now I need to make up for it. My very wise friend was quick to note: “Prosperity is always waiting for us”. God bless him for making me realize there is no hurry. The right time is always now.

At this point I feel I am cautiously taking a risk 🙂 That just sounded like the talk of a fool 🙂

I am curious to know your experience. Do you dabble in the stock market? What are your thoughts?

I want to add that I am aware of how blessed I am to have savings at this point. With so many people struggling it is not my intention to flaunt the little I have. I also feel it is okay for me to be proud for how hard I have worked and for the choices I have made.

“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”― Groucho Marx

It is a new day! Embrace it!

02 Wednesday Dec 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” ― L.M. Montgomery

Some days are difficult and what gets me through them is knowing that tomorrow is another day.  Thanks Heaven for each new day! It brings new opportunities, new chances to start over and get things done.

Some days feels like a wasted day.  I look back and realize I accomplished nothing.  I am trying not to waste energy being sorry for yesterday’s failures.  There is nothing I can do about it.  I just need to focus on the now!

My wish for you (and I) is that you fully embrace each new day! Don’t waste today by dwelling on yesterday! You can’t change the past, but todays is yours to do as you please.

“Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Say What?

30 Monday Nov 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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“Our hearts are not stones. A stone may disintegrate in time and lose its outward form. But hearts never disintegrate. They have no outward form, and whether good or evil, we can always communicate them to one another.” ― Haruki Murakami

and then there were none…

Date update: The Renter is history. After saying he would never go silent again, he did.  I let it go. I know that if I said hello he would start chatting again, but what is the point?  He is clearly not interested and by now neither am I.

The Swiss is also making it clear that he is not interested.  He will respond if I reach out but he is never the one to make contact anymore.  I lost interest in even trying to cultivate a friendship. 

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” ― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

That brings me to The Enigma. After showering me with poems, songs, and tons of promises of an amazing fairytale, I noticed some distance in the communication.  I reached out a couple of times, but then decided to let it go and see what would happen. 

 After 2 days of silence I got the below text. After some reflection I replied 1 hour later.

“I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.
All seems beautiful to me.
Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;
Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.”
― Walt Whitman

What am I supposed to respond? Of course I wanted details.  I also wanted to help him.  But at this point it seems the Universe if giving me an out so I better take it and don’t question it.

I guess by now, after years of online dating, nothing should surprise me anymore, but people always do.  His text was baffling.  I knew he was dealing with a painful leg injury.  He was shot in an attempted robbery last year.  But apparently there is much more than that. What happened to all the promises of a beautiful relationship?

Some of what he had told me was hard for me to belief because it was so foreign to my simple 9 to 5 work life.  It seemed the stuff that war and spy movies are made of. At one point I mentioned to him that his stories seemed fake, and if they were true that I didn’t know if I could handle it.  Every time we spoke I bombarded him with questions.  I wanted to understand what was in store if we embarked in a future together.  Perhaps he got tired of the interrogation even though he said he was an open book and seemed to welcome all my questions.

“You know there’s no such thing as a complete lie. There’s always some truth in there.” ― David Levithan

He said that he had been in some war conflicts, even getting shot and saving someone’s life by carrying them to safety.  He mentioned being part of a Ranger Regiment.  He said that he was currently involved in strategy with a mercenary company in Russia.  He is partners in dozens of businesses in the US and a couple overseas.  There was a lot he mentioned but I rather keep things somewhat vague here, so I am leaving off the actual names of the companies and certain specific details.  

He had also been a teacher, ran free medical clinics, volunteered at pet shelters, paid for college for a few students, paid for prison commissary for others, among other various things.  He seemed to have lived so many lives.  It was hard not be in awe.

He never seemed annoyed and always seemed willing to try to explain his world to me.  He wanted to assure me that I had no reason to fear him.  He sent me links to news writings and YouTube videos about the military companies in Russia he was currently involved in and the Ranger Regiments he had been in.  

Some of the information he sent me did demystify some aspects of it while others made me even more concerned. 

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

He said he was planning to go back to school next year and complete another degree. He said he wanted to leave the past behind and that made me happy.

I still think that he was a nice person with a good heart.  I never met anyone so caring and that acted so gentlemanly towards me.  I will miss the smart conversations and the infinite possibilities that being with him held.  I never met anyone so knowledgeable about everything, specially history, art and literature.

I spent some time trying to understand the meaning of his text but some things I will never understand,  He could have called me.  I would not have talked him out of anything.  We talked about being friends no matter what.  It is disappointing that it ends with a text.  I guess he will forever be The Enigma. I will never know if the things that he has told me were true or perhaps just an exaggeration. 

I owe him and the Universe a huge thanks for making the situation clear cut for me.  I no longer have to decide if I can or cannot handle his past and whatever issues he has. I chose kindness with my reply and I believe in my heart that he chose kindness with his text.

I will miss feeling like a muse and princess.  And the search for my prince continues…

“I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones. Basically it is nothing other than this fear we have so often talked about, but fear spread to everything, fear of the greatest as of the smallest, fear, paralyzing fear of pronouncing a word, although this fear may not only be fear but also a longing for something greater than all that is fearful.” ― Franz Kafka

 

 

Eternally grateful for you my friend!

25 Wednesday Nov 2020

Posted by in Daily Life

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“I think that real friendship always makes us feel such sweet gratitude, because the world almost always seems like a very hard desert, and the flowers that grow there seem to grow against such high odds.” ― Stephen King, The Eyes of the Dragon

I have so much to be grateful for.  Today I want to take the opportunity to acknowledge YOU, my friend and fellow blogger.  You enrich my life daily with your words, post and comments.

Some of you, and you know who you are, have become very dear friends.  I look forward to your visit always and dream of the day we meet in person.  You make me laugh and you make me cry.  You make me better.

Thank you for your insight, wisdom, care, support, generosity and friendship.   Thank you for making me realize I am not alone and will never be alone.

I started this blog our of pain.  I continue this blog our of the joy you bring me.

You are in my heart and in my prayers. You are my hope, faith and joy. May the blessings you shower me with return to you tenfold.

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us – and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.
Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.” ― Thomas Merton


“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson