Just a dog with flowers on his hair, unfinished

14 Tuesday Mar 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Mosaic and other crafts

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“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.” ― John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog

I was asked by my friend Andi (from https://coffeewithandi.com), if I make all my mosaics only at the studio or at home.

I make most of them at the studio.  It is easier there.  The materials are all there.  L. is there.  L. is the owner of the studio and the master of all things mosaic.  She is always ready to give her advice and direct us when she knows something should be done in a different way.

I have done some at home, before I found the studio.  I don’t have a lot materials at home, but it is fun being resourceful with what I have.  Most recently I have made the one of my sister.  Here: https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.com/2023/02/01/here-is-my-sister-well-something-like-that/

And just last week, I finished the little dog below.  Everything I did with this one is wrong, starting with using canvas.  It is a great lesson, in mosaics and in life.  We have to start with a good base, with firm ground.  Building on shaky ground may result in failure.

I had used canvas before but it had a frame around, so it was a bit more sturdy than this.  Of course I knew I shouldn’t have, but this stubborn Aries thought that she could get away with it.  I didn’t get away with it, as you can see.

As a result the grout keeps cracking.  Then I tried to use resin in middle, but didn’t have enough to cover it. It turns out that mosaics cannot be as forgiving as I thought.

Lesson learned.  I will attempt some corrections, but still, I am in love with this little dog.  It makes me smile when I look at him. 
 

 
“You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, ‘My GOSH, you’re RIGHT! I NEVER would’ve thought of that!” ― Dave Barry

“They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. ” ― Jerome K. Jerome

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” ― Ann Landers

   “They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. ” ― Jerome K. Jerome

“I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.” ― Bill Murray

    “I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it.” ― Cesar Millan

  “Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.” ― Dean Koontz, A Big Little Life: A Memoir of a Joyful Dog

  “Slowly, Anna put up a hand to his muzzle and began to scratch that spot behind the ear where large dogs keep their souls.” ― Eva Ibbotson, A Countess Below Stairs

“The dog’s agenda is simple, fathomable, overt: I want. “I want to go out, come in, eat something, lie here, play with that, kiss you. There are no ulterior motives with a dog, no mind games, no second-guessing, no complicated negotiations or bargains, and no guilt trips or grudges if a request is denied.” ― Caroline Knapp

Should I keep it under the mattress?

12 Sunday Mar 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“There is only one kind of shock worse than the totally unexpected: the expected for which one has refused to prepare.” ― Mary Renault, The Charioteer

My week was going well… until Friday.  I was planning on leaving earlier,  getting some chores done, and that way having a lighter weekend.  But as they say: “man plans, God laughs”.

Instead, it turned into a busy, stressful day.  You may have heard about the Silicon Valley Bank collapse.  While we don’t bank there, we bank at another bank that it is next to them on the list of troubled banks.

We don’t don’t know if there is a real reason to panic, but we are worried and can’t afford to wait and see.  So we had to scramble and open other bank accounts, transfer money, etc.  It was not until after 7pm that we had some of the money fully transferred.  

Now, in the next week, we will have to decisions to make regarding payroll accounts, invoicing accounts, customers notification, and a bunch of other things that will come into play.

I feel bad for the people and companies that had money in that bank.  I cannot even imagine what we would do if we were in that situation.

“The phrase ‘travelling towards uncertainty’ is unnecessary because all journeys are always towards uncertainty! Why? Because there is no certainty even after a second!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

This situation highlights how fragile the US economy really is,  and how easy could topple.  These are my feelings.  I have been told that, perhaps, I have not been paying attention, the economy has been shaky for the past 15 years.  Others, want to assure me that there is no reason to panic, that the economy is cyclical and it will all turn around. 

It is true that I have never been as interested in the state of the US economy as much as I have now.  All of a sudden the idea of retiring sooner, rather than later, is a current thought in my mind.  Well, it is not all of a sudden, the idea of working less has been brewing as the years are going by.   

As I have been talking about retirement more and more, with friends here online and IRL, I have been thinking of how to make that idea a reality.  And also, to come up with a date, with an age where I say good bye to working for a paycheck.  

60 seems like a nice real number to aim for.   And when I say retirement, I don’t mean stopping work, I mean working just as much or as little as I wish.  I want to be the owner of my time.  I want to be the boss of all my hours and be accountable only to myself.

“Whether it is good or evil, whether life in itself is pain or pleasure, whether it is uncertain-that it may perhaps be this is not important-but the unity of the world, the coherence of all events, the embracing of the big and the small from the same stream, from the same law of cause, of becoming and dying.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

How much money do I need to have to be able to retire? Where should I keep that retirement money?  What about health insurance?  It seems that is one of the main costs.  If the state of the economy is a concern, don’t get me started on the state of health insurance.

