I haven’t had too many relationships. 2 major ones to be exact. I had one relationship for 20 years that ended amicably (it is crazy, but we care for each like brother and sister now). Then there is Ex, the 3 year relationship that devastated me. Between those two there was some dating but not a lot, so I don’t consider myself knowledgeable in that area. All of a sudden at 47 I am a teenager in the dating word, unsure of how to navigate all the unspoken rules.
“The successful man will profit from his mistakes and
try again in a different way.”
― Dale Carnegie
I hear horror stories about online dating, so I think I have been luckier than most. The guys I have been meeting have been nice guys, but normally it doesn’t go more than 1 date due to no interest on my part.
Then I met Dan (name changed to protect the guilty). He had almost everything. I say almost because he didn’t make me go weak in the knees. He took me to great restaurants. There was no lack of interesting conversation. He was such a gentleman and he was not pushy for anything physical. I had explained that I needed things to go very slow and he said he understood and it was not a problem. He is the one that, coincidentally, has a showroom just 3 blocks from my office (how perfect I thought!). The potential for a happy life seemed incredible. He made me feel special. I thought to myself: Here is a man that gets me and wants to make me the center of his world. I want that!
“I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.”
― Wm. Paul Young
But still after 6 dates I was not feeling it in my heart but I was thinking that perhaps this is where I should let my mind do the talking. I wrote about this mind heart conflict here: http://blessedwithastarontheforehead.com/2013/05/27/my-heart-wants-fireworks/
Dan seemed to do all the right things. I felt special, and was starting to think “maybe”. I was ignoring my heart and letting my mind rule.
Then there was silence: Dan disappeared!
This happened a couple of weeks ago. He had texted me, as he normally did asking if I was around on the weekend and I had said yes. This was a Thursday morning so I expected to hear from him that night to make plans for the weekend. When Sunday came around and I hadn’t heard from him I was worried that something had happened to him so I texted him. He texted me back on Monday and I quote: “Sorry for the lateness in replying, I needed some time to sort things out.”
Not knowing what that meant exactly I just replied wishing him luck on sorting things out.
After speaking to my sister about this, she said that perhaps there was something going on with his mom. He had mentioned that perhaps his mother would have to move in with the brother because it was becoming difficult for her to be alone. It never crossed my mind that perhaps there was something was wrong with her. So to have a clear conscience I reached out to him again and said that I was here if he needed to talk and that I hoped that all was okay with his Mother. I got no reply.
2 weeks go by and I am still confused and shocked by his silence. Was he just going to disappear and never say a word if I had never had texted him that Sunday? Is this normal behavior?
“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”
― Edmund Burke
I was still thinking about him and his actions (or lack of it) for 2 reasons. First I wonder if he really has some big problem going on in his life and second because he had bought tickets to take me to a show of a Brazilian singer tonight (June 26). Was he going to all of a sudden appear to go to the concert? I was already mentally trying to decide, do I go or just say no?
So the day before yesterday the curious Aries in me couldn’t take it anymore so I texted him and asked how were things. It took him a day to reply and he said: “ thank you for thinking of him and I am sorry I am not in a good place to communicate”.
Hum? What in the world does that mean?
I just hate stuff like that. What is the problem with the truth? I think I am owed that. Why the mystery?
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I just replied wishing him luck and saying I was only worried because I didn’t take him for a man that would just disappear.
At any rate I am still curious to know what exactly happened but not curious enough to show up at his office and demand an explanation.
This, I think, serves as a validation that my heart knew better. I should have known better than to let my mind start talking me into liking someone when my heart wasn’t in it. I thank the Universe for giving me an answer to this conflict between my heart and my mind.
When things like this happen I think I should get on my knees and thank heavens that my heart came out unscathed. As stupid as it may sound, I feel stronger for it and I feel even closer to finding the One. It does feel good eliminating the wrong ones (wrong for me) and leaving space for the right one.
… or perhaps I should just buy a safe for my heart and keep it in there and not chance it getting hurt again, this came too close for comfort.
“Hearts are breakable,” Isabelle said. “And I think even when you heal, you’re never what you were before”.”
― Cassandra Clare
But I am still curious if this is a normal thing, to have great dates and then never hear from the person again? oh well, the joys of the dating world!