Category Archives: Daily Message

Be a honeybee and not a fly

25 Saturday Apr 2020

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“Where there is faith, fear cannot exist.” ― Radhanath Swami

Yesterday I came across the video below and it hit me like a slap on the face.  A good well deserved slap on the face. 

It seems that I had forgotten how to look, seek and focus on the positive and bright side of relationships, events and people. How disappointed I was to to realize that. I proudly represent myself as the most positive and optimistic person around and yet I was  only focusing on the negative actions of certain people. I was focusing on the flaws.

I have been struggling with certain business and financial issues, mostly due to people not following through on their obligations.  Waiting on people and being disappointed by them put me in a negative frame of mind.  While I don’t need to give them a free pass, I don’t have to let it affect my mood, my life.

Every time this situation comes to mind, which has been 100% of the time lately, I would focus my thinking on the people’s negative qualities and actions, or more aptly at their lack of follow through.

“If we understand the underlying cause of what we think of as bad in someone, instead of being hateful, we will be compassionate. For is not every soul inherently good? A saintly person will hate the disease but love the diseased.”― Radhanath Swami

At this point I cannot change the situation.  I have to wait and hope that people will act as they should, and yet I would catch myself getting angrier and angrier over the situation.  That anger set the tone for my entire day.  I was short with my sister and my boss.  I was just not a great person to deal with.

I watched this video and my thinking shifted.  I realized I was being a fly.  I decided to become a bee and refocus my energy on the positive.  Even though these people are not doing right by me at the moment, they have positive qualities also, even if I have to dig deep to find it. Every time this situation comes to mind I find something positive about the person and focus on that.

Shifting my thinking has not changed the circumstances and situation, but it changed me. It changed my day. There are still plenty of great things going on in my life.  There are still so many blessings that I was ignoring. Any time spent focusing on the negative is a waste of precious time.

This short video also helps us to be aware that we may be too hard on ourselves and only focus on what we consider our flaws and weaknesses.  Lets be more like the bee and seek and focus on the positive, the bright, the sweet.  

I wish you a sweet, safe and blessed day! ♥♥

Preparing for good bye and ready for hello

22 Wednesday Apr 2020

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“Oh, poor human! You have so many dreams, but so short period of time! You are living in the ocean of desires, but dying in the deserts of limited time! Oh, poor human!”― Mehmet Murat ildan

What happened to Wednesdays? Since I started working from home, about 1 month ago, I haven’t seen a Wednesday yet.  Every week it jumps from Tuesday to Thursday. It is the weirdest thing.  Is anybody else feeling the same thing or is it just me? 

I am making a point of not missing this Wednesday, tomorrow. We shall see…

“When a man has little time, he must take care to maintain his calm. We must act as if we had eternity before us.”― Umberto Eco

As I mentioned in the prior post I am busier than usual. Besides all that I already do at my job, and taking longer to do it since my set up at home is not ideal, I am now dealing with organizing our relocation.  It turns out I will only go back to my office in NY City to pack.

I have also been busy with getting all the applications filled out and the computations calculated for the PPP government loan.  I thought that we, my job, would be immune to this crisis, but no one really is.  The energy market has been so insane that most of our customers are too scared to move. So our business, which is mostly in Crude Oil and Ethanol, has suffered drastically. 

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.”― Thomas Paine

We had to fill applications 3 times due to each time being transferred to a different vendor/department.  Each time we were promised that we would not lose our place in line.  Guess what? we lost it.  So we didn’t get the loan on the first go, and we are now waiting to see if we can still get it.  

I have been reading about all the big public companies that applied and got huge loans.  That was never the intention of this program, but then again that is often the case, the ones that need the most never get it.  And I am not even talking about my firm, we need it, but there are others that need the most.  I would like to see all the little local businesses get help before all others.