Another major consideration is where to retire.  Retiring in Westchester County, New York, may not be the way to go.  Should I move to another state, go back to Brazil, or to another country?

Still, no matter how bad the economy is, not matter how bad things are, I feel blessed to have choices. Having always lived below my means has afforded me to be able to actually be thinking about retirement.  I know a lot people that will not be able to retire even when retirement age hits.

Spend wisely, live simply, have fun.

“The business of philosophy is to teach man to live in uncertainty… not to reassure him, but to upset him.” ― Lev Shestov, All Things are Possible

This will be a crazy busy week for me.  Besides all the financial issues at work, I will be facing another dental scaling and root planning.  Half of my mouth was done 2 weeks ago, the other half will be done this week.  Not fun and not cheap, but I have  had worst procedures done in the past, more painful and more expensive, so it is all good.

Now for the fun part, I will be packing for my skiing trip that happens at the end of the week!  Yippie – Park City here we come.

And, 2 days after I return,  I will be going away for another couple of days… I will save the details for a next post… I am also very excited about it.

Life is tricky, maneuvering the sometimes long winding roads can be difficult. But it is all so worth the effort, when the scenery is so amazing.

I want to wish you all a blessed new week, full of miracles and reasons to smile! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your energy and comments!

“Is the road ahead uncertain? Great, be happy! Uncertainty means surprises, and if the path you’re walking on isn’t one full of surprises, you’ll get bored! When you get bored, your life energy goes out! Walk in uncertainty, encounter new things just like an explorer and they will keep you energetic!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

 

They are yellow, but they can also be red. They love the sun, and they make my heart sing!

09 Thursday Mar 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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“All this was new to me. Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move towards the unknown – even when we don’t want to and we think we don’t need to.” ― Paulo Coelho

I arrived home yesterday and there was this huge flower box waiting for me by the door. I suspected was from M. 

 And it was.  He knows that I love sunflowers and daisies. So, to celebrate International Women’s Day he sent me 10 beautiful sunflowers.

I am so happy with his care and attention.  Everything he says and does, makes me feel not only wanted, but cherished and safe.

There is only one detail with the beautiful flowers.  Each flower should have been protected by netting, as per the description inside the box.  Because they were not, some were damaged.  I didn’t tell him that, but I want to give him a tip when ordering flowers again.

Since I have been disappointed,more than once, with 1800Flowers, I now search for a florist in the area where I am sending to.  I get a local florist and get flower arrangements done with attention and care. 

Would you say something, or just leave it alone? I don’t want to appear ungrateful.

“I have been finding treasures in places I did not want to search. I have been hearing wisdom from tongues I did not want to listen. I have been finding beauty where I did not want to look. And I have learned so much from journeys I did not want to take. Forgive me, O Gracious One; for I have been closing my ears and eyes for too long. I have learned that miracles are only called miracles because they are often witnessed by only those who can can see through all of life’s illusions. I am ready to see what really exists on other side, what exists behind the blinds, and taste all the ugly fruit instead of all that looks right, plump and ripe.” ― Suzy Kassem

Maya Angelou: Phenomenal Woman

08 Wednesday Mar 2023

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Happy International Women’s Day! March 8, 2023

To the phenomenal woman in you, I salute you!

Please take the day to celebrate all the beautiful women around you, international or otherwise. Tell them how much you love them, and how much better off your life is with them in it.

Chocolate and flowers are allowed.  Even recommended 😉

“Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.”
― Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women

Why did the chicken cross the road?

03 Friday Mar 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“I dream of a better tomorrow. One where chickens can cross the road and their motives remain unquestioned.” ― Anonymous

I am not sure if I made a chicken, a hen or a rooster.  It didn’t come out as I intended. But then again, most of my pieces never do.  They always end up very different from my original idea.  Still, I love them all.

 

“Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana.”
― Shalom Auslander, Hope: A Tragedy 

“She entered with ungainly struggle like some huge awkward chicken, torn, squawking, out of its coop.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes

“Alvin smiled back, and kissed her. “People talk about fools counting chickens before they hatch. That’s nothing. We name them.” ― Orson Scott Card, Alvin Journeyman 

“If I didn’t start painting, I would have raised chickens.”
― Grandma Moses

“Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?”
“No.”
“Nothing is perfect,” sighed the fox.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

 

Weekend date: Part II – Saturday

01 Wednesday Mar 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.” ― Jerry Seinfeld

Here is the rest of my weekend date with M – I need to think of a nickname for him.

