Tag Archives: learning acceptance

Stop whining: Have some grace with that wine!

10 Sunday May 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Our worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.”― Jerry Bridges

I love moving. I think it is the perfect chance to organize, clean up, purge, start anew.  This office relocation is the perfect opportunity for me to get this office to look and feel cozy.  In my old office I pretty much gave up trying to make it look nice. I have a second chance now.

There is a lot to contend with, but one way or another things are moving along.  There are electricians, phone techs, cable guys, computer, movers, building personnel, new building rules, etc.  

The old office is almost empty now.  There is just a couple of computers left that cannot be disconnected yet.  The new office needs a few more things before we can actually move in and start working there.  The new desks are arriving on Wednesday.  Optimum is already connected, waiting on Verizon now.  There are also several things I need to buy, such as a new fridge, indoor plants, a Nespresso machine, etc

It has been a juggling act trying get my regular job done while making sure everything about this move goes off without a hitch. I have been calling vendors to settle some bills and change our address.  It has been so frustrating dealing with some of them.  It takes forever to get someone on the phone.  When you finally get someone, they are quick to accept a payment over the phone or online, but to change our address I have to mail the request.  Not email, they want regular mail.  How antiquated and annoying is that?

After being on the phone for awhile with one woman that kept going around in circles and not really getting anything resolved, I was getting very frustrated and angry.  I was raising my voice and telling her exactly what I thought about her company.  Then I heard my own voice whispering to myself: Have some grace!

I paused and took a deep breath.  I calmed myself down.  I finished the phone call not getting anything done, realizing that some things are not the way I want no matter how much I argue about it.

Getting angry doesn’t accomplish anything, specially getting angry at the messenger.  So I am going to trying to have grace when dealing with others, specially when things are not going my way.

“Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day’s chalking.”― Frederick Buechner

On a brighter note, one of our new office’s neighbor stopped by while my boss and I were there waiting for the electricians.  He seems very nice and friendly. He is Italian with a heavy accent.  We went to see the office he shares the with his partner and an assistant.   He is a wine exporter and gave us wine as a welcome gift.  

“Grace has to be the loveliest word in the English language. It embodies almost every attractive quality we hope to find in others. Grace is a gift of the humble to the humiliated. Grace acknowledges the ugliness of sin by choosing to see beyond it. Grace accepts a person as someone worthy of kindness despite whatever grime or hard-shell casing keeps him or her separated from the rest of the world. Grace is a gift of tender mercy when it makes the least sense.”― Swindoll Charles R.

Wishing everyone grace in your actions and wine on your table! ♥♥

 

A river runs through me

26 Saturday Mar 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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This post below was written yesterday when I woke up overwhelmed.  Today is a new day, where the world makes sense again.  Today I got a massage in the morning, then lunch and shopping with a friend.  I had a delicious passion fruit mojito with my salmon lunch.  And let’s not forget the brownie cake chocolate and coconut cheesecake.

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“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Today I woke up feeling strange. Not bad. Not great. Unsettled.

I don’t know why, the problems are the same. Am I weaker?

Perhaps is the milestone birthday around the corner.
50 is heavy, 50 is potent, 50 is too much, 50 doesn’t feel real.   I feel tired from so much already done and still I feel a sense of urgency from so much yet to do.

Perhaps it is the evil PMS.  An annoyance that reminds me of the beauty of being a woman.

Perhaps is the culmination of many stressful moments.  There is so much I can’t control at the moment.  So many people being unreasonable.  There are so many people I want to take by the shoulder and shake some sense into them.

My lack of control leaves me sedated.  I feel cold.  I feel as if there is ice water running through my veins instead of warm blood.

I realize this is a great chance to exercise the acceptance of people and facts, but today I can’t do it.  I choose instead to just accept the moment as is.

At one point you get tired of fighting and you realize that at the end of the day after all the fighting nothing has changed, you just have achy muscles and frail nerves.

At this moment I picture a river.   A river going right through me.
It is a river of peace. A river serene and non-threatening. In its calmness it washes away the turbulent feelings in my being.

