Tag Archives: mistakes

Is the third date the charm or the undoing?

01 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absentminded. Someone sober will worry about things going badly. Let the lover be. ” ― Rumi, The Essential Rumi

So this is about the third date with AS.  I normally don’t get excited enough about anyone to go on a second date let alone a third date, so this is really a major deal.  I am trying to reign in my excitement and not get ahead of myself.

For this third date we decided to meet to play ping-pong as I told him I could probably beat him.  Before the date he called me to see if I wanted to have dinner first.  So we met at the same Vegetarian restaurant from the first date (I am missing burgers already 😦  This time I didn’t quite care for my meal but the conversation continued to be great and flow easily.

My first misstep:  I told him that I liked him and was excited to have met him.  Why be so honest and upfront?  He said he felt the same way.  But what was he going to say?  why do I have this need to lay all my card on the table so soon?

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi

After dinner we went to shoot pool (as the place no longer had ping pong tables).  I lost!  No news there as I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to pool.

After we were done playing he drove me to my apartment building and walked me to my lobby. In that few seconds where he would give me a quick peck on the lips I turn to him and  said: What now?  Want to come up?  His answer was sure, or something like that. Misstep # 2: I invited him to my apartment.   I don’t know why I did it, it was totally impulsive.    I knew there would be no sex and there would be no chance that he would be anything less than a gentleman.  But still why did I have to?  I am guessing I wanted to get a real kiss.  To me it is all about the kiss, and even though a light peck on the lips was sweet and good,  I craved more.

I offered him some coffee, tea or juice but he settled on water.  Then I showed him my apartment which he said was great.  He kissed me while I was showing him around.  There were sparks!!

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames” ― Rumi

We sat on the couch and discussed some of the books I had on my bookshelf.  Then we kissed some more.  Things got hot and heavy – I take full blame for lighting the flames.  There was no sex as we have already discussed how we think that sex should special and have meaning and not be just this lustful urge.  I think that we both forgot about all that for a minute but we were able to recover before things got too far.  Misstep # 3: Let things get too hot, actually causing things to get too hot.

“Forget safety.  Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.   Be notorious.” ― Rumi

I am a bit mad with myself.  Why couldn’t I just let him take charge and steer this relationship? I doubt things would get as hot as it did.  It is all good as I mentioned no sex happened, but I just don’t like when I see myself trying to be so controlling and dictating everything.  Why do I have this need to be in charge?  Now I will never know how things would have unfolded if I had let him drive.  I skipped steps.

“Remember. The way you make love is the way God will be with you.” ― Rumi

But that is not the worst part!  Misstep # 4: In the middle of a kiss I stop and ask him if he is dating other people.  Now, why did I have to do that?  He should be dating other people; I should be dating other people.  This is only the third date!!

He said: no, are you?  I said no.  And with that I just shot myself on the foot! Who starts this type of conversation in the middle of kissing?  Why do I have to push people for answers, decisions, labels.  Why can’t I just let things flow, why can’t I let nature run its course?

Now I forced myself to not date anybody else otherwise I am going to be a liar. I plan on talking to him about that next chance I get.  Or perhaps I should leave things alone?

“Not only the thirsty seek the water, the water as well seeks the thirsty.” ― Rumi

I have not seen him since that date (Thursday), he was away at a wedding and returned this morning (Tuesday).  He has texted me that he is back and swamped trying to catch up at work.  He hasn’t asked me out  again yet.  I expect he will.

I am trying to control my impatience and impulsiveness – it is a constant struggle!  I need to stop trying to take the driver’s seat.  I blame my impatience, my hurry, my need to have answers, results, to be in people’s face, my need for reaction from people.

“Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.” ― Rumi

And then I remember that I need to be nice to myself, not only that but I need to be myself.  I need to honor the beauty in the type of person I am.  I am beautifully flawed, but I am real.  So I err on the side of too honest, too curious, too Impulsive, but at the end of the day I am me.  I am not acting or playing games.  If someone is going to love me, they will have to get used to it sooner or later.

“Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart.  Let go of thinking.” ― Rumi

Not just Sex, not a Mistake, but a very freeing lesson!

19 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?” Kahlil Gibran

Here is the hard, but so necessary, post I hinted about it.  First I have to mention this post: http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2015/05/11/tired-of-accepting-less-than-i-deserve/

You don’t have to read it again, I will summarize it here: AL is 16 years younger than I am. We dated briefly and even though we got along we realized that we were better as friends.  Then he got very busy and our friendship became texting only. I was not happy that he didn’t make time to see me and asked him not to contact me again.  I felt I needed and deserved more from a friend.  That is pretty much the meat of that post.

“Friendship is the purest love. It is the highest form of Love where nothing is asked for, no condition, where one simply enjoys giving.” ― Osho

Then I changed my mind… I missed him and decided I rather have a texting relationship then none.   I felt that he was much more of a friend than some of my other friends.  I missed our banter.  So I thought about it for a few days (extra points for me for not being impulsive) and finally texted him.

It is a bit embarrassing to go on and on a post about something and then completely change my mind.  But I can see beauty and freedom in that too.  I am only human and often confused.

He replied immediately saying how happy he was that I got in touch.  He said there were many times he wanted to say hi but he was trying to respect my wishes.  From then on we started texting again.  He also promised to make more of an effort.  And he has.  One evening over a week ago,  right after I had returned home from a date,  he texted me to say hello.  I started confiding in him about the date and he invited me over to his house.  I went.  We shared a glass of wine and many stories.  It felt great seeing him again. When I was about to leave we kissed.  And then we kissed some more.   I left before things went any further.

I got home that night and an idea started forming in my head.  What if AL and I became Friends with Benefits?  The next morning that idea was still in my mind and it only kept getting stronger.

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.” ― Mae West

It is about time this hot Brazilian injects some fun into her life and learns to be freer with her body. I miss sex, I miss intimacy.  Sometimes all a girl wants is to be touched.  But I don’t want to jump in bed with just anyone.  AL seemed like the perfect guy to help me with that.  We had sex before and I have good memories of it.  He is familiar, safe and non-threatening.  I don’t have to commit to him (lately it seems that any time a guy gets close to me I run away).  I have no expectations.  I don’t want a relationship with him.  He is a great guy but besides the large age difference, we are at very different stages in life.  Also, some of his quirks that now seem fun would end up driving me nuts.

And that is when I wrote on my last post the little preview about writing this post.  I wanted your feedback.  I am not completly sure what I wanted to achieve but writing about it.  I don’t know if I wanted you to tell me that it was okay to go ahead and have sex with him.  I don’t know if I wanted you to talk some sense into me and make me change my mind.  I probably wanted you to point out all the flaws in my plan.  I also wanted to out myself on the fact that I miss and want sex.  I am fiercely independent so it is hard to face certain things, such as the fact that I miss having sex with someone.  It is hard to come out and say that I am actually thinking that having a friend with benefits is a great idea.  It is hard for me to say that I am not self sufficient and need someone.

“I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.” ― Edna St. Vincent Millay

I kept coming up with reasons on how this was a great idea and it was perfectly acceptable.  Sex is healthy!  We are friends!  We had sex before!  After all we are both adults and single.  But are we?  Well he has a girlfriend that for some reason I have no problem forgetting about.   I have been cheated on, so I should be even more opposed to that idea than the average person.  Truth is I am not sure he still has a girlfriend and if so how serious it is.  It is hard for me to believe that he would be willing to cheat on his girlfriend.  Would this arrangement be called cheating?  Don’t answer; I know the answer to that!  Still his girlfriend never figured in my decision (I am not proud of that).

I knew that next time I saw AL again it would be hard to stop at kissing.  I knew it would be my doing if something happened as he is not the type to push and pressure anyone into anything.  Instead of looking forward to a third date with this one available guy I have been dating, I was looking forward to seeing AL again and already fantasying about all the possibilities.

