The Uber Ride to feeling young forever

17 Sunday Apr 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” ― Franz Kafka

I am in Brazil at the moment. I came to see my family and bring my mom back with me to spend 3 weeks in NY.

I have started multiple posts, but time is even shorter here, so I haven’t been able to finish any, so I am going to attempt to quickly write and post this.  Fingers crossed and forgive any typos.

I want to write about my ride to the airport.  My cousin was going to drive me, but he was going to try to fit me in between a couple of rides that he already had (he is a driver for a car service).  That didn’t work out.

For a moment I considered having B take me. He had offered when he heard I was taking a trip.  But I had said my cousin was going to take me.  I had already asked him for a ride on Monday when I had a colonoscopy. I didn’t want to use him this way again.

So I decided to call an Uber.  My experience with Uber to go to the airport is not the best. Most Ubers don’t want to go to the airport on a Friday, so they normally cancel.

I booked the ride and got the message that Jose would be coming in 12 minutes. I took all my 3 pieces of luggage outside in the front of the building. After 12 minutes I realized that Jose was driving to the back of the building. I called him and asked him to wait.

I had to take all 3 pieces of heavy luggage through the building and parking lot to the back. For the record, that was easier than asking him to drive around. Main Street New Rochelle has been a horror show with construction traffic. 

Finally I get to the car, get my luggage in and get settled in. I always try to make conversation with the driver.  Not everyone is responsive, Jose was.  The ride turned into a very inspiring experience. 

Jose, my driver, was turning 80 years old on that day!! I was in awe of how great he looked for his age, but not only that, I was impressed but his attitude.

We talked about everything, life, well-being, plans for the future, etc. Next year, when he turns 81, he plans to retire, move back to the Dominic Republic and study architecture. Meeting people like this gives me life.

“You are never too old to become younger!” ― Mae West

He talked about how he keeps in such amazing shape, physically, mentally and spiritually.  He shared with me some of his routine:

  • exercises at least 2 hours a day
  • no medication, he treats everything with natural remedies
  • his Bible: Alternative Cures by Bill Gotlieb (see pic at the top)
  • doesn’t watch tv, invests his time in reading and exercise
  • doesn’t stay on the phone chit-chatting with friends, no time for that.  His friends know he is there if they need him. 
  • stops working everyday at 6pm religiously. 
  • chooses gratitude every morning.
  • chooses to be happy no matter what is going on
  • massages – carries a massager with him, and at every opportunity he massages his back, face, feet, etc (see pic at the bottom)
  • adores life

His daughters wanted to pay his rent, but he said if he accepted that, then he would have to accept them meddling into his life.

He drove slow and safe through a very busy Friday rush hour. It was as if his was the only car on the road.  It was the most serene drive to the airport ever. Happy 80th birthday to Jose. May God bless all his days.

Jose and his positive attitude, and every older person that I meet that is full of life and plans, inspires me to live more and fully. The key to getting older but not feeling older it to always continue learning, growing, and looking to become better of body, mind and soul.

I realize that life at 56 is just beginning.

“Be game–take a chance–don’t hide behind veils and veils of discretion… Go forward with what you have to say, expressing things as you see them. You are new evidence, fresh and young. Your work, the spirit of youth, you are the progress of human evolution. If age dulls you it will be time enough then to be ponderous and heavy–or quit. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to be young, to continue growing–not to settle and accept.” ― Robert Henri, The Art Spirit

 

Life imitates art or art imitates life

07 Thursday Apr 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.” ― Charlotte Brontë

I made a mosaic piece of the face of woman a couple of months ago: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/02/21/happy-woman-having-an-off-day/

I thought she was lonely, so I made her a boyfriend.  The moment I created a boyfriend for her, I got myself a boyfriend. 

He still needs buttons on his shirt, to match her necklace, but I haven’t found the the perfect ones yet.

