“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ― Steve Maraboli
Remember Ex? You don’t? Good! I barely do! Lol He texted me a week or so ago. The reality show Amazing Race was on and it had been filmed in Bangkok. That reminded him of a trip we took there in 2010.
He texted: I hope you are watching or recording Amazing Race. They are in Bangkok in all the places we have been and it reminded me of how wonderful that trip was thanks to you.
I texted back: I am recording it, too busy moving.
He texted back congratulations and some other pleasantries.
I replied: Thank you, Life is beautiful! I continue to be blessed!
And that was the end.
It was not until much later that I realized one thing: I had no feelings about getting a text from him, and consequently I had no feelings about him. I was completely indifferent to hearing from him. I was not happy or sad, it was just a text from somebody I knew.
I didn’t read and re-read the texts trying to find hints of something that one day was, trying to find hidden meanings of love.
I was not mad he texted. I was not mad he reminded me of that amazing trip. I was just completely unaffected by it.
I no longer have the longing sad feelings of a lost love. I no longer have anger over what he threw away. I am no longer annoyed and hurt that he acted like he had done nothing wrong.
I thought this day would never come. I thought I would always have some feeling towards him. It is so wonderful to realize that my heart is whole and it back to being my own.
This feels like some sort of graduation, a process completed, a rite of passage I am done with.
He is no longer a central character in the plot of my life. He is not even a supporting character. He is just a chapter in a book that now sits in the shelf of my life collecting dust.
I never realized how the absence of feelings could ever feel this amazing!
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you
If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land”
― Pablo Neruda