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” ― Rumi

Two nights ago, before I had the chance to write this post AL came to my apartment.   At first I just showed him my new apartment and we talked about some improvements I want to make. The whole time there was this underlying sexual tension.  We both knew we would kiss.  I don’t think we knew for sure that we would do more than kissing. Can we stop at kissing?  Should we? Why should we?  I was okay with anything happening or not happening.

We kissed! We kissed a lot!  And we didn’t stop there!  I will not bore you with the details…yadda yadda yadda we had sex!

This post was going to be about the idea of making something happen, now it is a “been there, done that, don’t need to do it again”.  This post is about being honest, human and flawed.  I make mistakes, sometimes I go out of my way to make mistakes.  Sometimes I know it is a mistake and I do it anyway.  I know there will be tons more down the road and I look forward to them all.

“sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love” ― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Immediately after sex I felt odd.  Don’t get me wrong, sex was good, but it didn’t seem to be what I needed.  I didn’t feel good or bad.  It is hard to explain.  Sex was comforting, fun, satisfying but also it felt temporary, lacking and empty.  It was empty in meaning, it lacked future.  I expected to either feel great about it or feel totally guilty.  I felt neither.  I felt weirdly and plainly okay.

After he left I was incredibility happy.  Not happy that he left, but happy that it had happened and it was over.  Most of all I was happy that it is never going to happen again (he doesn’t know that yet).  I had this calmness come over me.  I had this assuredness that I knew exactly how I felt about this. I had this sense that what had just happened was a necessary mistake. I needed to know in person/reality and not just in concept that this was not for me.  Somehow I don’t think that I would have listened to anyone telling me how dumb my idea was.  I had to go through it, the feelings, the emotions, the before, the after, the emptiness and the discovery!

“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” ― Deepak Chopra

I am not a friends with benefit type of person.  I am not passing judgment on anyone that does that as for awhile I thought it would work for me.  And who knows I may change my mind again.  But I realize that at this point in my life is not what I want.  I want meaning and positive energy.  I want to elevate my soul, to make it happy, to make it sing.  This is not the way to achieve that for me.  Sex to me is more than the physical part; it is the exchange of energy, the building of something, perhaps memories.  It is the oneness that one only gets when there is love and continuity. Somehow I need to have a commitment from the other person.  I want it all, the passion, the gentleness, the wild and raw, the miracle of it, and it can only be miraculously if you are with someone that you love and care about.   Perhaps what I am really trying to do is control sex.   Can sex be controlled?

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” ― Oscar Wilde

That AL perhaps has a girlfriend shouldn’t go unnoticed either.  I don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s sadness.  I don’t want to contribute to anyone’s betrayal.  I don’t want that negative energy in my life. The truth is if I want to just have a sexual relationship with no strings attached I could easily have a line outside my door of single guys.  I don’t need to be with anybody’s boyfriend.  I know better than that.  I doubt his girlfriend is serious, or even if he has one now, but that is really besides the point now.  At that point I didn’t care if he had or not. I am not proud of that fact, but it is sadly true.

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” ― Francis Bacon, The Advancement Of Learning

I am embarrassed to be writing about this as at my age (almost 50). Where is the cosmopolitan world traveler Brazilian New Yorker? I fear I am sounding like a confused 20 yr old.  But these are my issues and what is in my mind.  I am going to own up to everything, pretty or not.  It is about knowing and accepting myself, and not making excuses.

I am not sure what came over me with those thoughts.  I think that it had something to do with the fact that lately when I start dating someone the moment they like me and they seem to want to get close to me, I run!  So at this rate I will never have sex again.  I broke things off with the date from the other day, the one I was confiding in AL about it.  He seemed to like me too much too fast so I felt pressured and ran.  It turns out the worst thing a man can do to me is show me he is very interested in me.  I start finding fault with him. I start projecting years down the road and I am turned off by what I see.  I think I am just afraid of giving anyone new a chance.

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.”― Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

I am weirdly okay with this whole turn of events: texting AL again, having sex, deciding it is not for me.  I am even happy about it.  I would never have found out exactly how I feel about this had I not gone through. I don’t feel defeated, I feel empowered.  I have now a better sense of direction.  It is crazy to think that I needed this to happen but I think it was necessary for me.  If I were to continue on this route of sex without meaning it would only cheapen the whole act for me.  I like this romantic idea I have of it.  I also think that if I were to fully embark on that I would never give any new guy a chance.  AL would become my crutch.