A river going through me, taking with it all debris of pain, hurt, anger, vestiges of evil.
I don’t fight it anymore. I let it all go and I float. I float in calm and peace.  I let my body and mind feel settled.

So today I don’t fight, I don’t force acceptance, I don’t force trust and positivism.  Today I just float and let a river run through me, because tomorrow is another day and I know it will be a better day! (and yes it was)

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Dealing with illness and fears

16 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in Daily Life

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“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My mother and I have been back from Brazil for several days now.  My main focus, besides work, has been trying to get her mentally and physically healthier.

Approximately 3 weeks ago she went to a neuropsychiatrist after many years of my sister and I begging her to see someone regarding some baggage that she carries since she was a child.  Lately she had been extremely angry and short-tempered and realized on her own that she needed to do something about it.

She saw the doctor and they spoke for about an hour.  She came home happy and felt light after discussing things from her past.  Unfortunately when she woke up the next morning she was slurring her words and had trouble walking.  She was in a drunk-like state (My mother quit drinking when she was 25 years old because she realized it was going to become a problem, so we know she wasn’t drunk.  On May 1st she will be 80 years old)

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.” ― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

She refused to go to the emergency room or call the doctor, attributing the symptoms to the deep conversation they had the day before.  It is hard not to think that the 2 things are not related.  My brother is a nurse and he didn’t think she was suffering a stroke or something similar.  I need to note here that my brother will never go against my mother’s and father’s wish, even in a situation like this where my first instinct would be to take her to the emergency room.  I try to keep my interference to a minimum only trying to provide positive feedback and financial support.  I try not to be critical of my sister and brother.  I realize how easy it is for me to have all the right answers when I am so far away.  I am also extremely grateful of how much they do for my parents and the love and respect they give my parents.

Last week in Brazil all I did was cook and clean and make sure she was resting.  She had 2 different brain scans done last week.  The last scan showed: Signs of microangiopathy.  Some signs of thinning of the white matter were also observed (inferring ischemic leukoaraiosis).  That is all Greek to me and all my Google research has left my head spinning.  At any rate her doctor gave his okay for her to travel as long as she takes the medication prescribed (He said he doesn’t believe in canceling vacation because of illness and also thought a change in scenery would be good for her). He says her issues are due to age and also to diabetes and high blood pressure.  As soon as she returns she is scheduled for additional tests.

“Fear is the glue that keeps you stuck. Faith is the solvent that sets you free.”
― Shannon L. Alder

She was fine in the flight from Sao Paulo to New York, so I am hoping that means that she will also be fine in the flight from NY to Tel Aviv this Saturday, as the trip is still on schedule.  She is excited about it, but I am making sure that she knows that is also okay if she thinks it is too much for her.

My mother has always been a dynamo never sitting or slowing down throughout the day.  The amount of things she accomplishes in one day is incredible.  While I am proud to have such an energetic mother I also knew that that would be her down fall.  That makes watching her slowing down now much harder.

I am not allowing her to do anything on her own as I fear she could fall and hurt herself (on our first day in NY she fell in the tub, I took that as a warning).  She has had good days and bad days.  Today is a not so great day as she seems slower than usual.  It is hard to be at work and leave her at home alone but I also realize that I cannot make her feel like an invalid all of a sudden.

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.” ― Masaru Emoto

She has started taking vitamins, eating more, healthier, and at regular intervals (her diet before was coffee, bread and more coffee).  She has been taking daily naps and doing no housework at all.  She is still doing her crafts (knitting, crocheting, and painting), also reading and some easy exercises.

I am hoping that this is just a warning sign for her to take it easy, relax and take better care of herself. Actually it is a warning sign for the entire family as we are all guilty of overdoing at the dessert table.  I am hoping that as the medication starts to work and combined with the new lifestyle and diet she will soon be brand new.

I know it is all in God’s hands and I am just trying to follow his guidance and respect his plan, but the idea of ever losing my mother has been unbelievably hard to deal with.  I am trying to ward off those thoughts that continue to invade my mind and steal my peace.

I thank you all for your support and prayers! You are a source of comfort and for that I feel blessed and I am extremely grateful!!

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu