I needed to read this today. Perhaps you need it to.
If—
Rudyard Kipling – 1865-1936
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
Wishing everything a blessed week! Stay strong and faithful! ♥♥♥
“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state–it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle…. Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions. Source: The Wisdom of Heschel”― Abraham Joshua Heschel
I woke up this morning happy as usual but with an extra spring in my step. M will be coming for dinner and movie this evening. It will be the 3 of us, including my sister. They have met each other before. Last time he dropped me off home he came up and installed a new shower head for her.
Tonight we will be celebrating his retirement from the police force. The actual date is not until June, but today it will be his last working day. He is taking 6 months off and then he will decide what to do next.
I am choosing to celebrate everything, his retirement, the weekend, good food, family and love!
We will be ordering from my favorite Italian restaurant and opening a great bottle of red wine. After dinner we will have popcorn while watching Yesterday, the movie. I predict it will be a fun night!
“I like places in which things have happened — even if they’re sad things.” ― Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady
But, let me get back to this morning:
As I was walking through Grand Central station at 7:30am it was busy as usual. All of a sudden this guy came out of nowhere and bumped into the side of my breast and shoulder so hard that it almost knocked me off my feet. I am not sure if it was his backpack or elbow that hit me.
I turned quickly but he was moving too fast for me to see who he was. The lady behind me yelled out to him: “What a dick!!”. I am not sure if he hit her also or if she took offense to the way he bumped into me. I think it is the latter.
Please keep in mind that I bump into people and people bump into me all the time. That is what happens when you are walking in Grand Central Station at rush hour. This was not a simple bump. It felt violating and threatening.
I had no reaction other than turning around and quickly turning back and keep on moving. After all, that is the advice I gave my sister when she started working in New York City. I told her: “If someone bumps into you, don’t stop, don’t confront, keep on moving. Your life is precious to you, but they may not hold their own life in high regard.”
You never know who is mentally ill, or just ill-tempered, or looking for a fight. The amount of mentally ill people hanging around the city and the train stations have been steadily increasing. It is scary. You never know who is standing next to you.
As I continued my walk to work still feeling shocked, wronged and hurt I realized I had 2 choices. 1) I could let that incident consume me and my emotions and spoil my entire day or 2) I could shake it off and move on. I chose to move on.
“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”― Don Miguel Ruiz
I said a prayer to that person. He had issues. A) He was either in too of a hurry, with too much in his mind to even bother to slow down and say sorry or to avoid bumping into me in the first place. Or B) He chose to bump into me on purpose, which would make him a mean and miserable person.
The mean and the miserable are the ones more in need of prayers. Perhaps he has extra burdens in his life. Perhaps his mind is not all there. I am not going to pretend I know him and his life. I also don’t want to judge someone based on 1 action, but I am choosing to judge his action. It was confrontational, awful, rude,mean and painful.
This was another opportunity for me to choose love and forgiveness, not because of others but for myself. My time, heart and mind are too precious to let other occupy.
Still, God Bless him! May God lighten his load! May he see the light and choose to spread love and smiles! And thank you God for this lesson!
“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.” – Yehuda Berg
“My thought is me: that’s why I can’t stop. I exist because I think… and I can’t stop myself from thinking. At this very moment – it’s frightful – if I exist, it is because I am horrified at existing. I am the one who pulls myself from the nothingness to which I aspire.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea
Even though the weekend was great, there were instances when I saw expectations trying to creep in. That happened on the moments of silence.
Anytime it was quiet I could see my mind swirling with ideas of what to do and what to talk about. I would also think of what he should be doing. I expected.
I resisted those ideas. I shooed them away. I would tell myself: “all is as it is supposed to be. No need for words.”
M is on the quieter side. I think that most people are when compared to me. So in relationships I will often do most of the talking for the simple reason that silence makes me uncomfortable.
I am trying to be okay with silence and not feel that I have to fill it with unnecessary conversation.
This weekend, I tried. Any time there was silence I let it sit there. I let myself be uncomfortable. I made myself work with it.
“Silence is a source of Great Strength.” – ― Lao Tzu
Thoughts came and went. I didn’t voice them. The thoughts would come to the tip of my tongue and I would suppress them. Questions would pop up in my mind and I would purposely ignore them. It was not easy.
I thought of myself as getting stronger and stronger any time I fought the urge to speak.
It has been hard dealing with silence and not let expectations walk in. I realized that I need to be constantly entertained if I am with someone.
I cannot be together alone with my thoughts.