Perhaps I am afraid of getting hurt, of becoming vulnerable again.  I am fearless, or so I thought.  My actions lately seem all driven out of some kind of fear!

The best thing is that now I have a new resolve, new outlook, new determination.  I decided to give new people a chance.   I will welcome people instead of driving them away.  I will not project into the future.  I will take it one day at a time.  I will trust! I will let the light in!

And here I remain so sure of something and still totally confused!  But one think is for certain I am proud of telling you the naked truth!

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

***

I am not sure what will happen to the relationship I have with AL.  We continue to talk and text as if nothing happened.  I am a bit less flirty as I don’t want to give him any ideas.  Clearly we are very close friends as I can confide in him with anything.  I am comfortable enough with him to be naked in front of him while I know I am not physically at my best (that says a lot!).   I know that we will see each other again and I know in my heart that we will not have sex again – I just know it.  I no longer want to, I am no longer curious.  I am curious about his girlfriend though.  Does he really have one, how serious is she that he is willing to cheat on her?  I never asked him about that.  Somehow I never thought he would be the kind of guy that cheats on his girlfriend.   AL has been a constant in my life the past 3 years (even if for a long time it was just texting).  I appreciate his presence in my life.  If he were to disappear I would miss him.  He makes me smile. He is my friend!

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”― Marcel Proust

Never too old to make a mistake and learn a new lesson!

30 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by in Dating, Finding Me

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Zinful Sangria

Zinful Sangria

“Looking at the past is like lolling in a rocking chair. It is so relaxing and you can rock back and forth on the porch, and never go forward. ” ― Martha Graham, Blood Memory

Last night I met someone that I had dated for a few months 7 years ago.  Even though we were compatible and had fun the relationship ended because he mentioned that his family would not accept me because I was 10 years older than he was. I appreciated his honesty but I felt offended and decided to stop seeing him.

This week we reconnected on LinkedIn and decided to have dinner together.  I knew before meeting that I had no interest in revisiting the past and this was just going to be a platonic relationship.  I have a feeling that he thought it could be more since we are both single at this time.

“A ship does not sail with yesterday’s wind.” ― Louis L’Amour, The Walking Drum

We went to a Latin Fusion restaurant and the food and drinks were delicious.  We talked like old friends.  He did not recall the breakup the way that I did.  He now says that the age difference is meaningless.  As the evening wore on I confirmed my feelings of not wanting to revive a relationship.

But here is my big mistake: We kissed at the end of the evening, not only once but a bunch of times.  I am not sure what I was doing/thinking.  I knew I didn’t want anything with him, but I am guessing I was curious to see if there were any sparks left. There weren’t enough and still I kept kissing him.  Today I am totally embarrassed and angry at myself for leading him on. I need to make sure not to repeat this stupidity!

It is amazing how something that seems so good at one point now feels completely wrong for me.  What did I see in him? He is a nice guy and all, but that is it.  I guess the 10 year age difference is now even more apparent. We are at two different places in life.

“It’s important not to be embarrassed by your past. The contradictions are part of what we are.” ― Richey Edwards

The worst part is that because of the kissing this guy now thinks we should date again. I am going to wait for when he asks me out again, then I will tell him how I feel. I am hoping that after a few days has passed he will feel the same way I do.

I had no business seeing this person again as I don’t think that we will really add anything to each other’s lives going forward.  Also it was one of those relationships that are unremarkable and I really didn’t feel that there was anything left to be said or asked so I am not sure why I wanted to see him again.  Sheer curiosity I guess!

Lessons learned! Leave the past in the past.  Embrace the future, new things and people. Make new mistakes! Stop being such a flirt.  I smile too much, talk too much, get too familiar too quick.  Excessive friendliness can lead people on.

“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That’s all.” ― Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories

****

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw

An update on my last post regarding the guy that I will name “The Snuggler”: I said I would not date him again and guess what?  We went to dinner and dancing on Saturday.  I guess this change of mind is my effort to be more open minded and give people a chance.  It is also a testament to his tenacity.

It was a lot fun! He said sorry about the “miscommunication” and behaved impeccably.  We danced to everything from Latin to Hip Hop. I love dancing!

Then on Sunday he called and asked if I wanted to meet him at a park near his home.  He takes his dog swimming there. (I love people that loves animals). I chose not to go.  I wonder if my unwillingness to drive 40 minutes to meet him means that I am not that interested.

Well, I guess I am guarded and taking my time. This week we texted a couple of times.  I am not sure what will happen if he asks me out again.  I will see how I feel at that moment. Perhaps the realization that I am totally indifferent about him asking me out again or not is a good clue to how I feel about him.

“I find I am much prouder of the victory I obtain over myself, when, in the very ardor of dispute, I make myself submit to my adversary’s force of reason, than I am pleased with the victory I obtain over him through his weakness.” ― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

 

Miss “have it all together” is a complete mess!

15 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files

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… and today I fell apart …

Yesterday I was all high and mighty proclaiming to all that would listen (and read) that I was over Ex.

I had never felt more in control of my feelings and the situation. I was doing happy dances around  the apartment.

I felt so strong embracing life solo, hopeful and happy!  I have been living solo, but outings with AL made life seems less solo.

I felt powerful to be able to approach my relationship with AL in a levelheaded manner.  It felt amazing to be able to be friends with him and know that he feels exactly the same way.

And everything in my Universe felt absolutely right … until today…

I was feeling so strong that I decided to text Ex regarding an address of a mutual friend that is ill and I want to send a card.   I tried Google and I called this lady’s daughter for the address but since both attempts have been fruitless I decided that I was well enough to have a mature unemotional exchange with Ex.

There was not one specific word that set me off.  There was no reason for me to all of a sudden burst into tears in the middle of the work day and crave him so much!! Oh stupid fool, pull it together. So you thought he was the one, so you think that there will never be anyone like him, so what?  Move the heck on!!!!

It will be almost 2 years soon, shouldn’t it be over?   It has been several months since I had missed him and this freedom from wanting him was giving me such a high.

Life is indeed funny and unpredictable.   This teaches me that I should be more vigilant and make sure not to contact him for anything.

Some things we can never get over, we just have to manage it.  Perhaps I should deal with the reality that I will forever love him.  He is my drug that I cannot give into. I will be forever an Exholic!

I am sorry for letting down so many that thought that I had it all together. I tried, I am trying and tomorrow I am going to try again! I think what I owe everyone and, most importantly, myself is complete honesty! If I am following that then all else will eventually fall in place!

What I have all together is the fact that I want to be always 100% honest, even if I look foolish and flawed.

The best part is I am happy, happy, happy.  So I cried, big deal!  I am human and have feelings! Life is better with feeling than without them!!

Thank you heart for being so amazingly committed to someone! But please can you relax a little and give others a chance?

 

Lucky me! I saw Ex and got to meet the new girlfriend! :(

10 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by in Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

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As I had mentioned before I had  been staying away from the US Open this year for fear of running into Ex. We share a loge box so we would be seated together if I went and used my seats.  The only day that I thought I was safe to go was on the second Friday which is the Women’s Semi Final’s day because no one cares to watch that.  He has never attended it.

So on Friday morning I was having a very frustrating day at work and with some additional personal problems that I was getting nowhere in trying to get resolved I decide to just leave it behind and go to the Open.  I still had the tickets, because as I mentioned you can’t give them away, let alone sell it. So I decided to go.

I get there and I am sitting and enjoying the match when all of a sudden there is a tap on my shoulder as someone says my name.  I turn around and I am face to face with Ex.  I think I stopped breathing for a second. I was shell shocked.  He said: How are you? I said fine thanks. He says to the woman sitting next to him: I recognized her by the ring!  I was wearing this big blue daisy cocktail ring.