Here he is:

“If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” –― Jean-Paul Sartre

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.” ― Honoré de Balzac

“Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other.” ― John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men

“being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.” ― Charles Bukowski

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” ― Mother Teresa

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” ― Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet

And here they are together. I think they make a lovely couple. 🙂

“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.” ― Simone de Beauvoir

 

The Pizza Redemption

04 Monday Apr 2022

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B and I have already met for dinner several times. Most times we ate in restaurants and a few times at his house.

On Friday we went to Chat Grill in Scarsdale. He loves going there and loves sitting at the bar.  I rather sit at a table, but I am learning that the bar is okay also.  At most other restaurants we sit at a table anyway. I believe this is called compromise 🙂

He offered to make me pizza the next day, and I said yes.  I got to his house at 4pm on Saturday. He was in the kitchen, stretching the dough.  I offered to help and he had me cut the pepperoni. 

He was so careful to try to do everything exactly how I like.  He was going to add more cheese but I can’t have too much cheese, so he cut back on that.  He makes his own red sauce, which is delicious. 

The pizza was ready in no time and it was delicious.  We had it with a spinach salad, and wine to drink.  Before the pizza I had an appetizer of meatballs.  He makes his own meatballs also, and it was equally delicious.

During dinner we spent some time having Alexa plays us some of our favorite songs. We don’t like most of the same music, but it has been fun finding that we have some favorite ones in common.

“When music speaks, everybody understands” ― Paolo Petrocelli

After dinner we cleaned up and then settled in the TV room to watch a movie.  I had started watching a French movie that seemed interesting so we restarted watching it together.  The movie had so much potential, but in the end it was just a confusing mess.  It is  called In the Shadow of Iris.

While watching the movie we had popcorn and wine.  He is a big wine drinker.  That is where he likes to use his sugar calories.  I like wine also, but given a choice I would rather have sugar from chocolate then wine. 

At this moment we are both not dating other people.  There was not a big discussion or anything about that.  We are both in synch about our feelings and want to spend our energies on only one person.    

For the next 2 months we will not be able to see each other much.  I will be going to Brazil this Friday, then I return with my Mom in 2 weeks, then in May I go back to Brazil to take Mom back and will stay there until the end of May. 

It will be a test for the both of us.  Will the absence make the heart grow fonder or will it make us lose interest?  We shall see…

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.” ― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

Making peace with my choices

31 Thursday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

My mom and I did it again.

She has done 4 times already and I am on my second, and, fingers crossed, the last.

Yes, if you guessed covid vaccine, you are right! Please come forward and collect your prize! 🙂

I got a booster shot. It was my second shot, as my first one was the one dose Johnson and Johnson. This one was Pfizer.

“When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be overrun by nettles.” ― Horace Walpole

This is not a pro-vaccine or anti-vaccine post. This is just a post about my not wanting to take the booster shot but in the end giving in, and making the decision that feels right for me right now.   It was not an easy decision at all.

In Brazil they started giving a fourth dose weeks ago.  My mother has already gotten it.  I found out after the fact, not that I would try to talk her out of it either.  My mom is soon to be 87 and she feels very protected by getting it.

I didn’t want to get a booster at all. I didn’t want to get the vaccine either, but ended up getting it because I was going to travel to Brazil to see my parents. I felt that I needed to do it for them. Once I did it, I felt it was the right choice for me.

Then came the booster and again I felt I had to get it because of my travels to Brazil.  I kept waiting, hoping that I would get confirmation that a booster is not required, but that hasn’t come.

“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.” ― Phillip C. McGraw

A friend that has just returned from Brazil said she was asked to show her vaccination card with the booster. Everything is so uncertain with the requirements that I chose to be on the safe side and take the booster, specially because my 1 dose JNJ is now over 1 year old.

I cannot postpone my trip to Brazil until I am sure I don’t need a booster. I have to go see my parents and brother and bring my mom over for her biannually trip here. She hasn’t been here in over 2 years.  She is a green card holder and is risking losing that status.

I have friends on both sides of this aisle. I have the ones that were shocked that it took me so long to get the booster.  And I have friends that were against the vaccine and didn’t want me to take the booster at all.

At the end of the day, they all understand that this is a personal decision. They respect my decision and I respect theirs. I had to choose what seemed to be best for me in my circumstances. 

I just heard about a new variant in Europe. Lord help us all!

“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” ― Roy T. Bennett

When the ego is out of line

27 Sunday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

Yesterday B and I celebrated our 1 month anniversary!  Yes, you heard me… 1 whole month!   I will be that annoying person that celebrate monthly anniversaries.  No longer counting dates, I now count months. 

We went to Tapas & Cucina, a restaurant that I like that is located in Eastchester, NY.  We shared different tapas.  We had spicy potatoes, meatballs, empanadas and eggplant. I had a passion fruit mimosa and he had chardonnay.   He stays away from sugar so he didn’t have dessert. I had the tiramisu.

He brought me beautiful flowers (that ones on the picture above).  He is very sweet and tender with me. It is so comfortable being with him.

But not everything is flowers. There are some thorns, and it is mostly my overreacting.

“Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

I continue, often subconsciously, to look for excuses/reasons to run. I am trying to be aware and immediately stop anytime I feel myself going down that rabbit hole of self-sabotage.

He is trying hard to be understanding, and I am trying hard just being in the moment and not creating problems where there are none.

This time I had a problem when he changed the radio station in the car after I had chosen a radio station.     

I didn’t say anything at the moment, but he already knows me well and could sense it.  I am always talking, going silent for any amount of time signals to him that something is wrong.

“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.” ― Eckhart Tolle

He asked: “Ana, come back, where did you go?  What happened?”

I said: ” nothing”,  but when he insisted I mentioned the radio. I was trying to work out the situation on my own and not say anything, but in the end I rather be transparent and say exactly what is going on.  He apologized profusely.  He said he thought he had asked me.

I understand how petty that is, but for some reason, any little thing can have me looking into the future, and predicting doom.  My ego was trying hard to make me believe that his changing the radio station meant he didn’t respect my choices.

After some time, I was able to shut my ego down, and forget about the radio, and we proceeded to have an awesome night.

I am not proud of my moody behavior. I am, however, proud that I am able to recognize some of my patterns and that I am actively working on changing them.  Baby steps.

“Don’t Just

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

I think I see a bird… yes, it is a bird!

22 Tuesday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Mosaic and other crafts

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“I would like to paint the way a bird sings.” ― Claude Monet

Here is my newest project. It is supposed to be a bird in a snowy forest, as you can see on the Christmas card (1st pic below) that inspired me. 

Each little piece of glass was cut by hand. At the end of every session I had some nicks and cuts. I love working with mosaics so much I don’t mind a little pain.

I am just glad that it does resemble a bird, or does it?

“The reason birds can fly and we can’t is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.” ― J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird

“For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.” ― Kahlil Gibran

“In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.” ― Robert Lynd

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” ― Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

 

It is just one date, not a lifetime commitment

20 Sunday Mar 2022

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“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

On Thursday B and I were going to a restaurant I like. It was a rainy, cold, dreary day, so in the afternoon I called him and suggested we eat something at his house.

He then asked: What would you like to eat? 

I am eternally confused by simple questions. Give me a life and death decision and I will give you an answer in seconds. Ask me what I want to eat and I can ponder about it for hours. 

No, I didn’t say I wanted pizza.  It is best that we do pizza in the future.  Eventually we settled on him making omelets.   

I got to his house and everything was on the way.  He had bacon going in the oven. The skillet was ready to make the omelets. He was very nervous about making sure that he cooked everything to my taste. 

In under 15 minutes, we were sitting and eating omelets with cheese and spinach, with a side of roasted sweet potatoes and bacon.  Everything was delicious.  

I helped him load the dishwasher, then we then settled on the couch, sipping wine and talking.  We do like each other, and yet I am already predicting the end.  I proceeded to tell him all the roadblocks we will face. 

