Category Archives: Daily Message

Accepting, being grateful and moving on to a date with a new guy :-)

10 Wednesday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Before I get to my date report I need to admit that I am still annoyed and disappointed about D.’s silence. Yet, I am not surprised.  Somehow I knew it the moment he canceled it.  As the hours passes and the silence increases it is just a confirmation that silence is his way of saying he changed his mind.  

I know we only had 2 dates, but it all about the sparks, the conversation, it was all about the huge potential.  I also knew that I was already seeing some potential issues. I worried about the difficult daughter.  I worried about the weird multiple jobs.

“Things change, so I have to change too.”
― Adam Scythe, Immortals, Vol. III.

I don’t like how he has chosen to do it, but I must accept.  I will never understand ghosting someone.  Why not send a quick text and say:  “ I changed my mind”.

Still, I remind myself of the agreement I have with my Guardian Angels.  They are allowed to take anyone and anything from my life that it is not and will not be good for me.  No questions asked.  It doesn’t need to make sense.

So, the situation with D.  doesn’t make sense to me, but if am to look back at my blog, there were many others unexplained disappearing acts. I am accepting it, thanking my guardian angels and moving on to the next.  There is always a next!

“It poured with rain the day I left. But I was filled with excitement, a strange exuberant sense of taking wing. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew what I needed. I needed a new land, a new race, a new language; and although I couldn’t have put it into words then, I needed a new mystery.” ― John Fowles, The Magus

Moving on to the date.

We met at 6:30pm at Sergio’s Restaurant in Pelham, NY.  It is a very beautiful and classy restaurant.  I was surprised that it was such a busy place on a Monday night.

I got there and he was already seated.  He got up and came to meet me.  We hugged hello.  He was handsome and looked like his pictures.  He had a white shirt and tie.  He wears one for work, but he mentioned he likes to dress well.

The conversation flowed.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He said I was beautiful two times.  I love compliments, but if it is too much, it makes me want to run.  I am glad he stopped at two.

To drink, he had an old fashioned and I had a cosmopolitan. My drink was delicious.  If I were not driving, I would have had a second one.

We didn’t want appetizers, and we both ordered the short ribs with risotto.  For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a napoleon, and they were both divine.

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”  ― Mae West, Wit & Wisdom of Mae West

He is 52 years old and owns a funeral home. He has an amazing relationship with his 3 daughters.  Two are living on their own and a 14-year-old lives with him. He has been divorced for 8 years and gets along well with the ex-wife. 

We were at the restaurant for 3 hours.  At the end he walked me to my car, and I gave him a ride to his car around the corner.  When he was exiting my car he kissed me good bye. Then turned back and kissed me again.  It was just a couple of pecks on the lips.  

I am not sure if there are enough sparks. He is such a sweet person, such a gentleman, that I think it is worth a second date.  I am keeping an open mind.

“One can begin so many things with a new person! – even begin to be a better man.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

 

There we go again :-)

08 Monday Nov 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“I might not yet be falling in love, but I might be flirting with the promise of love, the idea of love, the making of a place in my heart for love, though it may have been more a wish than a promise.”  ― Diane Meier, The Season of Second Chances

I have yet to see D. for a third date.  After the two successful dates, it is proving difficult for him to find the time to meet up.

He wanted to meet one day last week for lunch. I had deadlines at work and couldn’t leave.  I also don’t really like meeting up for lunch during the week.  I feel rushed having to go back to the office. 

Then on Friday night he asked me out for a late breakfast the following day.  It was last minute, but as faith would have my mosaic time at the studio had been canceled. So it seemed perfect.

We agreed on time.  He would pick me up and we would drive to a neighboring town.

Then Saturday morning this:

I was a little disappointed about the cancelation, and the fact that he has not contacted me again.  Last night I sent a quick hi, but heard nothing back.

I know he has been busier than usual with some issues. His ex-father in law passed away, and he had to provide support. I also know that his 17 year old daughter has issues, so he tries to really be there for her.  I understand and appreciate that.

BUT,

To me it is very simple. If he is not making more of an effort to see me then he is probably not that interested. 

He had mentioned that he has been divorced for 4 years and that he has waited until now to date because of his daughters.  Now the oldest one is in college and the 17 year old is soon to be off to college also.  Perhaps he should have waited another 6 months longer. 

I know it is very early to make this conclusion but I will not be surprised if I never hear from him again.  This is the nature of online dating.  People change their minds, and find it easier to just go silent.  

We bet on a game last week and I lost, so I owe him dinner. Perhaps he will want to collect.

It is disappointing because he seemed to be into me, as much as I was into him. We are both Aries, but I seem to be the more impatient of the two.  

If he can’t find the time for a third date, how could we ever make a relationship work?  I don’t want a partner that I will see once every other week.

While I am still trying to live in, and enjoy, the moment and have no expectations, I still want to feel important in somebody’s life.  Yes, even after only 2 dates!

**

“A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

and we keep going 🙂

Tonight I will be going on a date with a 52 year old, owner of a funeral home. I have met him on Bumble at the same time I met D., but I had not put much effort in meeting him until now. 

He seems like a nice guy.  He is divorced with 3 daughters.  The youngest is 14 years old.  I don’t know a lot about him.  I know he loves a couple of sports teams and travels around to see them play often. 

We shall see… I will report back tomorrow.

“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

 

 

The Power of Consistency

22 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently” ― Tony Robbins

Today marks the 100th day that I started using Duolingo to learn French.  

Throughout the years I have attempted to learn French, but I never really stuck to it.  I have mentioned it several times, but only to let it fall by wayside.  So, 100 straight days feels amazing.

After 100 days I know over 1300 words. I am able to read and write a lot.  My pronunciation is terrible, but I am not discouraged.   It took me a long time to be comfortable and not self-conscious speaking English, so I know that it will take time and effort, but it will come.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” ― Tony Robbins

The fact that Duolingo keeps track of the days and let’s me know every time I complete a lesson, made it like a game.  How many straight days can I get?

I realize that being consistent is key to success to everything in life.  Now, even if it is just 5 minutes, I don’t go to sleep if I don’t login and do at least 1 French lesson.

It may be silly but the number 100 makes me feel powerful. What makes it important is that it is straight, every day with no days off.  It is the build up of one day at a time. It is the result of not leaving it for tomorrow, but doing it today, even if for only a few minutes.

Now, if I can only take this surge of energy and feeling of invincibility and let it flow over other areas of my life.  What else can I improve on, by dedicating just a few minutes a day? Everything!

Perhaps I van be more consistent here.  🙂

Wishing everything a weekend blessed with progress! ♥♥

“I can tell you the secret to happiness in one word: progress.” ― Tony Robbins

 

Many ways to break your neck, I mean, to be adventurous

06 Wednesday Oct 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Fiction

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“I didn’t want my life to be an occasional adventure. I wanted adventure to be  my life.” ― Jean-Philippe Soulé, I, Tarzan: Against All Odds

The other day a friend teased me when I said I was afraid to ride one of those e-scooters.  He said: You?  Really?  Aren’t you Miss Adventure?

I always considered myself adventurous, but what have I been doing lately that qualifies as adventurous? Just calling myself adventurous doesn’t make me adventurous.

There are over 200 e-scooters and 30 bikes available around downtown New Rochelle.  They seem fun and dangerous at the same time.  I toy with the idea of trying the scooter above out. 

Perhaps on a grassy field with no people or cars around.  Visions of attempting to rollerblade come to mind.  I didn’t do any better with piloting a motorcycle. I broke the mirror on my sister’s bike on the first try.

“Adventures are all very well in their place, but there’s a lot to be said for regular meals and freedom from pain.” ― Neil Gaiman, Stardust

Do I have to risk injury to prove I am adventurous, or perhaps I should just quit portraying myself as such?

Perhaps I can just be adventurous in mind and not in action. In my mind I am everything.