“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.” – Mahatma Gandhi
My thoughts are dangerous to a relationship in its infancy. My mind analyses, dissects, questions, expects. Nothing is good enough or perfect enough. Nothing will ever be as my mind conjures up. Nothing can ever compare to my expectations.
I admire people that can sit on a couch in silence and just be, with or without someone. I can’t.
Silence if I am alone is a little more bearable, but silence with another person kills me.
To me, worse than being with someone I can’t talk to, is being with someone I can’t be silent with.
“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”―Kahlil Gibran
Don’t get me wrong. Let me clarify 2 points:
I love being alone. It is not that I am incapable of being alone. But if I am with someone I need the interaction. I need the exchange of words and ideas. I need that give and take.
If I really want to talk about something I will. But I am trying to make a distinction between talking to fill the space and talking because I think it has meaning/message/a point. I want to learn the difference between wanting to talk and needing to talk.
“This is the longest I have been silent with someone” – I think to myself as we sit in the living room. I have a book that I am trying to finish. He was replying to some emails from work. There was music playing and still I could hear the silence.
There is a subtle difference in talking to get to know each other and talking just not be in silence. This weekend I began to know the difference.
This past weekend silence reigned and I happily struggled!
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” ― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
I had a lovely weekend of no expectations. It is really amazing what happens when one decides to ignore expectations and let the moment be a surprise. The result are beautiful experiences.
M. picked me up when he left work a little after midnight on Friday, well Saturday morning really. It is always wonderful seeing him. I think he feels the same way about seeing me.
“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”― Charles Dickens, Nicholas Nickleby
When we got to his house he was excited to show me the gifts he got me. He said that he was not sure what to get me and thought it would be nice for me to have some things to have at his house. In the below picture: a robe, a towel, a loofah (another one since he said he had used mine form last time), a pair of comfy slippers, a lotion, a delicious dark chocolate heart and a box of coconut chocolates, which he knew are my favorites.
What he got me for Valentine’s Day
I thought it was all perfect. We know each for 1 month so really anything he gave me would have been perfect. It also included a card that was very romantic and signed Love.
I had no idea what to give him either. Since he loves coffee I gave him a coffee grinder and organic coffee, which turns out he had one already. He was gracious about it. He said his was old and he would keep the new one.
I also gave him a picture frame that I made. I am heavily into my passion for mosaics at the moment so it seemed fitting to give him something I made myself. I put the picture of a dog in it since he loves dog and eventually he can change that if he wants to. He said it was beautiful.
What I gave him
We decided to have dinner at home on Saturday night instead of going to a restaurant. He asked me what I would prefer and I honestly didn’t care so he chose to make me skirt steak, which he knew was my favorite. Old me would have wanted to go to a restaurant, but the present me is more interested in spending time alone together. Cooking together seemed perfect. Well, he cooked while I set the table. Table setting in progress below. I forgot to take a picture of the final set up and with the food on it. I guess I was too hungry by then. 🙂
Dinner was delicious! After dinner we were looking for a movie to watch on Amazon Prime. We couldn’t decide. By the time we chose one, which I don’t even remember what is it now, I fell asleep right at the beginning. He said it was one of those predictable movies: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl in the end.
On Saturday before we shopped for dinner he showed me more places around town: the drive-in movie theater, some dairy farms, some local parks, some celebrities homes, including Derek Jeter’s home that is across the lake from his house and happens to be up for sale.
Sunday before he took me home we went to local carnival, where we ate good food. They were going to have a Polar Plunge but I was too cold to wait for it. I was not wearing a coat, just a turtleneck and a vest. It didn’t feel cold when we left his home, but by the side of the lake with a frosty mist blowing by it was decidedly freezing.
I am afraid of guns but he spent some time showing me how to shoot cans with a pellet gun. I failed miserably. Still I am glad I tried. He wanted to show me that it takes a skilled marksman to shoot exactly the leg or the arm. I made the comment, that I guess he is tired of hearing, why don’t cops shoot the legs instead of shooting to kill.
Anytime we were home he had Brazilian Bossa Nova music going. I think by the end of my stay we were both sick of it. It is beautiful and he wanted me to cater to me, so I appreciate his thoughtfulness.
I enjoyed the weekend immensely. He is thoughtful and caring, without being too much and too needy.
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi
In getting to know him, while sporting a new attitude, I have noticed some things about me. I will discuss them in the next post.
In the post I talked about being single and happy but still yearning for a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.
This year I have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day and I am over the moon about it. If I didn’t have one, life would still be beautiful and I would still be happy. But I do, so excuse me while I get up and do a happy dance.