“I looked up fairness in the dictionary and it was not there.”― William Giraldi

Now going back to this move that my boss has been talking about forever.  It is happening now. Instead of an office in Manhattan we will now have an office in New Jersey for the employees that live in that area and an office in my city, New Rochelle, for the employees that live in the NY area. or all that is 

I will be working 5 blocks from my apartment.  My commute will be a 5 minute walk.  This move will save me $250.00 for the train pass and 1 hour of commuting a day.  

It is also a new beginning in a way.  I love new beginnings.  I was really bored and unhappy at my job.  This gives me a chance to like it again or to realize that I am really done with it.

“We get a second chance at everything, including our mistakes.”―  Christopher X. Shade

It feels bittersweet. I have been working in Manhattan for almost 20 years. I thought I would have a chance to say a proper goodbye.  I don’t even know what I mean by a proper good bye.  

It is as if I am quitting Manhattan cold turkey. No time for goodbyes.  I know I am being a bit dramatic.  It is not as if I can’t ever go back.  I only live 30 minutes away by train and I am sure I will go back every now and then for a show, museum or a drink with someone.

At the end of the day my list of struggles is long (having some personal financial issues that I am losing sleep over, but who isn’t?), but my list of blessings continues to be immense! I am never losing sight of that!

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.”― C.S. Lewis

I have to go now, there is an electrician wanting to know how many outlets I want in each wall, there are boxes to order, there are vendors to be notified, the list is endless. 

Keep safe, healthy and creating joy every day.

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

 

 

Smile, no matter what, smile!

19 Sunday Apr 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

Another day in quarantine world. I hope you are happy and positive, planning for the future, but above all I hope you are in the present. I hope that whatever you are doing right now you are 100% present and enjoying it. 

There is no need to be productive, busy, creative, etc.  There is no need for anything other than just be.  Be where you are, stay where you are and make the best of it with the ones that you are with.  Make memories!

In the beginning of the quarantine,  for me about a month ago,  I had grand ideas.  I imagined learning a new language, doing several mosaic projects, reinventing myself, etc.

That is far from what has been happening.  It turns out that I have no time for anything. I will explain my lack of time in the next post.

In the meantime: Be here now! Be in the moment, find reasons to smile and be grateful. Make memories!

I know some are having a harder time than others, but still, smile.  You are alive, smile 🙂

Smile
Music by Charles Chaplin, Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers.”― Maya Angelou

“Because paper has more patience than people. ” ― Anne Frank

12 Sunday Apr 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“I’ve found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you.”― Anne Frank

Today I thought of Anne Frank.  She was a young girl born in Germany.  Later her family moved to the Netherlands to escape Hitler’s persecution of Jews.   When the Nazi occupied the Netherlands, her family had to go into hiding. 

For 2 years the family hid in a small attic. They were not able to go outside and had to remain quiet during the day.   While in hiding she wrote a diary.  That diary was later published.  She died young but her writings have survived 

I think about what she went through. Not only her, but everyone at the time of the Nazi occupation.  She was basically imprisoned, but she didn’t let her situation consume her.  She escaped in her writing.  She had hopes and dreams.  She planned for the future.   She still believed in the goodness of people and in love. 

If you want to read more about her, you can check the Anne Frank Museum: https://www.annefrank.org  and/or Wikipedia:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Frank

Reading about Anne Frank, her story and writings inspires me and it helps me to keep it all in perspective.  Things can always be worst.  We still have so much to be grateful for. 

Our minds imprison us, not our circumstances.  Four walls is not a prison, our minds and thoughts dictate our situation.  The most important thing is kindness and respect. Kindness to respect and not to judge.  Kindness to help if you, and let it go if we can’t.

“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.  I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.”- Anne Frank

Like her I am a dreamer, a planner, a believer.  I believe in an amazing future.   It is not only a belief, it is a certainty.  Tomorrow will always be better than today. That knowledge is comforting. 

Dream a little, or a lot.  Let your imagination soar.  Be whatever and whoever you want in your dreams.  Don’t limit your imagination.  Go as crazy and as wild as you can.