As far as the bike above, I am not afraid of it.  I just haven’t rode one in several years.  I figure one of theses days I will be riding one. It should be easy, after all, it is just like riding a bike 🙂

Or perhaps I should be afraid of it.  I still remember the last time I was on one.  It was right in downtown New Rochelle, and I think I was riding on the wrong side of the street or something like that.  A man stuck his head out of his van and yelled: “Lady, you are going to kill yourself”.

“Until you step into the unknown, you don’t know what you’re made of.” ― Roy T. Bennett

I rode home and was never on a bike again. I am not sure if he was the reason or if I just didn’t have a chance to ride again.

Can I just walk and be adventurous, or do I have to risk life and limb? I already risk myself skiing. 

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Why is it so important to me to be adventurous, or to see myself as adventurous?  I guess I equate “being adventurous” as “fully enjoying life” and “living with gusto”. 

I fully embrace the idea that we have to do things we fear to be able to grow.   Perhaps that is the reason that I hang on to skiing.  To feel adventurous. And to also feel young and powerful.

I fear being stuck, and not growing. One of the worst sins for me would be to one day look back in my life, and realize that I wasted my life for fear. Fear of trying, fear of getting hurt, fear of making a fool of myself, etc.

With all that being said: No, I am not trying that e-scooter any time soon.  And yes, I am going to continue to call myself adventurous. 

Hi, I am Ana and I am adventurous, and yet cautious. 

“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

 

Coffee and friends: the perfect blend

30 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me, Mosaic and other crafts, Poetry

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“Either way, he figured a cup of coffee would hit the spot. For what is more versatile? As at home in tin as it is in Limoges, coffee can energize the industrious at dawn, calm the reflective at noon, or raise the spirits of the beleagured in the middle of the night.” ― Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

Again I am struggling to finish posts.  Blame it on lack of time and lack of focus.  Ideas come and go, and they fail to land on a page and be posted. 

I am trying to be better and do better.   

In the meantime my mosaics keep going.  Here is another one.  Now that I posted the pictures, I can see a lot of issues with the final product.  Such as, there are some areas where I need to clean some more of the grout off.  But if I am going to wait to do that first to post, this would be another post that wouldn’t see the light of the day.

Also, that is the beauty of mosaics, it is never perfect 🙂

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”- Seinfeld

“What the hell makes you smart?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t go for coffee with you.”
“Listen – I wouldn’t ask you.”
“That,” she replied, “is what makes you stupid.”
― Erich Segal, Love Story

“Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.”
― Cherise Sinclair, Hour of the Lion

“Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup” ― Gertrude Stein, Selected Writings

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”-Anne Morrow Lindberg

And here is a sneak peak at the start of a ladybug, inspired by Monica at https://brilliantviewpoint.com/2021/09/03/ladybug-more-luck/

 

Feeling Inspired

24 Friday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

It was drizzling and cold very early this morning, when I walked to work.  I didn’t bother getting an umbrella.  It is always so windy around my apartment that umbrellas are useless.

I love, love this cool weather, changing into colder and colder, and then soon snow.  

I love the kind of days that some people call ugly: the rainy, cold, and dark days.  The best is to wake up to a day that is so dark, it is hard to tell if it is day or night.   I love the way it hits me.  It makes me feel alive.  It feels poetic.

I once told somebody that, and he said jokingly: “What is wrong with you? You should be a vampire.” Well, I had also told him that if were not for my sister and my plants I would never open my curtains.

I love the sun, but I think there is a certain comfort and coziness in dark spaces.  It is soothing. It embraces you like the welcoming arms of a lover.

It is now hours later, sunny and warm.  I am grateful for this Friday.  Nature is beautiful, sunny or cloudy, rain or shine, day or night. 

I am feeling inspired and Rilke came to mind.  The writing below is from “Letters to a Young Poet”.  I believe there is a young poet inside each one of us.  Sometimes the medium used is not words, but any art can be poetic.

From the poet inside of me to the poet inside of you:

“Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty – describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember.

If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds – wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it.

Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. – And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

A perfect Sunday and not so perfect boundaries

22 Wednesday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message

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“No” is a complete sentence.” -― Annie Lamott

On Sunday my sister and I went to the New Rochelle Street Fair.  It was okay.  We didn’t stay long. We then walked back to R Cafe and Tea Boutique.  Miraculously, the only table outside was empty and waiting for us. It was a gorgeous breezy sunny day. 

For a second I felt like I was in Paris.  All because of the the French rattan bistro chairs and the perfect setting.  I have never been to Paris, by the way 🙂

Later in the afternoon we got foot massages.  In the evening I went to dinner to with my friend A., at Sonora Restaurant in Port Chester.  That is one of my favorite restaurants, and A. is one of my favorite people.

“Boundaries aren’t all bad. That’s why there are walls around mental institutions.” ― Peggy Noonan, Patriotic Grace: What It Is and Why We Need It Now

He lets me be.  I am the type of friend that likes her space.  I don’t want, or need, to be involved in my friend’s lives on a daily basis.  All my friends know I am here for them. If they need me, I will drop everything and be there, in body, heart and financial support.

Lately I am feeling overwhelmed by a couple of friends.  They are just too much.  Is there such a thing as “too much” between friends?  Yes, there is!  Or perhaps there is not, and these are not real friends.  Very possible!

They want to be enmeshed into my, and my sister’s life.  When a text is not replied to, then the phone calls start.  Not one or two, but multiple, in succession, to both my sister and I.  When we are available and finally able to answer, there is no emergency.  They don’t let a day go bye without reaching out.

“If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night & The Last Tycoon

We almost feel like hostages, or worst, like there is no place to hide. And sometimes they invent excuses to just stop by, unannounced. Besides the multiple calls, there are multiple questions. Where were you?  With whom?  With a friend or a date? What are you doing tomorrow? What about next week?

We don’t want to be mean, specially since I know they went through a difficult situation recently. Which, by the way I helped them 100%.  But at this point it seems like it is a choice between our freedom to just be, or hurting them by setting boundaries. 

When put like that, it seems like a no-brainer.  I shall try, and we shall see.

“If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.” ― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

 

 

The implied and inferred meaning of a hug

16 Thursday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“I had embraced you…
long before i hugged you.”
― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos

Mr. Stocks and I continue to text. Unfortunately we often have some sort of miscommunication or misunderstanding.  Now, I come to find out, not only my words, but also my actions are being misunderstood.

I thought it was a pleasant hug goodbye, with a potential future.  He thought it was a rejection. 

The texting starts when he is letting me know about his decision about a job offer that he had been considering.

I am not sure what the next chapter will be, but I am proceeding with caution.  I don’t want to hurt him or get hurt, or worst of all, damage the friendship.

I think he is more sensitive than other guys.  Or perhaps more insecure, and more afraid of getting hurt.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” ― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Some tennis watching and a back massage

08 Wednesday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Everyone has the fire, but the champions know when to ignite the spark.” ― Amit Ray, Enlightenment Step by Step

This Labor Day weekend, similar to prior years, except 2020, I went to the US Open on Saturday. 

I was pleasantly surprised that there were almost no lines to get in.  They checked the vaccination card and tickets very quickly.  There were some people with masks but the majority had no masks.  It felt freeing.

This time I wasn’t too excited to attend, as my two favorite players weren’t there:  Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams.  I need to find new favorites.

I do have a Brazilian player left in tournament, Bruno Soares.  He is in the Men’s Doubles semi-final, playing with Jamie Murray (Andy’s older brother).  I am not sure who they are playing against, but I will be watching that match.  

The weather was perfect.  While there, we had  a great lunch at The Mojito Restaurant.  They make the best yucca fries.  Inside the stadium we had Honey Deuce, the official drink of the US Open while watching the Novak Djokovic/Kei Nishikori match. Novak won. I was not happy.  Still it was a great match.

“Life has but one true charm: the charm of the game. But what if we’re indifferent to whether we win or lose?” ― Charles Baudelaire

One new and interesting thing is that there are no line judges anymore.  There is the chair umpire only. The line calls are made with the Hawk-Eye electronic line-calling.  The electronic voice that yells “OUT”, can be female or male, depending on what the other courts that are near are using, so not to confuse the players. 