On Saturday morning I went to the mosaic studio.  I had missed the prior Saturday because my date from Boston was here. I didn’t want to miss it again.

The plan was for me to decide on something fun for us to do afterwards. He had made some suggestions, but I was undecided.

When I left the studio at around 12:30 I called him and said I would stop by the hotel and pick him up.  He said not to worry that he would drive over.  I assured him that the hotel was on my way home. That way he didn’t need to deal with parking.

“Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it. ”― Jerry Seinfeld

My sister joined us for a late breakfast (or early lunch) of Brazilian cheese bread, bagels, papaya, yogurt, pound cakes (marble and chocolate), etc, peppered with a lot laughs. His sense of humor matched my sister’s and I. We played Wordle, quoted Seinfeld, taught him a few words in Portuguese, etc.

After the meal, we went to my sister’s apartment and helped her change some light bulbs.  We came back to my apartment and I was still thinking of where to go in the afternoon.  I thought of some parks, museums or even a ski store, as I have skiing in my mind.  In the end I decided against all of those.

It was just the perfect day to stay at home.  I asked if he would mind if we just watched a movie and then later go out to dinner.  He said that it was a great idea. I proposed we watch Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite movies that he hadn’t seen it yet.

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason” ― Jerry Seinfeld

After the movie, it was already after 6pm, and I was starving.  I chose to go to a place near my home that I had never been to before, Krave, a Caribbean style restaurant.

We shared cod fish fritters, salmon with green beans and mashed potato and fried rice. We took macaroni and cheese home for my sister. We both had wine, him red, I chose white. I almost had the coconut rum cake for dessert, but decided it would be too much. I should have taken to go… oh well.

After dinner, we stopped by my sister’s apartment to drop off the macaroni and cheese.  We chatted for a little while, then came back to my place and watched a couple of episodes of Schitt’s Creek while snuggling on the couch.

I drove him back to the hotel around 10:30.  We said good bye, as he was leaving for the airport early the next morning.

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin” ― Shawshank Redemption

Next time he comes to New Rochelle, I will make better plans.  Still this was perfect, easy, comfortable and fun. There are sparks, but it is not the crazy, exploding fireworks I have been looking for.  It was more like a slow burn, comfortable, familiar, attentive and romantic. One word to describe it, that it is pretty much unexpected for me is: mature. It feels adult, grown up.

We will be seeing each other next at the Salt Lake City Airport.  We will meet up there and drive to Park City to spend a few days skiing. I can’t wait!  He booked the place to stay and bought the lift tickets yesterday. I just booked my flights. I wanted to pay for my lift tickets, but he said it is my early birthday gift.  I am turning 57 on March 28 – arghhh… where has all of those years gone?

This, whatever this is, feels promising, feels good.

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.
And no good thing ever dies!” ― Shawshank Redemption

Weekend Date – Part I

27 Monday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Hi friends,

Here is the first part of my weekend date update.  I had a good reason to be excited.  He was just one of the sweetest, most thoughtful man that I ever met.

M. is 60 years old.  He is a retired helicopter pilot.  He retired at 55 years old.  He lives simply and planned his life so that he was able to retire early. He has spent the last 5 years skiing, surfing and traveling.

He arrived at 2pm on Thursday and went to his hotel. I was at work, so we met at 6:30pm at the hotel restaurant, Noma.  He met me outside.  I could tell right away that he was very shy.

Later he confessed that he checked on YouTube how do Brazilians greet each other.  I thought it was cute that he was trying to know exactly what to do. He also signed up with Rosetta Stone and is learning Portuguese. Extra points. Also, the moment I met him, he asked me to take a picture of his Drivers License and send it to my sister so she would know who I was with it.

The restaurant was great, busy and lively.  At some point there was a lady teaching salsa, and clearly there were a lot couples that went there just for that.  For dinner we had several tapas dishes.  I had a passion-fruit mojito, he had a beer.  We shared the bread pudding for dessert.

Throughout dinner and after, while sitting at a couch on the lobby, we talked like old friends.  We stayed in the lobby for about 30 minutes.  He reminded me that it was a school night and wanted to drive me home.  I wanted to walk.  He was not happy that I wanted to walk alone at night, but I assured him that it was safe.  It was still not that late.

Next day, Friday, I had originally intended on taking the day off, but there was some work I wanted to finish.  I decided to work half day from home, and meet him after.  Eventually I called him and proposed that he comes to my apartment and we have a late breakfast/lunch here. That way I would be logged into work for awhile longer.

He came over, we made a quick trip to the bakery, then returned, had some food.  I did some office work while we continued to talk. Then we decided to go out and do something.  It was so cold and windy, not the greatest day to be out, but we wanted to get out of the house. 

He kept asking if there was anything I always wanted to do, or any place I always wanted to see.  I came out blank, but so appreciate him trying to please me. He had a list of places, but by this time it was already 3:30, so I figured it was too late for any long drive.

I suggested we take a drive to Untermeyer Park and Gardens. We got there at 4pm.  It was definitely not the right day and time for a visit, but it is a gorgeous place no matter what.  It was empty, and the gate was closed, but not locked.  We walked around for about 45 minutes.  Then I remembered that I thought I had seen online that the park closes at 4:30pm.  We joked that we may get locked in.

We hurried to leave, but of course, we get to the gate and it is locked.  A bit of panic sets in, as it would be getting dark soon.  He started looking around for a way to either jump the wall, or some other area that we get through.  I called 911. 

As I am speaking to the dispatcher, M. comes over and noticed a notice on the wall, that had 2 numbers to call if ever locked in.  I told the dispatcher and she said: “Call the number, and if there is no answer call me back.”

As I called one number, he called the other.  I reached a mailbox that was full.  The number that he dialed connected him to 911.  At that same moment I saw through the gate that a security guard was coming towards us.

M. said: “I am going to give him $20”. I said, yes please, but only if he is not angry or mean.  He was not.  He had a smile on his face, and asked if we had not heard him on the loudspeaker.  We had not.  He didn’t want to take the tip, but we insisted.  

We returned to my town and stopped at the train station to get my sister.  We went home and got changed for dinner.  He took my sister and I to my sister’s favorite restaurant, Sergio’s.  We let her choose the place.

On the way there I realize I was missing my phone.  We dropped my sister at the restaurant and returned to my apartment to look for my phone.

Luckily, my phone was sitting on the table where I had left. We returned to the restaurant and found my sister seated at a table enjoying a cosmopolitan and bread and butter.  We had such a wonderful dinner full of fun conversation and laughter.

We had calamari and eggplant rollatini as appetizers. M. had the branzino with broccoli rabe. My sister had shrimp scampi with risotto.  I had eggplant with angel hair.  For dessert, my sister took a cheesecake home. 

Everything about Thursday and Friday was easy and fun.  Nothing awkward or difficult.  There were sparks, but also there was no pressure or pushiness for anything.  He is shy and very respectful.  He has made it clear that it is all 100% up to me; that he is not in any hurry.  I am enjoying concentrating on building this friendship and exploring the potential here.

He liked me.. a lot! He couldn’t stop making it clear to me that he was interested in a long term relationship.  The fact that he is retired and has nobody depending on him is a major plus for me.  Unlike the guy from Boston, he is able to come and go at a moment’s notice.  Speaking of the guy from Boston, he wants to schedule the second date for March.  I don’t think I  will be going on a second date with him.   He is so great, but with 2 young kids, everything will be more difficult for the next 8 to 10 years.

Weekend date part II next…

“To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else’s heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell.” ― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

It is a Rumi kind of day!

23 Thursday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me, Poetry

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“Love calls – everywhere and always.
We’re sky bound.
Are you coming?”
― Rumi

Today is a Rumi kind of day for me.  A day full of promise and wonder.

My date is scheduled to arrive in town momentarily.  He is up in the air.  Literally!

He will arrive and go to his hotel.  I am at work, but hopefully leaving soon.  We don’t have set plans, but we will probably meet for the first time at dinner.  

It seems so promising.  Yes, I am excited. That is the way it is supposed to be, I believe.  Dates should be approached with excitement. It is just another date, and yet, it is not! It could turn out to be something amazing.

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more”
― Rumi

Sparks may not be enough to cross state lines

21 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life

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“Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.” ― Maya Angelou

Since I have run out of available bachelors in New York State, I have branched out to other states. Just kidding… Maybe not.

BW is 59 years old, works in data marketing and lives in Boston. He looks and acts much younger than his years.  That is a plus.

We had exchanged messages for a couple of weeks, then met this past weekend.  He had to bring his son to New York City, so it was convenient for him to stop by and meet me.

He booked a room at the Marriott Residence Inn for Friday night.  He mentioned he could extend his stay if I wished.  We had dinner at Modern Restaurant, my go-to lately.

He brought me these gorgeous flowers all the way from Boston. Extra points for that.

We got along super great.  There were sparks and tons of laughs. However, I have other things to consider besides chemistry.  

He has been divorced for 2 years and has 2 pre-teen kids.  The kids stay in the family home and the parents take turns.