I know I sound like a lovey-dovey teenager. Instead of toning it down I am embracing it and putting it on full blast. I don’t meet a lot guys that makes me weak in the knees. This one does so I will enjoy it. And I suspect that I have the same effect on him.
“I am looking for someone, not to find myself but to lose myself.” – Vinicius de Moraes
I want to be in love. I want to be part of a couple. In no way that means I am desperate or willing to settle. It just means that I am willing to search for it. I am willing to be vulnerable and take chances. I am willing to get hurt again. And again, and again…
This Valentine’s Day I am choosing to celebrate life and love! The beginnings of a love affair, the feeling of wanting and being wanted, the passion, the longing, the missing and the meeting.
If this lust will become love, if it will grow and blossom it remains to be seen. For now I will put all my heart into it. I will give it attention and care. I will do my part.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Merton
I always found it stupid to celebrate monthly anything, and here I am celebrating that 2 days ago on February 12 it was our 1-month anniversary. I am choosing to celebrate months, and days, and minutes. I am choosing to celebrate the now. Life is fleeting, love is not a guarantee, but happiness is a choice that I make daily. Life are the little moments.
On Monday night he said he had a crazy idea. I braced myself and asked what is it? He said: “How about I pick you up after my shift on Friday night? You can come and spend the weekend with me. We can go out on Saturday night for Valentine’s Day.” He mentioned places he wants to show me and foods he wants to cook for me. He also mentioned a Winter Festival that will be happening this weekend in his town.
“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” ― Thomas Merton
I no longer impose on people my expectations. I no longer expect them to be me or act like I would act. Now I am free to see them for who they are. I let them surprise me instead of always expecting and then being disappointed.
If something is very important to me I will bring it up otherwise I let things flow.
What was before expectations that always led to disappointment are now happy surprises.
When he opens the car door, I feel like a lady
When he mentions buying me slippers and a bathrobe so I will have them when I sleepover, I feel cared for
When he makes plans for us, I feel special
When he goes out of his way for me, I feel loved
When he just sent a Happy Valentines text with flowers emojis, my heart sings
Nothing is expected! Nothing is taken for granted!
Today on this Valentine’s Day 2020 my wish for you is for you to be fully present in your life. Celebrate life with no expectations and only gratitude in your heart. Do what makes you happy. Get up and dance. Smile!
“Cry, scream, love … Say it was worth it, that it hurt, that from now on it will only get better … Forgive, insist, love again … Don’t take life too seriously … Uncomplicate … Break rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly … Really love , laugh wildly and never regret anything that made you smile …”- Vinicius de Moraes
“Peace begins When expectation ends.” ― Sri Chinmoy
M and I continue to date. We talk every night. We don’t text a lot and don’t see each other at lot. He works nights, and since he is about to retire at the end of this month he has tons to get done before that. I said I understood.
I wrote this post the other day when I was contemplating my feelings and behavior in this relationship. Even though I am interested in him and I enjoy spending time with him I am not standing by the phone or stressing out if he takes too long to call.
In prior relationships anything would give me the sense of doom. A call not returned, a texted not replied, I would already start foreseeing the end. Now I am different. I don’t care. I don’t give any power to things that happen or don’t happen.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”― Rumi
I have been feeling so free and less stressed as a result of not overthinking and not overreacting. It is great having no expectations and taking one day at a time.
When I met M I was about to get off of POF and e-Harmony. I was tired of those sites and wanted to take a break and then go to another site. On the second date I told him that I was no longer on POF. He offered to remove his profile right then and there. I said: “don’t”. I meant it.
At this point I don’t really care what he is doing. I feel free doing this relationship this way. In the past I have tried to dictate, to foresee, to control things. It only caused heartache and pain for me.
I don’t know if he is the one for me. Time will tell.
I don’t know if my family and friends will like him. Time will tell.
I don’t know if I can accept his convictions. Time will tell.
I don’t know if we will grow together or apart. Time will tell.
In life and in love:
Anytime I try to control the situation I lose.
Anytime I try to foresee the outcome I lose.
Anytime I am in the future planning I lose.
Anytime I am in the past brooding I lose.
Nothing is a guarantee. Even the best laid plans sometimes fail, why worry about it.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”― Lao Tzu
It feels so good to be free from expectations. I am being vigilant about having expectations. Any time I catch an inkling of expectation I make myself aware of what I am doing and I stop it.
Having no expectations doesn’t mean that I accept poor treatment. It just means that I am not making somebody else responsible for my needs and wants.
Instead of expecting things from M and from others I am making sure that I am treating myself with the kindness, attention and the love I want and deserve.
I am giving myself more power by letting go of the need to control. I don’t need to control, I don’t need to react. I don’t need to know and plan every step. I am in control by letting go of control. It is funny how that works.
Now I just welcome the good, and reject the bad, as they come, when they come. I welcome and rejoice with the little surprises and I don’t stress over the mundane.
This relationship feels calming and so comfortable. It is like wearing pajamas and having a cup of cafe mocha while a cold rain falls outside.
“Don’t despair: despair suggests you are in total control and know what is coming. You don’t – surrender to events with hope.” – Alain de Botton
“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.”― Jonathan Carroll, Outside The Dog Museum
While this budding romance continues to bud I enjoy reading everything about the pairing of Aries (me) and Cancer (he) and also Horse (me) and Rabbit (he). According to both Western and Chinese Zodiacs this is not a match made in heaven. Some sites say that it is the worst match of the zodiac.
I wish it would say the opposite but then again nothing that is too easy is worth it. A romance against all odds (Zodiac or otherwise) makes it for a better romance. Apparently I am too aggressive and he is too sensitive, can we bridge that gap? I am up for the challenge.
We text once or twice a day and speak on the phone every night. It feels right, even though it is so early in the game.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”― Carl Gustav Jung
***
“Creativity takes courage. ”― Henri Matisse
I started my mosaic class/workshop last Tuesday. There were 4 other women of various ages plus the instructor sitting around a table. Each one works on a project of their choice. The instructor provides the space, supplies and of course instruction.
I am making the Brazilian flag on the top of a folding table. I am kicking myself now for not taking pictures before I started. I will try to remember to take pictures next time so I can show the progress.
I am so excited about finding this studio and getting back to this craft that I love. I am not creative at all so this is a way to get those nonexistent juices flowing.
All the women there were so welcoming and friendly I felt like I was among friends. I am looking forward to going back to finish my project and to see them.
“Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”― Pablo Picasso
“Don’t answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you’re joking.” – Amy Sedaris, I like You: Hospitality Under the Influence
Even though we had a great first date I didn’t want to expect too much from the second date. I am used to having great first dates and then either the guy disappears or he becomes someone else on the second date. I was cautiously optimistic.
We met at R Café and Tea Boutique in New Rochelle. It is cool little place near my apartment. I had a café mocha with a scone. He had a latte with a croissant. He pointed it out to me that the barista made a heart out of milk foam on my cup.
The message was not lost on us. We both believe in signs so a minor detail such as a heart in cup is to us message from the Universe. Color us fools wanting to be in love.
Similar to the first date we had fun. We talked, laughed and smiled a lot. I am still smiling. Again, he paid me a lot of compliments. He complimented my hair, my earrings, and again he oohed and aahed over how young looking he thinks my face is. At some point he also mentioned he needs to get new glasses, but we are not going to dwell on his poor vision now. Lol
“Tenderness is the repose of passion.” – Joseph Joubert, The Notebooks of Joseph Joubert
At one point I made a joke about not letting Trump divide us and he said: “No, that is a minor detail. We don’t have to talk about politics. I can talk about politics with other friends.” I still don’t know how I feel about that but I am willing to wait and see.
I wanted to somehow memorialize the occasion so I proposed we take a selfie. “To show the grandkids” I told him. He laughed and went along with it. He doesn’t have kids either. He mentioned that it means more freedom and time for each other, so I am choosing to be grateful for that, instead of dwelling on a childless future.
I wish I could bottle and sell the way he makes me feel when he looks at me, when he touches my hand and kisses my cheek. There is so much tenderness. It is as if he is looking at the most beautiful and delicate thing in the universe. I feel like the most desirable human being on the planet.
“Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.” ― Rumi
Even when he seems to be trying to be forward and aggressive he is slow and gentle. At one point he said: “I want to kiss your beautiful face”. I replied: “Please do it” or something forward like that. He reached over the table and kissed my cheek ever so gently. I took his face in my hands and kissed him softly on the lips.
I love this phase, I love this feeling. The beginning, the getting to know each other, the discovery. I am fully aware that as I am writing this I am giving the impression of a love struck teenager. I am! I am going to own that and enjoy it for as long as I can.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau
We finished our coffee and pastries and I wanted to show him the area I live at. He always goes for the hand on my back, there but barely touching it. I, instead, took his hand, so we walked holding hands. Just now I realized that perhaps this is one of my controlling tendencies, of wanting more and directing the situation. Or is it overthinking now?