I also believe in the goodness of people.  People are good, they want to do good. There are heroes all around us.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.”― Anne Frank

I try hard to remind myself to observe beauty, nature and the miracles all around us.  Nature is the best miracle of all.  Observing nature brings me close to God.  When I am not able to go outside, just looking at the sky from my window brings me close to nature. There is beauty and miracles all around.  All you have to do is look.

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness.”― Anne Frank

We are all the same.  We are all capable of great things but also capable of making mistakes.  Understanding that helps us be kinder, less judgmental and more forgiving of each other, and also of ourselves.

No one is perfect. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or from others. Don’t judge how someone chooses to spend their social distancing time.  Some people can handle it better than others.

Do what helps you get through at this time.  Do what brings you joy.  Do what brings you peace.  Dance, laugh, play.  Do nothing or everything and don’t feel guilty about it. Follow your heart.

“People who have a religion should be glad, for not everyone has the gift of believing in heavenly things. You don’t necessarily even have to be afraid of punishment after death; purgatory, hell, and heaven are things that a lot of people can’t accept, but still a religion, it doesn’t matter which, keeps a person on the right path. It isn’t the fear of God but the upholding of one’s own honor and conscience. How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the while day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then, without realizing it you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn’t know it must learn and find by experience that: “A quiet conscience makes one strong!”― Anne Frank

I thanked my mother today for giving my siblings and I such a great moral and spiritual base.  I grew up believing in good and wrong. I grew up watching acts of generosity.  I grew up believing in God, spirits, reincarnation, and the concept of karma. Those teachings have been a blessing in my life.

I hope you are safe and enjoying every moment of your life as best as you can!

… and because paper has more patience than people, I write 🙂

 

The Prayer

09 Thursday Apr 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.” –  Mother Teresa

What holds me together when I may feel like falling apart is God, more aptly, the believe in God.  My belief in a powerful being, a powerful force that watches over me gives me strength and it gives me wings.

Not only it holds me together at tough times, it lets me soar and exceed my circumstances.  It lets me dream and look for miracles.  I expect miracles, and normally I find them.  Or they find me.

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.”― Abraham Lincoln

No matter what happens to me or whatever I may be facing I know that I will be okay.  I will always land on my feet.  For as long as I can remember I hold that knowledge in my heart and gut.

I  hope that you too have something or someone in your life from which you can draw strength and comfort.  Perhaps you are religious or spiritual and perhaps you believe in God.  You may call it God, Supreme Being, the Light, the Universe, the Creator, etc. 

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” — Mahatma Gandhi

There are things that brings me closer to God; that makes me feel connected to my inner God, that brings me peace and serenity.  Those things are: Prayers, gratitude, generosity, kindness, service to others, meditation. Also certain songs. Nothing better than a song about prayers.

“You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.”― Kahill Gibran

At the top is one of my favorites songs by Josh Groban: The Prayer.  On the bottom there is a link of the same song performed by a beautiful daughter and her dad.  It is awesome.  I couldn’t decide which one to use on this post, so I am using both.

The Prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer
When we lose our way

Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

La luce che tu hai
(I pray we’ll find your light)
Nel cuore resterà
(And hold it in our hearts)
A ricordarci che
(When stars go out each night)
L’eterna stella sei
(Whoa)
Nella mia preghiera
(Let this be our prayer)
Quanta fede c’è
(When shadows fill our day)

Lead us to a place
(Guide us with your grace)
[Both:]
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

Sogniamo un mondo senza più violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace, e di fraternità

La forza che ci dà
(We ask that life be kind)
È il desiderio che
(And watch us from above)
Ognuno trovi amor
(We hope each soul will find)
Intorno e dentro a sé
(Another soul to love)

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Need to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

È la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.”― Mother Teresa

 

 
 
 

Some days I thrive and some days I just survive

04 Saturday Apr 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.” ― Leon C. Megginson

Leon Megginson was talking about business on the quote above but I think it fits in every area of life.  I am strong and intelligent but what will help me now is how quickly I adapt to my new normal.

I often say that I can adapt to anything, but at some moments I catch myself dragging my feet.  I realize I am going through the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Sometimes I go through all the stages in the same day and in different orders.

I am grieving my normalcy, my routine.  I am mourning my freedom.  The freedom of coming and going without worry.

Denial: At first it didn’t seem real.  Up to 2 weeks ago I was still going to the office every day.  Still taking the train as if all is business as usual.  Pretending or perhaps just trying to believe that all was fine.  Then I realized that I was not doing my part to help contain this virus.  I decided that only people that need to go out should go out. So I stayed at home. Denial helps us handle things slowly and on our own terms.  

I wonder if being sane means disregarding the chaos that is life, pretending only an infinitesimal segment of it is reality.”― Rabih Alameddine

Anger: I am angry for the loss of my freedom.  My anger is directed towards our leaders that don’t know how to lead. Trump has done what he always does: make excuses, blame others and say how well he is doing.  Bolsanaro, the president of Brazil is even worst. Changing his mind at every second, yelling at reporters, blaming the media, calling this pandemic a hype.  It is hard to feel safe and secure when our leaders behave in such a way.

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” ― Marcus Aurelius,  Meditations

Bargaining: I have been doing a lot of that.  Every night when I pray I ask God to let me be the one to get the virus instead of any of my family members.  I am volunteering that if anyone in my family is supposed to get this virus, please let it be me and not my parents and siblings. If my family escapes unscathed I promised to live more and worry less.  I will have more fun. I will live more.

“When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it’s time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”― Elizabeth Gilbert

Depression:  Some days I can see glimpses of depression.  Some days it is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.  The feeling of powerlessness overwhelms me.  At those times is when I have to tap deep inside and turn to gratitude.  To me, gratitude is the antidote to depressive thoughts. I realize that the light I look for is not at the end of the tunnel or in some other abstract point in the future.  The light is inside of me and it is here now.  

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Acceptance:  I accept the situation more than I rebel against it.  What is the alternative?  It is right here staring us in the face. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to escape.  Acceptance allows us to move on, to create new habits, to even find joy in our days. When we accept the situation we can start to see the future and to plan tomorrow.  I can accept but I don’t have to like it.

It is time to adapt, reflect, be patient and persevere.  I know I am blessed and have nothing to complain about.  But still, I remind myself that all my feelings are okay.  I don’t need to feel sorry or ashamed for feeling scared and defeated some days.  It is okay not to feel like a superwoman every day.  Some days I am just a frightened little girl, and that is okay.

For now I pray, I love, I say thank you. I am kinder and more patient.  For now I am trying to clean my house and my mind.  I am getting far from people (physically) and closer to God.

And this, too, shall pass.  And we will be stronger than ever!

“Your whole life is inside your mind.  Your mind is the prism that refracts the entire universe.  Everything around you and within you comes from your mind.  You are your state of mind.  Your state of mind creates your view, or your window, on life.”-  Frederick Lenz

 

Gratitude is my panic room

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

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“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.” – Tagore

This was my third day working from home. I feel out of sorts.  I am a creature of habit.  Without the routine I feel lost.  Working from a desk in my bedroom I am busy the whole day and yet I don’t feel productive.  

My comfort zone is my routine and the accomplishments at work.  As I battle these uncomfortable feelings I focus on the potential growth hidden in these feelings.  

I think that at the core of this discomfort is fear.  Fear of tomorrow’s uncertainty.  I like order and I like having an idea of what the future may bring.  Now it is hard to tell.

As I put these thoughts out in the open I feel embarrassed at my silliness and even entitlement. How dare I feel lost and out of control?