It makes a big difference.  There are no longer challenges, which eliminates a lot of the drama.  I used to enjoy some of the drama though 🙂

On Sunday I went to Wegmans grocery store for the first time.  It is new in my area, and some people were raving about it.  It was a good store, but I don’t get excited about grocery stores. After lunch I got a back massage.

While I was getting a massage, I was just trying to relax and think of nothing.  It is an impossibility for me. While fighting random thoughts, the Jewish Holiday, Rosh Hashanah came to mind.  I thought to myself that I should text B. a Happy New Year.

B., is a woman that was very helpful to me in my first years in the U.S. We helped each other, but her coming into my life helped me achieve everything I have today.  

Last time I texted her she didn’t reply.  I don’t need a reply to text someone. I made a point of holding on to that thought to text her when my massage was over. 

After the 1 hour massage, with thoughts of what is for dinner, and no longer thinking of B.  I picked up my phone and I am shocked to see I have a missed call from her.  At the moment I was thinking about her, she was calling me.  I love the little  synchronicities of the Universe.  The Universe is always listening.

I called her back. She apologized for not texting back. We talked for a little bit.  Everything felt right in the world.

“Our intentions attract the elements and forces, the events, the situations, the circumstances, and the relationships necessary to fulfill the intended outcome.We don’t need to become involved in the details—in fact, trying too hard may backfire.It requires attention, and it also requires detachment. Once you have created the intention mindfully, you must be able to detach from the outcome, and let the universe handle the details of fulfilment.”
― Deepak Chopra, Synchrodestiny: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence to Create Miracles

On Monday I had dinner with someone that I have been speaking online for the past 6 years, and had never met before.  I am going to write about it next. Was it a good or bad meeting? Stay tuned to find out.

 

Not bad for an Old dog

01 Wednesday Sep 2021

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“If you want to do a few small things right, do them yourself. If you want to do great things and make a big impact, learn to delegate.” ― john c. maxwell

I have always struggled with asking people to do anything for me.  I also struggle with letting go of control.  That combination makes it very hard for me to delegate at work.

As a result I have been overworked for years; even though I do have someone to assist me.

I work for a very small firm, so I wear many hats.  From being the Treasurer to being the Compliance Officer, and everything else in between.  My assistant does the daily contracts.

I was doing way too much.  I realized that she could do more and alleviate some of my burden. Now, slowly, I have been giving her more responsibilities, and making her accountable for some tasks.

I learned that I need to:

  • Give step-by-step instructions
  • Communicate the expected outcome
  • Establish clear and realistic deadlines
  • Have tons of patience

“Focus on what you are good at; delegate all else.” – Steve Jobs

It has been tough.  A lot doesn’t get done as I would like.  Relinquishing control of functions that I always took pride in is difficult.  I have always felt that anything leaving my office is a reflection on me as a professional.

I am finally learning that to delegate is to learn to accept that something will not be done your way, but it will still get done.  So what if an email is not written as perfect as I want?  It is not the end of the world.

At work, I have been guilty of expecting people to take initiative.  I expect people to see that something needs to get done and to step up and do it.  Some people will never do that.  Some people need to be told what to do.

It is okay.  We are all different.  Some people are born to lead and some are born to follow. It doesn’t make one better than the other, but it should serve as a guide to where people should concentrate their efforts.

“The more control, the more that requires control. This is the road to chaos.— PanSpechi aphorism”  ― Frank Herbert, The Dosadi Experiment

In delegating, letting go of control and the need for things to be done my way, I have found some more time in my day.

I have found freedom.  Freedom from the need to be perfect.  Freedom from being in charge of everything.

I am finally learning to work smarter.  I have not only learned to delegate, but I am also learning to say no to additional work.

Who said an old dog can’t learn new tricks?

“I’ve seen too many leaders misunderstand leadership for legacy. Even the most experienced leaders will divide instead of delegate and incite instead of unite to advance hidden personal agendas.” ― Richie Norton