He interrupted me: “I remember you saying you are trying to be more in the moment.  How about we just take it easy and go one day at a time?”

It should be that simple, shouldn’t it?  But I overthink.  I fear hurting and getting hurt, so I am ready to run before too much energy and feelings are invested. 

But, no worries, not running yet.  I just keep looking for reason to.

“Don’t let toxic people infect you with the fear of giving and receiving one of the most powerful forces in this world… LOVE!” ― Yvonne Pierre, The Day My Soul Cried: A Memoir

Last night  we decided it would be movie night.  I had a lot to do during the day, so I said I would go over to his house at 8pm and I would bring popcorn.

I got to his house, and I wasn’t feeling well.  I had eaten some leftover potatoes for dinner and they felt so heavy in my stomach that I got to his house and I was feeling so heavy and uncomfortable.  I took alka seltzer, charcoal and seltzer water.  About 1 hour later I was fine and able to eat popcorn.

After flipping through a bunch of movies we settled on something called The Voyeurs. What a strange movie.  It seemed full of potential but then it just turned weird and the ending very far-fetched.  I don’t recommend it.

We had fun, but I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that, once again, I talked about our differences.  He is probably sick of hearing it.  I am sick of discussing it. I am the queen of 1 or 2 dates, more than that and I began to feel imprisoned. 

I am trying to change. I will change it. Doing the same thing, doesn’t promote growth. It just promotes sameness! I am trying to step out, out of the comfort of being single, of being alone.  

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune

 

Never too old to play the field

17 Thursday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating

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“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.” ― Maya Angelou

Yesterday I reached out to say hello to a friend I hadn’t spoken to in weeks.  In the past few years every time I reach out to her, I ask her about her friend T.   T is a friend of hers that lives in her building.  Even though it is not official, everyone thinks they are more than friends.

They accompany each other to functions, they celebrate holidays together, and get together with each other’s families.  She always mentions him in our communications, and when I say he is her boyfriend she plays coy, but always smiles and giggles. 

“It`s not how old you are, it`s how you are old.” ― Jules Renard

When she mentioned there is someone else interested in her, and by the way she wrote, it seemed she is also interested in him, I was surprised.   

She wrote: “S is interested in having a relationship with me.”  She continued: “He had joked about it in the past, but now he is serious.” “He said I am the best looking girl here.”

I was a little taken aback. I have met S. before when I visited my friend there a few years ago.  They all live in the same senior building.  I also met S’s girlfriend.  Yes, he has a girlfriend.  One, that supposedly, is not fulfilling all his needs.

“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!” ― Audrey Hepburn

My friend is all conflicted with S throwing her this curve ball.  She is enjoying his attention, and I can tell she is considering his proposition.  She says that it seems that T only wants to be friends.

I was a little surprised by the whole thing.  Everyone involved in this foursome is over 80 years old!! I doubt S informed his girlfriend of his shift in interest.  I am happy that wanting love and affection never gets old.  

She wanted my advice.  My advice, this time and every time, to anyone, in any situation is: Do what brings you joy!  Follow your heart!

“To all, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.” ― Gabriel Garcia Marquez 

 

The pizza date, I mean, debacle

15 Tuesday Mar 2022

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“After a full belly all is poetry.” ― Frank McCourt

I got to his house at 4:30pm on Sunday.  He met me with a hug at the porch.

After some pleasantries while I removed my coat. He proceeded to give me a tour of the house. It is a big house, and the décor is country chic. He is a Virgo and it shows.  Everything is clean and organized. Even the attic and basement are impeccable. 

After the tour he poured us a glass of wine and we settled on the couch.  We talked and talked and talked. I am never comfortable with silence, so, if there is any I will pepper it with questions.  The good thing is that I am able to get a lot of information. 

We talked about our plans for the future, and that is where there are some details that I need to think about.  It seems there will be some compromising I will have to do if I want a relationship with him. Well, any relationship requires some compromising.  I just need to decide if I am willing to.  I will save those details for a next post.