“Man is not to fight with other human races, other human individuals, but his work is to bring about reconciliation and Peace and to restore the bonds of friendship and love. We are not like fighting beasts. It is the life of self which is predominating in our life, the self which is creating the seclusion, giving rise to sufferings, to jealousy and hatred, to political and commercial competition. All these illusions will vanish, if we go down to the heart of” ― Tagore

Today I woke up in my cozy bed, in my big bedroom.  I woke up safe and sheltered.  I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.  If I miss a few paychecks life will not fall apart. 

If I catch Coronavirus I have insurance and I am in the US, where, although healthcare needs improving it is still much better and more available than in a lot other countries.

Although I worry about my elderly parents far away in Brazil I know they are being well taken care of by my brother.  I really have nothing to complain about.

Living in the US, specifically in NY state, it is easy to take everything for granted.  For so many around the world, and even here in the US, Coronavirus is not even a thought as their daily struggles are as basic as food, shelter, clean water, electricity, etc.   

Feeling lost because I am working from home is a luxury.  Many would give anything for a home and a job. That thought slaps me in the face.

“Perhaps the new dawn will come from this horizon, from the East where the sun rises; and then, unvanquished Man will retrace his path of conquest, despite all barriers, to win back his lost heritage. ” ― Tagore

I return to gratitude, a space that I inhabit well.  A place where I belong.   Gratitude grounds me.  It provides me with the perspective I need in uncertain times.

Although there are moments I forget,  I am blessed and I know it. And so are you.

Be safe, be grateful and be blessed!  Above all, be kind!

All the poems/quotes here are from Tagore.  In 1913 Rabindranath Tagore was the first non-European person to win a Nobel Prize for Literature. He was born in Indian 1861 and died in 1941. He was a poet and scholar. 

“Where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high,
where knowledge is free.
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls.
Where words come out from the depth of truth,
where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection.
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it’s way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit.
Where the mind is led forward by thee
into ever widening thought and action.
In to that heaven of freedom, my father,
LET MY COUNTRY AWAKE!”― Tagore

 

 

If by Rudyard Kipling

02 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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I needed to read this today.  Perhaps you need it to.

If—
Rudyard Kipling – 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Wishing everything a blessed week! Stay strong and faithful! ♥♥♥

Hurt people hurt people, but I don’t have to

28 Friday Feb 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state–it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle…. Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions.
Source: The Wisdom of Heschel”― Abraham Joshua Heschel

I woke up this morning happy as usual but with an extra spring in my step. M will be coming for dinner and movie this evening. It will be the 3 of us, including my sister. They have met each other before. Last time he dropped me off home he came up and installed a new shower head for her.

Tonight we will be celebrating his retirement from the police force. The actual date is not until June, but today it will be his last working day. He is taking 6 months off and then he will decide what to do next.

I am choosing to celebrate everything, his retirement, the weekend, good food, family and love!

We will be ordering from my favorite Italian restaurant and opening a great bottle of red wine. After dinner we will have popcorn while watching Yesterday, the movie. I predict it will be a fun night!

“I like places in which things have happened — even if they’re sad things.” ― Henry James,  The Portrait of a Lady

But, let me get back to this morning:

As I was walking through Grand Central station at 7:30am it was busy as usual. All of a sudden this guy came out of nowhere and bumped into the side of my breast and shoulder so hard that it almost knocked me off my feet. I am not sure if it was his backpack or elbow that hit me.

I turned quickly but he was moving too fast for me to see who he was. The lady behind me yelled out to him: “What a dick!!”. I am not sure if he hit her also or if she took offense to the way he bumped into me. I think it is the latter.

Please keep in mind that I bump into people and people bump into me all the time. That is what happens when you are walking in Grand Central Station at rush hour. This was not a simple bump. It felt violating and threatening.

I had no reaction other than turning around and quickly turning back and keep on moving. After all, that is the advice I gave my sister when she started working in New York City. I told her: “If someone bumps into you, don’t stop, don’t confront, keep on moving. Your life is precious to you, but they may not hold their own life in high regard.”

You never know who is mentally ill, or just ill-tempered, or looking for a fight. The amount of mentally ill people hanging around the city and the train stations have been steadily increasing. It is scary. You never know who is standing next to you.

As I continued my walk to work still feeling shocked, wronged and hurt I realized I had 2 choices. 1) I could let that incident consume me and my emotions and spoil my entire day or 2) I could shake it off and move on. I chose to move on.

“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering”― Don Miguel Ruiz

I said a prayer to that person. He had issues. A) He was either in too of a hurry, with too much in his mind to even bother to slow down and say sorry or to avoid bumping into me in the first place. Or B) He chose to bump into me on purpose, which would make him a mean and miserable person.

The mean and the miserable are the ones more in need of prayers. Perhaps he has extra burdens in his life. Perhaps his mind is not all there. I am not going to pretend I know him and his life. I also don’t want to judge someone based on 1 action, but I am choosing to judge his action. It was confrontational, awful, rude,mean and painful.

This was another opportunity for me to choose love and forgiveness, not because of others but for myself. My time, heart and mind are too precious to let other occupy.

Still, God Bless him! May God lighten his load! May he see the light and choose to spread love and smiles! And thank you God for this lesson!

“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.” – Yehuda Berg

Moving, at any speed, but moving

12 Sunday Jan 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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” I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” – Helen Keller

The year had a slow start for me.  I guess I had unreasonable expectations for the beginning of the new year.  It is like I expected to wake up in the first day of the new year and magically everything made sense, work magically became less stressful and I again started exercising daily at 5am.

The truth was not even close.  I didn’t magically become this dynamo of motivation and energy.

Work is now even more stressful.  I continue toying with the idea of making a change, working part-time or even quitting. (but I am realistic also)

I haven’t been sleeping through the night in a couple of months (I blame hot flashes),  so even though I wake up in time to exercise I can’t make myself get up and go.

10 days into the new year I realize that I need to get going or I will spend the whole year just dreaming and planning to get things done but not really doing anything.  It is  not magic or wishful thinking but hard work that makes one succeed.

A new day on the calendar doesn’t mean a miraculous new beginning, but it does present a magical chance to start over.  Nothing can be done about yesterday, but today is all mine to get stuff done.

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

I am snapping out of this stupor that I have been on the last couple of months and get going.  I have taken some baby steps and here they are:

  • Flooring.  I am finally getting the floor of my bedroom done after being stuck in indecision and overthinking.  I went to Home Depot and chose the color and material it in 5 minutes.  The color chosen is below.  Feeling accomplished!

  • Walton Oak Lifeproof vinyl plank

  • Unclogged pipes. After spending months with bathtubs and sinks draining slowly and waiting for the plumber to get back to me, my sister returned from the grocery store with a Drano kit that comes with a plastic snake. I laughed at it, but I was proven wrong. This plastic snake cleaned years of dirt, hair, and other gunk.  It worked like magic. No more waiting for plumbers to get back to me.  Feeling powerful!

  • Drano with snake

  • Mosaics. I love working with them but I keep waiting for the right time and place to continue developing this craft. I was going to rent a studio, then decided against spending the money.  I finally found a place to learn and work with mosaics.  I just sent them an email and I am waiting for the class/workshop times.   I am so excited to get back to that passion.

  • Flowers and Butterflies

  • Dating.  After months of not feeling motivated to be dating or talking to anyone online, this week I finally logged in and chatted to a couple of nice (hopefully) people.  While I still didn’t schedule any dates I feel ready to get back to it.  Feeling fun and hopeful again.
  • Exercising.  I am still not exercising in the morning but I am doing something every evening even if it is just dancing to a few song or some lunges and squats.

I am so far from where I wanted to be or thought I should be at this moment in time. All I have to say is that I am aiming for movement.  Whatever I can do not to feel stuck. One step at a time,  one day at a time. I will get there.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. – Confucius