(pic courtesy of google images)

My favorite voice on the phone got me thinking about God’s answer to our prayers. Well, he got me thinking about a whole lot of other stuff too but we don’t want to go there!  We want to keep this blog PG13.

We are both at a stage in our lives that we are thinking about spiritual growth and we are doing that while mending a broken heart or perhaps as a result of it.  We are both trying to look past our wants and focus on our needs – we want to feed our starving soul!  We want to be more grateful, we don’t want to take a single breath for granted.  We want to give more than we receive and yet we want to make sure that we don’t forget ourselves.  Above all we want love in our lives.

While my friend is very focused and working hard,  I am more laid back and not trying so hard.   I am doing the work, but not as much as I should or could, and certainly not with the same intensity. I fear getting fanatical, specially since I know my own tendencies.  I will attack something with all might only for a few months later to be exhausted and give up.  I decided to get off of that cycle.  I just want to live the best that I can.  Yes I am changing and growing but at my own pace. I want to give my body and mind a chance to adjust to each change before moving on to the next. So it will take me longer to be physically and mentally fit but when I get there it will feel like home. It will be natural and not forced.

We don’t want to be hurt again, so we try hard not to repeat past patterns and mistakes.  Unfortunately sometimes I think we over do it.  We analyze and rationalize everything to the point of paralysis. To be questioning every single step and feelings and consequences is exhausting.  I certainly don’t want to make the same mistakes of the past.  If anything, I want to make new ones.  But I am allowing for my human condition of being flawed and of sometimes having to learn the same lesson twice, or three times.  And if the teacher happens to be a sexy handsome man, then I plan on learning the lesson with a smile on my lips and a twinkle in my eyes!

What I don’t want above all is to let my fear stop me from living!

I am allowing for myself to fall down and continue getting up as many times as necessary. Perhaps life lies somewhere in between the falling down and getting up.

Prayers. We talked about praying to God to put our soul-mates in our paths.  And a thought came to me, so I said: what if God has already answered your prayer!  What if the answer is staring you in the face (or is a voice on the other end of the line 🙂 ) and you are just not seeing it because it didn’t come in the packaging you were expecting? it didn’t come in a neat little box with a neat little bow.

That got me thinking about our expectations when we pray.  We want a certain answer and that sometimes blind us to the real answer. We pray with expectations!  Can we pray and have complete trust in God to give us, not what we want, but what we need?  Are we ready for that? Are we ready for an answer that we didn’t expect?

Are we asking or are we telling God what to do? How do we know when He has or has not answered us yet? I say the answer is in the heart – our lifeline to God. Our heart will help us see the answer – if we are open to it and listening with an open heart!

Is He going to get sick of listening to my asking for a love over and over again that he will send me just anybody to shut me up and prove to me that I was not ready for it? Be careful what you pray too much for!

God’s guidance.  So, instead I pray for guidance, wisdom and strength.  I pray that I will be able to make the right choice at the right time. I pray that I will choose the right path, not the shortest or easiest. I pray for clarity in determining my next step. And once that path has been chosen I pray for strength to handle what may come. I pray for the right teachers on my path at the right time.  And I make God a promise that if He chooses to send me love I will cherish it and work on it day and night.

Expectations.   We try to live with none, but I venture a guess that most of us fail miserably. We may think we have none, but when we look closely at our actions and reactions, all we see is the expectation of a certain result. We work out to be healthy, but aren’t we deep down inside expecting to be great looking to attract the opposite sex? We go to work and do our best and we get a paycheck, but aren’t we also expecting recognition and praise? My ultimate goal is to remove all expectations but I realize that is the Mount Everest of tall orders.

Divine Timing. It is not when I want and when I think I am ready for it.  I have to respect the Universe’s timing.  I am a good person, I do good, I do no harm, I pray with faith, I have hope, but what if I am not done learning yet?  What if I am meant to kiss a lot more frogs, before I am ready for the one.  And I mean frogs with the utmost respect for the amphibians.

While we wait for the one,  life is happening.  Life waits for no one. I cannot put life on hold until the time is right. I cannot tell life to come back in 6 months.  Life is here and now, and I say embrace it!

And what if the one is right here? You prayed for it, you receive it, and now you are complaining about timing and other minor details? Sounds a bit ungrateful – lol

and, if better still, what if there is not a “one”. What if there is a series of ones? or what if there is just myself? I dare say I am ok with it!! More of the reason to enjoy the now and the one right now!

God’s Will. My God is not mean, and He doesn’t play cruel jokes, but he does have a sense of humor!   God’s will will  triumph, so why do we have to fight it sometimes? There is a reason for you to be put in my path! There is a reason we were drawn to each other.   Can we just relax long enough to see what that reason is? Why do we need to have a label for this? Why do we need to know from the get go what this will become? Why do we need to have a plan? (and at that word God is laughing, because our plans are nothing but our trying to control fate!)

Free Will.  ah the contradictions, His will will triumph in the end, and yet he gives us free will to pursue life. We can choose the little details that beautify life.  We can choose to love willing, we can choose right from wrong.  And we can choose to make this a passing cloud or a lingering thunderstorm. Our choice!

We are a clear canvas that we get to paint any way we see fit.  It doesn’t have to make sense to anybody else. Real or abstract it is ours, and all the potential in that is not lost on me.

We must not forget the consequences, because with Free Will comes consequences! Well, Miss Optimistic here think that consequences are rewards, validation, blue skies.

Relinquishing Control.  We spend so much time trying to mold things our way, trying to control the uncontrollable.  Perhaps we should just relax, give ourselves license to just be and let nature take its course. Stop trying to swim against the current. The more we try to control the less control we have, truer words have never been spoken!

I have to learn to let God sometimes to take the wheel, sometimes it is okay for me to just close my eyes and enjoy the ride.

Possibilities. You came into my life to show me possibilities. You came to wake me up.  I am wide awake, now what? Now the question is how long are you staying?  While I see the potential, possibilities, the all good, you see the problems, the logistical issues, the timing issue, the all bad. How ironic that the one that awoke in me possibilities cannot see them?

Daily gifts. I am going to see people coming into my life as gifts, and I will treat them as such! How they feel about me should not matter. People are gifts to my soul. They will teach me, make me smile, make me wonder, they will test my patient, but above all they will make me feel alive. You are my gift! and I am not returning it!

Blessings in disguise.  Perhaps we are not exactly what we each had in mind, but perhaps we are just what the doctor ordered at this moment in time.  Perhaps what you see as problems are the reasons why it is so perfect. Perhaps you need to broaden your view. How many times we look back and realize we failed to see a blessing and wish we could do it over?

Until our next conversation…

Thank you God for the beauty of unexpected friends. Thank you for helping me leave the door open so that the unexpected can come in.  May I have the grace to continue leaving the door open so that the unexpected does not feel trapped!

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My wish for us: Moments of silence to listen to our hearts and courage to acknowledge the screaming of our souls!