Tag Archives: financial issues in dating

Bad grammar? me? I?

25 Saturday Jul 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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“The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”― Norman Vincent Peale

I was unsure about G, but on Wednesday night he helped me make up my mind. 

We were having dinner at Patsy’s Pizzeria. We had a nice table looking out to the marina.  Right at the start, before we had even ordered drinks, he said: “You are coming over to my apartment after”.

I said: “What? No I am not!”

We went back and forth like that for awhile.  I ultimately said that if he insisted I would call an Uber at the end of the evening.  He finally said: “ok, I know you asked me to slow down”.

With that put to bed, no pun intended 😉 the conversation eventually made its way to work and finances.  At some point he said to me: “You make good money”.  I never told him how much I make so he was just assuming.  

I replied: “Good is relative.  I probably should be making more for all that I do and the industry I am in, but I am not complaining.  I believe that, often, is not how much one makes but how much one spends.” 

I have always lived below my means.  It affords me the peace of mind of having enough savings to deal with emergencies, such as my tenant not paying the rent for months as it is happening now.   

I had started noticing by some of his comments on prior dates that he likes to compare the two of us.  He always seems to want to “one up” me in the financial area.  That is one game that he can play alone as I have no interest in competing with anyone in any area, specially financially.

I think that he feels threatened by thinking that I am more successful than he is.  For the record, I never measure anyone in material terms.  I have noticed that he does.  He likes to say that he is making a lot money and that he drives a nice car and that his mortgage is paid up months ahead.  

All of a sudden he turns to me and says: “I noticed that you make some English mistakes.  Can I correct you?’

It came out of nowhere.  I said nothing for a few seconds while I tried to digest that statement and recover from the shock.  Eventually I said: “Do you mean my pronunciation or my grammar?” 

He answered: “grammar”.  I expected him to say pronunciation. I will always have an accent.  At one point I was trying to get rid of it, but grew to accept it as just another thing that makes me special.

I told him that I don’t mind being corrected and asked him to tell me what was the mistake I had just made.  He said he didn’t remember at the moment but there were several here and there.  I pressed him and he still couldn’t come up with anything.

The issue for me is not if I make grammar mistakes or not.  You read my blog so you know I do make mistakes.  But who says that on a date with someone that they are supposedly trying to impress and get to know better?  I didn’t ask him for feedback on my English skills.  

“Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only the best, be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. – Norman Vincent Peale

I think that he only said that to make me feel self-conscious because English is not my first language.  Perhaps I am wrong, but I think he is intimidated by me.  I think his perception of my “success” hurts his ego.  

Or perhaps he was hurt because I turned down his offer to go to his apartment.   While I have no issues going to his apartment just to have a drink and talk, I do know that he would be all over me and I would have to be fending off his advances the whole time.  There is nothing I hate more than feeling pressured to do something.  The more someone insists the more I don’t want to do it and will not do it. 

I am fine being corrected by someone doing it with the right intention.  I welcome it. That is not what  I felt in his words.  His comment only served to annoy me and show me that he is not the person for me.

While not wanting to go out with someone because they mention “grammar mistakes” seems petty and lame,  that is my reason.  I perceived his comment as a futile attempt to put me down and hurt my ego. I don’t want to be someone that would act in such a way.

Perhaps I am being extra sensitive but I have my reasons. He reminded me of someone I dated many many years ago.  He would criticize everything I said, did, wore, etc.  While I was in the middle of it I didn’t see what he was doing.  I thought he was trying to make me a better person.  He was not.  I am glad that I finally wised up. 

To this day when I look back I can’t believe I put up with any of that.  I will never again.  I want someone that will lift me up and not try to create insecurities where none exist.   

For the unnecessary comment and the pressure to get more intimate G is history once again.  I should have left him where he belongs: in the past!

Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.” ― Norman Vincent Peale

 

I am a beautiful grateful mess

13 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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I am mess!  I am a beautiful blessed mess!  There is a difference.  There is a big difference.

I have so much to write about.  Unfortunately time has been escaping from me lately.  I leave for Brazil on Saturday and I am trying to leave it all perfect and organized.  I should know better.  Nothing is ever perfect and as organized as I would like.  I just need to be okay with “almost” almost perfect, almost organized.

I apologize in advance for the errors and for the length of this post.

First some dating updates:

The widower is still in the picture but barely. It is disappointing really how.   I wish I had the time to go into detail, and I will try to do it in the future.  For now I will just say that the cause of things cooling down was financial. He hinted that he had spent too much money on me for the first and second date.   That caused me to cancel the 3rd date.  He apologized, and asked for another chance, for another date to talk things through.  I said I would think about it.  We are still texting and he still a nice person.  I get it he was trying to impress me but I don’t need to know that he thinks he overspend.  Of course now he is trying to take it all back but the damage is done.   Perhaps when I return from my trip we will meet and talk things out.  He is still a nice guy, perhaps just a little rusty on the dating department.  We still text every day.

