This morning I was feeling at odds. I didn’t know what to feel. I am close to Ex, we are spending this week together and I am seeing this as a big opportunity to find out how I really feel about living with him.
And I started remembering the things that I think he did, some I am sure and others I am just assuming. In the past thinking of those things would have made me mad, angry, cry, uncertain about the future, but today I did something different.
I let the thoughts flow in and out of my mind. I stepped aside and didn’t try to put any weight to any specific thought. And what happened was amazing. I realized that I don’t need to hold to past feelings and hurt, but I also don’t need to pretend they didn’t exist. I can let them flow in and out without disturbing my core.
And I am forgiving, forgiving it all, what is real and what is imagined. I am forgiving even if I am not being asked for forgiveness. I am forgiving because forgiving makes me lighter, makes me happier. Ex will have to deal with whatever he didn’t or didn’t do.
I read an Oscar Wilde’s quote the other day: “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future” and I just loved it. To me it says at all. We all makes mistakes and we are all capable of good. The present moment is the defining moment that we make a choice. So who am I to pass judgement on anyone? Who am I to think that I have been caused some emotional harm and need to repaired?
I am but a human, capable of good and bad, and right now at this moment I am choosing to to just love and forgive, with tons of hope for forgetting.
Are you able to forgive and forget?