We were very happy to be together.  There are tons of  chemistry between us. Fireworks and sparks were flying. There was some kissing and snuggling on the couch.

The only time there was silence was when I laid my head on his shoulders and I think I may have dozed off.  At one point he said something about being 8 o’clock and perhaps too late for pizza.  I didn’t hear him well and asked him to repeat it.  He then asked me if I was hungry and if I wanted him to make pizza.  Odd question since pizza is what I went there for. I told him that.

“The belly is an ungrateful wretch, it never remembers past favors, it always wants more tomorrow.” ― Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

In the following 30 minutes he asked me the same thing at least 3 times, but didn’t get up to make the pizza.  It was cozy just snuggling on the couch, but I started being aware of how hungry I was.  I also started thinking that by the time the pizza is ready for the oven and ready for eat, it will take another hour.  I don’t like to get home late on Sunday night.

I mentioned that I have a tendency to get hangry.  He said he did also. But still nothing. All of a sudden the hunger just hit me and I just got up and said that I had to leave.  He was a bit startled by my abruptness. 

He again asked me if I wanted him to make me pizza.  I said I would eat something at home.  He offered to make me a sandwich, but by now it was too late, I just wanted to leave.  I know how I get when I am starving and I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to become this mean, angry, short-tempered person right there in his home.

In seconds I put my shoes on, grabbed my coat and bag and left. It had snowed a little, so he came out and helped me clear my car. That slowed down my departure by a couple of minutes.

When I got home I texted him.  The text exchange is below. I was still hungry and a bit annoyed so my text was short, but not sweet.   He didn’t reply until the following morning.  I replied to him but he was silent until this very minute.  I am not sure what to say.  Something did go wrong the other night: There was no pizza!  The funny thing is I don’t even care that much about pizza.

I did have a great time and it is a shame that the night ended in such a way.  It could have been different if I had asked for something to eat, or told him to get the pizza going faster.  I didn’t think of it until he mentioned was already 8pm.

I always feel I can be too demanding and domineering. I often take the lead and start telling people what to do.  I also felt that he asked me over for pizza, so perhaps the pizza should have been further along by the time I got there, more than just the dough in a bowl.

Because I didn’t want to be a pushy, demanding person, I got too hungry and instead I became this crazy hungry monster that just ran out.  

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.” ― Albert Einstein

The 4th date and a misframe

13 Sunday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Mosaic and other crafts

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“I find only sadness and melancholy when I wade through the past, even when revisiting good memories. The past is gone; I can neither grasp it nor reshape it. Therefore, I must force my eyes to look toward the future where my mortal powers thrive.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich, Being Bold: Quotes, Poetry, & Motivations for Every Day of the Year

The fourth date was on Thursday night.  We met at a wine bar called Aura.  He remembered that this is the same place we had our second date 5 years ago.  At that time the place was called Gnarly Vine. 

He remembers everything about the few dates that we had 5 years ago.  He remembers where we went, what I said, etc.  I don’t remember anything, but as he shares what he remembers, bits and pieces come back to me.

It is crazy that I totally blocked out any memory of dates with him.  I remember liking him, and that is it.  My lack of memory of the past it is probably a combination of covid mental fogginess plus selective memory.  No sense in dwelling in the past.

We agreed to stop talking about the past and focus on the present. We are happy that we are getting a do-over.

If he doesn’t have to drive his daughter back to college tomorrow, Sunday, I will be going to his house for homemade pizza.  I am looking forward to seeing his home.  One can tell a lot from how a person lives. Fingers crossed that she is able to get a ride.

“. . .Looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

While I was waiting for my latest piece (a bird) to dry, I decided to do a picture frame.  It was going to be a gift for my brother, but then came the flowers and the butterfly. And instead of grout I used glitter, tons of glitter.  It is hard to see the glitter in the picture.  It is no longer for my brother 🙂