He is stuck in Boston, and will have a lot responsibility for the next 8 to 10 years.  Do I want to move to Boston? Do I want to be in a long distance relationship for that long?

My other concern besides the distance is that he seems to be dating anything in a skirt.  I question how serious he would be about about dating only one person, near or far.

After the dinner on Friday night, we went by my apartment.  I wanted to show him where it was so he could meet me the next day.  I invited him in to show my mosaics.  And by mosaics, I mean mosaics!

“Distance had an extraordinary power.” ― Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

I gave him a tour.  He left after a few minutes.  The next morning, we met outside my building around 10am.  We were going to walked around town for a little bit, but it was way too cold and windy.  So we just walked to the bakery and the bagel shop, then returned to my apartment.  

We stopped by my sister’s apartment and invited her over for breakfast at my apartment.  It was fun, we all we were joking and talking as if we had known each other for years.

After my sister left, we just spend the time talking and laughing.  Apparently I am a funny person.  Because of the late breakfast we had a late lunch of tuna sandwiches around 2pm.  He thought the sandwich was delicious. 

He left to go back to Boston around 4pm.  I didn’t ask him to stay another night.  He was great company, we had sparks and all, but I thought another night it would be too much for a first date.

He is supposed to return in a couple of weeks.  I want to reflect on this a bit more, before I actually have him return.  

In the meantime, this just happened… just because I mentioned a first date from Friday to Sunday would be too long, what about a first date from Thursday afternoon to Sunday morning?

Yes, that is what is in store for next weekend.  Yes, he is not from NY.  Stay tuned.

“But then why, when talking on the phone, did they quarrel, on average at least once every four sentences? Maybe, though the inspector, it was an effect of the distance between them becoming less and less tolerable with each passing day, since as we grow old – for every now and then one must, yes, look reality in the eye and call things by their proper names – we feel more keenly the need to have the person we love beside us.” ― Andrea Camilleri

Always and Forever an Enigma

17 Friday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, EX Files, Finding Me

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“You might question a winkle – a feeling that came to you right out of the blue – but you didn’t question knowing.” ― Stephen King

I wrote this post last week. I was not sure I was going to post it.

Last night as I was in bed drifting off to sleep, out of the blue, Enigma came to mind.  He is the guy I mentioned in these posts from November 2020:

Finally the date with The Enigma happens

Say What?

I immediately got up and went to Google.  I don’t like to check on people I have dated.  I feel that every time I look back, it prevents me from embracing my present and future. Every time I look back it sets me back.

But this time, I didn’t stop to think if I was going to look back or not.  I had to do it.  It was already midnight, I was tired, and had to wake up early the next morning. Still, I had to do it.  I had to look him up.

“There’s always someone who knows something.” ― Stephen King

It had been over 2 years; I couldn’t remember the exact spelling of his last name.  I spend a long time just googling whatever I could think of.  Searching phone numbers was useless. On the brief time we interacted he changed numbers 3 times.

Then I started attaching the names of towns I thought he lived at to different last names.  After a couple of hours…yes, that is how long it took me.  I wouldn’t give up.  I become a dog with a bone any time I want to try to find any information.

Then I found his obituary!!

He passed away in September.  I was shocked, and yet not surprised… if that makes any sense to you.  It was shocking because he was so young – he was a month shy of 50 years old.  I was not surprised because there was always a lot danger in the stories he told me.  It seemed to me he was reckless when it came to his well being. It is difficult to describe him.

Now, the next step was to find out how he died.  And that is where Miss Can Find Anything on the Internet came up empty handed.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

There was nothing, not a hint, not a clue.  In the obituary/memorial site there were only 7 comments, and they were all about what a great person he was and words of comfort to his family.

I then was able to find his ex-wife’s Facebook.  There were 154 comments on her post of his passing.  There was not a single hint from the post or the comments as to how he passed.

For some reason I suspect that it had something to do with the war in Ukraine.  He had mentioned his involvement with a private military company in Russia.  He mentioned that was scheduled to go and do some work overseas for them.  I don’t want to reveal the name of the company here and some other details.

I don’t know if all he told me was true or not. Or perhaps it was make believe.  I don’t know, and probably never will.  He will remain an Enigma to me.  So gentle and caring, a teacher and volunteer; and then there was this other side that seemed incredibly dangerous and reckless.

TCM, I believe in your kindness and good heart.  I hope that you have found peace and contentment where you are.  Thank you for our brief encounter, flowers and the book!

(I still have the little purple flowers that he gave me on our date.  I dried them and kept them in a vase on my counter in my bathroom.  I am not sure why I did that.  I never kept any flowers from any date – something about not wanting to think of them)

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
― William Shakespeare