Tag Archives: managing expectations

Stop whining: Have some grace with that wine!

10 Sunday May 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

“Our worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.”― Jerry Bridges

I love moving. I think it is the perfect chance to organize, clean up, purge, start anew.  This office relocation is the perfect opportunity for me to get this office to look and feel cozy.  In my old office I pretty much gave up trying to make it look nice. I have a second chance now.

There is a lot to contend with, but one way or another things are moving along.  There are electricians, phone techs, cable guys, computer, movers, building personnel, new building rules, etc.  

The old office is almost empty now.  There is just a couple of computers left that cannot be disconnected yet.  The new office needs a few more things before we can actually move in and start working there.  The new desks are arriving on Wednesday.  Optimum is already connected, waiting on Verizon now.  There are also several things I need to buy, such as a new fridge, indoor plants, a Nespresso machine, etc

It has been a juggling act trying get my regular job done while making sure everything about this move goes off without a hitch. I have been calling vendors to settle some bills and change our address.  It has been so frustrating dealing with some of them.  It takes forever to get someone on the phone.  When you finally get someone, they are quick to accept a payment over the phone or online, but to change our address I have to mail the request.  Not email, they want regular mail.  How antiquated and annoying is that?

After being on the phone for awhile with one woman that kept going around in circles and not really getting anything resolved, I was getting very frustrated and angry.  I was raising my voice and telling her exactly what I thought about her company.  Then I heard my own voice whispering to myself: Have some grace!

I paused and took a deep breath.  I calmed myself down.  I finished the phone call not getting anything done, realizing that some things are not the way I want no matter how much I argue about it.

Getting angry doesn’t accomplish anything, specially getting angry at the messenger.  So I am going to trying to have grace when dealing with others, specially when things are not going my way.

“Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day’s chalking.”― Frederick Buechner

On a brighter note, one of our new office’s neighbor stopped by while my boss and I were there waiting for the electricians.  He seems very nice and friendly. He is Italian with a heavy accent.  We went to see the office he shares the with his partner and an assistant.   He is a wine exporter and gave us wine as a welcome gift.  

“Grace has to be the loveliest word in the English language. It embodies almost every attractive quality we hope to find in others. Grace is a gift of the humble to the humiliated. Grace acknowledges the ugliness of sin by choosing to see beyond it. Grace accepts a person as someone worthy of kindness despite whatever grime or hard-shell casing keeps him or her separated from the rest of the world. Grace is a gift of tender mercy when it makes the least sense.”― Swindoll Charles R.

Wishing everyone grace in your actions and wine on your table! ♥♥

 

What to wear to the ballet?

30 Friday Sep 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I am trying to get back to my routine after my brother’s visit is over.  It is fun having guests but it is hard on my eating habits and exercise routine as I tend to indulge on everything my guests do or don’t do.  After they leave it takes me awhile to get back to my normal.

As a result I have accumulated some extras pounds.  I am not a fan of diets.  I think losing weight is easy, maintaining it is the real hurdle.  Also I cannot deal with feeling deprived.  If I resolve not to eat an item, that is all I crave.

I need to return to better eating habits.  Whatever I want whenever I want is translating into excess weight.  Chocolates, bread, cookies, ice cream on a daily basis is hardly a good diet.

I cannot blame it all on guests being here for 2 weeks.  A lot of my eating habits have to do with the way I handle stress.  I run to sugar. I am a big emotional eater.  I am sad I eat, I am happy I eat!

Anyway, I am not going to spend too much time beating a dead horse.  I need to change and soon! Admitting I have a problem is the first step.  I have a problem!  But who am I kidding?  I have already admitted I have a problem a long time ago.  Now it is time for action!

Speaking of stress, it is never ending lately.  Actually problems and challenges are a necessary part of life.  I just need to get better at handling them. It is indeed not what happens to me but how I react to it.

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” -Amit Ray

Right now some of issues I am dealing with:

1. Broken car. My 29 year old car wouldn’t start. While I am at work now I have a tow truck coming to tow it to the mechanic. It feels weird letting that happen while I am not there. Remember I am a control freak.  I feel that I have a decision to make when it comes to this car.  It is a classic, but every time it needs repair it is extremely expensive since parts are not easily available.

2. Again there are issues with one of my rental apartments.  The problem now is with the cooling/heating system. There comes another repair bill.  Next year around July, when the contract with the tenant is over,  please remind me that I said I was going to sell that place.  Hit me if you have to!

3.  Meetings with immigration attorney to finalize my sister’s green card.  This process seems endless and the documentation required can be overwhelming.  There is also not so minor detail that finally after 32 years my identical twin sister and I will be dividing the same roof.   Even though we would die for each other,  if we are together for long we tend to become overcritical of each other.  That is how love is sometimes, you want the other person be the best that they can be and you think you know how that is achieved.

I do realize the blessing of problems and challenges.  They refine us, they provide us with the chance of becoming better people.  Some challenges makes us realize what is really important in life.  At the end of the day, what doesn’t kill us indeed make us stronger.

***

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”  -Donald Miller

Now I am resuming dating.  There is someone very interested, and that right there is the problem.  I realized that the worst thing that could happen is a guy showing me too much interest.  I feel like running away, and I immediately start looking for problems and for flaws in him.

What is my problem?  Fear of commitment?  Fear of getting hurt? Fear of settling for the wrong person?  Fear of hurting someone?

Or perhaps I just like the chase.  I like the challenge.   I don’t want to settle but at which point I manage my expectations and appreciate the great men I meet?

I do fear hurting him because I don’t know what I want and he seems so sure.  I figure I will give him complete honesty and that is the best I can do.  So I am being completely honest about my feelings.

I don’t want to give out too much information about him.  He is a classical musician, in his late fifties.  Everything about him seems great.  So why am I not that excited? Why am I so cautious?

“How much I missed, simply because I was afraid of missing it.”-Paulo Coelho

In the meantime I am exchanging emails with a much younger fake guy.  I know this guy is fake.  But like some fake guys in the past, I know they are fake and I keep going, playing along. Why am I investing time and energy into this losing proposition?  Perhaps I know the answer to that…they are safe to me, they require no commitment.

So that brings me to the question that is the title to this post, what should I wear to the ballet at Lincoln Center?  If I overdress it may scream of “first timer”, if I under-dress it may seem I am not appreciating the event and location.  I think the little black dress may be the right ticket here.

and lastly a word in defense of online dating.  Yes it can be a pain, with its share of losers and players, but so is real life.  One has to be safe and take precautions before meeting anyone, but at the end of the day I grateful for its availability, as I get to meet men from all walks of life that normally I would never bump to in my day to day.

“Not knowing when the dawn will come
I open every door.”  – Emily Dickinson

 

Park City Mountain here I come!

19 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, travels

≈ 45 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Park City, Utah

Park City, Utah

“Travel brings power and love back into your life.” – Rumi

Park City it is! I am excited to be going skiing in Utah. I have never been there before and I do want to see every US state, so another one off the list. The hotel and the flights are booked and paid for so there is no changing my mind now.

Now I have to reserve the skis and schedule the lessons. I think I will take a couple of days of lessons and the other 3 days will be on my own. I am going alone, so I think I will play by ear and not plan every single moment.

I have been trying to learn how to ski for a few years now. Three years ago I had an awesome experience in Snowmass, CO. I took group lessons with this female instructor who was phenomenal. I wish I would remember her name. I gained so much confidence with her. I learned different skills; I even did a jump and a half-pipe.  For that moment in time I even lost my fear of speed.  I was on top of the world.

Then 2 years ago I went to Whistler and the mountain kicked my behind. I started on the blues and ended up on the bunny hill. It was very icy so I think that made me nervous and eroded my confidence. Not only that, but I also think that I was too over confident and a bit too conceited.

I have been to Whistler 3 times and even with this bad experience it remains one of my favorite places in the world, and I will definitely return at some point soon.

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

From the bad experience in Whistler I learned:
1) Overconfidence can backfire. I was in a group and the other people were slower and less experienced than I was, so I was having an attitude, not externally, but internally.  In my mind I was the best and they were slowing me down.  That until I panicked and froze on a blue run.  I need to keep my ego in check and be more patient with others and myself.
2) I have to realize that different days and different conditions will bring about different experiences. It was pure ice and freezing in Whistler, so it would certainly be a different experience than fluffy power and warmer temperatures in Colorado. I need to better manage my expectations.  The best is not to have any.
3) I don’t have to let setbacks define me and even stop me. I am going to continue. So I have to re-start, so what? No one is keeping score other than me. And even if I am a beginner forever, who cares? As long I enjoy every moment, being grateful for the opportunity every skiing day is a success. (or any day doing anything)
4) It showed me how much I really love skiing and what I am made of. Even at my worst, even when I felt terrified to leave the bunny slope I decided to continue on.  I decided not to let that one bad experience define me. I am not the failure to ski blues, I am the success of keep going on the greens.  I create my own definition of success.

Why do I so enjoy something that I struggle with so much? Perhaps because of the struggle. Perhaps because it is a challenge and I want to conquer it.

I like challenges.  Several years ago I wanted to learn how to scuba dive but was always terrified of water. I went every night to the YMCA and slowly talked myself into letting go of the borders of the swim pool. Slowly I grew more comfortable in the water. I became certified and and went on a few adventures. I am still not comfortable in the water, but I like that I went ahead and learned enough to be certified and do something I always wanted to try.

But the real answer is that I never feel more free than at the top of a mountain. At that moment there is no work, there is no family, there is no problems or dramas; there is nothing else except getting to the bottom.   Often difficult, sometimes scary and even paralyzing, but totally freeing. My definition of heaven!

“Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.” – Gustave Flaubert