As we were passing by The Curtain Shop he said that he had in mind to buy curtains for a patio door. We walked in and I helped him choose a beautiful blue curtain. He seemed to enjoy the fact that I chose something for his house.
I walked him back to his car as he had to go to work. We hugged good bye and kissed lightly on the lips. He texted me when he got to work and called me later that night.
We didn’t schedule a third date yet, but I have no doubt it will happen. We talked about watching the Super Bowl at his house. He lives in a quaint little lake town over 1 hour away from me.
I can’t wait for passionate kisses. “Be patient” – I am telling myself. It has been so long since I have been with someone that the chemistry is this good that I can’t help but want more and now.
“If each day falls inside each night, There exists a well where clarity is imprisoned. We need to sit on the rim of the well of darkness and fish for fallen light, with patience.
“Si cada día cae/If each day falls” EI MAR Y LAS CAMPANAS. The Sea and The Bells.” ― Pablo Neruda
“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” – Roy T. Bennett
After not dating for awhile I agreed to meet someone tonight. We have already spoken on the phone a few times. We both love to talk and have a lot to say so the conversation just flows. We seem to have the same values and think along the same lines. I am excited about it.
As we speak and get to know each other we are both getting more and more excited about the possibilities. But he has been very quick to let me know that he is making no promises and anything can happen. He doesn’t want to disappoint me, and of course he also doesn’t want to be disappointed.
I understand why he speaks in such a way. The search for a partner can be frustrating. It feels like it will never happen.
May be I am the one for him and he is the one for me, but the chances are slim. Still I want to believe and I want him to believe. I want everyone to believe that it will happen for them.
I will go on this date aware that the chemistry and congeniality we have on the phone may not be there in person. Every single time I must believe. Otherwise what is the point? Otherwise why go?
For each time he mentions it may not work I think to myself: it may work.
“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive–I’ll find love again.” – Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” – Dalai Lama XIV
Sometimes I am not me. Or perhaps I just don’t know who I am.
Sometimes I have negative thoughts and I admonish myself: You are so positive, that is not you!
Sometimes I am angry and I admonish myself: Anger is fruitless, that is not you!
Sometimes I am petty and I admonish myself: Be the bigger person, that is not you!
Sometimes I want to exact revenge and I admonish myself: Turn the other cheek, that is not you! Sometimes I catch myself being judgmental and I admonish myself: Who are you to judge? That is not you. Sometimes I am sad and admonish myself: Happiness is a choice, choose it always! Sometimes I make a mistake and I admonish myself: Pay more attention, that is not you!
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. Where is the beautiful face that was there a second ago? At this moment I see the accumulation of years gone by.
Sometimes I step on the scale and the number that flashes back at me is not me. Why is an additional pound terrifying?
Who am I? Am I the face in the mirror? Am I the pounds on the scale? Am I the mistakes made? Am I sad, bad, vengeful, petty, judgmental?
Sometimes I am someone I don’t recognize. Sometimes I am someone I don’t like.
“if you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.” – Cheryl Richardson
My aim is to make peace with myself even though I didn’t even know that there was a war going on. It is one of those silent deadly disturbances, that at first is barely noticeable, then it just explodes. I don’t want an explosion. So I am choosing to embrace it all.
I am good but I can be bad. I can be sad, angry, fat, etc. I am allowed to be all those things. The moment I remove the power from all that I think I am not allowed to be, it no longer owns me. It no longer torments me! I don’t have to try to be perfect. I can just be. I can just be me!
I am everything. At the end of the day I am the mistakes and the lessons. I am what went right and what went wrong. I am the negative thoughts that highlight a worry. I am the angry child that needs understanding. I am the pettiness that needs attention. I am the vengeful being that is hurt. I am the extra pound, the sagging and the mistakes. I disappoint myself sometimes.
I am not what I used to be. I am not who I thought I should be. I allowing myself to be imperfect and to fail. I am forgiving myself.
Who am I?
I still don’t know but I am allowing myself the the space and the freedom to find out. I am still grateful, full of love to give and worthy of receiving love. Life is still an unbelievable trip!
Above all, I am blessed! ♥♥♥
“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist” – Stephen Hawking
Who you are – Jessie J.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error, I nearly left the real me on the shelf No, no, no, no
Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing, It’s okay not to be okay Sometimes it’s hard, to follow your heart Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising, Just be true to who you are
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect? I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah The more I try the less it’s working, yeah, ‘Cause everything inside me screams, no, no, no, no, yeah
Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing It’s okay not to be okay Sometimes it’s hard, to follow your heart But tears don’t mean you’re…
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 