And of course the woman next to him is the new girlfriend.  He points to her and says to me: this is M. Of course I knew her name but had never seen her face.  She extended her hand, I shook it and said hello, smiled and immediately turned to the front to continue watching the game.  I was shaking. I had a million emotions go through me in the space of seconds. To have 2 of the last people you ever want to see sitting behind you is very disconcerting.  He tapped me again on the shoulder and said he was going to get water if I wanted anything.  humm, do I want anything? Can you give me a order of you and your girlfriend disappearing from my face?

I have to say that this new girlfriend strikes me as being a good person, probably too good for him. I felt like warning her. But of course it is none of my business. I truly wish them both happiness, I just don’t want to witness it.

I didn’t last long sitting there.  I gathered my stuff got up and left without making eye contact. I stood outside recomposing myself. I think I was outside for 15 minutes deciding if I would go home or not.  I decided to return and do what I had intended from the beginning: watch a game that I love.

I went back and sat down and concentrated on the game.  After awhile I heard them leaving and I thanked heaven.  But after 1 hr they returned. But by then I was doing better.  Until she gets up and goes somewhere and he taps me on the shoulder to make small talk.  He asks me how my tennis is going. I try as best as I could to form some coherent sentence. I said something about tennis lessons going well, then I said lessons were over.  I felt my speech slurred.  Thank God the game re-stared and I turned around to watch it.  But at that moment when I turned around, I could feel the tears flooding my eyes and I fought hard not to start crying.  I was successful.

When the game was over we all got up and again he tapped my arm and said bye and she said nice to meet you and honestly I don’t remember if I  said anything back or not.

Later that night he sends me a text:

“You look great and it was very nice to see you.  I am sorry if I said or did anything that made you uncomfortable.  There were so many things I want to talk to you about but I will refrain until you tell me it is ok, love you, good night.”

I saw his text the following morning and immediately it hit me and I managed to control the tears.  I know it is okay to cry but lately I am trying to hold back unless I am facing my wailing wall http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2012/09/06/1327/ .  Each time I cry it feels I am giving him power.  I know that the tears now have a different meaning.  They are no longer tears of sadness and longing.  It is mostly tears of anger.

I tried my best not to reply.  I reached out to the one person that I felt would understand me best without judging any of my feelings.  I felt he would set me straight and convince me to continue to remain silent.  He was not available!  That is the problem with relying on others for strength.  What happens when they are not available or willing? So from now on complete reliance in me and the God within me!

So unfortunately I replied.  I know, I know, that was a temporary step back on my progress. But now it is done. And I cannot undo the past.

Here is the stupidity that I replied to him last night:

“If you only knew the extent of my pain! I don’t know from where the tears still come from.  You two look happy together! I wish you both only the best! May she make you happy like I was not able to! May you respect her like you you did not respect me!”

After 10 minutes I added: (yep, mistake number 2)

“I just wish I could understand what happened with the love you said you had for me.”

I sent the texts and went to bed crying.  I cried myself to sleep! I promise it is the last time!!

Of course he has not replied!  and I am okay with that.  I didn’t expect he would.  He doesn’t like to be questioned.  Any time I had any questions he would go into avoidance and silence mode. Yep, those should have been big clues.  I am also happy and relieved that he didn’t reply because I shouldn’t be having any conversations with him.

And of course I know better than to reply to him!  I know that he doesn’t know what love is! I know that he has no conscience of how he disrespected me!  And the most important:  It does not matter what answers he may be able to give me! Nothing will change!  I am over and done with that part of my life! I am better! In fact I should really thank him for letting me go.

***

But I think that all these happenings help me to continue to move forward!  Even if replying to his text was a mistake, I am not dwelling on that!

Amid all the pain and tears this weekend I had great moments!  I watched some great tennis matches!

Also I went out to dinner with a great guy.  We have gone out several times now and it has been a lot fun! Since I don’t want to jinx it I will refrain from writing too much about it at this moment!

I may end up having to eat my words when I wrote this:  http://listuniverse.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/10-reasons-not-to-date-a-younger-guy/

(all images from Google images)