The data architect and I still text and we will be going on a date when I return.  He asked me out a few times, but I have been too busy to accept.  He has been very understanding of my lack of time.  Even if we don’t work romantically I think we can be great friends.

The litigation attorney calls every now and then.  He had to cancel date last week due to a family emergency out of town.  We may get together when I return but I am not so sure.  At this point we have been friendly but I don’t think that we have much of a connection, even for a friendship.

I have been texting  2 other guys: A real estate broker and an Union worker.  I will probably meet them when I return.  I look forward to meeting them.

Even though it may seem I talk to too many guys I find this exchange of ideas, energy and this world of possibility such a source of distraction and even a calm in the chaos that my life is sometimes.

***

I physically feel like a mess.  My body seems to be revolting against me.  It started with the issues with the teeth/gums and the chronic hives.  Then the dizziness and nausea.  Now my right eye is a bit swollen and red on the outer corner.  It is not really painful. At times I feel that something is off.   Then a rash that appeared on my thigh hasn’t gone away and a similar one has appeared on the both sides of my neck.

It seems I turned 52 and my body totally gave up.

What and what I am doing:

Gums/Teeth:  Yesterday I saw a new dentist.  When I got my records from my old dentist I was floored when I calculated how much I had spent on my teeth.  With this one dentist alone since 1999 I spent over $35,000.00.  Now add to that work done prior to 1999 and the work done in Brazil as every time I go to Brazil I get at least a cleaning.  I think it is safe to say I have spent around $50,000 on my teeth and none of it is cosmetic.

I have already a procedure scheduled for when I return from Brazil.  We will be trying to save one of the implants in lower back right side.  The tooth and gum on the front tooth unfortunately I have been told  that I need to wait to finish healing and I have to learn to live with it as there is not much that can be done at this point.

Chronic Hives: The allergist, the dermatologist and the internist all say they can’t find a reason/source and that I should just take an over the counter allergy pill every morning.  I haven’t done that yet.  I want to find the reason and not just pacify the symptoms.

The rash: I thought it was hives but this rash on my left hip is around for the past month. The skin doctor gave me a prescription for a cortisone cream and offered to do a biopsy if doesn’t get better.  I used the cream for a couple of days but half of the time I forget. Now I have a similar rash on my right hip and on both sides of my neck.  I have removed a chain with a cross that I always used and have stopped using lotions and perfume.

The dizziness and the nausea:  I have noticed that I am getting them when I am about to get my period.  This is a new thing but at least it seems to have a reason.  Menopause perhaps? oh the joys of being a woman and aging.

Red/swollen Eye:  I am not sure what it is, perhaps some kind of allergy.  I don’t have the energy and the time to go to a doctor now. When I get to Brazil if it doesn’t magically get better I will see a doctor there.

Thoracic Outlet Syndrome: I really have done nothing about that other than some cupping and acupuncture sessions.  I stopped some of the light weight training I was doing and doing pranks every night and it seemed to get better.  I know that it is not the answer.  I need to have a better solution that just stopping the exercise I was doing.

Hip pain:  I just learned to live with it.  One can get used to anything in live including pain.  I know the exercises I need to do from when I had physical therapy for it.  I just need to get my act together and do them consistently.

My natural doctor friend things that if I cut gluten out of my life and follow an anti-inflammation diet that a lot of what ails me physically will go away.

I did a saliva test from a kit that he gave to me and it showed that I am highly sensitive to gluten.  I was afraid that he was going to say that sugar was the devil in my life but he says that gluten is actually the worst villain.

I am also keeping a food and symptoms journal.  Writing down all I eat and how I feel should help me understand more what is happening to my body and perhaps the source of the itching.

I am also changing all detergent, lotions, etc to more natural hypo-allergenic options.  I am even considering removing the carpeting I have in my bedroom.

My friend also wants me to meditate, do more fun things, drink tea, etc.  I agree, I know stress has a lot to do with it all.  If it is not the cause, it certainty exacerbates it. I have been feeling under constant stress at work and at home.

***

Still, I am so insanely, immensely blessed.   The list of what ails me is long but it is so incredibly small when compared to the list of all my blessings.  I never lose sight of how blessed I am.  So much more to be thankful for that to cry about it.

This is a phase.  This is such a big chance to change my life around and focus on my health and all that is really important to me.

This is a reminder to be grateful and to say thanks.  So Thank you God and the Universe for all the light that shines on me. Thank you for giving me a chance to be better.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson